I can't believe this... laughing!

[Süsser Tod]

Yesterday night I was boiling some water for an instant soup and my mom walked into the kitchen.

 

Note: First of all, lets get this out of the way. Yes, I live with my parents, and it is perfectly normal in my culture to do so until you get married.

 

She asked me "So, have you liked the X brand long distance prepaid cards? You said they were quite bad"

 

I was like, you gave me one the day my GF left for Europe, how do you know I got more? Ahhh, I know how she knew...

 

Obviously, she had been sneaking in my garbage and found a couple of used cards...

 

 

They have never respected my privacy, so it is quite easy to tell why the trunk of my car is full of stuff, stuff I don't want them to find, but come on, sneaking on my garbage???

 

 

So I confronted her about that, as it really made me angry.

 

 

 

Today in the morning she was acting weird, I didn't gave it importance, and when I came home she kept acting weird, so I went to my room. Then I went to the kitchen for some water to make myself a cup of cofee and my dad was there.

I asked him if there was something wrong with my mom, and he told me she was sad because I had been rude to her about that!!!

 

 

Can you believe that!!!???

 

 

Now my dad is watching TV and my mom is locked in her room!!!

 

 

Talk about being childish! They don't give a damn about my privacy, and now, she is mad at me and won't talk to me?

 

Don't take me wrong, I don't like her being mad at me, but this time I can't help but laugh!

 

 

Yes, I'm working hard to get to a point on my career when I can move out to my own place. I'm sick and tired of them not respecting my privacy nor giving me any space, but there is not like I can afford a lot making $12,000 USD a year (I'm an IT engineer, beautiful 3rd world country economy), so, in the meantime, I have to put up with this.

[TheRedQueen]

A doting mother is one thing, but her rifling through your trash is whole other story, and an unacceptable one at that. Keep your cool, maybe try explaining yourself in a more calm manner next time, if that doesn't work, hey this too shall pass.

[marolua]

I don't where you are from, but I am from a similar culture where you live with your family until you are married or have to go to another city for career purposes. But I am no longer living in my home country,moved to US, started grad school, and living with three housemates, who are great, but sometimes drive me crazy too!

I am not sure which one is better, at least your mom and dad do stuff for you, like you don't have to pay rent or buy groceries. And in response you give up some of your privacy, but maybe she was only asking you about tha card that she had bought for you, cas maybe she didn't know that you had been buying other cards? maybe she just wants you tell her a little bit about your girlfriend, or what you have been up to, parents sometimes don't know how to be friends with their children, you might need to help her out. Anyway I think after a certain age, the children start taking care of their parents, because as you said they start being childish.it's kind of funny, but its true!

[Haven]

Are you sure she was actually snooping through your garbage? Maybe the cards were on top and she saw them as she was taking out the trash for you, something like that.

 

I don't know, I just think you should make sure about the situation.. because my mom only locks herself in her room when she's crying. I don't know about yours, but your dad said she was "sad" or whatever, she might not actually be mad or anything. There have been several arguments in my past when I got into a fight with my mom, and she wouldn't talk to me and went into her room. I'd get even madder, but then I'd realize she was crying, and I'd feel really bad. So.. I don't know. I think you should maybe check on her or talk to her or something.

 

Oh, and maybe try asking them to respect your privacy instead of doing the whole confrontation thing... I asked my parents politely to stop opening my mail (they used to do that ALL THE TIME, I would get so mad), and they've finally stopped..

[Süsser Tod]

I'm 100% sure she was snooping through my garbage, it is not the first time I've caught her doing that. The cards were at the bottom of the trash can (I made sure they were at the bottom, as I know she does that).

 

However, it is the first time I've confronted her about that.

 

I also know she sneaks in my drawers, closet, etc. For example, everytime I go to a convenience store similar to a Seven Eleven I ask for a bag to carry whatever I bought, as it fits perfectly my trash can. I used to "store" them in a drawer, she would take the old bag with the garbage, take one "new" from the drawer and put it on the can. Stuff like that, that leaves no doubt that she goes through my stuff.

[AwdreeHpburn]

If it is your culture to stay at home til marriage, maybe she feels she is within her rights to keep tabs on you. Maybe that's why she's so hurt, because she felt justified and you made her feel wrong about it.

[itsallgrand]

Are you serious?!

 

C'mon, get real. I don't care how poor you are: it's time to bail.

 

Would you put up with this from anyone else? It's wack-o behavior. So it's your mother. Big deal. Doesn't mean she gets exception (at least it doesn't make sense that she would to me).

 

I'd laugh in her face and tell her to 'Grow Up'. She is trying to manipulate you - and you're letting her!

 

Stand up to her and you'll be able to give the ol' nice "f you" to anybody.

 

p.s. I'm not saying to be a jerk. I'd not advising laughing in a mocking or cruel manner. But it IS funny. And childish. It is okay to tell parents to 'grow up' too....a lot of them need to hear that sometimes.

[Süsser Tod]

Well, I haven't talked to her yet, I'll do. And no, I'm not letting this one slip. She has to get down to earth and realize that what she did is wrong.

 

I did talked to my dad, and he tried to back her up, I just said "you're crazy, screw you" and left. Yeah, I know it sounds awfull, but I said it in a laughing/mad tone that maybe toned down the "screw you".

 

I'm laughing at her attitude. The situation seriously has me tired. I'm not mad, nor angry at this point, as I've accepted it and I'm used to it, not that I'm willing to put up with this for too long.

[Scotcha]

My father snooped through my room when I was a teenager. Even then I felt it was very wrong and got very angry. Powerless I did the only think I could. Fake diary entries.. Things to make his head spin. It worked only to this day I think he believes it is true. BUT.. He stopped snooping. Sorry, your situation just remined me of that.

 

I really think you should talk to your mother about this. Tell her how you feel but try to do so without accusing her or getting angry.

[Haven]

I'm 100% sure she was snooping through my garbage, it is not the first time I've caught her doing that. The cards were at the bottom of the trash can (I made sure they were at the bottom, as I know she does that).

 

However, it is the first time I've confronted her about that.

 

I also know she sneaks in my drawers, closet, etc. For example, everytime I go to a convenience store similar to a Seven Eleven I ask for a bag to carry whatever I bought, as it fits perfectly my trash can. I used to "store" them in a drawer, she would take the old bag with the garbage, take one "new" from the drawer and put it on the can. Stuff like that, that leaves no doubt that she goes through my stuff.

Oh.. that is pretty bad, then. I would probably have reacted in a similar way.

 

Why do your parents still do that? Mine used to snoop through my stuff so much.. they would even look through my Internet history and emails to see what I was doing online, even though I'd never given them cause to. But they've stopped now, because they trust me and know I won't do anything wrong.

 

I think that's odd that they're still doing that to you at your age.. you could try asking why they they're doing this, instead of merely asking them to stop?

[nottoogreen]

Hi Süsser Tod,

 

Funny thread, sifting through trash.

 

Your age, she should respect your privacy.

 

You can't change your parents. To mom you are still a child.

 

Then she may be bored and look for some excitement...

 

Once you have kids of your own, you will do better with them!

[Entomon]

Even if you are 27 years old, you are living under your parents' roof - don't expect any privacy. Your mom probably meant no harm by sifting through your trash. And she most likely did it because you let her take your trash out for you. My mom still does that with my 24 year old brother because he's too lazy to do so himself.

[Siriana]

Yeah, in my country people live with their parents too till they get married because you can't afford yourself to live alone. I am the lucky one because i live alone - but I am one of 1000.

So, from my east european (post comunistic and post transitional, seeking EU membership point of view ) no matter the fact you live with your parents some privacy is absolutely needed. And even when your parents are really cool and not annoying you are unaware what real freedom is. So I just wanted to tell you I completely understand you. Be firm in setting boundaries but in a nice, civil and understanding manner. Explain to her nicely that you need some things to be only yours but put an emphasis on the fact that you do love her and that you could never hide important things from her. (if it's a lie who cares)

basically it is impossible to discuss that with people from countries with better economy - because when you have money you can do something that is logical - live alone.