She says she wants me back, I'm still waiting....

[frigginexes]

I have a question. If your ex has broken up with her boyfriend, says she's still in love with you and says she wants to get back together, but is moving slowly to get back with you, how do you handle it?

 

I've waited for a long time to get back with her and it could happen, but she is not making an effort to actually come back, but just says she wants to. Sometimes I don't think she really wants to get back but is making sure I'm there just in case. She still hangs around her ex and a new guy where she works, which makes me nervous, especially about the new guy. She could fall for him.

 

She tells me she misses me all the time lately, but last night I heard she found out that this new guy she works with may like her, now she is being kind of distant with me.

 

Am I being too impatient? I am tired of waiting for her. She is staying with relatives out of town, her ex boyfriend lives in the same town and it's where she works. So she could pack her stuff and leave anytime to come back to me. What should I do? Cut her off and go NC without an explanation? Wait around? Tell her how I feel? Tell her how I feel, then cut her off?

 

I do want her back and feel I am soo close and want to play it right, so how do I do that? What's the best move?

 

Thanks for reading

[friscodj]

but she is not making an effort to actually come back, but just says she wants to.

 

Why is she doing this? She sounds like a raving nut job to me. On top of that, she is not thinking about your feelings at all by saying these things, not acting on them, then hanging around with other guys.

 

I would give this thing one good "What the is going on here?" talk. Tell her how you feel, see how she responds, and then watch what she does. If there is no change, I'd put my foot down, tell her to go herself and disappear from a life of confusion, frustration, and pain with this one...

[CluelessGuy321]

This is a tricky thing some women do. She broke it with you and went for some other guy. If she were REALLY into you, she wouldn't have done this!

 

She says this stuff to you to PLAY with your emotions so that JUST IN CASE, she can't find another guy, she has you, her loyal patsy, to be her cuddle b**ch.

 

It's sad, mean, and cruel. Have no more to do with her.

[frigginexes]

What would happen if I just completely ignore her from now on, or do you think I shoud tell her to **** off, then ignore her? Do you think she'll go "oh geez, I better make a decision now because I'm losing him?"

[phantomwolff85]

I would say definitely have that heart to heart with her. I know sometimes after break ups people need space and at the same time may be really confused. However, that doesn't mean that it's okay to treat you badly. I would tell her that you feel you've been getting mixed messages and ask her what she really wants. I hope things resolve themselves quickly one way or the other.

[frigginexes]

I'm telling you what, nothing would make me more upset than if she hooked up with this new guy!

[friscodj]

What would happen if I just completely ignore her from now on, or do you think I shoud tell her to **** off, then ignore her? Do you think she'll go "oh geez, I better make a decision now because I'm losing him?"

 

Step one here is start to think about you. Who else is going to do it? Obviously not her...

[CluelessGuy321]

What would happen if I just completely ignore her from now on, or do you think I shoud tell her to **** off, then ignore her? Do you think she'll go "oh geez, I better make a decision now because I'm losing him?"

 

No, she won't think that. Not really. The only time she would think that is if she saw that you're going out with a much more attractive woman - ONLY THEN will she doubt her decisions.

 

I think you should ignore her, but in a sense that "I have no time to talk with you. You are not a special person to me anymore. I have moved on." DO NOT take it in the sense that "I'm withholding myself from you in hopes that you will come crawling back to me."

 

Like I said: Get a life! Join CLUBS, Join FRATs, make good friends, and date other women. Beautiful women who will make ur old girl seem like chump change.

 

She dumped you for someone else. Don't wish to get her back. This hasn't sunk in yet: Move on. She's all wrong for you, because she's just some floozy. You'll find better.

 

In the mean time, make many friends and date all sorts of girls. Even if nothing develops, if you're ex sees you with a bunch of random girls everytime she sees you, her interest will be peaked then....but even then....

[itsallgrand]

Whoa. You are getting the raw end of the deal here. Time to wake up!

 

Sounds like she enjoys having many cards in play at once. It's all about her.

She is not considering the feelings of you, and by the sounds of it, anyone elses feelings. Just her own interests. Gah.

 

I say go for it and give it one last stab. At least then you will see for yourself. Lay it all out nice and clear, tell her how you feel. Then see if acts.

Go by her actions.

 

After hearing this, I don't really get why you want her. She's treating you bad.

 

Somewhere, some nice girl is wringing her hands mumbling "why is he wasting his time on her? God, men are frustrating!"

[CluelessGuy321]

Exactly. She's playing you like a puppet. Cut the strings in your head.

[frigginexes]

She did mention before that she wants to save money before she comes back by working where she's working. Should I say "look, you told me you want to be with me, I'm tired of waiting." "If you really loved me you would be with me now!" "I'm not waiting anymore!" "I have other women who DO want to be w/me 100%!" "Have a nice life and goodbye!"

[saltwatergirl]

I'll motion that. Any seconds?

 

Salt

[friscodj]

She did mention before that she wants to save money before she comes back by working where she's working. Should I say "look, you told me you want to be with me, I'm tired of waiting." "If you really loved me you would be with me now!" "I'm not waiting anymore!" "I have other women who DO want to be w/me 100%!" "Have a nice life and goodbye!"

 

This woman's words would hold about as much water as a bucket with the bottom cut out of it with me.

 

I would ask her what's going on here? See what she says. Then tell her where you stand on things. Do this so you won't have regrets down the road. Lay the situation out clearly for both of you.

 

Then take a step back and watch what she does...her actions need to match her words...

[frigginexes]

Yes, her actions def. need to match her words. I've always had to be kind of rough with her with expressing myself, otherwise she'll just lollygag me around.

[itsallgrand]

I would suggest speaking to her at a time when you feel very calm and cool.

 

Saying something like "If you really loved me you would be with me now" would only give her the idea that she has power over you.

I hate to admit this, but I kinda know the sick little game she is playing. If you show her weakness now; she'll walk all over you and not take you seriously.

 

Say what you mean, and follow it up with action. That's when people realize they can't screw with us - or at the very least, you're moving on and not being screwed anymore sitting waiting wishing.

 

Just give the facts and be straight. Try to keep emotion to a minimum. Something like "What is going on? I care about you, but I need you to make a move to show me you want to be with me. I need -. If you can't do it, I'm going to have to move on."

sumptin' like that.

[nottoogreen]

frigginexes,

 

What about the past problems leading to the breakup. Have these gone away?

 

If not, you'd just repeat the past > copying past life mostly hurts.

[frigginexes]

Okay, so do it in a more gentle kind of way? I do want her to know she can't mess me around. I just want to get her to think about what she could lose. And Nottoogreen, the past problems are gone which led to the breakup. I have changed definitely for the better! and she knows it.

[CluelessGuy321]

Okay, so do it in a more gentle kind of way? I do want her to know she can't mess me around. I just want to get her to think about what she could lose. And Nottoogreen, the past problems are gone which led to the breakup. I have changed definitely for the better! and she knows it.

 

And if you did get back together....how about a few weeks from now? A few years?

 

You sure you want to be throwing time away for this person?

[nottoogreen]

Okay, so do it in a more gentle kind of way? I do want her to know she can't mess me around. I just want to get her to think about what she could lose. And Nottoogreen, the past problems are gone which led to the breakup. I have changed definitely for the better! and she knows it.

Perhaps she is insecure about the past and you seem impatient and sound very confident. She may perceive this as dominating, thus worrying more.

[frigginexes]

Part of me just wants to cut her off, ignore her and move on. Another part wants really wants a second chance! To see if it would work. I'll always wonder if it would have. She says she is in love with me. If she really was in love w/me she should be with me now! If i do cut her off and she's still in love w/me for real, she would try to win me back, right?

[heloladies21]

Well things are set up pretty bad right now. Look at it from her point of view, she got to experience a relationship with another guy and as soon as it was over, you were still there waiting for her. She has every reason to believe that this will be the case the next time, and the time after that, etc.

 

Situation will the new guy doesn't look good as she most certianly used you as the emotional crutch in between until she found someone else. Don't go NC without explaining things. She'll think you're mad at her and won't know the reason why. Clear the air, let her know you're not comfortable with anything less than a relationship with her and see what she says. If she's not on board with you on that, time to go the path of NC.

[friscodj]

Okay, so do it in a more gentle kind of way? I do want her to know she can't mess me around. I just want to get her to think about what she could lose. And Nottoogreen, the past problems are gone which led to the breakup. I have changed definitely for the better! and she knows it.

 

Two things:

 

1) I have to tell you I don't believe this situation will magically change after this talk. This talk is for you so you can move on faster.

 

2) Your past problems are gone but what about hers! She was not perfect my friend! She is doing nothing bro except flapping her gums enough to keep you on the string. Read your posts again! Wake up! You are sitting at your computer suffering and confused while she is off with whoever doing whatever she wants. This thing is all about her!

 

You are putting her on a pedestal here when you should be putting her on the concrete...that makes up the curb...

[frigginexes]

Your right heloladies, she prob. thinks I will always be waiting. Why is it comforting for me to send a mean text message to end it? I want to tell her to ****off. For some reason I don't want to end it on good terms, don't wanna seem wishy washy.

[Mr. Stealth]

Actually if i was you i wont wait for her.

She is the dumper so if she doesnt want to come back she will never do.

Its always easier to say things in place of performing what you say.

The best thing for you to do is to move on.

This gives you the possibility to meet other people and heal.

The other option is that she will come back but i would have always a big "?" back in my mind with this girl.

Try to avoid contact. Maybe she will ask by herself why you dont contact her anymore and will feel uncomfortable with this tought. If she feels bad about this she will take contact by herself. And thats the moment that you can make things clear to her. She can chose between you or him.

I dont really like that girl you love. She comes over like a Player to me.

 

But i wish you luck.

[friscodj]

Your right heloladies, she prob. thinks I will always be waiting. Why is it comforting for me to send a mean text message to end it? I want to tell her to ****off. For some reason I don't want to end it on good terms, don't wanna seem wishy washy.

 

Be firm, be straight, and then follow througb with actions. If you get a little angry while you're being firm, I say let the chips fall where they may on that...I've done that...and it made me feel good, cleansed, and helped the healing process...lay it all out there...