I'm 26 and he's 20....

[freeindeed]

... I've never dated a guy that was 6 years younger, all but one guy I've dated have been older. This guys seems mature (although very quiet), and looks like he's about my age. We get along great so far...and he has stated that he doesn't have a problem with the age difference. I'm a little worried though that since he's so young and hasn't really had much experience that if he gets involved with me now...he'll miss out on the whole dating thing in his mid-twenties. And a part of me realizes that though he's not thinking about it now, he may realize this one day and go pursue what he missed out on.

 

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Where the younger guy is in his mid 20's and hasn't sown his "wild oats" yet?

[Iceman26]

I can see where you are a bit skeptical about the age difference, and I can't say I blame you.

 

I suggest that you take time to get to know him before you start dating him since you feel a little uneasy.

[Balbina]

I agree with IceMan...

 

I mean, how long does it take to really get to know a person? Give him a shot.

[RayKay]

As the other posters suggested, I would just take it slow and date him and see if he is really someone there is potential with.

 

If you are in the stage of life you are ready to settle down for example, and he isn't, that can cause conflicts. It's not so much about the age, but the life-stage. He may or may not be in a similar place, so take the time to get to know him and find out.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

I think people of all ages can be mature in some areas and immature in others. I've known 40 year old guys who were too immature and self-centered and 25 year olds who weren't, and vice-versa. It just depends on two people's values, whether they get along, and are attracted to eachother.

[whatchamacallit]

how true RayKay...about life stages. My ex b/f was 11 yrs. younger than I and he had the kids to raise. I was really concerned about that since mine are already grown and I wanted someone who could give me time, or had grown kids in common. Of course, there was a multitude of other problems, but this was a main one for me. It's something to really consider before making the committment.

[charley]

When I was 23, I was asked out by a 36 year old lady. She was the best girlfriend I've ever had. Good memories! I can honestly say she permanently changed my outlook on life for the better.

 

Get to know him a bit first as the other posters suggest. I was close friends and weight lifting partners with the 36 year old lady for 6 months before she asked me out.

 

Then, if you still like each other, then go for it and don't feel guilty. You will likely be the best he's ever had. Possibly the best he ever will have. From the younger guy's point of view, there is something special about an older girlfriend. He might be the best you'll ever have. I'm not talking about sex specifically. I mean all around best. You will likely find it a more egalitarian relationship, not to mention extra exciting.

 

You have nothing to feel guilty about. Your age difference is tiny. It's not even an age-gap, except in your mind. Get over that and go for it. This assuming you still want him after being friends for a while first. Your age difference is so slight that this is really a similar-age relationship. I don't think anyone would notice or care. If they did, they'd likely just be envious of both of you. ;-)

 

Age is not the real issue. It never is. The real issues are compatibility, attractions, and personalities.

 

No reason for guilt. Try to enjoy yourself. Charley

 

========================================================

 

P.S. - Quoting you: "...he'll miss out on the whole dating thing in his mid-twenties." Not so. I think you are the best part of dating for him in his 20s. Don't make him miss out on you.

[YankeeGirl02]

Just go for it. He may not be the kind of guy who wants to "sow his royal oats". It couldn't hurt to see if you two make some kind of connection.

[yeawutever]

Take your time to get to know him better. Some guys are very mature for their age.

[charley]

he's not mature, that might be fun and exciting for you, so long as he's nice.

 

Possibly he may be very mature.

 

Either way has the potential to be very good for you.

 

As for his sowing wild oats: He may not be like that. If he is like that, then he'd probably happily sow them with you. ;-)

 

Either way has the potential to be very good.

 

I think you'd be good for him in any case. The real question is, "Would he be good for you?". I think he might be. That's up to you.

[RayKay]

I'm 21 and my girlfriend is 26. I'm feeling the same predicament you mentioned, in that I fear I might be losing the best years of my dating life. But I look at it like this: Right now I'm happy being with her, and until that changes I will stay with her.

 

Now assuming five years down the road I look back, how can I possibly be upset? I've choosen to stay with her over dating other girls, because I am happier this way.

 

How can I look back on 5 years of unhappiness with regret?

 

I think she is worried about him leaving her because he needs to see what else is out there....she is worried about being left. She may not regret it...or she may because she probably feels at 26 she is looking more towards settling down in the not-too-far future, and wants to be with someone on a similar wavelength. If he did decide in 5 years he had not sowed his wild oats after all, she would be 31...while certainly NOT old by any means, most women I know whom are thinking of having families and so on, are somewhat feeling pressured by their own bodies. If they are on different wavelengths, it can cause a lot of conflict.

 

I know for example that when I was dating again last time around at around her age, I was looking for more a long term...permanent...relationship, not one just to last a year or two... I was getting tired of the "this will do for now" relationships. I am not wanting kids NOW, or to get married NOW, but I certainly was looking for someone whom was going to be that potential LIFE time partner, if that makes sense. I basically told myself I was not going to settle again for another "short" term deal (meaning another relationship where I overlooked where we weren't matches, or I knew they were not committed long term). Not something where he just thought of me as fun for now and so on. Of course there are never guarantees, but there are certainly some situations less likely to be that long lasting deal you are looking for...and it is this I think she is cautious of.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

When I was in my late teens/ early 20s my friends married guys in their late teens/ early 20's. Often times the man has been totally ready to settle down. Often it's been the women who ends up cheating and/ or leaving. Based on what I've seen, there are plenty of guys in their 20s who are more than happy to settle down. The older ones can be just as likely to be bitter about past relationships, and not want to settle down, plus they can have more baggage.

[RayKay]

When I was in my late teens/ early 20s my friends married guys in their late teens/ early 20's. Often times the man has been totally ready to settle down. Often it's been the women who ends up cheating and/ or leaving. Based on what I've seen, there are plenty of guys in their 20s who are more than happy to settle down. The older ones can be just as likely to be bitter about past relationships, and not want to settle down, plus they can have more baggage.

 

I did not say he was not one to settle down, I just posted in response to kangerue about why she MAY be hesitant and worried, and I can understand that as I do think that people go through a lot of growth in their 20's, and I have seen enough men AND women to go through quarter-life crisis' of some sort.

 

I too know many in the late teens and early 20s whom settled down. Unfortunately, most of those did not last through to a few years later for whatever reason, though a couple have. I think when you are that age there can be a desire to settle down, without really understanding the commitment involved in it. It's based more on feelings than the true understanding of all that is involved.

 

There is a saying that women get married when they find the right man, and men get married when they are ready to get married (hopefully to the right woman!). Just from my experiences, most men seem "ready to get married" when they are in their later 20s and 30s and have accomplished career goals, when their friends are getting married, when they have a better idea of where their life is going and so on.

 

At 20, sure he MAY be 'ready' to settle down. But the chances are less likely he will be truly ready for marriage & long term commitment and all it entails. And this is going on a broader base than either your friends or my friends...stats show that the average marrying age for men IS in the late 20's. And this is why I think the poster is feeling a bit hesitant.

 

She has to get to know him as a person before she knows what level he is at.

 

Age does not reflect how much "baggage" you have either....how much "baggage" you have depends on how you handle situations, and how well adjusted you are. I seem to see plenty of young women and men on here whom are EXTREMELY bitter about love and relationships, whereas the ones whom have even gone through a divorce or long term break up are a lot more positive and more relaxed in a sense without it having "jaded" them against relationships.

[PhilliesFan001]

Everyone's got good points.

 

There are some men who would gladly 'settle down' with the right girl at a young age. There are also some men who want to experience the dating scene, or focus on careers, and not marry until late 20s/30s/even 40s.

 

These are all just generalizations. We have no way of knowing what this guy's intentions are. Maybe he's just into "sowing his oats" and maybe he's on the same wavelength you are. Bottom line is, you have to talk to him about it and see if you're on the same page.

[Rageoveride]

I am also 26 and dating a 20yo. I too am worried about this. This is his first serious relationship. While I have had the opportunity to experience other serious relationships (I lived with a partner for 3 years), I also experienced various other forms of relationships that I think were common experiences throughout my 20's (dating, one night stands, friends with benefits, etc etc). In addition to this, I completed a university degree, travelled extensively, and spent a year under self-imposed celibacy. Needless to say, I know myself very well. I am concerned that though he may think he "loves" me (and I do believe he does) he may not have any basis of comparison. In addition, the years between say 20-25 are hugely formative for developing into who you are as a person (at least they were for me), in no way do I want to hinder his "progress" here. I want him to experience all the things I did too (travel, living on your own, etc etc). I just don't want to force him to be older than he really is.

 

I am also scared that I will be unable to keep up (looks-wise) to other girls/women his own age. Hell, I can't compete with a 20yo's body. Have you seen some of these girls?! I don't dress/look like that!

 

In the beginning I was concerned about what other people would think about the age difference. But in reality age is just a number. We are very compatible and I certainly don't treat him like he's 20. He's my equal.

 

I am not so much looking for advice, but I thought you might find it beneficial to hear there are other people in the same situation thinking the exact same things.

 

C.

[freeindeed]

Thank you all for your insight and suggestions. He actually decided not to pursue the relationship for a few reasons (excuses perhaps), 1 being that he temporarily moved to another state (he will be back next week though) and that his mother disapproved... if that ain't a momma's boy flag waving high and proud, I don't know what is. In spite of that, he has called me SEVERAL times, and has left messages saying that I'm the most beautiful and unique woman he's ever met and that he can't wait 'til he comes home so that he can see me. At this point, flattery will get him nowhere...as I"ve made up my mind that it WON'T work. But honestly, I am excited to see him. I'll update you guys when I do.

 

Thanks again....