3months NC and im ready to die!

[strndedbyluv]

yea so that heading says it all...im so obsessed with Will (my ex) we had a horrible break up, and hes got some serious mental problems to deal with. I know we are bad for each other. But we have been best friends for so long. (weve known each other since we were ten yrs old) and i jsut miss him so much. its so hard, and I thought it would get easier, but it just keeps getting harder.

i had been "dating" a guy for the past 2 months...another old friend of mine, but i just told him we couldnt see each other anymore, because I couldnt even bring myself to kiss him. so we "brokeup" friday, but i didnt even feel like we were dating anyways, cause i love Will so much.

im just so stuck on Will...

i am really scared, because I am like a stalker. I ride by his house, 3-4 times a day, it is on the way to my parents house, and just right accross a field from my own home, but still i go that way alot of times when i dont have to and actually go the longer route just to see if hes home.

I saw him in the yard just last week, and i almost stopped but I was afraid he would tell me to leave. it just didnt seem right.

but i have been to his house and knocked on the door and he wouldnt come to the door. im sure he was home...i have also called and he wont answer the phone.

so its mainly him thats keeping the nc...but i am so scared! why am i still acting this way after 3 months?

how do i get over him!!!!

I konw i need therapy and prof. help but I cant afford it right now. i dont have insurance at my job yet...

im so scared of myself, i hate life without him, i hate my life totally!

and i dont want to be a "stalker" what can i do????

[lady00]

First thing's first. Stop calling him. Delete his number if you have to. And don't drive by his house unless you absolutely have to take that route to get somewhere. If you can avoid it, do so. You need to exercise some will power here and do what your brain is already telling you to do but your body doesn't seem to want to do...cut off contact with this man. That has to come first before you can do any kind of healing or moving on.

[kadvati79]

You have identified your current actions are not giving you the results that you want, hence the post here on this forum asking for help. Realising that what you are doing isn't healthy, and isn't what you want, is the hardest step to make on your way to getting where you want to be.

 

If something isn't working, try something new. Lets try a little experiement. I want you to try seperating your feelings from your actions for five days. Buy yourself a notebook and every time you get a feeling to do something you believe may be negative (ie. driving past his house), write down the feeling and then write a completely different action, for example:

 

I felt like driving past my ex's house... But I went for a run instead

 

For a start, you might well find that the minute you get back from the run, you STILL want to go by his house again. So you follow the same procedure. Keep a list on you of things that you can do instantly to take your mind off. You do these even when you don't feel like it.

 

The key to changing is to change the action first, the feeling comes later.

[brokenheart32]

Well I understand how you may be feeling, but stalking him is not the answer. You need too let things be and try and see if maybe you guys can be friends someday, but you really need to stop what you are doing. Is just going to drive you crazy, is obvious he don't want too talk to you. If he don't even open his door. You need to try and have nc with him, trust me I know is hard is being a month for me, and sometimes I feel like I can't do it with out her. You need to let things be for now and then see what happens from their.

 

I hope you can find some peace.

[harry44]

Whats nc??if its North Carolina,get out nc IS BY FAR THE WORST STATE IN AMERICA

[lady00]

Harry 44, NC = No Contact

[strndedbyluv]

thanks for all the great advice. it helps alot. i am really gonna start walking and joggin when i feel the need for contact with him. i really need the exercise anyways. im gonna keep that journal too.

 

and harry- North Carolina is not so bad...just cause its so close to GA! the best southern state there is!

[robowarrior]

Sometimes loving someone means letting go. Will isn't mentally stable enough to be in a relationship, nor are you. You need to get your life sorted out and put some order into the chaos. You don't want to rush into things that you aren't ready for at this moment. So give yourself and Will some slack space to get both of your lives back on track, and push your life into calmer waters so you may get some peace of the mind. Show you can live a life independent of Will, and bring the power of your life happyness back where it belongs, namely into your own hands.

[mikeca]

I felt like driving past my ex's house... But I went for a run instead

 

QUOTE]

 

 

haha thats the exact result I did, I was thinking of just driving by but then I was like screw it I'll go for a run...and now Ive been running regularly ever since.

[shelly7]

I konw i need therapy and prof. help but I cant afford it right now. i dont have insurance at my job yet...

im so scared of myself, i hate life without him, i hate my life totally!

and i dont want to be a "stalker" what can i do????

 

 

You're going to be okay. You're not a stalker. You just need to learn some impulse control, and you will. You already realize that your actions aren't getting you the results you want. Now you just have to try and redirect your energy. Exercise is great, writing letters (that you don't send) is also a good way to deal with your emotions, talking to friends and posting here are all constructive ways to deal with your impulses to see him.

 

If it helps think about what he'll think when you disappear from his life. Why not let him do some wondering about you. You can do this, and you will. I have faith in you. Just remember you deserve to heal, and you can't do that by constantly wondering about him and not helping yourself. You have to put yourself first. And putting yourself first requires that you leave him in your past for now and work on yourself. Who knows what the future holds, but right now, you need to help yourself. You deserve it.