I am a girl and have shyness problems!!

[TrappedScaredAlone]

I have always been an extremely shy and quiet girl all of my life. It's just in my nature I guess. But I have improved a lot in my teen years, now I will be 21 next month. I had to improve to acquire and keep jobs and Ive been working since I was almost 14. My problem is, I have met most of my boyfriends online, because I am so so shy, I can easily type and get to know somebody as compared to going up to some stranger in public, asking if their single,trying to start a conversation with them without getting all red in the face!!! One of my major fears is rejection, and I can't read people's minds....so how the heck do I know if their single or not, if they find me attractive or not......etc....I don't know, I just found it much easier to review people's profiles online first and then decide if I want to contact them after checking them over without even having to talk to them!!! I really want advice on how to help overcoming my EXTREME shyness, I guess I do have a lot of insecurity because I am quite different, I have red hair, I get freckles and don't tan, I don't wear makeup, I have strawberry blonde eyelashes and eyebrows and fair skin. I am 5'4 and weigh about 130lbs....most girls I see that guys want are my height and weigh like 110 lbs. WHATEVER about the weight, but those are some of the reasons why I am insecure about myself. So how does one overcome shyness? Because I am really lonely and really wanna make friends. I don't have any friends, repeat I DO NOT have ANY friends because I got out of a long bad relationship last month where I wasn't allowed to have friends and all the ones I did have before then moved far away. So Im all alone and don't have friends to help me meet guys and overcome my shyness. Does ANYONE have ANY good, helpful advice to tell me how to overcome my shyness and meet guys I wanna go out with? I live in a small town in Maine, so that doesn't help much either. Thank you for listening!

[Budman]

First off, Wow...

 

Aside from the long term relationship. It's exactly Exactly the same story as mine.

 

Anyway, just keep going out with guys. Eventually it'll be nothing to meet someone from the net. You'll not be nervous in the least. That'll spread.

 

One exercise I've just started:

 

(I think I've read it before)

 

Say Hi to every person you see within 3 seconds of seeing them. Heck I throw in a smile, and a wave too. After a few days of that, no matter the answer you start being less shy.

 

Ok, first off redheads do me in.

 

rawr...

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

One exercise I've just started:

 

(I think I've read it before)

 

Say Hi to every person you see within 3 seconds of seeing them. Heck I throw in a smile, and a wave too. After a few days of that, no matter the answer you start being less shy.

 

That sounds like a good excercise. Might as well say hi to people. When I say hi to people sometimes the seem sort of surprised, but happy. Maybe people think you're mean if you don't break the ice and let them know you're just a people. ....Or a Teddy Bear....

[itsallgrand]

lol Budman. Yeah, I was gonna say, a lot of guys have this 'thing' for redheads.

Use it, Be Proud of it.

I have a cousin with the fair skin, red hair, freckles. It's lovely!

 

There's lot of tips here on overcoming shyness. Browse around some of threads.

 

Say 'hi' to everyone you meet is a good start. If it's a really small town though, you probably know most everyone right? lol.

 

Do you have a car? Maybe you could get a job in a nearby city. Or a hobby, or a class, or something where you would have the chance to start meeting new people. Small towns can be a killer.

 

I would start with meeting some potential friends. Then you'll have someone to do things with, share with, and it will expand your circle right away.

 

If you're in a rut, I know this sounds silly but hear me out okay?

Try changing up your style and habits. Go for a make-over, dye your hair, get yourself those clothes you always wanted but *thought* you couldn't wear, go dancing if you dont usually. It doesn't have to be these things: The point is pick something a little bit scary, but mostly exciting, and get a feel for change.

Working out is always a confidence booster too. It's even better if you can summon up a way to share with other people: at a gym, or with a walking buddy, a yoga or aerobics class.

 

Whatever you like! You can do it.

[Budman]

I think the idea that in the wild a bear is as scared of you as you are of him applies here.

 

 

ALL propaganda!!!

 

Yogi Bear started it, so did Smokey.

 

They just want your picnic Baskets!!!!!

 

 

 

Sorry I had too.

 

Guys are shy too, at least I was. And if you screw up, whats it matter? Last time someone said something wrong to you, did you think about it all the time and obcess about it? Others probably do the same you will.

 

Stop worring about what others think about you and just do what makes you happy.

 

In highschool I always thought a girl saying "i'll have to see" or "I'll have to ask" ment no. So I avoided them like they hated me, when really they were probably wondering why the hell i was avoiding them because they asked and were told they could go out with me and they wanted to because they thought i was cute (which i am) and I screwed it all up by being worried about who people envisioned me.

 

Aside from, I'll have to see, or ask part I agree.

 

That is a no in my book.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

ALL propaganda!!!

 

Yogi Bear started it, so did Smokey.

 

They just want your picnic Baskets!!!!!

 

 

 

Sorry I had too.

 

They say if you're out hiking you should bring pepper spray with you and wear bells around your neck to scare the bears.

 

They also say you can tell there's a grizzly near your trail if you spot their droppings, which are noted by their peppery scent, and the strange presense of bells in them.

[Budman]

LOL

that is great teddy

[easyguy]

Oh no, your Teddy bear is so intimidating... what am I to do?

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Oh no, your Teddy bear is so intimidating... what am I to do?

 

Lol,

 

You could try this old trick, carry pepper spray and wear bells around your neck!

[TrappedScaredAlone]

Hey everyone.....all this talk about bears? Im confused...haha but anyways.....anymore suggestions for shyness besides saying hi to random people? I dont have a car either

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Hey, are you into any activities? Maybe you could join some sort of teams or clubs. could be sewing or quilting or some other type of craftmaking if you're into that. Or could be walking, such as volksmarchers clubs. Or try golf, it's pretty easy, and lots of people like to do it. I've been going at least once a week, and get to hang out with friends, meet new ones, and we go out to dinner afterwards.

[easyguy]

Hey everyone.....all this talk about bears? Im confused...haha but anyways.....anymore suggestions for shyness besides saying hi to random people? I dont have a car either

Hey,

 

I used to be extemely shy around people in general. I was the epitomy of the anti-social, reclusive young teen. Then over time, I found myself getting into situations and environments where I didn't have a choice but to talk to people. I took up an interest in music, and being in band class interacting with fellow students required me to at least come slightly out of my shell. I wasn't talking as means of trying to get a date or even to make a friend, but I was just talking because I sometimes had to.

 

I'm not exactly out of my "shell" so to speak, but the fear of speaking to people is starting to slip away. It may take many years to get over, but I'm fine with that. It's not something that is going to happen overnight. A couple weeks ago in one of my college classes, I did something I rarely ever do -- I broke the silence and said hi to this one girl, and asked her if she was ready for the test. It's little things like that, ya know.

 

So I would suggest doing something that you enjoy doing, have a passion for, and get together with other people and bond. You'd be surprised that over time, as a result of being forced to speak in front of someone else or others, that inate fear of almost the unknown begins to fade.

 

The "Hi" thing can work too I guess. I've never done it myself, so it is definitely something I'm willing to try out. If you're in school, just talk to fellow classmates about whatever. Just be confident in what you say, and just be as friendly as you can.

[whatever1]

I'd suggest getting friends first. Even two close ones that you can do whatever with and be happy. If you can talk to people close to you that you like and trust you're first of all not nearly as alone, and secondly, even if you're still alone to some extent, it doesn't bother you to the same degree. I'm not sure if you're in school or anything, but find the other shy people in whatever group you find yourself and talk to them. They're usually the most interesting anyway. And with all the bear talk, I think the point is not to be afraid of people. Generally, people want to be liked and being nice is the fastest way to this end, so people will usually be nice (at least for a general conversation, and that's all you're really looking for on first meeting). You should have some intuition from these brief interactions to find people who might be friends, and if not you'll develop it by doing it more.

I'd focus on this to start. Not that I'm any authority on shyness, but I feel too many people focus on getting dates or whatever when, as you seem to know, those kind of relationships come and go. Friends do too, but loneliness sucks more than shyness and friends are more likely to stay around and help the matter rather than make it more complicated. I've found that if you have friends the rest will come.

[Budman]

Hey everyone.....all this talk about bears? Im confused...haha but anyways.....anymore suggestions for shyness besides saying hi to random people? I dont have a car either

 

 

Come to Stl, Me and Miss M are friendly.

 

hehe,

 

Anyway.

 

Uhm, I'm at the first step. When I find the next one. You'll be the first to know.

 

Uhm,

 

After saying Hi.

 

I started saying How are you.

 

a lot of people respond to the how are you, cause by the time you start saying that. You feel comfortable and it doesn't feel odd.

[TrappedScaredAlone]

Who is Miss M budman?

Does anyone know if there Is any websites that have advice for shyness?

[Budman]

miss m is another poster on this board. A very nice, and sweet lady.

 

Doesn't look anywhere near her age either.

[Budman]

PS. have you tried online dating?

 

(I'm a big advocate as that really really helps you break those shy habits)

[Miss M]

TrappedScaredAlone... the (in)famous "Miss M" here...

 

Your description of yourself in your first post sounds like you don't accept yourself. My understanding of shyness doesn't include this idea of self-rejection, insecurity, or fear. A person can be shy without feeling insecure in that shyness.

 

Do you like to read? One book that really helped me understand and accept myself is The Introvert Advantage by Marti Olsen Laney. You can read some excerpts, and my descriptions of the book in this thread. Check it out to see if anything resonates...

 

[CluelessGuy321]

Well, I can't say about relationships but meeting people and socializing is ALL ABOUT EXPERIENCE. One book that really helps though is Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People". It's an awesome book that really goes to the root of people and relationships.

 

Anyways, just go out there and keep meeting. But uh....do becareful. Pepper Spray/Mace/Stun Gun should be your friend. Especially in Maine.

[TrappedScaredAlone]

Nobody has really answer my question about how to approach strange guys that I think are attractive and how do i find out if their single or taken, interested in me or not, what kind of relationship their looking for because im not looking to just "hook up", etc.?

[jumper71]

I know what you mean when you say you have no friends. Being in a LTR like that can be damaging once it is over because you are so isolated.

 

As a guy, and being shy myself earlier on (I still am to some degree), you'll find that if you pay attention, guys are checking you out all the time. That is what guys do, especially when they are single. Go to the library, go to the store, go to starbucks and take your time. If you see someone you think is single, check him out, if he looks at you and you smile back, which is totally harmless is shows him you are approachable. If you look away real fast, or down at your feet, he probably thinks you are in a relationship. Don't expect anything, and if someone says hi, or asks how you are doing, understand that it might have taken that person a lot of courage to talk to you also, so talk back. It might feel awkward, but it always does early on. If I were a girl, and I were you, I would go to a bookstore where they had a coffee shop and just read a book while keeping an eye out. If a guy sits by himself and you look over, you'll catch his glance more than once, if you smile or say hi, there is a good chance if he is looking to talk, he will approach you. It is difficult being in your situation, it must be painful at times, but saying you are fairskinned, freckled and red-haired is actually a big plus to many people. Being a red-head is ten times better than being a blonde. If you are insecure, maybe you should try a little makeup, I have known many people that swore against makeup, but when they used a little lipstick or eye makeup, it boosted their confidence immensely for some reason.

[jumper71]

To answer your question about how to know what kind of relationship they are looking for, you find that out on your first date. Offer your number if someone seems like they enjoy talking to you, ask them to call you. When you go out, do something where you can talk, you can generally find out in a couple hours whether someone is one way or the other on what you may or may not prefer. For a first date, you can have him pick you up or you can agree to meet up somewhere (in case you want to bail). See it more of a social experiment than a slim shot at eternal love, you'll loosen up more and try to make the best of it, even if you aren't having the best time. When I go out on dates, even if I know I want to get out of there, I will still make it a point to try to enjoy myself and not get down about it. You'll be ok, you are attractive and have plenty going for you - being shy and thoughtful, introspective, these are things that many guys crave, what they wish they could find, consider yourself special, you are more of a catch than you realize.

[TrappedScaredAlone]

Yes I see people checking me out, but I have found all they want is a "piece of a s s" especially at my age! And I dont have a car, and the nearest "Coffee shop" is like 45 minutes away in a city. I live in a small town surrounded by small towns/small cities. SO yeah I'm SOL I guess (poop out of luck, haha) And usually when guys ask for my number and they call me, everytime they just want sex, nothing else. That's why Im asking for advice because I have had bad experiences with this kind of stuff already. Im sick of dating people who dont care what I have to say and I want someone who is into helping animals as I am. They should make a dating site for animal lovers or something, haha.

[Budman]

TSA (Trapped scared alone) Mind if I fix your pic? Palease So we can see your face better?

 

Send it to email removed

 

if you want it fixed (the bigger one please and thank you)

 

Lol sorry I will respond to this thread when I get to work

[TrappedScaredAlone]

im not here to show my picture....ill just take it off if people are going to complain! jeesh