my mom hates me

[cichlid]

Moving out is NOT an option for me.

 

I accidently stepped on something and there is just a small crack in it. My dad had the stuff all over the garage and it was hard to get from one end to the other...it was an accident! My mom yelled at me over it and told me I did it on purpose. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! I need to replace it, or she will stop paying my tuition. She then yells at me some more basically telling me why I would step on it and making up motives for this accident. It's not even that big of a crack for such a huge thing...not even noticeable and can easily be fixed with a little super glue. Despite this she is also threatening to purposely put a dent in my car or smash my laptop to get even.

 

I feel like such a wimp. I've always been sensitive and I don't think my mom realizes that. She doesn't care about my feelings and never has.

 

I have eczema and she acts as if treating it is a waste of money. She constantly puts me down about it all and keeps wondering why I am still treating it. She doesn't understand I will have to deal with it for the rest of my life. When I was 8 or 9 and it first developed she refused to acknowledge there was a problem with my skin. Despite all my efforts it was not something she wanted to have a doctor look at. I lived with it for 10 years before I took it to a doctor to get it looked at. You know how much that hurt me growing up? Not knowing what was wrong with me and trying to hide it from people. Then having my mom tell me it was nothing...I felt ugly growing up. Now its under control and pretty much gone because I know what is wrong with me and I am taking flaxseed oil which has caused it to practically disappear. I don't want it to come back! I've finally happy with my body and it's like my mom wants to take that away.

 

Also growing up my mom put me down about my intelligence. Please note I am going to a great university (and living at home), studying to be an engineer, and I have a 3.69 GPA. I am in no way stupid...heck...I am going to summer school and in a physics 2 class. We had a test last week that was extremely hard and almost everyone got a D or below. I got an A (90%) and was the highest grade on that exam. My mom shrugs that off but I will talk about that later. I did very well considering my mom had no confidence in me and told me there was no use sending me to college since I was just going to flunk out. She told me that a lot growing up. She also tells me I am not smart and that I just work hard. If she could only understand that I do pick up thing very quickly and it's not just all hard work. There's only so much hard work can get you!

 

She doesn't care that I get good grades in a difficult major. She even admitted to me that I do not make her proud. What? I am a good person and I am smart...what's not to be proud of? She seems to be proud of everyone else but me. I guess because I am quieter and not super social. She likes my oldest sister because she always helped around the house and was the first born. She likes my brother because he is the only son. She likes the next oldest sister because she is the perfect brainy child...always A's in everything. She likes the youngest sister because she is the baby of the family and she always gets her way...she also shows dogs and going to dog shows makes her proud. Ignore the fact that she is neglecting her studies. I'm just the weird one in the family I guess. I am...all my family thinks its true.

 

I mean I am a bit of a tree hugger and like my appearance to be a bit natural looking. I am very sensitive and cry easily. I need to toughen up...but it's not like I cry in front of people! I have a very odd sense of humor. I'm silly and random and that obviously is weird. **sigh** I just feel like my own mother doesn't like me. She accuses me of so many things and it hurts. It's not even true...she'll even blame me for things I didn't do. I have never even had a history that would link me to many of the things she blames me of.

 

She just hates me. I guess I am just that horrible of a person.

[annie24]

wow. your mom sounds really really abusive.

 

now, I know that you say that moving out is not an option for you, but let me tell you, you are an adult now, and there is no reason you need to put up with being treated this way.

 

you have a great GPA, look around for scholarships. get a part time summer job, and get as many student loans as you can, get your own place. or, look into getting a place with some other people.

 

if you are a "tree hugger", look into joining a Co-Op. they tend to have very cheap rents and meal packages. just a few hundred dollars a month.

 

I really think given everything you described, there is no reason to stay and be abused further.

 

good luck

[arwen]

I completely agree with Annie. Although I was NEVER treated like this, I recognize the feelings you have towards the relationship of your mom and your sister, and the differences between you and your sister. You do not need to toughen up. You are a sensitive girl, which is a beautiful thing, and something that will be of use in scientific research.

 

You are doing great with your studies. I can tell you, as you become older, you will be more detached from all of this. And not need the appreciation of your mom so bad. But it's better if it's there, I agree. I think you should try to get a scholarship. Is there any other reason than money for not being able to move out? Seeing your situation and age, I think that would be a great step. Otherwise, try to finish your school as soon (and well) as possible. Once you have a job, you will be able to live on your own.

 

Take care,

 

Ilse

[Ms. Maritimes]

Hi Chick

 

So sorry your mother is so cold and abusive to you.

 

I can understand where you're coming from because my mother, too, is abusive. I cut her off completely 10 yrs ago, after realizing that, given the way she treats me, I don't even like her, let alone love her, and that all she adds to my life is pain. But you never quite get over the betrayal of knowing that the person who should love and protect you the most isn't capable of it.

 

In the end, I decided that my mother is simply too selfish and twisted to love ANYONE. So please, try to remember and believe this: IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. You're not weird. You sound like a very nice, intelligent girl. Of course you are sensitive after a lifetime of abuse, and unfortunately, in dealing with this woman, you will certainly have to toughen up, and try not to let her get under your skin. Easier said than done, yes, I know..

 

I understand that, if you're financially dependent on her, it will be very difficult for you to leave home to finish your schooling. But if it's at ALL possible, I think you should try. At the very least, if she "dislikes" you so much, your leaving should make her "happy" -- not that this sort of person is ever really capable of being happy.

 

Is it possible for you to enlist the help of other family members? Can you talk to your brother and sisters? Your father?

 

Bottom line -- she is abusive. She has picked you for a target for some reason -- probably because she KNOWS your sensitive and that she can hurt you. But again, it's NOT your fault -- your sensitivity is not a weakness, it is what makes you you, and she has taken advantage of it. She is a sick woman.

 

Good luck.

 

Ms. M.

[Fragrantblossom]

Bottom line -- she is abusive. She has picked you for a target for some reason -- probably because she KNOWS your sensitive and that she can hurt you. But again, it's NOT your fault -- your sensitivity is not a weakness, it is what makes you you, and she has taken advantage of it. She is a sick woman.

 

I quoted this because I found it very relevant. I grew up in a house where my two sisters pretty much hated my guts. I was called names more than my given first name. I felt weak over this and they took advantage of it. Reading this gave me the courage to break the relationship off today after many years of this.

 

Who gives them the power to say WHO you are, or put you down in the way that hateful relatives do? Walk away from it, take your power back. You need not stay and subject yourself to more of it.

 

I know who I am, and it's a person that doesn't deserve to be treated this way. Sometimes people pick a victim to dump on because of something going on inside of them. The victim sometimes thinks he or she did something wrong. Don't stay in that role. I didn't. I won't!

 

Lillian

[SkylinesTurnstiles]

Hey im kinda the same with 'the family freak' thing.Ive been told i have bi-polar disorder before by friends/family and i want to go to the doctors to truley see but does my mum care?noo but if my little brother had it of corse she would be at the doctors in less than two seconds.Like i threw up four times in one morning but she still made me go to school even though i was still sick but my little bro had a 'head ache' and he got to stay home and my older sister is so smart and my mum loves her mates. And my dads always out working and if his home he will be angryly working and yelling at only me or drunk and yelling at hmm who else? me!

 

The way that i sorta deal with it is to get the best friends in the world.My mates make me feel wanted and needed and treat me as a equal.

They give me the love i feel that i sometimes need.

I hope this helped

[Siraf]

It's very sad for people being treated like that. It's like..why can't they just open their eyes a little and see properly? Just hold onto the things you value and hold dear in life. Even if they are very few, even if it's just a dream in the future. And remember that one day you'll be living in your own house leading your own life. Good luck ^_^

[_Jaffa_]

With your good grades and the fact that you're so smart and doing really well in school...you're making a great future for yourself so focus on that. At least you're not going the opposite way and letting your life spiral into a downward hole. You'll have a great life, a great job, and you can be proud of yourself.

 

Edit: Jeez - I really need to take my own advice sometimes....easier said than done though.

[cichlid]

With your good grades and the fact that you're so smart and doing really well in school...you're making a great future for yourself so focus on that. At least you're not going the opposite way and letting your life spiral into a downward hole. You'll have a great life, a great job, and you can be proud of yourself.

 

Edit: Jeez - I really need to take my own advice sometimes....easier said than done though.

This is an old post. Mods lock it.