It's Finally Over. I Did it, But I'm Feeling A Little Down

[rachel1256]

Well, after weeks of texts from my ex saying "i miss you," "how are you doing" and "im thinking about you", I finally put an end to it. He would never say he was sorry, and if I replied or asked him why he did this, he would either ignore me, or say, "i love you, but your are crazy." I'm crazy?? I wasn't the one texting him, telling him I loved and missed him, yet never trying to make it work, while searching on dating sights at the same time.

 

He finally emailed me back yesterday:

"I haven't gone out with anyone. I love you. We've just been through too much. "

 

That email just killed me, even though I wasn't going to go back to him, just the fact all of those texts, and every contact he made with me meant nothing. It hurts so much to know I wasn't good enough, and he is seeking another woman on the dating sight. I should be rejoicing, but rejection just hurts,even from this man.

 

It just kills me I did so many good things for him, put up with his crazy verbal abuse, his throwing me out of his house then ignoring me, calling me crazy and a child, then he has the nerve to go right onto dating sights looking for a new woman.

 

it just hurts to know I will never see or hear from him again. There were many good memories we had together, he was a sweet, affectionate man, now why can't I just focus on all the bad he did to me? My number has been changed, and I blocked him from my email, so why do I feel so down? Hopefully, since my circumstances are different than a normal breakup with a normal man, I did the right thing in blocking him, and my mind will clear soon. I guess I just needed to let it out, and know things will be ok soon.

 

(a link to my first post)

[Beyondthesea]

Rach you just feel so down because he has contacted you so many times. You have done the right thing, and certainly you'll miss the good times (though few) you had together.

 

You will be alright, and things will get better. Chin up babe!

[rachel1256]

Yes, I wonder what he will think when he can't get ahold of me at all. Probably won't care, he already has moved on.

 

But, I can no longer think like that, I can't let him, or the new girl he may see, get me down.

 

I trust you all when you say I am way better off, and time will heal be the best remedy.

[annie24]

yes, another vote for "you are better off."

 

(((HUGS)))

[rachel1256]

This pain will go away soon right, as well as the constant thought of how much fun we did have together (yes, it became less and less) and the routine we had for 3 years?

 

How can you miss a relationship/person who made you feel so low, hurt, and wanting to flee for the majority of it, yet when I'm finally out, I feel lousy? i don't get that yet. I am so naive when it comes to relationships, as he was the first man I ever was committed to. I was probably his 5th serious girlfriend, so he is used to it.

[Beyondthesea]

routine we had for 3 years?

 

I just wanted to point out that this is what you probably are missing.

 

Think about it:

 

Name one occasion that was good.

Now name the 25 bad occasions that ruled it out.

 

No matter how much someone is good to you on occasion, if they constantly outweight the good, they are just plain no good for you.

 

Rach love, I really think you should go see a counselor. You are experiencing a lot of anxiety and confusion about everything, and you need to clear your mind before you will heal completely.

 

HUGS BABE!

[rachel1256]

I know, I just feel that this step may really help me. If have been very strong before, and I know I can do it again. I had a major setback yesterday, but usually I climb back up to the top.

 

He broke my heart in so many ways, and I just need to realize and remember he is not worth it, and those good times, well, I can have them with another man, minus the horrid verbal abuse.

 

I will be ok, his email yesterday threw me off, hurt me, but I will be strong. I am going to a barbq., having fun today, and realizing that so many people have gone through this as well, and life goes on.

 

Thank you for the support. The questions and posts will be no more very soon, I promise.

[Beyondthesea]

The questions and posts will be no more very soon, I promise.

 

Why babe? We're all here to listen. You aren't annoying or bothering anybody. Whenever you feel sad, weak or upset, come on here or email me. You always have us to talk to, promise!

[Relationship Coach]

Rach,

He has emotionally exhausted you, that's why you are feeling so down right now. Because of his unwanted text messages, calls and emails it's like you have been abused all over agian. I told you he would be pushing buttons and the shift in control would be more than he could bare. You stay strong and stay active on this forum. Good days and bad days, we are here for you.

 

RC

[Replaceme]

Rach , I know how you feel. One phone call threw me 100 steps backwards.

Take it day by day. It DOES get easier, i promise you.

Go to Letters to the Ex and vent there. It has done wonders for me.

[Aurian]

You don't miss the end of the relationship. You probably miss the earlier part when it was still good. You miss the hope of having it back. However, at some point, hope is worthless and you have to move on.

[rachel1256]

I miss so much, and it's very weird, because when I was in the relationship, I couldn't wait to get out, but I was too weak, and he would be nice and I'd change my mind. Then, there were moments when I would be in the car or at lunch with him, and he would be screaming at me to shut the f_ up, and I would be crying and shaking. It was a big rollercoaster, and I HAVE to keep in mind what a jerk he really was to me as opposed to the times he was nice.

 

Im feeling pretty down still, I guess because for the past 3 years I've watched the fireworks with him on the beach for july 4, and now I will never see him again. =(

 

His email said it all when he said "i love you, but we have already been through too much." He doesn't want me, so why should i want someone who told me to constantly shut up, called me a child, and made me leave his home every time we fought, only to ignore me and give me silent treatment for the rest of the day.

 

I will be ok soon. I just need to get over this man who is not even worth a thought.

Thank you all for being here!

[Hope75]

Hi Rachel,

 

You know, you have to pay attention to this guy's actions!

 

RC makes a great point about the shift in control. You made the choice to break up and close him off from your life, and more than anything, he's probably livid that you took control away from him and stopped allowing him to call the shots and put you down. He's probably pissed that you are living for yourself for a change instead of living for him. It's a blow to his ego!

 

You are doing wondefully, it takes time, and focusing on other things and not him. I strongly recommend counseling, as others have brought up to you. A counselor may well be able to help you put things in perspective.

 

Don't feel you have to limit your posts of threads about this- that is what this site is here for- to give you all the support and help that you need!

 

Hang in there, Girl!

 

((HUGS))

[kellbell]

Rach,

 

Stay strong girl. Relationship Coach is right, he has emotionally drained you with his pathetic attempts to reel you back in life. This is STILL abuse. Violating your personal space as he has. Why can't he be a REAL man and walk away from this? I will tell you why because he is a COWARD!!! Texts, emails? Please.

 

You do NOT need this LOSER in your life. You have been out on a few dates with other men, you KNOW there is 1000 times better out there.

 

Hang in there girl, we are here for you whenever you need us. Please, do NOT fall for any of this. Take care and keep talking to us.

 

(((BIG HUGS))))

[rachel1256]

The thing is he was the one who sent the email, after I asked him what he was doing for the 4th the other day.

 

It was HIM who said we have already been through too much when I asked him why all he does is text me he misses me and is thinking of me, yet does nothing else.

 

I honestly don't think he wanted me back, and who knows why he kept saying he missed me, yet then tells me we have been through too much to see each other. He could have been bs'n, but I think this time he was actually serious.

 

I wouldn't have gone to see him anyways, but it hurts, and is a huge slap in the face that I was the one who had to endure verbal and emotional abuse, and I never was like that to him. I had my moments, my downfalls, but who doesn't? I NEVER yelled at him, put him down, or told him to shut up ONCE. Now, he feels that we went through too much.

 

He may have tried to contact me again, but I changed my number, and blocked him from my email.

 

I'm doing ok this morning. Had a great night last night, but its a little hard this morning.

[Hope75]

Hey Girl,

 

Yeah.... here's the thing, each time you contact HIM, (as in, asking what he is doing for the 4th), you bring back the past and stop yourself from being able to move forward and get past this and heal. Every time you attempt contact, every time he attempts contact, you are right back at square one, feeling terrible, feeling sad and depressed, questioning yourself and your role in the way he treated you. Keeping in touch with him does not make you feel good- it just perpetuates the hurt and pain.

 

You have to stop. Stop trying to contact him, stop allowing him to get to you with his dating site and myspace page, stop overanalyzing the relationship, which you could not have changed no matter how much you wanted to.

 

Honey, it's so unhealthy for you to hold onto this. Try spacing your time in small blocks. Try not to think about it for 2 hours. Take a walk, watch a movie, call a friend, play a card game. Then, make it another two hours. Go to the gym, cook yourself a favorite meal, take a nap. Keep it going.

 

Rachel, you can do this!

[rachel1256]

Thanks Hope!

 

I sent him that text that night I was a little buzzed, and I was pretty weak thinking about him. He didn't respond, until the next day with that email. He may have been bluffing, but I think he was serious when he said he felt we had been through too much. I felt the same way, but to hear it from him was just a blow in the face.

So, for 2 days, I have had zero contact with him, my number was changed, and he can't reach me, unless he calls my home which I doubt he will.

 

Its over, Im pretty hurt, angry, and still miss him, but I know that will go away soon.

 

I'm doing things to keep my mind off of him, but every time I think of him, I either think of the times he yelled at me, or just stop thinking of him altogether. I would be foolish to ever give him the time of day again, even if we did have good moments. I can do this, I know it. He was a cruel man regardless of the good times, and the less we contact each other, even though it hurts i won't ever see him again, it gets Better! =)