Im 22 and She is 14!!!! Advice Please!!! :-)

[King_1062]

Hi Guys,

Firstly I am new to this site and think its pretty cool for advice. So I hope you can not have ago at me but help me.

 

I recently met this girl on the internet, she needed support after disclosing something that happened in her younger childhood which is similar to what I have been through. I gave her support but we both also started chatting about our hobbies and interests and found we were quite alike. Later she went onto webcam claiming that shes was ugly, But when she did I saw this stunning and attractive girl. I told her she was cute and shouldn't be worried about what others think.

 

Anyway, we have met since then and really had a cool time together, discussing stuff and just basically chilling out. She was very mature for her age (which is 14 nearly 15), and we got very close. We both have since found ourselves falling in love with each other, and I find myself completely happy and I can see she is too. So, now we are seeing each other on a regular basis and chatting through MSN.

 

I know in this country (England) its against the law to have a sexual relationship with this girl (under 16) and I understand this. I have told her if our companionship and feelings for each other suceeds for another few years then maybe we would consider it further. Quite frankly I don't believe Sex should play apart in these feelings, emotions etc at this time, and I am prepared to wait. Thats what Love Does.

 

I really want people to tell me their experiences of this nature, do you think im doing the right thing? Could it work? Is it against the Law here to be in such a relationship (im not sure - I hope not)?

 

Thanks in advance for your advice! Take Care, Regards King_1062 x

[BellaDonna]

she needed support after disclosing something that happened in her younger childhood which is similar to what I have been through

 

Do you mind giving more info on what this "something" was?

 

I don't mean to pry, but if what you discussed happened was any kind of "abuse", (I'm just guessing) then this situation is probably not healthy for either one of you. The reason I say this is that she is still technically a "child" and if she was a victim of abuse, it's my opinion that she cannot make healthy decision regarding romantic relationships at this point in her life. At her age, there is still a lot of self-discovery that needs to take place. If abuse happens to be part of her past- then there would be even more of a struggle for her to find herself at such a young age and to know about healthy relationships.

 

Later she went onto webcam claiming that shes was ugly

 

This tells me that she has very low self-esteem. That right there can be a dangerous foundation to build a relationship on , especially if it's an age-gap relationship.

 

Even though 7 years may not seem like a huge age difference, your stages of life are vastly different.

 

I am glad to see you are proceeding cautiously in this situation and not bringing it to a sexual level. I would definitely advise just to let this go, at the very least, of you must, remain friends only and slow this whole thing down before someone gets hurt or in trouble legally.

 

 

BellaDonna

[melrich]

In my opinion she is way too young for you to be having a building relationship with. Fact is, no matter how good your intentions are she is 14 and will form an attachment with you that she will not have much control over.

 

You should do what is right for her and back away from this now. She does not have the maturity to cope with he type of friendship you are proposing.

[Beyondthesea]

Agreed. This is not a good relationship potential.

[avman]

I concur. 14 is simply much too young to be having a serious relationship with a 22 year old. I'm sure she loves the attention, being told she's beautiful, and all that stuff - but you two are at totally different stages in life and maturity levels.

 

Please be responsible and back away from this girl romantically. It is simply too big a disparity in maturity for such a relationship to be healthy for this girl.

[brando]

.She is 14!!!!

 

Do you really need to hear more?????

[Nemo007]

You seem to have a mature view on things and it is good that you know about the law and that you can not have uner-age sex.

 

I think you should probably just take things slowly. At her age it is impossible for her to know what she truly wants in life and where she wants to go, so you really have to let things pan out over the next couple of years.

 

If you truly like this girl, you will not mind waiting for her.

Right now she must be in her most important period of school, growing up, etc..and her views on life may change in time.

You can't predict where things will go so if I was you I would just be a good friend to her and then if things develop in a few years then you can see where you two are at.

Good luck.

[King_1062]

Ok Guys, Thanks for your advice, I will consider and will have a chat with her.

 

Further to the earlier request of disclosing the type of Abuse, I do not wish to do this because It may be invading a privacy thing.

 

I understand where you all are coming from, but when it comes to feelings and emotions it can be very tough.

 

Thanks Once again! King_1062

[Beyondthesea]

Yes, it can be tough...for her. She's 14 and has dreams of you carrying her away on a horse drawn carriage. Unless you are planning on staying with her for years and years, I would break it off now. She is young, and by the way...if you have sex with her and break up, she can charge you by telling her parents.

 

Good luck with whatever you decide!

[doyathink]

She possibly needs a big brother at this age and not a lover or boyfriend. I agree with the other posters!

[BellaDonna]

Further to the earlier request of disclosing the type of Abuse, I do not wish to do this because It may be invading a privacy thing.

 

I did not ask for you to disclose the "type" of abuse- I just wanted to know if Abuse happened to be what you were talking about when you said "something" .

 

she needed support after disclosing something that happened in her younger childhood

 

From your answer I can see that it was indeed abuse (regardless of type).

 

With that confirmed, I am 100% convinced that this situation is unhealthy for both of you.

 

The fact that she was abused in some way makes her even more vulnerable than the average teenager, in my opinion. If you truly care about her, you will let her go so she at least has a chance to develop into a healthy young woman. The romantic emotions she is caught up in right now, will not help her with that at all.

 

 

BellaDonna

[King_1062]

Ok Sorry BellaDonna, I must have misunderstood you. She disclosed something which happened to her when she was 9 years old by another family member. This was Sexual.

 

I hope this helps you understand, I will chat with her when I meet her next as this will be very tough to explain through an internet chat host.

 

I have and will continue to read this thread for the advice you all have kindly offered.

 

Many Thanks

 

King_1062

[Beyondthesea]

Just out of interest, how did you manage to become so attached to such a young girl? She is much too young for you...do you two have a lot of common interests or something?

[King_1062]

 

Yes, as I think I said in my first post, we have alot of similar interests and hobbies and can have a good laugh together. However she does look older then her age and acts so mature. Its like being with another adult, this may have something to do with it.

 

I wanna do whats right for her, cos thats the kinda person I am and I want the best for her, So as I have said I am seriously considering much of your advice!

 

Thanks Best Regards King_1062

[BellaDonna]

She disclosed something which happened to her when she was 9 years old by another family member. This was Sexual

 

Realize that she is only 5 years older now than she was then, and still a child.

 

Since she was a victim of abuse, she is looking for "love" in all of the wrong places. In essense, she's almost re-victimizing herself by developing sexual desires toward an older man when she is still a child.

 

The best thing you could ever do for her is tell her that she's a wonderful person, and you care about her so you are going to cut off all contact because it's in her best interest. Suggest that she seek out professional help to come to terms with her abuse.

 

BellaDonna

[King_1062]

 

The best thing you could ever do for her is tell her that she's a wonderful person, and you care about her so you are going to cut off all contact because it's in her best interest. Suggest that she seek out professional help to come to terms with her abuse.

 

BellaDonna

 

I understand this, She is seeking help from a "so-called" counseller whom she states doesn't help whatsoever. Shes says that I understand her, but I agree with you and want to get her the help and support she needs! So where do I turn? ](*,)

 

Thanks King_1062

[Hope75]

King,

 

I think it's very big of you that you are willing to let her go so that she really has a chance to develop and grow. At her age, and especially with a history of sexual abuse, she needs to have that autonomy to mature herself and heal.

 

A 22 year old man, no matter what his intentions, has no place extablishing any type of romantic relationship with a 14 year old child. I think after posting and getting some excellent advice, you are better able to look at the situation objectively, and give this girl the best gift you can, the gift of freedom to be a child.

[BellaDonna]

I'm assuming her parents know about her past abuse? Advise her to talk to her parents about switching counselors. You need to get her to turn to her parents for help and advice, so she does not keep expecting you to play that role.

 

BellaDonna

[boxinggirl89]

I think you sound like a really sweet sensitive guy.. you are 22 and willing to wait as she is only 14-15 that is really sensible and sweet of you.. usually people off the internet arnt like that. Im glad to know that there are some people on msn that dont just want a gurl to crawl into their pants and get what they want.

 

I think it should work out because i dont think there is anything wrong in age gaps at all as long as you both love each other then am sure you will be working out the relationship greatly. That all that matters really.. isnt it?

 

well i hope everything goes well for you and dont worry hunni.. am sure everything is fine and you sound like a really kind and gentle guy.

 

if you need any advice you are welcome to pm me.

 

good luck.

 

frankee x

[need2bme]

nuff said.

[HellFrost666]

At age 22, I coudn't even imagine having interest in a 14 year old. I know you say she is mature and all, but how mature could she really be?

[YankeeGirl02]

Absolutely agree. It's clear that you aren't some sick guy, you know your boundaries and seem to really care about her. It's great that you two have a bond. For now, leave it as a friendship. There's nothing wrong with getting to know her without any romance involved.

 

See how you feel when she's a bit older. If you are still in love with her, then go from there.

[King_1062]

Hi Guys,

 

Thanks Again for the help I have got, yeah I understand what you mean by the 14 year old thing. Thanks for the comments weather kind or evil (lol), but love takes its toll sometimes. I am meeting her on Saturday for lunch so I will discuss this further. Thanks A Million.

 

I Love This Site! King_1062

[Spugly Fuglet]

King_1062

Dos her family really know your meeting her, if my kid was seeing a 22 year old I would not be happy of she was having a relation ship with him. What your saying is you dateing a child. What we are saying is thats very bad and you should end it for now. Meeting her is basically a data King.

 

You know how must UK citizens feel onthe matter of child abuse and if you dont wont to end up on a very bad list held by the Police and the press I sugest you walk away now.

 

Why even after you caring post becouse the a crime in the UK called grooming children for sex and your friendship with your stated aim of haveing a relationship of phyiscal kind can be seen as grooming.

 

I see it as such and I believe the police will think the same way.

 

You know what is the right thing to do in this matter, if you carry on then I believe you will be braking the law.

 

Yours

Spugly

[King_1062]

Thanks Spugly Fuglet, I am only meeting her to sort out this situation, its just too complicated to discuss this sorta thing through a chat host. I am by far not doing what you have stated and have never and will never have any intentions to do it either. I understand this is your point of view and i do understand what you have wrote. Thanks