What does everyone think about this...

[eyeswideopen]

OK. Everyday is more difficult than the last with this whole grieving nonsense. I don't know why but part of me still wants her back. She told me she had feelings for someone else. She told me what she wants is out there. She told me at first, that she didn't know what she wants, she's not sure if she wanted him or I... at first I said let's work it out.. discussions the first few days were difficult, then it came to me saying, "Is this something you even want? We are just two different people.. maybe it'd be best if we did breakup..." She agreed.

 

I've never regretted saying anything as much as I did that...

We were together five years, lived together almost that whole time, experienced a lot of up and downs throughout the relationship..

 

So here's the question.. I don't know why I feel I need this or whatever. but I want to e-mail her after a long NC period and ask outright.. Are you happier now? Do you feel as if the decision you made was the right one? Is this person better for you than I was?

 

Part of me wants to hear that I was the better choice and she just made a bad one at the time. Part of me wants to hear that he is the better choice so I can stop thinking about the what if's.........

 

What should I do?

[Relationship Coach]

EWO,

What real point would your email serve? Are you trying to stir something up in her and fish for answer that would make you feel better? What you feel is unresolved in your mind is obviously resolved in hers. Is she happy, more than likely yes or she probably would of contacted you. Her silence is pretty much a sign that she feels she did make the right choice and it's time for you to move on as well. I know it's a painful process but you cannot heal as long as you are living in the past. Be thankful she only cost you 5 years of your life and don't spend another year looking for closure that has been right in front of you the entire time since the break up. You need to be happy too.

 

RC

[GEMMACHURCH]

I would have to agree with this, You think that it would make you feel better to know either way but i really think that it wouldnt. The choice has been made, whether wrong or not but it is her life and she is the one who will be thinking whether it was right or wrong I know how easy it is to hold on to something, I think we alll do it but i believe that our minds are so powerful that you can train your way of thinking to make yourself see that it wasnt meant to be, to accept the situation and move on. Try not to dwell on the past, it must be hard with all your history together but I think you sound very sensitive and caring and that there will be many oppourtunities out there for you. But you have to be avalible to them and that will not happen when we are holding on to the past

 

I hope this makes sense and helps a bit

xxx

[Scout]

Aren't you supposed to see her at a wedding here shortly or something? I wouldn't send the email before then, if at all. Just to eliminate what already could be an awkward situation for you. Imagine getting an email back saying, "I'm happy with my choice, hope you've moved on!" and then having to see her afterwards with her new guy.

 

Don't do this to yourself.

[Daddy Bear]

"what ifs" can play havoc with your mind. you might do best just to assume that she is doing fine and to give yourself credit for the mature way you handled the breakup.

[eyeswideopen]

Aren't you supposed to see her at a wedding here shortly or something? I wouldn't send the email before then, if at all. Just to eliminate what already could be an awkward situation for you. Imagine getting an email back saying, "I'm happy with my choice, hope you've moved on!" and then having to see her afterwards with her new guy.

 

Don't do this to yourself.

 

Well the wedding was this past Sat. and she didn't come afterall. Turns out she had RSVP'd she wasn't coming and I didn't find that out until Sat. See, that's the thing... I don't know why.. but maybe if I get an e-mail that says that, it'd be final.. closure... or... it could be exactly what I don't need to hear... I think you all are right... leave it alone....

[Relationship Coach]

Dear EyesWideOpen,

 

It's over, move on, consider this closure.

 

Respectfully,

 

Your Ex.

 

 

Now Move On!

[Scout]

I'll tell you what brings closure: acceptance.

 

Acceptance that the relationship is over, and acceptance of the fact that you can move on and love again.

 

Obviously, after a long-term relationship, it's going to take you some time to fully accept the relationship is over. In the past five months, have you done and tried some things you never did when you were involved with her? Have you looked for new adventures, new paths? I understand the grieving process hinders some of this, but summer is approaching, and with a new season we can often turn over a new leaf and start afresh. Sorry if that sounds so cheesy. But there is truth to what I'm saying...the point is to get you involved and absorbed in new and exciting things, so that you can realize you can live a fulfilling life without her.

[eyeswideopen]

Dear EyesWideOpen,

 

It's over, move on, consider this closure.

 

Respectfully,

 

Your Ex.

 

 

Now Move On!

 

Ha! Least I got a laugh today! Thanks RC.

[eyeswideopen]

Here's another question for some ladies, or guys, or whoever...

 

What does it mean when someone says they have feelings for them? Does that mean love? Does that mean like? Does that mean lust? Does that mean what?

[jchan]

to be blunt:

 

It sure means they're not in love with you. Plain and simple. Exact same words my ex said to me, so I'll take those words with a grain of salt. Shocking at first, but those words will help you move on much faster because they're not toying with your mind.

[Scout]

to be blunt:

 

It sure means they're not in love with you. Plain and simple. Exact same words my ex said to me, so I'll take those words with a grain of salt. Shocking at first, but those words will help you move on much faster because they're not toying with your mind.

 

Really? Because I've had someone say that to me fairly early on in a relationship, and it seemed to be an indirect way of them saying they were falling in love with me.

 

But, I am not sure of the context EyesWideOpen meant it...i.e., if his ex said it during the breakup, or if someone new has recently told him this.

[eyeswideopen]

We broke up because she told me she had feelings for someone else. I just felt that at the time, that was too much.. now that I've had a long time to think about it, I don't even know what that could have meant....

[jchan]

Well, you suggested the break up, and she readily agreed on it, trust me pal, you're making things easier on yourself. You dumped her before she got the chance to dump you. You took initiative and control. Now you just need to do some NC and heal and control your emotions. Keeping composure is the way to go. You did that, you dropped it befor she would eventually hurt you even more.

 

I had a similiar experience. 2 months ago, my ex, had feelings for someone else, suggested we start seeing other people. This was 1 week before our annivesary! A couple of days after the anni, she dumped me for that guy! That was painful very painful, if I had known this was the result to be i would have made that a dealbreaker and dumped her on the spot. Now they're in a relationship (i'm not surprised if she cheated on me).

 

So right now I know you're a lil confused, you're in the early stages of it, but once you think about it more clearly, you'll understand the circumstance, and it would help you heal much quickly.