Friends w/ the ex

[ShroomzGod]

Did anyone here become friends with their ex after they broke your heart? I got into a fight with mine because she was being mean on IM. Then we talked it out and started talking about other things afterwards she told her friend that it was the most boring conversation ever. All I want is a friendship and she says she does too, but then why would she be like this?

[nottoogreen]

Hi ShroomzGod,

 

It's chances of success are slim. Just like FWB, I have never experienced or seen it work, as either one remains in love and is hurting. Friendship? Ask yourself. I'd suggest NC and both of you have a new chance.

 

As to resuming the relationship, copying past life mostly hurts.

 

P.S. Do not spoil your liver.

[Scout]

Bad news, friend...it rarely works out. Most people hold on to the idea of a friendship because they don't want to lose contact with the ex. They also think it's kind of a gateway to reuniting. But all it usually results in is letting your ex off the hook for feeling guilty if they dumped you, or just makes you feel terrible for being relegated to the dreaded friend zone.

 

The only time a friendship with the ex works is when you honestly don't care about them in a romantic way anymore. And once you get to that point, it also probably won't matter to you much if you're friends with each other or not.

 

Kind of a Catch-22, I know.

 

Staying friends with someone you still have romantic feelings for ultimately just delays the healing process of a break up.

[coolchick]

To be honest, if the relationship has only been over a short period of time it wont work very well unless both of you have absolutely no feelings for each other. I was with my ex for 5 years and we broke up last year for 6 months, got back together and split again in march. I have tried to be friends with him but for some reason he is nice to me one day, maybe even two but then he turns right nasty again. Its been like this since the split and is never consistant. Ive decided to give up now, there's no point in being friends. Friends are people you enjoy spending time with and learn from. If ex's are people you still love or ones who cant be civil to you then whats the point? You wont want to see them move on as it'll only make you upset, and if their horrible to you then that'll make you upset too. Do you really want to be upset all the time?

[ShroomzGod]

Kinda sucks that friendships don't work, and I guess I've been fooling myself into thinking I had no feelings anymore. Oh well, strict NC it is.

[xblondyx]

Well, my ex dumped me at the beginning of March (bad breakup). I went straight into NC for about....a month and a half and now we are good friends (i know i know people who gave me advice on here...im stupid). We get along much better now, have a laugh. So being friends is possible. It did seem weird at first but now i've met someone it's better. We do have the occasional disagreement but we always make up. He's like my brother.

 

So yeah, you can be friends with ex's, doesn't always work but i'm proof that SOMETIMES it does. By the sounds of it though, she doesn't want to be friends or she may just be trying to look 'cool' by saying that it was a boring conversation because she DOES want to be your friend but doesn't want to seem to be holding onto the past...if you get me. Kinda confusing.

[so_contagiously]

Bad news, friend...it rarely works out. Most people hold on to the idea of a friendship because they don't want to lose contact with the ex. They also think it's kind of a gateway to reuniting. But all it usually results in is letting your ex off the hook for feeling guilty if they dumped you, or just makes you feel terrible for being relegated to the dreaded friend zone.

 

The only time a friendship with the ex works is when you honestly don't care about them in a romantic way anymore. And once you get to that point, it also probably won't matter to you much if you're friends with each other or not.

 

Kind of a Catch-22, I know.

 

Staying friends with someone you still have romantic feelings for ultimately just delays the healing process of a break up.

 

 

 

yeah i agree. although i dont follow this.. im still friends with my ex.. its been three years..its a long time since we broke up, but i still have feelings for him. it is VERY hard to be friends with your ex. specially when they check out girls/guys infront of you. i say don't be friends with your ex if you still have feelings for them, it'll hurt you at some point.

[nottoogreen]

specially when they check out girls/guys infront of you.

 

Well, how do you feel when some boy checks out some girl?

[rosstheboss]

yeah it very rarely works. i am friends with one of my ex's but I put this down to the fact that we had zero contact for 2 1/2 years and it was a short lived relationship.

It is just a way to soften the blow of breaking up because usually it IS a drastic change in your life and lets face it no-one likes it.

 

Ask yourself this: if you were friends with your ex and they were kissing someone else in front of you, how would you feel? A proper friend would not mind. Someone who isn't over their ex most certainly would!

[hazeleyed]

Hi ShroomzGod,

 

I dated a guy for a year and seven months and we were bestfriends before we started dating. After our break up we stopped talking for a year and when I was having a hard time in my life I was encouraged to call him. When I did call him it was like I had never left. We became even more close and I can honestly say I have been bestfriends with my ex till this day. Sometimes we don't realize that not all people out there can be our lovers but more of really good friends who love us, take care of us and no matter how far we go when we come back the friendship starts where we left it.

 

I guess mine case is pretty rare!! lol

[Pikey1972]

I've managed to stay friends with one of my exes, and that was after two solid years of NC.

 

Ironically, this particular ex (who is now happily married) has been very supportive, offering useful advice and helping me get over my recent break-up. He's a true friend, but it took 2 years of NC to get to that point. He and his wife even look after my 2 dogs when I go on holiday!

 

Can I ever be friends with my most recent ex? I don't know, the emotions are still very raw and we have very little reason to contact each other (no children or dogs to look after!) We also live in different towns, so rarely see each other. Plus I still have feelings for him, not really conducive to a healthy friendship...;-)