Anyone ever ended a "booty call" type relationship...

[Twilight777]

...and then regretted it later?

 

This weekend I ended it through an email, and just said that I don't want to be anyone's booty call anymore. I was starting to feel like a piece of meat... but I didn't tell him that.

 

Some of my friends say that I'll regret not having that kind of physical relationship with him....he's really hot.... but deep down inside, I knew that it was pointless because it would never go beyond what it was, and at the same time he really wouldn't talk to me in public.

 

I hope I did the right thing...and I hope he's not mad at me...he hasn't spoken to me since...and we worked together on Saturday. =(

[annie24]

...and then regretted it later?

 

This weekend I ended it through an email, and just said that I don't want to be anyone's booty call anymore. I was starting to feel like a piece of meat... but I didn't tell him that.

 

Some of my friends say that I'll regret not having that kind of physical relationship with him....he's really hot.... but deep down inside, I knew that it was pointless because it would never go beyond what it was, and at the same time he really wouldn't talk to me in public.

 

I hope I did the right thing...and I hope he's not mad at me...he hasn't spoken to me since...and we worked together on Saturday. =(

 

no.

 

if you are starting to feel like a piece of meat, it's time to leave. if you want a real relationship, with someone who respects you and talks to you in public (!!!), this is not the man.

 

you work together. best not to have that kind of a relationship with him.

 

you did the right thing. you can find someone who is hot AND who is crazy about you. i think your friends' advice isn't the greatest.

[Scout]

It's natural to regret it a bit, because that was your only "intimate" relationship, and we all need intimacy in our lives eventually.

 

However, we need true intimacy - not the cheap replacement that a mere hook up provides. And here's the catch 22: when we allow ourselves to settle for merely being someone's physical toy, we get lazy and don't seek out the truly meaningful connections we ultimately need.

 

You made the right decision, and should be very proud of yourself. You also might consider getting some friends who actually encourage you to not settle for being anyone's "hook up."

[Süsser Tod]

Some of my friends say that I'll regret not having that kind of physical relationship with him....he's really hot.... but deep down inside, I knew that it was pointless because it would never go beyond what it was, and at the same time he really wouldn't talk to me in public.

 

 

HUH??? And how was that "relationship" supposed to make you feel better? I think you can have a better relationship with a BOB (battery operated boyfriend) than with that kind of person.

[Scout]

Agree with Susser Tod. Please, don't ever relegate your value as so low you'd be content with someone who won't even talk to you in public.

[thegirl_00]

I agree with Susser Tod and the above posts.

A physical relationship with a guy who wont even talk to you in public clearly ISN'T going to make you feel good about yourself no matter what your friends say. I would suggest not listening to them.

 

Once it gets to the point where you feel like a "piece of meat" you know the physical intamicy isn't worth the degrating feeling.

 

You can definitly do better.

[flower99]

It's natural to regret it a bit, because that was your only "intimate" relationship, and we all need intimacy in our lives eventually.

 

However, we need true intimacy - not the cheap replacement that a mere hook up provides. And here's the catch 22: when we allow ourselves to settle for merely being someone's physical toy, we get lazy and don't seek out the truly meaningful connections we ultimately need.

 

You made the right decision, and should be very proud of yourself. You also might consider getting some friends who actually encourage you to not settle for being anyone's "hook up."

 

 

Totally agree!!

And Good for you for making the right decison even when your friends didn't back you up.

That was a wise choice

[Imperceptible]

A guy I was seeing told me he didn't want a relationship because he was too busy and he basically wanted me to be his FWB so I ended it last week. I still regret it this week!! I miss the affection and physical contact.

But, like you, I started to feel like a free piece of meat. This can only lead to you feeling like . Your friends should not make you feel bad just because you place high value and worth on yourself. You deserve what's best for you emotionally and physically, not just physically. You don't want to feel good physically for 2 hours but feel used and like **** the other 22 hours of the day. 22 hours of hurt doesn't make your life enjoyable. So ignore the naysayers because they don't have to live with you for the rest of your life.

Besides I've read a lot of posts where the bootycalls are not considered high value by guys. So save your energy for a guy who highly values every part of you. Don't waste your time on a guy who doesn't want to stick around for a committed relationship if you want something exclusive.

I know how you feel. I was also worried the guy I used to see is mad at me. We agreed to get together and hang out sometime like we used to do but I know we won't. Don't worry about if he's mad with you or not. Keep your confidence up and make him feel like he's missing out on everything wonderful you have to offer whenever he sees you.

If he's really hot he probably has bootycalls lined up outside his door and a rejection is a blow to his ego. Hopefully your ending things should make him think "Hey dude one woman spoke up. Maybe ALL women don't like to be treated this way and maybe ALL women aren't happy and grateful just because I only give them sex. Maybe I should re-evaluate how I treat women."

[Süsser Tod]

A guy I was seeing told me he didn't want a relationship because he was too busy and he basically wanted me to be his FWB so I ended it last week. I still regret it this week!! I miss the affection and physical contact.

 

 

I sure remember your post about this.

 

 

However, what "affection" are you talking about??? I hardly believe there is any affection in a relationship where you have as much value as a piece of meat.

 

I think you're still idealizing the FWB relationship.

[annie24]

I agree with Susser Tod. It's not an intimate relationship at all. I mean, it's physical, but until you've been with someone you really love and care about, it is just different. Kind of hollow. It's like, FWB is like jello, while sex with a man you love and who loves you is like creme brulee. Why settle for jello when you can have creme brulee. And once you have creme brulee, do you really want to go back to jello? (This example is sort of paraphrased from "My Best Friend's Wedding.")

[Imperceptible]

I sure remember your post about this.

 

 

However, what "affection" are you talking about??? I hardly believe there is any affection in a relationship where you have as much value as a piece of meat.

 

I think you're still idealizing the FWB relationship.

 

 

 

There is some amount of affection. It felt good when we held hands, held each other even when we weren't having sex, cuddled, looked at each other as if the other person was the sexiest person alive, touched and caressed each other. Those are all of the things he gave me and that's what I considered affection. The act of giving and receiving affection doesn't equal love to me. Love is deeper than affection. Love can enhance affection but it doesn't equal affection. What is your definition of affection?

 

I'm not idealizing the FWB. Those parts of the friendship were real and that's what I like, want, and miss when I'm not with him. But since things have ended I no longer have that part of the friendship anymore.

[Süsser Tod]

There is some amount of affection. It felt good when we held hands, held each other even when we weren't having sex, cuddled, looked at each other as if the other person was the sexiest person alive, touched and caressed each other. Those are all of the things he gave me and that's what I considered affection. What is your definition of affection?

 

 

Hate to break it on you, but you got played, and very well at that.

 

Just tell me this. How can you say he could see you as the "sexiest person alive", but only settle with you for sex, without any commitment and no real relationship?

 

You had more feelings for that guy than just a FWB, he used that to try to get you into his game, giving you what you wanted to get what he wanted.

 

 

I consider affection to cuddle with someone, not expecting to have sex. I consider affection to be with someone, without hidden interests.

[Süsser Tod]

I was also worried the guy I used to see is mad at me. We agreed to get together and hang out sometime like we used to do but I know we won't.

 

From your previous post.

 

So he is not getting any from you, and now he won't hang out with you. Can't you see that the only motive for him to be "friend" with you, was to get laid, not because he cared about you? He just gave you what you "needed/wanted" to get you to bed.

[Imperceptible]

So he is not getting any from you, and now he won't hang out with you. Can't you see that the only motive for him to be "friend" with you, was to get laid, not because he cared about you? He just gave you what you "needed/wanted" to get you to bed.

 

 

 

I know that NOW! I didn't know that when we were seeing each other. You're right he played a good game! Sometimes he was very affectionate and we didn't have sex afterwards. So I thought he truly liked me and like hanging out with me. I didn't know he only wanted sex when he gave me "you're the sexiest person alive" look because there weren't any red flags to warn me and I thought he had feelings for me. I didn't know this look was a sham. So how is any girl supposed to know when a guy is preying on her without her diving in and testing the waters first?

What are people like Twilight777 and I supposed to do short of not having sex before marriage if the players have very good game to trick us?

 

I know he played games! But I still miss the physical contact. There's nothing wrong about missing out on physical contact with someone I find attractive.

[Süsser Tod]

Well, why don't you get into a real relationship first, where both are exclusive, boyfriend/girlfriend, see how it goes for a while, and then have sex?

 

If someone truly loves you, then he'll wait until you feel secure about the relationship and ready to have sex. That is an easy way to get rid of that kind of guy, as they are only after sex, and most of the time the wait is not worth it, nor getting into a commited relationship only for sex.

[Imperceptible]

Well, why don't you get into a real relationship first, where both are exclusive, boyfriend/girlfriend, see how it goes for a while, and then have sex?

 

If someone truly loves you, then he'll wait until you feel secure about the relationship and ready to have sex. That is an easy way to get rid of that kind of guy, as they are only after sex, and most of the time the wait is not worth it, nor getting into a commited relationship only for sex.

 

Sadly I thought we were exclusive after he said "you're the the only lady in my life." Sadly he later asked if we could be FWB instead.

Today I read someone else's post about ladies should say "I don't want to have sex if I'm not in a committed relationship." if we want to weed out the players. I wish I had the same advice when I started seeing this guy several months ago.

[annie24]

Sadly I thought we were exclusive after he said "you're the the only lady in my life." Sadly he later asked if we could be FWB instead.

Today I read someone else's post about ladies should say "I don't want to have sex if I'm not in a committed relationship." if we want to weed out the players. I wish I had the same advice when I started seeing this guy several months ago.

 

I think it was Toni Morrison who said, "Now that you KNOW better, you'll DO better." Something like that.

 

we all live and learn, that is how it goes. most of us girls have stumbled into a FWB situation at sometime only to realize what was going on. we've all been there....

[Twilight777]

Wow, thanks to all of you for your responses (and I hope I didn't start any arguments between members...so sorry).

 

I was starting to regret my decision and then I read all of your responses... and I want my CREME BRULEE! I really hate jello anyway. The whole booty call got started with him joking around, saying "when are you going to let me tap that....", I don't know what could be attractive about that...but I guess he was so charming that I fell for his "flirts". I took them as compliments, when they were actually insults to my dignity and self-respect.

 

And the fact that he wouldn't really acknowledge me in public.... how did I stand for that???!! I've never had a type of relationship like this, so I just assumed that's the way it had to be. But last night, I got really upset about the whole situation. Here's this guy that I've been "hooking up" with, giving him little presents, giving him massages, cooking him dinner once in a while, and he didn't even "look" at me last night. He had time to go and sit by another colleague and shmooze it up with her for 15 minutes and then passed right by me without saying a word! I couldn't believe it. He has/had absolutely NO respect for me...probably never even thought of me as a REAL human being... just a piece of meat....why was I so stupid! ](*,)

[curbie]

I don't understand why people have "booty calls" anyways....or have "friends with benefits" Umm....hello....ever heard of STD's? What about AIDS? Yeah....there is protection, and all this other crap out there to fight against those diseases...but come on...wearing a condom isn't 100% effective. Abstinence is 100% effective.