How soon would you call

[LifeUser]

Just would like to know what people think/would do... You have been in a relationship for 6 months and are in love, and you must go on a business trip for 8 days. You fly to another city 1000 miles away from your partner.

 

Do you call your partner:

- once, two days after you arrive to have a chat, or

- once, as soon as you get to your hotel to say you are fine, or

- as soon as you get to your hotel to say you are fine, and a few other times to get/give some news,

- only after six days to remind him/her to pick you up when you come back, or

- you would not call since your partner doesn't want to know anything about your work, or

- whatever else?

 

You told your partner which hotel you stay at. Do you expect a call?

 

I'm just curious to hear what people would do and would like to see happen?

Thanks for your advice...

[melrich]

I have to travel a lot. I usually call a couple of times a day. She never calls me unless there is an emergency, just because it is easier for me to call and I know when I have free time to speak.

 

Don't think there are hard and fast rules. Just what you guys are comfortable with.

[lonestar_80]

Call when you get there.

[need2bme]

I think you call immediately to say you are fine. Then, I guess if you are lonely or just want to say hello.

[Lady Bugg]

Personally, if it were me and I was that much "In Love"..I would defientely call once I arrive..and probably various times during my stay. I would HOPE my partner would do the same..especially in the first six months. Is it you who is away, or your partner?

[coollady1957]

I would say definitely call when you arrive , to say that you are there and okay.

 

Then I would call a couple of more times while there to chit chat for a few minutes, to say the I love you and miss you type things and catch up on the days in between calls.

[Entomon]

If I'm the one staying behind, I'd like to know if my partner arrived safely to his destination and what his plans are - he doesn't have to give me the full details but it's just nice to know that he cares enough to share.

[LifeUser]

My girlfriend is the one who is away. When she left this morning she said she would call me, not tonight but probably tomorrow night. So I know what her plans are... but when she said that, I was startled and didn't respond quickly. By the time she was gone, I thought I should have said something...

 

She has been away on a trip before and called me on the third day, after I had already sent an email (on the second day) asking her how things were going.

 

I know there are no hard and fast rules, but everybody's answer is to call immediately, and that's what I would also do if I travelled. Even the shortest call to say hi I'm okay and tired from the long trip... would be great!

 

Any advice on what I should do?

[melrich]

but everybody's answer is to call immediately

 

I never call immediately. What happens...you turn off the phone to get on the plane, turn it on at other end, heaps of messages, trying to get out of airport, get a cab, return messages, in a bad mood, rush to get to first meeting........it's not a great time to call.

 

What's your problem with this anyway? It seems like a fairly minor issue to be concerned about?

[LifeUser]

I don't mean immediately as the moment she walks out of the aeroplane! ... a good time to call would be just before going to bed that same evening?

She doesn't have a cell phone, and her first meeting is late tomorrow... She's travelled 1000 miles and I'd like to know that the connection went well, nobody spilled coffee on her, her luggage wasn't lost, her hotel room is comfortable... The details are not important, I'd just like to hear her voice tell me everything's okay

 

Every time I part with my girlfriend and walk away, I turn around in case she would also turn around and smile... I guess I'm the kind of guy who does that!

[annie24]

hm. not always possible. I have been in tons of places where once I finally get there (after customs, lost luggage, etc), I come to find out that the phone in my room is broken, the nearest payphone is 3 blocks away, it is midnight, and I haven't even eaten dinner.

 

I get massively annoyed when people expect me to call right away. Geeezzz... I'll call you when it works for me and I won't be so grouchy and I won't yell at you for no good reason! I am on vacation/business! (that is just me though.....)

[LifeUser]

hmmm... true, not always possible to call at the end of the day. I've also been stuck in social events until it was too late to call. But if the trip goes well, I would call to say that everything is all right; that was not my girlfriend's intention.

 

To me, no news would mean that something did not go as planned (she got sick? lost luggage? lost hotel reservation? she had a late dinner? she's grouchy for some reason?) And that's what bothers me: my girlfriend doesn't feel like sharing with me that she's all right.

 

So I'm thinking that things are probably going well for her, but there is this empty feeling until she calls me tonight...

[annie24]

how is your relationship with her otherwise? is everything ok?

[LifeUser]

annie, everything is ok in my relationship with her. Actually it's better than ok, it's wonderful and we love each other! We usually spend a lot of time together.

Why do you ask?

 

She ended an emotionally abusive relationship three years ago, and she told me that it was hard to share. Obviously she is stressed about that as she is still seeing a therapist. She will need some more time to accept what happened. I wish I could be more helpful, but she says there's nothing more I can do but be with her. She's come a long way since then, and all that without a partner. She told me once I'm not used to being with someone nice, I forget to ask for help...

 

(btw, she called last night and left a message. Unfortunately I was away at that moment but it felt so good to hear her voice and that she's fine! I sent her an e-mail to tell her that.)

[annie24]

Why do you ask?

 

If there were many things that were problems in the relationship, I would probably be suspicious that she wasn't calling you enough while away.

 

However, if everything is fine, then don't worry, she is probably just busy or having a hard time getting to the phone regularly.

 

At least she is calling you, that is great.

 

I know one man that went on vacation to greece for 2 weeks and refused to call his gf back in the US or e-mail her even once because he said it was "too expensive." Yeah, he makes $125,000 a year.

 

Now that's a sign that something is wrong! They did wind up breaking eventually.

[LifeUser]

I think you're right annie. Thanks!

[Aurian]

I would agree on something beforehand. Discuss and let each other know what to expect and what they are expecting. God knows after a long flight and hotels, suitcases and junk, I'm pretty damn crabby!

 

I would probably arrange to call the next day and the occasional check-in. It does depend on how close you are and what the travelling person's schedule is like. Hence, discuss it so you're both on the same page. That way you know what to expect and she knows what you expect.