Ex is trying to get back in touch...advice please.

[dave_1966]

Well, here I am back at enotalone! Just before last christmas my younger girlfriend dumped me after 3 years (I'm 34, she's 22) for no better reason than she couldn't understand the stress I was under in the work I do during this economic downturn. Please view link removed

for full story. She basically then continued to call all the time to make herself feel better about the vindictive way in which she treated me, to the point where I had to get her numbers barred from being able to call my land line as the calls were getting us absolutely nowhere and all she did was upset me. I got the numbers barred after she told me that she'd met someone else (a builder who drank at the bar she was working in for a student job) and that she'd been sleeping with him. Obviously I was very hurt by all this and I'm of the opinion she may have been sleeping with him whilst still going out with me, etc. Needless to say I take my health very seriously and proceeded with a full sexual health check, to which I came through thankfully clear. I have been under enormous work stress through the last year or two and felt if I could depend on anyone, it should be my girlfriend. The way she dealt with me was disgusting, and it felt like being kicked when I was already down to be honest. I had to see my doctor over it and the whole thing has shattered my trust in relationships. However, the funny thing is that I still really miss her and find it difficult to believe what she put me through. A few weeks ago she started calling again (on my cell phone this time) in tears about things, and I feel I dealt with it properly by telling her to leave me alone and informing her brother to keep an eye on her. He has told me that she's started to regret what she did, but I think she's regretted things too late. I have struggled to pull myself together over the last few months and I'm slowly getting there but then tonight I get a SMS saying ' I know I'm the last person you need to talk to right now, but could you help me with something to do with my career?' from her. She's a very stubborn person who wouldn't dream of actually apologising, and this may be her way of building a bridge back. I haven't replied yet, should I even bother?

[Sgnt_Slaughter]

If i were you id forget about her because she broke your heat once already.

 

almost same thing happened to me. she dumped me and she regretted it. She still likes me but id never go back with her after how she treated me.

 

There will be others

[DealingWithIt]

do yourself a favor and ignore her. you dont need to have any contact with her if it only causes you pain and stress. i can understand why you still miss her but think of what will happen if you let her back into your life again...even if you decide to have some form of friendship first. she's bad news and you deserve someone better...good luck

[Katerina]

Ultimately, it is your decision what you want to do. I always say go with your heart, but in this situation go with your head.

 

I am sorry to say, but what a BITCH! She got rid of you and kept in touch to let you know that she was sleeping with someone else.

 

I would never go back to that, they do not deserve it. The pain of what your feeling outweighs the joy of going back to her.

 

It's like she keeps you on the side, so when she is through with having fun, she comes back to you. Guys do the same things to nice girls.

 

Just carry on your life, and even though it hurts, pretend you are happy and dating other women. People like that don't deserve attention.

 

Please do take this as an offence, I don't know you ex, but I think nice people deserve the best.

 

Like I said, you decide, it is your life and don't do what everyone else wants you to do, then you will have regrets.

[waitinvain]

You sound like too decent a person to settle for so little. She has told you that she has slept with someone else to rub salt into the wound and then come grovelling to you for career assistance.

 

Unbelievable. Even if it is a way to build a bridge between you and her, I wouldn't have her back in a month of Sundays.

 

There are a lot of good people out there and you deserve better than her. All she will do is break your heart if you get back with her again.

 

Move on my friend. I know it's easy to say as we all cling onto what we had/the past but if we could look at things logically instead of emotionally we would make better decisions.

 

Believe me I know. Sometimes our heart rules our head, but I don't think it's always for the best.

 

My biggest rule is that you have to be able to trust someone 100%. If you don't then there is no foundation to build upon. You could never trust this woman.

 

All the best....

[dave_1966]

Well, she finally called me on my mobile this morning, after I'd been at work until 3am on some important work which I've been doing the last week. Not a good time to call me really, but she told me that she didn't get the grades she needed for her post graduate course in the same Uni. On top of that her folks are leaving the country for a few years with work. She's living on her own, and most of her friends have left town to go back to their home towns and folks etc. I told her that I was sorry about her grades, but that she perhaps should have concentrated on her work instead of getting up to what she did. I also told her that I was still upset about the way she treated me, and that I figured she'd be in touch around this time. I find it annoying that someone could treat me the way she did and then expect me to be around months later to be there for her when she needs support, when she simply wasn't there for me when I needed it. So, do I consider meeting up and talking to her, or just accept that she's only calling because she's got nothing better to do and she's feeling lonely?

[reborn]

sorry to hear about your situation. It sounds like you have a lot of mixed feelings around this ex. I read somewhere that subconsciously when somebody dumps us or treats us cruelly, we seem to see them with comtept but also as a god as they were able to inflict such earth shattering pain on us. A pain that in your case drove you even to see a doctor, in mine to see a therapist. It is ironic, but it happens. You still miss and love her though, and though you feel fear to get close and that she may just be getting in contact because she has nothing better to do, I bet you are also concerned about her. As you sound like a very nice and caring person.

I think that it is really up to you how you want to handle this situation. It seems to me that you never just have seen her latest attempt to get back to you as simple friendship. I know it is hard to see it just that way when it comes to an ex, but if you have it clear that she hurt you a lot and is not someone you want back in your life romantically, and you feel you can handle a friendship with her, where you can occasionally give hem some career advice, why not. But only if you feel in your heart you are ready. The point I am trying to make is not to jump your guns to think she wants or that even if that is what she wants the romance will be rekindled between you. You are a man with a personality and you can make your decision and stick to it to, no matter what her ulterior motives may be or if she has them.

The other advice I have is first a question. What the heck is a 34 year old man that obviously want a partner to support him in hard carreer or personal times, doing with a 22 year old girl??? HELLO???!!!! I agree that you girlfriend has treated you poorly. But I see her actiions more as inmaturity than her being evil. We all make mistakes and in our early 20´s even more. That is how we learn about realtionships. That is why she deeply regret how she treated you, as her brother told you.

And as far as she kicking you when you were down. what do you expect? I don´t think she even has the life experience or resourfullness to understand what you were going through, what your needs were at that moment, and how to better support you.

Get a woman your own age! Or a younger woman if you prefer with a higher maturity level. And really question what you want from a partner and look for it in the right places. You are 34 not 24 dave!

 

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[zerohour]

Dave,

 

You sound like you have it pretty much together. What this chick is doing is bull$hit... I'm sure 99% of you realizes that too, but unfortunately for you, your emotions are all wrapped up in it, which is why you're even remotely considering having any kind of contact with this woman.

 

So here, take it from someone on the outside and who doesn't have any kind of emotional impairment: ditch this kid like a bad habit. Right now. No, don't meet her for lunch to talk, don't entertain her sobbing phone calls. Tell her to stop contacting you and that you need space.

 

You sound like you're about (if not all the way) over this one--do yourself a favor and don't get dragged back into the thick of things. Count your blessings, and thank your lucky stars that you got away without any VDs. Sorry to be so blunt, but I can't stand chicks like this. You're doing the right thing by not helping her out--that's not your responsibility.

 

Keep up the good work, and good luck finding a quality woman (maybe one with a little bit more experience under her belt this time ).

 

-Zer0