sexually frustrated...

[paige20]

Hi y,all. I get really sexually frustrated from my husband. He hardly ever gives me oral sex, i always give it to him. I talk to him about this and actually get his hand and direct him and tell him what pleases me but hel never use fingers and very rarely his tongue ... If he does ever do anything to me its like 5minutes max.... or he'l keep askin me every minute 'are you ready yet' and i get put off more. Then the next day hel forget all about it and ignore it again. I dont think he knows much about oral sex.I keep tellin him. He makes me feel like a machine. Im just wonderin do men actually enjoy giving oral sex?

Im a very clean person aswell and always shower before sex.

 

Some advice please....

[fromfaraway]

Hi,

 

I am sorry to hear about your problem. I am sure it must be very frustrating.

 

You asked whether guys like to give oral to women, and let me tell you that I do not have an answer to that question. There are all types of guys that do different things.

 

As far as I am concerned, it depends. If I love the woman, then giving her oral will be something I would love to do. If I am not at that stage, I am not so sure. Also, cleaness makes a huge difference. That is beaing said, I do not ask for it either. I am usually content with foreplay and sex !

[paige20]

thx from far away. My husband loves me but just seems to be in a rush to ejacualte and says he couldnt wait coz hes mad about me.Weve been married 2years though not 2days!! Hes selfish in bed.

[yeawutever]

Whether guys like to give heads or not, it depends on what he positions he likes and how he gets arouse. Have about asking him what would get him arouse when you guys are in bed again. What may please you, won't necessary please him.

[fromfaraway]

but just seems to be in a rush to ejacualte and says he couldnt wait coz hes mad about me.quote]

 

hehehehehe

 

Men canbe quite funny Did you try to communicate to him how MUCH important that is to you? Will you think that you will be fine with only sex in the long run?

[paige20]

Hey ailec. I always pleasure him first so hes always aroused. He just says that hel ejaculate quiker if he does anyfin to me...

[yeawutever]

Yes, but maybe he wants to try his favorite position on you and doesn't wanna tell you, in way of not hurting your feelings.

[paige20]

No thats not the case coz i dont always say anything and hes had pleeeenty of time to do what hes wanted. And hes the type to tel me to my face if he wants to try something else.

[yeawutever]

Then maybe he has a lower sex drive than you. Have you try thinking baout talking this to a sex therapist?

[Süsser Tod]

Im just wonderin do men actually enjoy giving oral sex?

 

Oh yes, I LOVE giving oral sex. I love hearing watching my gf moan from the pleasure I'm giving her with my mouth. Also, it is way easier for her to orgasm.

[jevonj77]

What I'm thinking is that your husband may not understand what oral sex is for you in a technical way. Many men simply see penetration or intercourse as sex but don't understand that the woman often does not reach her climax levels until her clitoris is stimulated directly...something that the penis, while being placed in the vagina, usually doesn't do well enough. So he would understand if you never allowed him to have intercourse with you...since that is one of the main ways that the penis is directly stimulated. So I think in your case he needs some education on what sex is for a woman. link removed is a great site that might teach him a thing or two.

[Bethany]

Men don't seem to take hints when it comes to sex. They prefer direct words. Ask him straight out why he doesn't give you oral. Tell him that oral sex is as important to you as intercourse is to him. Tell him it's too bad if he comes fast, it's better than you not coming at all!

 

If you don't think that will work, you could also try talking dirty when you're out, tell him one thing that you will do to him then you get home, then ask him what he is going to do you in return and for how long. Make the build up fun and make sure you get what you want before the end of the night.

 

Or if that doesn't work, hold back on your oral or something he enjoys, and when he gives you some, give him some, it seems to work and he will click on faster than subtle hints.

 

If all else fails TELL HIM AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN!!

[kellbell]

Hi Paige,

 

I am so sorry matters have been tense in the bedroom. Perhaps some of these tips might help.

 

1. Buy a sex game. Spencer's sell them. They are fun and add a lot of excitment and laughter. Plus the game allows you and your partner to try new things and be attentive to one another.

 

2. Set the mood. Perhaps wear something sexy. You know him the best so you will know what he likes and what will turn him on.

 

3. Play hide and seek with no clothes. Set the stakes and the rules. Like if it takes too long for him to find you, he has to kiss a body part of your choice. And have him pick something for you to do as well.

 

4. Engage in a 69. A 69 allows you to give and receive pleasure. Perhaps this is something he is interested in.

 

5. Leave naughty notes with sentiments on what you would like him to do or what you would like him to do.

 

6. When he does something to pleasure you, compliment him and thank him. He may need some positive reinforcement and encouragement.

 

7. Whisper in his ear naughty things and things you would like him to do to you.

 

It sounds like matters got a bit routine in your sex life, it may need a bit of spice. Also, he may need some gentle guidence instead of you perhaps sounding like a "drill sargent." I wish you all the best and habve fun!

[Cadence308]

Your husband is selfish in bed. If it were me, I'd be cutting him off. Sounds like he's making excuses as to why he can't and won't please you.

 

I would talk to him about it and maybe buy him a book to get better acqainted with the human body and how to make love to a woman.

[Upsetwifeofone]

OK, have you tried taking control?

 

I found that hubby was too worried that I might not like it, and for a while I didn't. He gave up on trying and I really craved it, sooooooo, one night, I decided to do something completely outside my shy nature, I made him lie on his back and stood over him, walked upward and lowered myself over his face *blush*. I used a delightful "lick" that I'd bought from an adult establishment and told him to lick it off...........lets say he was completely turned on by this act alone and we haven't looked back since

[Bethany]

Absolutely a 69 should do it, when he stops you stop. I think he'll get the hint.

 

Either that and I don't mean to be crude but - sit on his face and don't get up until YOU'RE done.

[paige20]

thanx for all of ya advice. quite helpful n funny well i ended up shoutin last nite, i was givin him oral for like 15mins, then he sed 'pop on'!!! i sed wat bout me????? i told him he knows nothin about women and that he needs to get some bookz... i always dress sexy at bedtime, im always clean, i take control sometimes, we've tried the 69 afew times before but he stops after like 30secz. Im gonna try that when he stops i stop thing Last night i said to him how cum he hardly does anything to me, he said he cant play about like that, its daft and why do i get turned on from his hands when it should be his penis!!! I tryed to explain AGAIN... what women need,.....

 

neways, before he said to me what my problem was lastnight and that he made me orgasm.....lets see what happens tonight, he told me to teach him a few things......again

[kellbell]

Paige,

 

If you have tried everything then I would conclude he is a selfish lover. They are out there...I dated one. Never ONCE tried oral on me but always willing to receive. I never felt so unattrative in my life or undesired. After much reflection, I concluded the problem was not me but it was HIM. How is your relationship overall if you do mind me asking.

[Deviant_Kate]

Paige, I think the first thing you need to do is change the order or activities during sex. DO NOT start out by giving him head. Make that be the second thing you do - make the FIRST thing you guys do be him going down on you. If it's the only way to get things started, he'll start doing it just to get what he wants, OR he'll really start to understand how important it is to you.

 

Make oral sex the golden ticket. If he isn't willing to give it to you, put up a No Trespassing sign.

[paige20]

our overall life together is quite good, not great but good, we have a laugh.

The thing last night after tellin him over n over. He used fingers not tongue, and hes just rubbing hard and gets rough and he always totally misses the clitorus. I dont like telin him all the time how to do it or goin in to detail coz i think at least hes touchin!!! and i feel like a teacher.

[Spugly Fuglet]

Heres my take, try have a joint bath in warm water at the some times that can help.

[kellbell]

"our overall life together is quite good, not great but good, we have a laugh."

 

But there IS great out there, more than good. Having a laugh does not seem enough. Perhaps it is enough for you?

 

How long have you been dating?

[paige20]

Weve been married 2yrs nearly and im nearly 6months pregnant, ( he definitly aint put off by my pregy looks)

[kellbell]

Oh, I missed that are married somewhere. LOL Sorry about that.

 

Okay, pehaps he is a bit whigged out about you being pregnant? Have you asked him nicely why he does not use his tongue, does not take his time, or care about how to please you? Has he had any bad experiences in the past? Have you discussed this openly and compassionately? In many cases, your approach on matters can make all the difference.

 

Have you considered seeing a sex therapist? Sex is very important in a marriage and having each other's need met is crucial otherwise those problems will leak into other elements of your marriage.

[OceanEyes]

thx from far away. My husband loves me but just seems to be in a rush to ejacualte and says he couldnt wait coz hes mad about me.Weve been married 2years though not 2days!! Hes selfish in bed.

 

Hmmm ... I've found that the way a man treats his woman in bed is symptomatic of how he treats her out of bed. This may or may not be true, I have no idea in your case. Just a personal observation through some years of experience.

 

To be honest, there isn't really an excuse for a person being sexually selfish in bed. I'd like to give you some reasons for this, but in this day-in-age, I really don't find that there are any GOOD ones. Especially in a marriage, sex should be an expression of love, appreciation, and intimacy. If it's always one-sided, then you must find yourself wondering whether or not this man is right for you. I know I certainly would.

 

When you're out of bed, try talking to him about it. Try not to say things like, "you never ...", "I always do this ...", "you're selfish ...". He'll most likely get defensive and the conversation/ discussion will turn into some kind of attack or argument.

 

Let him know how you feel in a considerate, affectionate manner. If you say something like, "you know how much I love you ... which is I guess why I feel so strange about having to ask you every time for 'attention'. I sometimes wonder if there is something wrong with me, or why you don't want to do certain things with me sexually. I'd really like to know why you don't like this, and perhaps find a way that we can both be pleased".

 

If he acts like a jerk even after hearing something like this, then I'm not sure what to tell you. You can't force this type of thing, only nudge gently. If he doesn't WANT to hear you, then not much is going to change. But, give it a shot ... it's about all you can do right now.