I feel mean:(

[mandy_n_jut]

Me and my bf have been together for about a year and a half now, and it seems just the smallest things that he does annoy me. I feel like I am always yelling at him for the dumbest things. Like throwing his clothes on the floor or how long he plays his computer games and just little things like that. He has already told me that I am evil and that sometimes I treat him poorly. This makes me hurt so much inside because I love him so much. Why do I do this? I even tried to think how it would make him feel, but when it comes down to it, I do it anyway. I don't wanna do this anymore and I don't wanna hurt him anymore. What can I do?

[xmrth]

Does he "let you," and not stick up for himself but tell you afterwards? It's not going to hurt you and make you realize more in the moment that it's wrong if he's not saying anything, but still even then you might keep going.

There's nicer ways to let him know he should pick up his clothes or get off the computer-- just be nicer about it.

 

For him, it might just build up and build up until he's just sick of dealing with you all together and leaves.

[HardShowingAffection]

I think you guys need to learn how to communicate more effectively. It seems like there are some unresolved issues between you two that are effectively causing you to act this way. It seems as though you have some pent up anger, resentment, or frustration towards him, and you pick even the smallest things to get upset about.

 

You need to address these issues, otherwise you will start heading your relationship in a downward trend. Realize that every action you take within your relationship is going to help steer it in one direction or another, and right now it seems to be in the negative direction.

 

Focus on the postive things he does, the things that you really like about your relationship. By doing this, it helps you focus on the love, and you two can build one another up instead of tearing one another down. You need to create an upward spiral and work together to fill each others 'love banks'. This makes it easier to address the negative aspects of the relationship in due time, and in actuality, alot of them will simply go away because they won't bother you anymore.

 

Have a heart to heart with him, make sure those roads of communication are wide open! It does seem these issues are miniscule... don't let them destroy your relationship and put space in between you two!

 

Good luck!

[patch2006uk]

how much time do you spend together? if its a case of you're annoying each other because you're spending too much time with someone, then the solution is simply to spend a little less time together, to give each other some breathing space. then you will appreciate each other more when you do see each other.

 

if that doesn't fix it, then these little frustrations could be how a bigger problem is making itself known, and the way to solve that is to talk to each other.

 

failing that, if you are hurting each other, it may be time to move on

[Dako]

You could calmly discuss how you both want to resolve conflicts when they occur. Not the ones you have currently, but how he'd prefer to be approached about a conflict so it doesn't turn into tension.

 

Many couples turn every minor issue into a fight because they never established a way to deal with conflict. After each fight, they're on the lookout for the next one, instead of finding a way to defuse it before it erupts.

 

Of couse, I'm single, so what do I know??

[AwdreeHpburn]

I agree with all. Good points in all the above. Just wanted to higlight some of the above points cuz I think they're really good and worth repeating:

 

Learn better means of communication

 

Discuss effective ways of conflict resolution

 

Take breaks if you're together too often

 

Make sure you're not taking advantage of his being the kind of person who doesn't stand up for himself.

 

And adding my own, if you don't like the way you're behaving, change your behaviour.

[kellbell]

Hi there,

 

First off, how much time do you spend together and when you do, what kinds of things to you do? In many cases, it is not HOW MUCH time you spend together, it is the quality time that counts. Not spending quality time together can really put a damper on a relationship. Perhaps setting 2 sacred days aside for the two of you and only do those things you plan. No computers, no cellphones, etc. Just special time for the two of you.

 

As far as leaving towels on the floor and the like, well, try asking him to pick them up and when he does THANK HIM! I had the same problem with an ex, he would leave good towels (Ralph Lauren) all balled up on the floor. I just asked him, "can you help me out here and throw the towels in the hamper?" And when he did, I acknowledged it and thanked him. I did not have a problem with it after that.

 

Yelling at him for spending time on the computer is not the way to go. He is going to get defensive and shut down and tune you out. When he playing on the computer, I would suggest you do something else, like go out with a friend, talk on the phone, work on paying bills, something. Couples need their downtime...away from each other. It is important to keep up with one's life separately.

 

It just seems the both of you need to fine-tune your communication skills. A person gets no where simply yelling. He needs a girlfriend to treat him like an equal partner, not a "nagging mother." Good luck and take care.

[bebecole]

def. think that you guys may be spending to much time together.. if you take some time to your selves you wont be annoyed by each other..

ehhh and i dont you should tell him to clean up his room and the time spent on the computer.. thats a mothers job.. not a girlfriends..

maybe you should approach him in a different way and see if you can set certain time for the both of you and time to yourselves so he can play on the computer..

my b/f use to do that but i really didnt care if he sat on the computer cuz ill be sitting watching some t.v.. we were still in the same room together just chilling out, and it was fun! that we were enjoying each others company and still doing our own things.