How Do You Get Rid Of Someone You Like?

[Tragedy]

There's this girl that I'm hanging out with a lot...we started off as mere acquaintances, and we didn't see each other very often. Like once a month, but in big groups of people during weekend outings. Recently we've been seeing a lot of each other and she's given me a couple of signs of being interested. She flirts with me verbally and physically, and she always invites me over. I don't flirt back, and I don't come over everytime she asks, even if I am bored or free. This is not what I intended. She's really nice, sweet, pretty, and we have good chemistry. We click really well, but as much as I like her, I don't want to end up falling for her. I'm not some playboy who has a lot of girls and doesn't want to commit to one, I just simply gave up on serious relationships for a really long time and I want to prevent myself from being attached to someone. She knows my opinion about romantic relationships, so she should know to keep a distance.

 

I just want to keep my distance from her, but I don't know how to go about doing so. If I just say, "We shouldn't hang out so much", she may be hurt or she may think "Who the hell does this guy think he is?"

 

I could be totally delusional in thinking that she's interested and perhaps she only wants friendship as well, but it still stands that I don't want to hang out with her so much because I could totally see myself falling for her.

 

To make matters worse....

 

Her parents are coming to visit her from overseas next month, and she really wants me to meet her father. She told me how strict and conservative her father is, but she said she always talks about me to her parents and they're eager to meet me. The thing is, we're not dating and I don't want her parents thinking I'm interested in her romantically. They don't speak English, so it's not like I can explain it to them. I can only hold simple conversations in the language they speak, and besides, it'll be a little weird to say "Oh by the way, I'm not interested in your daughter in THAT way."

 

She keeps telling me "I can't wait for you to meet my parents!" and "I've told them so much about you!" In her home country, she has NEVER brought a boyfriend (not even a male friend) home, and supposedly I am the first guy her parents are meeting. She said the fear of her father is the reason, but she said in this case it's different now that she's on her own. If she didn't already have a green card, then I'd be a little suspicious, but that's not the case since she's legal to live here. What really sucks is after this whole meeting-the-parents fiasco takes place, I feel I'd be deeper in this hole, of sorts.

 

Anyway, I digressed a little. I ask you...what is the best way to 'avoid' her without hurting her feelings? She is such a nice girl, and I am a not-so-great person who is a little jaded and bitter, so I don't think that would be good for her. I guess I'm doing this for both of us. The only kinds of girls I can get a long with are ones who are equally jaded and bitter.

 

Thanks in advance.

[friscodj]

Well, a couple of thoughts here for you.

 

First, you have only spoken good things about this woman and write that you like her and see yourself falling for her. I strongly suggest before you start taking steps to get rid of this woman, that you give yourself some time with this situation. This sounds like a good situation if you can get over your bitterness towards relationships. Maybe being with someone sweet like her is exactly what you need to get over that?

 

So my advice is tell us what has caused this jaded and bitterness within your heart and perhaps we can help you out with that and you can have a fulfilling relationship with this wonderful woman you describe.

[AwdreeHpburn]

yeh - I'm with Frisco.

 

There are a TON of people out here who would just love to meet someone, let alone someone who likes them.

 

I say let's get to the issue, fix and get you on your way to a wonderful life with the one that could be THEE one.....

[vesper]

Just say you are going to be out of town that weekend, why are you making yourself so available to her? You don't always have to answer her phone calls, you don't have to respond to her every demand to be with you. Take it slow, stop rushing into things.

[tylercdurden2004]

Hmmm inetesting. If you really are against a relationship and being hard to get with her (not meaning playing hard to get) this may be attracting her even more and causing her to chase you.

 

Why again do you not want a relationship? She sounds like a catch.

 

If you want to get rid of her and running isnt working then maybe look at smothering her. Try asking her out and calling her non-stop and asking for dates all the time. I dunno how you get rid of her but smothering her might be the only option.

 

Or you might simply just tell her you are uncategorically, undeniably, absolutely NOT interested in her. And threaten a restraining order.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Tragedy,

 

I don't get it!!?

 

Why do you want to get rid of her if you think she's so great? I really don't understand?

 

But for the sake of argument, let's just assume that indeed you simply want her gone. I agree with tyler, that you could try smothering her. And I mean like calling 20+ times a day, getting pouty when she has to get off the phone, whining about how you missed her when she was at the grocery store, or taking a shower....stuff like that....

 

Also you could try friendzoning yourself. Tell her she's the best 'bud' you have. Use those words exactly. Or tell her she's just like one of your buddies, or something to that effect. Trust me this will be a HUGE turnoff.

 

Another way to drive her off would be to talk to her continually about your ex (or any other woman). This is actually overlapping with the friendzone/buddy idea.

 

Finally, be sure to inform her that you need to have many babies. She will enjoy the thought of being a baby producing machine for the next several years of her life....all the way out the door.....

[friscodj]

Look, getting rid of someone is relatively simple: ignore the hell out of them. Eventually, they always cease contact...

 

Now here, I really think you should not write this woman off just yet. She sounds like a keeper to me. Tell us what's going on with your bitterness dude...let us help here...

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

I agree also with friscodj, that ignoring the hell out of her like she's not at all special will also make her eventually turn her head elsewhere. If that's what you want.

[teacup]

if you scratch ur butt in front of her. i guarantee she wont be around long.

[Tragedy]

Just say you are going to be out of town that weekend, why are you making yourself so available to her? You don't always have to answer her phone calls, you don't have to respond to her every demand to be with you. Take it slow, stop rushing into things.

 

 

Read my post again, I said I don't always see her when she asks and I am somewhat indifferent to her signals.

[Tragedy]

My close friends also don't get it, and I just simply tell them that I think I've lost the need for romantic companionship. Sometimes it confuses me as well. I know myself really well, and I know if we did hook up, that after a while I'd resent her, and I'd also pity her for being with me. As far as smothering, I think I have too much pride for that, and she knows me pretty well and she'd totally see that smothering is not within my character.

 

After I posted this thread, she called me shortly after. It was one of those 'check up' calls. You know "What are you doing?" and "What did you do today?" It felt very 'couple-like'. I was half wamed up to it, and half irritated. I think the line from Dante's Inferno describes it best; "Abashed the Devil stood and felt how awful goodness is."

 

I should feel good, but I don't. I'm all screwed up, I guess.

[Tragedy]

Well, a couple of thoughts here for you.

 

First, you have only spoken good things about this woman and write that you like her and see yourself falling for her. I strongly suggest before you start taking steps to get rid of this woman, that you give yourself some time with this situation. This sounds like a good situation if you can get over your bitterness towards relationships. Maybe being with someone sweet like her is exactly what you need to get over that?

 

So my advice is tell us what has caused this jaded and bitterness within your heart and perhaps we can help you out with that and you can have a fulfilling relationship with this wonderful woman you describe.

 

The cause of my bitterness is that all my past relationships were broken by betrayal and lies. Sure, it's normal, but it has happened EVERY time. Not just fully developed relationships, but the events that lead up to relationships are often detered by deceit from the other person. It's difficult to trust others. After a while, it affects you and you grow to hate. Even though they came back later to apologize and ask me for forgiveness, but that forgiveness is usually denied.

[nottoogreen]

Anyway, I digressed a little. I ask you...what is the best way to 'avoid' her without hurting her feelings? She is such a nice girl, and I am a not-so-great person who is a little jaded and bitter, so I don't think that would be good for her. I guess I'm doing this for both of us. The only kinds of girls I can get a long with are ones who are equally jaded and bitter.

 

Thanks in advance.

 

My reply is OT, please accept my apologies.

 

She got quite a crush on you!, No she may have fallen for you already and live in pink dreams only.

 

If you could overcome your bitterness, she may by quite a catch. Now that depends on what you want.

 

Your bitterness - why not talk about it

[nottoogreen]

The cause of my bitterness is that all my past relationships were broken by betrayal and lies. Sure, it's normal, but it has happened EVERY time. Not just fully developed relationships, but the events that lead up to relationships are often detered by deceit from the other person. It's difficult to trust others. After a while, it affects you and you grow to hate. Even though they came back later to apologize and ask me for forgiveness, but that forgiveness is usually denied.

 

I edited this post to avoid stereotyping.

 

The way she acts, she has strong family values, she won't cheat, not even over her dead body.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Tragedy, maybe you're just not that into her. Maybe there's just not enough chemistry. Can't get off the ground without that, no matter how great she is. Otherwise why would you be so hesitant.

[friscodj]

Otherwise why would you be so hesitant.

 

He might be hesitant because of past experiences which made him bitter. He already says he likes her and sees himself falling for her.

[nottoogreen]

Tragedy, maybe you're just not that into her. Maybe there's just not enough chemistry. Can't get off the ground without that, no matter how great she is. Otherwise why would you be so hesitant.

 

Edited - Adding: Tragedy (The OP) is hesitant because of:

 

Chronic over exposure to neurotic mates, talking one day this way, the next day another way, bitter and sour, it's must feel like bathing in acid.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Chronic over exposure to neurotic mates, talking one day this way, the next day another way, bitter and sour, it's must feel like bathing in acid.

 

What? Who are you talking about? The OP? is he that jaded?

[vesper]

Read my post again, I said I don't always see her when she asks and I am somewhat indifferent to her signals.

 

Hi Tragedy, I did read your post again and I still stick by what I said before.

You don't have to meet her family if it makes you uneasy, plain & simple.

 

You sound like you are just being nice in order that her feelings don't get hurt. If your gut is telling you that you want to stop seeing this girl, then cut all ties right now. Stop seeing her - cold Turkey otherwise you will be leading yourself down a path to a relationship.

 

You have to accept all of nuances that come along with this relationship and decide if that is what you want. For example meeting her family. If you decide that you are not ready, then just tell her you should stop seeing each other. Plain & Simple.

 

Bondy

[Mix Maxster]

Tragedy,

 

I like the fact that you can admit you could see yourself fall for this girl as I think being able to do that is important. Trust is such a big thing in relationships and how such a general word can describe so many underlying things in relationships. Simply from composure to being is a matter of trust. For someone who says they'll "straighten out their finances" but never do and shout out "WHY AM I ALWAYS BROKE!" is hard to trust. You see that they say something they mean, but don't actually follow through with it. This is simply an example.

 

Obviously there's more to it and this post isn't about the explanation aspect, but it does help understand this man's situation. He's been "beaten" on in relationships through dishonesty and betrayal and although the want to perhaps "be involved" becomes increasingly difficult when you begin to think "what's the point? chances are I'll go through the same problem" and there's a LOT of truth to this.

 

Think of how many people out there have lives they live when they're single and almost asked to give that up because of relationship expectations. If you could have it any other way, wouldn't you want to live like you are single WHILE being in a relationship? I know that's what I'm aiming for. Of course commitment and fidelity is a serious matter when it comes to a relationship once it has been formed, but having a life outside of each other I feel is equally important. Being too involved in each others life leads to someone feeling "suffocated" and its usually the one who has a purpose they feel they've given up on.

 

The only thing you can really do in this case man is ask yourself if this girl is worth your time and energy enough to see it through. Reaffirming to her that her pushiness or implied relationship is forming too much pressure and is acting as an attraction killer more than anything. Instead of saying straight up that you could see yourself falling for her, tell her what it is about her that WOULD cause you to fall for her so that she gets that impression and tell her that she needs to see where things go instead of trying to direct it a certain way.

 

Far too many good potential relationships fail when two people confuse the feelings they have about a situation with how to act. Its pretty irrelevant to each situation in that what difference does it truly make if you stay with this girl or any other girl, really. I mean they all start to blend together and the same can be said for men. What really makes the difference though is when you recognize where things go wrong and aim to work on that instead of going through the same patterns and ending up in familiar resentment towards the other person.

[ShroomzGod]

OMG I would give things a shot w/ her. She sounds really good for you. You guys totally click. I know you have issues, we all do, but if you let this one get away you'll most likely regret it. I had a date with a girl that I liked and could tell was interested and totally blew it because I didn't act like myself, I totally regret that. The bottom line is when you get into a relationship there is always a chance of heart break. Almost every girl I've been with has broken my heart, but that will never stop me from putting myself out there.

[Mix Maxster]

OMG Almost every girl I've been with has broken my heart, but that will never stop me from putting myself out there.

 

there's a lot of wisdom in this mans reply and although you may already recognize it, maybe its easier to protect yourself from having to go through it.

[Bingo72]

I am very dissappointed that I haven't heard anyone here just simply advise you to tell the truth??????? What's so wrong with just telling her that you're not looking for a girlfriend, then she knows upfront not to expect anything. Is that so hard? I'd much rather have someone just tell me what's really going on instead of side-stepping in every direction. Do you see how you will inadvertently spend more time than you want to on this girl by playing games?

[Tragedy]

Here's an update to those who care...in the last few days she, like the others, has proven to be dishonest. Of course, I did not point it out right away, but there are things she's telling me that have huge inconsistencies with things she has told me in the past. It's obvious she's grown careless. I knew it was too good to be true. I don't know why it happened all of a sudden. Usually from past experience, this transition takes a while, and doesn't go from day to night just like that.

 

Well, this will make it much easier to get rid of her. I will see her this weekend and I will point out her lies and see what she has to say. This isn't speculation, I know for a fact she was lying. This is a win-win situation. Here's how..she can confess to her lies and give some useless excuse and in turn I will say off" (rather crude, but I'm sick of this kind of thing always happening), or two, she can be so offended that I accused her of lying that she won't want to see me anymore.

 

 

Thank you to all who have given their input. It was not given in vain!

 

 

For now, this song is keeping me in good spirits:

 

Korn "Deep Inside"

 

I'm not doing great

I feel like I'm dead, not thinking straight

Inside my body, troubled, full of hate

I had to let it out before it's too late

 

Deep Inside, it can't hide

Feeling so lost and betrayed

why does this happen to me everytime?

Stuck in this place, where I can't escape

Screaming and clawing from deep inside

 

Why won't it fade?

Outside I had to lie; "I'm ok",

I hope someday I'll stop getting played

I guess this is the life that I have made

 

Deep Inside, it can't hide

Feeling so lost and betrayed

why does this happen to me everytime?

Stuck in this place, where I can't escape

Screaming and clawing from deep inside

 

What am I doing?I can't believe this

I have been hiding, wanting to beat this

Giving to people, they take from me

Always they bringing drama to me

 

Look at me now.

 

Feeling so lost and betrayed

why does this happen to me everytime?

Stuck in this place, where I can't escape

Screaming and clawing from deep inside

 

I can't stand all this pain

Please god just go away

Please god just make them pay

[nottoogreen]

Oh Tragedy,

 

Could it be that she feels your attitude getting worse the more your mind is involved with her?

 

It's tragic how much mistrust destroys.

 

Please stop defeating yourself, hurting others along the way and look for a solution within yourself