brokencoop

i am so sorry to hear this! a break up of any duration is awful, especially if it is unexpected. i know this doesn't help, but i too was just crushed by the person i loved for over 4 years... if you need someone to talk to feel free to e-mail me (and if you have aim i can give you that of mine also) just know, i KNOW what you are feeling.. you may feel like no one could understand what its like, but im there right now too, and i would love to have someone to talk to! i know what you mean about your mom being your backbone (im actually thinking of moving home for my last year of school, part of the reason being this breakup....) but ya, i'll send you my e-mail in a private message, if you ever want to just talk!

ok, so i just got out of a 4 year relationship (he broke up with me 2 months ago, and i still have very strong feelings for him. he is already dating someone else, and has been for over a month... nice) anyway, i was asked out last week (in a very cute way, flattering!) and we are supposed to do something on thursday evening. we have talked a fewtimes on the phone, and he seems like a really nice, genuine guy... problem is, im just not feeling it. my roommate says "its just a date.. just go have fun" and thats what i plan to do... but i just don't want him to get any wild ideas that i may want more.. i mean, one can always use friends... i just don't feel im ready to be dating, and this is torture even doing THIS. i just don't know what to do!?!?

i am in quite a predicament here and have no clue what to do. let me begin by saying i am 22 and will be doing my last year in school starting in the fall. ok, here is the deal. i recently went through a REALLY tough breakup with my bf of 4 years. we go to the same school and it is pretty small, so i still manage to see him almost weekly there. Recently, i decided it might be better (as i am having a really hard time even focussing at school and doing what needs to be done, suffering grades...) to transfer to a different university. I have spent the past 2 weeks finding out what all it will take, meeting with advisor's from both schools, traveling to the other campus, etc, etc, etc. It has been exhausting, but i feel it is something that would benefit me and my future.... here is my predicament, even after finding out all the information i need to make this decision, im having a hard time actually doing it. here are some of the pro's/ and con's of each. STAYING Pros: friends school clubs job roommate being on my own Cons: my ex his new girlfriend suffering grades lack of motivation no focus on school MOVING Pros: HUGE savings (no rent, as i will be commuting) my focus will be on school new friends new clubs internship (i missed the deadline at my current school) possibly getting my foot in the door at a company closer to family pretty much a whole new life i can not have to worry about seeing the ex, and backsliding to where i used to be. we have broken up in the past and i always take him back when he comes back, i DON"T want to do that again and im afraid if im here, i will do that. i want to move on completely and just be AWAY from him for once Cons: not feeling "independent" because of living at home not knowing anyone at my new school/not knowing the campus commuting (around an hour and a half round trip) a possible extra semester i feel i won't be living a "college life" anymore feeling like i'm missing out on something. I'm just so confused, my stomach has been upset for 2 weeks straight trying to come to a decision with this. i just don't know WHAT to do or what would be best.

he broke up with me because (as he said) he felt like he didn't even know who he was anymore and that he had changed too much while being with me. he wanted to be single (lasted a whole 2 weeks...) and he said he didn't have fun anymore with me. he said he didn't look forward to hanging out with me and that it was more of something he had to do, and that he would rather hang out with his friends than with me. this was just a week after telling me he would never leave me ( i was worried about being in different towns over summer) and that he would be there even if we only got to see eachother once a week. also just weeks after telling me (when i expressed my concern of us not being able to spend very much time together due to school and work) that i was his number 1 of who he wanted to spend time with, and when i was busy he would hang out with his other friends, but given the chance he would chose me first! now someone else has that spot in his life. it feels SO lousy! also just a month after we took a really fun spring break trip, our first (as we called it "grown up" trip)... i really just don't get it. i am still in shock almost 2 months later. i didn't realize he was unhappy (he always acted like spending time with me was a pleasure, not a chore)

oh, i was saying i lost my bestfriend as in him. he was my bestfriend that i would talk about ANYTHING with. we shared 4 very important years

oh believe me, i have. i wouldn't be moving far (actually, just to my home town, and i would be commuting to school) i just think for MY well being (i am constantly feeling anxious and uneasy being at the same school as him.... and now her...) and i think for my LAST year at school, i really should be in a good state of mind and focus on my classes and grades...which i wouldn't do where i am now.

so this weekend was my birthday. i had a great weekend, not as many thoughts of my ex (we dated 4 years, and broke up 1 month and 2 weeks ago) well my sister-in-law decides it is a good idea to tell me she saw my ex with someone else and that they were holding hands. i got so sad, and ended up e-mailing my ex saying how much it hurt to find that out, and how i thought i meant more to him... well, he came on AIM today and messaged me to tell me he wanted to call me on my birthday but didn't want to make me sad.... he then proceeds to tell me that he is sorry i had to find out about his new girlfriend the way that i did. i told him thanks, and that it dind't matter because it would have hurt any way i found out. i then proceed to ask him questions about this new girl and find out they have been dating about a month (a nice 2 weeks after we broke up...cute) and this was the clencher for me (it will sound weird, but it is something i loved doing with him...) i asked him if she played tennis and he said "no. well, she didn't play" so i asked "so that means she didn't but you took her and taught her" and he said "sure" i am just so upset, all the fun little cute things, kisses, snuggling, everything i shared with this guy he is now sharing with someone new. i know how close we became after JUST a month, and i can't bear to think of him being that close with someone else. i honestly thought he was the one. now, as of today, i have applied to transfer to a different college. i will be leaving my bestfriend (my roommate), my wonderful job, a college i love just because i can't STAND and know it will drive me NUTS to go to the same college as he and his new girlfriend.... i have lost EVERYTHING including my bestfriend/boyfriend, and he is just as happy as can be now! how is that fair??? i just don't get this at all. i am SO upset. i feel like im going to throw up CONSTANTLY and they are always on my mind (even though i don't even know who she is!) =( i don't know what to do anymore!