The "BLAME GAME"

[bebecole]

let me know what you all think about in relationships why is their someone whos always playing the "blame game"

 

have you been in a relationship where your spouse would play the blame game?

 

do you think its from being stubborn? or they want to be right??

 

have you ever done it to someone?

 

why do you think they play the blame game

 

i wana know your thoughts.

 

[RubyMoon]

Ugh!!! The blame game is the stupidist thing I have ever encountered in relationships....I think it has to do with superiority in a relationship...Whoever is placing the blame just wants to be seen as the bigger and better person. And that is never healthy in a good, loving relationship!

[rachel1256]

I think it's due to the fact that they are so insecure with themselves, they can never admit that its actually them.

 

I just got out of a horrible relationship with a man who would 99.9% of the time blame everything on me, including his temper tantrums, his unkind words, etc. You know why I know that its an insecurity, at least in my ex? Because I have not ONCE called him a derogatory name, yelled at him, put him down, and when it's my fault, I will own up to it.

 

I don't know your situation, but for me, it became so bad (the blaming) that I began to even think I was in the wrong, even when he called me dumb or stupid. It really feel what you are going through, and I'm sorry you feel this way. Like Rubymoon said, its all about superiority.

[bebecole]

yeh i think its redicious..

my b/f plays the blame game and i do agree its about insecurites..

 

and i can relate rachel, sometimes i get to a point where i question myself.. am i really wrong??

haha i find humor in it though..

 

i just wanted to know what everyone else thought about it.

[friscodj]

Four words: power, control, ego, immaturity.

 

Either that or there is something else going on in the relationship that is not being addressed and it comes out in the "blame game" as you call it...

[RayKay]

A lot of times it's also about selfishness and narcissism.

 

I had an ex whom refused to ever apologize for anything. He did not play the blame game, but if I did not say "sorry" no one ever would. It was pretty crappy, especially when you are apologizing for being too "sensitive" after they have called you a bunch of cruel names...!

[friscodj]

Oh yeah, forgot about that one Ray...they're just not a nice person!

[Mun]

have you been in a relationship where your spouse would play the blame game? Yes and I think that's a really imature way of handling things. It's easy to blame the other person, what's difficult is to acknowledge that we are wrong and then do something about it.

 

do you think its from being stubborn? or they want to be right??

Probably both.

 

have you ever done it to someone?

Yes, before I grew up and admitted I was not that innocent or perfect.

 

why do you think they play the blame game.

 

It's easy and distracts them from the real problem-- so then you don't have to change a thing. It's always their fault now matter what.

[TheRedQueen]

In my opinion, when people don't want to be accountable for their own life, and actions, they engage in the blame game. The blame game is one manifestation of denial.

[SilverCloud]

In my opinion, when people don't want to be accountable for their own life, and actions, they engage in the blame game. The blame game is one manifestation of denial.

 

 

Yeh but sometimes its soo believeable...can you guys explain more on what happens in a blame game?

I think thats what my last relationship was...blame game, but i feel that if i start believing that he was blaming me all the time then i am also blaming him in other words.

I know he used to name call and blame me for things i never did.

I would like to know since i am new to this and really do not wish to make same mistakes in the future. If i was wrong i want to fix it..

[brando]

But is it a conscious choice, as in do they rationalize it out in their heads and say to themsleves "I will turn this around on them."

 

Is it a behavoir they learned growing up, watching the adults around them??

[RayKay]

But is it a conscious choice, as in do they rationalize it out in their heads and say to themsleves "I will turn this around on them."

 

Is it a behavoir they learned growing up, watching the adults around them??

 

Sometimes it isn't, sometimes not. My ex truly believed he was never wrong. I don't think he consciously chose to assign blame. I just think he really believed he could not and would not be at fault. A high degree of narcissim is at play there in that case.

 

Not that that makes it any better!

[Beyondthesea]

Personally I would never date a 'blame game' man again. I was with one and it was terrible! No matter what, nothing was his fault and he blamed me for everything and his every action.

 

That's a sign of being too immature to take responsibility for your actions in my opinion. Thinking things through from someone else's point of view and apologizing is what a grown up does.