Has anyone dealt with a patholagical liar before?

[brokenheart32]

Hi,

 

For those of you who already read my first post, I have a question. Can patholagical liars really love someone, if so can they be in love with two people?............

 

Need some advise.

[AwdreeHpburn]

ANYONE can be in love with two people. Of course pathalogical liars can too.

 

They're just people.....

 

....people who love to weave a good tale.

 

 

I had a bf who was totally a pathalogical liar - well, he actually still is, he's just no longer my bf...

 

Anyway, he fell in love very easily actually.

[yeawutever]

Yes, they can love you but they can't never respect you.

[brokenheart32]

I also want too know more about patholagical liars, and why do they lie?...........

[yeawutever]

I also want too know more about patholagical liars, and why do they lie?...........

 

It's a mental disorder they are suffering and in their mind, the have a very distorted mental image of the themselves, their enviornment, and the real world. Some of the patho. liars may even come closer in believing their own lies. Thus, they are living in a fantasy world.

 

[AwdreeHpburn]

I also want too know more about patholagical liars, and why do they lie?...........

 

 

for a number of reasons I would imagine. As many lies as can be told there are as many reasons - in their mind.

 

The guy I dated did it to feel better about himself. I think he had a really poor self image because he would tell me all kinds of things about himself that I later found out weren't true.

 

I mean, he told me one story, that he did something that he felt really bad about, and he was crying telling me this story. But NONE of it was true....

 

He just wanted to have a more interesting life than he did - or for other people to think he had an interesting life..

[CluelessGuy321]

Liars are funny, because there comes a point where a person can be so good at lying, they will even force themselves to believe the lie before they tell the lie. Very facinating.

[ElektraHere]

ANYONE can be in love with two people. Of course pathalogical liars can too.

 

They're just people.....

 

....people who love to weave a good tale.

 

 

I had a bf who was totally a pathalogical liar - well, he actually still is, he's just no longer my bf...

 

Anyway, he fell in love very easily actually.

 

I was with a pathalogical liar for 3 years and looking back everything he said was a farse. I don't think he could truly love. In order to love one must be honest with their partner and with themselves. He couldn't even tell me the simple truth like doing an errand or going to the store. I don't think he even really loved me. He said it but did he mean it? Who knows I highly doubt it. The sad thing is he had 2 children from his previous marriage and they will have this guy to look at as their father. SAD SAD SAD. He was kicked out of the military for lieing. They have no concept of reality and the world they have created.

Can they change???? I don't think so. I think it is an illness just like depression, anxiety, etc.

[yeawutever]

Can they change???? I don't think so. I think it is an illness just like depression, anxiety, etc.

 

Yes, they can change their behavior, they're not hopeless. However, in order for a change to occur, they would have to admit they have a problem and seek help right away. It's like the example of an alcoholic, if he continues saying "Oh I have no problem, I just drink three shots a day, no big deal, then he'll continue being an alcoholic. Same for the liar.

 

[lonestar_80]

It has to be some type of illness or demonic manisfestation.

 

 

When you get a little distance from your PL you will laugh. It is really sad. I think it must be some type of mental disorder. My ex had the nerve to ask me, if I though he was a truthful person...as if I were going to say yes. I told him, no, I don't think you are a truthful person. "Most of what you told me was a lie". He had the nerve to get mad b/c I called him a liar. He never did what he said he was going to do, all he gave were excuses from his bum.

 

I think that PL are too dangerous to trust. Just let him go, You can't live your life every day in worry and fear over what he is going to do.

[TheRedQueen]

Pathological liars personally give me the willys.

In my opinion and in my experience, the pathological liars I have known have either been completely or slightly sociopathic. I don't believe in souls, but if I did, I'd almost describe pathological liars as empty persons with no souls, or partial souls, depending on the severity of the pathology.

[AwdreeHpburn]

It's psychological - come on people, where's your compassion??

 

Just like any other mental issue, anxiety, depression, whatever.

[Mysterious Gurl]

I do not believe a person can be "in love" with two people at once. I believe they can 'love' a person and be 'in love' with someone else.

 

If your in love with someone, surely your feelings are made for just that person only and no one else.

 

Why do they lie? So they can get what they want. They lie to save themselves in order to get what they want from you. It's a nasty thing to do, but unfortunately it happens.

 

Miya xx

[yeawutever]

Actually they can love two people at once but not be "in love" with neither of them.

[Scotcha]

It's psychological - come on people, where's your compassion??

 

Just like any other mental issue, anxiety, depression, whatever.

 

Pathological liars are a bit different though.. I have a very hard time finding compassion for such utter selfishness. My ex husband was one and like TheRedQueen stated, he was also a sociopath. Lies aren't innocent and harmless. Sometimes your entire life can be at stake. I have more compassion for myself.

 

And I do not believe it is possible to be *truly* IN LOVE with two different people. For me that defies the entire meaning of the term.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Scotcha - pathological implies sociopath - to me anyway. Obviously there's something a bit different or we'd all be pathological liars.

 

I think it's a compulsion that in true cases of pathological-ness, is out of their control. Like a kleptomaniac, or an obessive compulsive.

 

Its internal and not something they necessary control.

 

If you're talking about someone who doesn't have the ethics to confront a mistake and lies his way out of it, that's one thing. Someone who has a patological compulsion to make up stories is quite another.

 

I was referring to the latter as that's what the topic is.

[TheRedQueen]

Now it must be stated that there is a difference between being a compulsive liar and being a pathological liar. A compulsive liar cannot help it, however a pathological liar, is fully aware that they're lying and will continue to do so as long as it reaps them benefits

[Scotcha]

Now it must be stated that there is a difference between being a compulsive liar and being a pathological liar. A compulsive liar cannot help it, however a pathological liar, is fully aware that they're lying and will continue to do so as long as it reaps them benefits

 

I agree! A compulsive liar, one that was trying to change anyway, I could find compassion for. A pathological liar.. Nope.. (And I suppose if a pathological liar was trying to truly change I could but the chances of that happening?)

 

My ex "tried" to change many times. 100% of the time it was only to fool me. Maybe my experience has tainted my opinion but it is what it is.

[AwdreeHpburn]

well....according to dictionary dot com... compulsive is IN the defintion of pathological

 

path·o·log·i·cal ( P ) Pronunciation Key (pth-lj-kl) also path·o·log·ic (-k)

adj. 1) Relating to or caused by disease.

2) Of, relating to, or manifesting behavior that is habitual, maladaptive, and compulsive:

 

Either way, if someone continually or habitually does something, they have a problem with it.

 

Like I said, if you're trying to keep from getting caught with the occasional little white lie, that's one thing...pathologically, habitually or compulsively lying is another.

 

I understand what you're saying about how it hurts people. Of course it does, that's why we try to get them help. Just like our drug addicted loved ones or abusive partners...it's destructive and hurtful.

 

That doesn't mean it's not psychological...

[itsallgrand]

I don't think, or feel in my heart, that a pathological liar can have an actual relationship - love or otherwise - with anyone. They are alone with their lies.

All relationships would always be one-sided.

 

They are human, so I would imagine that they love (how they know love). I imagine they could fall in love, too.

 

But nothing could be sustained. Nothing could come of it.

 

It is sad to think about. What a lonely existence it must be.

[Scotcha]

I get what you are saying but with sociopaths the part of them that makes them a sociopath is the very same part that makes them NOT want to change. Successful treatment is almost unheard of. They CHOOSE to be the way they are. I could be wrong but perhaps the difference behind compulsive liars and pathological liars is this: Compulsive liars can't help themselves even if they try. Pathological liars don't want to try.

[brokenheart32]

Well the reason for my question was because I feel like my ex is a patholagical liar, when we met 2.5 yrs ago, she told me she was living with her ex gf but that they were just roomates. I later found out that she was living with her but not as roomates, and not because she told me I found out on my own like a month ago, she lied about her best friend dying in a car accident, and then lied about her friends mom killing herself over the lost of her daughter. Last month I found out that the whole time it was her acting like she was the friend on my msn the whole time. So she made the whole story up. Not only that I found out from the (roomate which is not the roomate)that they were looking for a home together, for them but this whole time she send me emails telling me this home was for her me and my kids. So this is a real mess, my kids were involed in this whole mess thinking the whole time we were moving. And now I'am just a total mess, her explanation to me was that she didn't know how to be honest with me because she didn't want too lose me. She said she is not in love with this other woman but that she feels and abligation with her.

 

I really don't know what too do anymore, I still love her but I know I need too let this go.

[yeawutever]

Damn, hopefully I never get to meet a person like what you describe. Good thing you got away from her, now keep strict with NC.

[brokenheart32]

Trust me I would had never thought she could be capable of such eveilness, I'm still shock today for this whole mess. She emailed my oldest daughter and apologize to her for hurting me and them aswell, but I really think is just her conscience messing with her. She hasn't contacted me or emailed me for almost a month, on her last emailed she said she is going to punish herself for all the pain she has cause everyone including herself. She also said she care/d love/d me, but that she didn't have the guts too tell me because she knew she would lose me. She also said that their were truth and they were lies but that her feelings for me are real. The crazy thing is that this woman is a lawyer with a great job, I never thought she could be capable of so many lies.

[lonestar_80]

Your girlfriend sounds awful. Are you still together? I would break up with her. She has a made up life, so she must think she is in a made up relationship. Your kids do not need to be around someone like this. She and the other woman may be married or have a family of their own, you really never know. I bet this other woman does not even know about you. She must feel so bad about her life that she has to make up one. I would RUN away from her as fast as you can. You really never know when she is telling the truth.