living as a very un attractive woman

[christy990]

I was wondering if there are any other unattractive women out there and how do they cope with evryday things like going to grocery store and movies and restaurants. Its very hard for me personally because people stare, especially men. And not because im pretty. I am very unattractive, evan my father said as much one time to me. Cosmetics don't help really. I would really like to talk to other women, maybe i can learn how to cope better. Now, when i get hope from shopping, i cry alot from peoples stares.

[SarahRose]

If you were really that unattractive men wouldn't notice you at all. You'd be invisible.

[Dako]

I'll take your word for it, but a part of feeling attractive is internal. Pardon the tired old line, but it's true.

Have you ever talked to a therapist about this problem? It seems quite debilitating and painful. We all have to learn to accept ourselves.

 

Welcome to the forum, Christy.

[shelly7]

True beauty is on the inside.

I'm sure you're not as unattractive as you think. I agree with the other poster, men wouldn't notice you at all if you were as unattractive as you claim.

 

Sounds to me like you have a self esteem issue. Buy yourself clothing that makes you feel sexy and attractive. Beauty is also a confidence, so when you feel you're beautiful others will respond. I would aslo seek out a therapist to help guide you out of this funk you're in. You only have one life and you deserve to be happy. Please don't base your self worth on what you think others think. You're smarter than that.

[annie24]

welcome to eNotalone.

 

I also think you should talk to a therapist, try to get to the bottom of how you feel.

 

some women think they are ugly, but in actuality, they are normal, or even pretty! but it is their self-esteem issues that are getting in the way.

 

I really think you should schedule an appointment wtih a therapist.

 

good luck

[christy990]

Trust me when i say, they are staring. Not b ecause im pretty. I see the look of pity and on there faces, and i know your thinking shes just thinking this. I knew i was ugly in junior high school. I was called a dog, and was barked at, evan pushed and called ugly to my face. I AM NOW A 45 YR Old woman, when i go to store, familes stare at me with pity, i have seen that look, since i was 13 yrs old.

[annie24]

well, you know, you can go to a therapist, and also, maybe look into getting a little plastic surgery. I'm not a big fan of it, but in your case, if it can make you look a little better, it may help your self-esteem a lot!

 

and those people are such jerks! they had no right to push you or bark at you. they are real jerks. most people in the world wouldn't ever do anything like that.

 

I'm sure that you are a lovely lady, I'm sorry you met these horrible people and that your family hasn't been more supporitive.

[shes2smart]

If your own father called you unattractive to your face, I'd suspect there's more history of dysfunctional relationships in your family and you could probably benefit from some therapy. People in healthy, loving relationships -- be they family relationships, friends or romantic partners -- generally don't say intentionally hurtful things to each other.

 

It may also help you to realize that the problem may not entirely be you. If you are in the United States, you are living in a culture that offers up a narrow and unrealistic/unattainable standard of beauty -- particularly for women.

 

The part of it that is under your control is your attitude toward life, how you feel about yourself, and the relationship you have with yourself. Those are all things you can improve with a little effort and a good therapist. Once you improve those things, there's an excellent chance that you'll look in the mirror and be much kinder and more accepting of what you see there.

[coollady1957]

I agree with the others, in that counseling or therapy may help you overcome some of your self esteem issues and how you view yourself. I have a feeling that you are not as unattractive as you think you are.

 

 

What is it about your physical appearance that makes you feel you are so unappealing to look at?

[Daddy Bear]

welcome, christy.

 

i have never seen a genuine smile that was unattractive. some people even prefer a touch of realism in the faces of others. unless you have congenital facial defects, you are probably much better-looking than you think you are.

 

i suspect that your self-image is based in large part on the unkind things that were said to you in the past. i remember how cruel junior high kids can be, and i don't know WHAT your father was thinking. why not treat yourself to a little therapy, maybe a cursory makeover for confidence, and see if you can't undo the damage that others have caused? you might find it extremely liberating.

[FoxLocke]

I believe you are probably not as unattractive as you might think, just very self conscious and obsessed over your percieved unattractiveness...

 

I know where you are coming from because I was where you are when I was a teen. I was diagnosed with BDD(Body Dysmorphic Disorder).

 

To make along story short I eventually came out of that mode of thinking and learned to love myself. It is a journey...But I think you took the first step by coming here.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

I identify completely.

 

You are certainly not alone in the slightest. I went out shopping yesterday and took three attempts before I'd actually go in the shop I wanted to go into. I felt such a fraud. All I could see were beautiful thin girls everywhere.

 

I feel you. But it is not illegal to be ugly.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Oh and, I was barked at at school too. It does hurt, again - my sympathies.

[annie24]

ALS! I saw your photo! I think you are lovely, not ugly at all!

[SwtMary]

A lot of people dont realize that if you THINK you are ugly, it doesn't matter what people tell you or say to you, you still FEEL ugly. I have been told by many people that I am pretty/cute/sexy, etc, but I don't believe them.

 

I used to hate it when people told me that "beauty is on the inside." Althought that statement is VERY true, when you are judged by what you look like and not how you are on the inside, it doesnt seem to matter.

 

Christy, you have to deal with how you see yourself first. Definitely go to a therapist or find someone you can talk to. I know how you feel and I can also sympathize. It is an awful feeling and something that is very hard to get over.

 

The one thing that helped my self esteem was people online. Some of them are willing to get to know you first and they get that chance when you are online. I needed that chance to show people who I was on the inside FIRST so they would get to know that part of me instead of making a snap judgement by my appearance.

[renaissancewoman101]

I know how you feel like and partially the way you feel comes from your parents reinforcing the idea that you are ugly, in your head. Our parents play a large role in how we perceive ourselves. I know that because for all the time I was growing up, my mother was very ashamed and embarrassed about my size. I am only 4'5" tall. Her friends would make fun of my height to her and that would get her angry and she would take it out on me, saying how much of an embarrassment and disgrace I was to her. Consequently, I have a lot of height issues. I also do get people who look at me when I go out. People mostly stare because they are curious. But then I also have people who make fun of me in public because of my height. Sometimes, to overcome all that, you just have to believe in yourself and give yourself some self-love. Find something that you are happy about in yourself and be proud of it, live it up, dont focus all on your shortcomings. There must be something good that you are proud of yourself and live that up.

[christy990]

Thanks to all that posted a reply, it feels very supporative coming here. TO annie, i never posted a pic here, how did you see my picc? i have decided to go to a cosmetic dentistry ofice, and and also a therapist. thank you again. I have to add though, i see the way people stare, and i have known that stare since i was little. ITS a look of sorryness and pity from people.

[annie24]

Thanks to all that posted a reply, it feels very supporative coming here. TO annie, i never posted a pic here, how did you see my picc? i have decided to go to a cosmetic dentistry ofice, and and also a therapist. thank you again. I have to add though, i see the way people stare, and i have known that stare since i was little. ITS a look of sorryness and pity from people.

 

you're right - i've never seen your photo. I was referring to Anti-love superstar's previous photos.

 

good luck with your appointments, I think they will help you immensely!

[Proactive Paradigm]

Well, at least you're not a very unattractive man. That's even worse.

[alreadydead]

Christy, my sister... let me tell you something.... And don't listen to all the "it's truly on the inside" crap.... They aren't ugly and don't know what it's like to be as isolated as we are. I am the ugliest woman in the world. This is a fact I have to accept, the reality that I have to exist in. All my life, and I do mean ALL my life, I have always been thought of as ugly...And not just ugly, but the ugliest person anyone has ever seen. From before pre-school to the present day... There once was a short period of time, in my late teens/early 20's when I had some boyfriends...most of them would leave me as soon as they themselves felt comfortable about their looks to go after hot chicks. Except there was one that left me for someone who I would think should be even uglier than me...and he married her. And I'll confess something not very nice that I did... I have a friend who is sort-of friends with someone she doesn't like at all, who should also be uglier than me. We put her picture on a rating site and she has a 6.2 out of 10. So apparently these two pizza faces with their thick unibrows and facial hair are more acceptable in the world than I am. I may not know why I'm the ugliest woman in the world, it's just a fact I have to accept. Because for the past few years, I can't even get a man to be a friend, not even a penpal. As soon as they see what I look like, it's over... I turned out to be far more hideous than they ever imagined. So, I can't make friends... which means I'll never have sex again, much less have a boyfriend or, of all things, mmet "The One." I've had to, and still have to, accept what LIES those are. And believe me, they are lies.

 

I understand what you mean about going out in public too.... People DO stare at ugly women. Now, I don't wear make up, my hair is very short, and I wear all black most of the time... And I see how everyone stares and snickers at other fat women who have the styled hair and wear make-up.... I just can't handle constant harassment. The only thing I really have to worry about are everyone's little brats that point me out, "mommy look how UGLY!" or getting stuck at a red light beside some spoiled rich college kids that harass me... *SIGH* (since I'm poor and have an old car without tinted windows to hide behind....god I wish I had tinted windows!!) *sigh*

 

And this guy, Proactive Paradigm - don't complain about being an ugly man! (Sorry don't mean to attack you personally here) I have heard sooooooo many guys complain, "boo hoo, girls don't like me" when what they REALLY mean is that "super hot chicks don't like me". Because ALL men want the PERFECT woman - perfect face and perfect body - nothing less will do. Men are alone because of their own high standards. Women are alone because men expect only the hottest chicks in the world to be falling all over them, regardless of what they look like or weigh. (I'm not picking on you Proactive, I just had to say my mind about that in general.)

 

But anyway... I don't know HOW to cope... I'm very alone... I have no one to talk to... I'm alone with my thoughts, depressed, sad, lonely, isolated, miserable feelings with no outlet... All I can do is destract myself as much as possible... Which I think I was doing ok with until about a month ago when the words "DREAM GUY" suddenly got defined for me... *sigh* Now I'm all going crazy and aching in the core of my soul, because I know it's NOT possible to meet anyone. It's NEVER going to happen. My life is OVER. That's JUST the way it is. There's no changing it. It makes me wonder why I was cursed with a face so hideous..... why me??

[SarahRose]

alreadydead, that is what the guys mean when they say no girls like me. They mean no super hot girls like them.

 

I find it a bit scary when women of normal weight think of themselves as fat.

 

I have no idea what you look like but is cosmetic surgery something you would consider? If you are overweight, you can do something about that too. If you are so unhappy, are you willing to make changes?

[annie24]

I do agree with sarah, if you are unhappy, you can make changes.

 

Here is my totally blunt and honest opinion: I don't think anyone is really born ugly, but they can sure make themselves ugly by having a sour attitude, angry facial expressions and depressing taste in clothing.

 

Now, not everyone can, will, or should look like halle berry, heidi klum, or cindy crawford. I'm sure if we stopped by their houses at 6 AM, without makeup or their fancy clothes, they wouldn't look like supermodels themselves either!

 

Even cindy crawford once said, "Even I don't look like Cindy Crawford when I wake up in the morning!"

 

That said, yeah.... there are many things you can do to improve your appearance.

 

slim down a bit, you don't have to be a size 2, but being a 10 is better than being a 16. especially for health reasons. don't dress in old, depressing clothes, show off your best asset. wear clothes that flatter your complexion. some women look great in yellows, some look good in blue, just find the color that is right for you. grow your hair longer. get manicures.

 

talk to a makeup artist about how to make yourself look better. you'd be surprised what makeup can do. many of them have background in theatrical makeup and they turn women like rebecca romaijn into that blue lizard thing in X-men. makeup, if applied skillfully, can really enhance what you have, and hide what you don't like.

 

talk to a cosmetic dentist and costmetic surgeon, if there is something very wrong.

 

however, like mentioned before, many people have BDD, where they think they are ugly or fat, but actually quite normal looking. talking to a therapist is important.

 

I definitely think that ALL women are beautiful, they just should try to hide behind themselves or make themselves feel ugly.

[alreadydead]

I can't have surgery. I'm poor. Poor people don't get to see even a regular doctor. I have no money, no income, no insurance, no medicaid, nothing. I have nothing at all. If I won the lottery I'd get surgery in a heartbeat. Though I doubt my face and skull could be reconstructed into anything that even resembles a human being. *cries*

[annie24]

can you get a job? are you on disability?

[alreadydead]

slim down a bit, you don't have to be a size 2, but being a 10 is better than being a 16. especially for health reasons. don't dress in old, depressing clothes, show off your best asset. wear clothes that flatter your complexion. some women look great in yellows, some look good in blue, just find the color that is right for you. grow your hair longer. get manicures.

 

You make it sound like that's so easy... like they offer it at the welfare office for poor people who can't afford anything. And losing weight is NOT easy. Weight does NOT come off no matter what I do. I probably have a medical reason, something that might be fixable with thyroid pills or something. But I'll never know because I'm poor with no income and no access to medical care in the least.

 

And I have to accept a lot of crap in my life... but I can not and will not accept that EVERYONE has to be preppy and wear stuff from Old Navy. There are millions of goths, rivetheads, metalheads and punks out there who are allowed to be themselves and no one's telling them they have to wear ugly colors, have long hair and get a manicure. So as long as I'm ugly, I'm sure as hell going to be true to myself. You can't tell me I'm the ONLY person on earth that dresses the way I dress. I've been to a goth club before.