he has a new girlfriend...=(

[brokencoop]

so this weekend was my birthday. i had a great weekend, not as many thoughts of my ex (we dated 4 years, and broke up 1 month and 2 weeks ago) well my sister-in-law decides it is a good idea to tell me she saw my ex with someone else and that they were holding hands. i got so sad, and ended up e-mailing my ex saying how much it hurt to find that out, and how i thought i meant more to him... well, he came on AIM today and messaged me to tell me he wanted to call me on my birthday but didn't want to make me sad.... he then proceeds to tell me that he is sorry i had to find out about his new girlfriend the way that i did.

 

i told him thanks, and that it dind't matter because it would have hurt any way i found out.

 

i then proceed to ask him questions about this new girl and find out they have been dating about a month (a nice 2 weeks after we broke up...cute) and this was the clencher for me (it will sound weird, but it is something i loved doing with him...) i asked him if she played tennis and he said "no. well, she didn't play" so i asked "so that means she didn't but you took her and taught her" and he said "sure"

 

i am just so upset, all the fun little cute things, kisses, snuggling, everything i shared with this guy he is now sharing with someone new. i know how close we became after JUST a month, and i can't bear to think of him being that close with someone else. i honestly thought he was the one.

 

now, as of today, i have applied to transfer to a different college. i will be leaving my bestfriend (my roommate), my wonderful job, a college i love just because i can't STAND and know it will drive me NUTS to go to the same college as he and his new girlfriend.... i have lost EVERYTHING including my bestfriend/boyfriend, and he is just as happy as can be now! how is that fair??? i just don't get this at all. i am SO upset. i feel like im going to throw up CONSTANTLY and they are always on my mind (even though i don't even know who she is!) =(

 

i don't know what to do anymore!

[cacain119]

I know relationships are hard.. don't get me wrong. ..but worth a college decision?? These things aren't to be based on relationships, but what is best for you and your degree... I would really put some thought into that move.

[brokencoop]

oh believe me, i have.

 

i wouldn't be moving far (actually, just to my home town, and i would be commuting to school)

 

i just think for MY well being (i am constantly feeling anxious and uneasy being at the same school as him.... and now her...) and i think for my LAST year at school, i really should be in a good state of mind and focus on my classes and grades...which i wouldn't do where i am now.

[Tigris]

Welcome to enotalone.

 

No matter if you change colleges you are still going to hurt inside. Everyone has to go through this sort of thing loads of times throughout their lives. It gets easier as time passes. Just concentrate on one day at a time. Keep yourself busy so you don't think about it. Don't lose your best friend because of this it's too big a price to pay.

 

Good luck and take care.

[brokencoop]

oh, i was saying i lost my bestfriend as in him. he was my bestfriend that i would talk about ANYTHING with. we shared 4 very important years

[Tigris]

Sorry I misunderstood. It looks like it's time to find another best friend.

Please don't change colleges because of this it's not worth risking your future for.

 

Are you going to go through life changing colleges and jobs if you get hurt again? I think it's time you thought about the future and how you're going to deal with the situation then.

 

Good luck and take care.

[xmrth]

I'm so sorry you are going through this

 

I think changing colleges was a good idea because it will help you concentrate on your school work. You can go for the same thing just someplace else, and move on with your life.

 

Why did you two break up?

[brokencoop]

he broke up with me because (as he said) he felt like he didn't even know who he was anymore and that he had changed too much while being with me. he wanted to be single (lasted a whole 2 weeks...) and he said he didn't have fun anymore with me. he said he didn't look forward to hanging out with me and that it was more of something he had to do, and that he would rather hang out with his friends than with me.

 

this was just a week after telling me he would never leave me ( i was worried about being in different towns over summer) and that he would be there even if we only got to see eachother once a week. also just weeks after telling me (when i expressed my concern of us not being able to spend very much time together due to school and work) that i was his number 1 of who he wanted to spend time with, and when i was busy he would hang out with his other friends, but given the chance he would chose me first! now someone else has that spot in his life. it feels SO lousy!

 

also just a month after we took a really fun spring break trip, our first (as we called it "grown up" trip)... i really just don't get it. i am still in shock almost 2 months later. i didn't realize he was unhappy (he always acted like spending time with me was a pleasure, not a chore)

[crushed2285]

that is so incredibly sad...i hate when they promise you things and then turn around one day and change it all. i am so sorry.

[JohnnyTable]

This will be hard to do, but don't think about what he said. He was either lying to you or himself, didn't want to hurt you, or confused. Regardless it doesn't matter.

 

I had an ex tell me that she loved me the day before she broke up. I've had an ex tell me that she wanted more children (one reason for us breaking up, a single mom who didn't want more kids) within a few days of us breaking up. I've had an ex hold my hand, hug, and kiss me WHILE breaking up with me.

 

What does this all say? They are confused. They say things to make themselves feel better. The only thing that you can listen to are the facts and the simple fact is that you two are no longer together, so you will need to stop talking to him and move on.

 

I've been there several times. It is incredibly painful.

[kadvati79]

Sure, he want(ed) to be single... but being single means he had to deal with something.... its called...

 

BEING ALONE.

 

And when he was alone, he had to think about WHY he was alone. In that, he dumped you, that he kicked someone out of his life that really cared about him.

 

For him, being with someone else means he doesn't have to BE ALONE. It means he doesn't have to deal with things, to face up to the mistakes that he might have made, and instead, either ignore the old relationship completely - or blame it ALL on you... because (after all), he is in a relationship and not you right? Guess that means he was great and you were crap? Right?

 

WRONG.

 

Man, this has rebound stamped all over it. I mean, four years. You can't erase four years. He's just delaying the inevitable. He is going to have to face his behaviour one day, but I wouldn't expect him to come crawling back. By then, you will be somewhere else... happy.