Should I Go?

[lunatic]

Michelle I wanted to tell you that you NEVER deserve to be hit or put down like he did to you. He is an abusive jerk and you need to leave him NOW. Why waste your time on someone who never does anything wrong. Why would you want to walk on egg shells all the time and tip-toe around him so he does not hit or abuse you.

 

You don't deserve to be hit even if he was "playing". I am sorry but, if he does not seem to be able to act normal emotionally then it is time to GO! Get out of this relationship since there is no way to make him happy unless you want to be his personal punching bag.

 

Leave NOW hun you don't deserve to be put down or slapped/punched around. Have some more respect for yourself and realize that this behavior is not normal.

[michelle25]

Hubman. Thats exactly what I need to work on and realize, as most posters have said here. I am not perfect, but relationships are supposed to build each other up, not break each other down.

All I know is no matter what I did or didn't do, him telling me to shut up, constant ignoring me every time we have a fight, hurts so much.

I texd him last night very insignificant, and he has been ignoring me since Monday. Sad isn't it? I had a contribution in the fight, but he was the one who threw me out, told me repeatedly to shut up, and kept making me feel like I was so inferior to him. He is ignoring ME.

I feel like just changing me number or something. Im so sick of having my head messed with by this abusive jerk, and I know the key is staying strong, doing NC, and believing that I will find the right man when I let this man go.

[temujin]

sigh.. this sounds so much like what I have gone thru....

 

Sorry if the point I made created a lot of self doubts in you

 

Really the main thing is relationship if about two of you, even if you change for him, its not going to work out if he doesn't. Things have developed to the stage where I think both of you are looking at a lot of situations in different frames of reference. This happens a lot when you get really used to the other person and you have created a lot of bias about each other and start assuming and predicting about the other partners behavior.

 

E.g Someone who is always late might have changed but because of what you know about hte person in the past, you will assume that the person is back to his/her old habits even if they have changed even if they repeat the mistake just once recently.

 

 

Whatever it is, its not workable anymore....let it go..

[michelle25]

I need to let it go with everything I have. I love him so much, and he has been my "way of life" for 3 years now, and I don't know if soon, once my head is clear, I will feel relief, but right now I feel so sad.

 

We really didn't do much together either . We went to lunch/dinner together on the weekend, did some sort of excercise activity once a day, and then it was just sitting around from 3pm til we went to bed. Being young, a lot younger than him, that just was kinda boring to me, but I just wanted to be with him so I didn't complain about it.

 

Im thinking that if I stick with strict NC, and give other guys a chance, I will see that this man was SO not worth me staying around for all this time..

 

This was my first long term relationship, so does this happen? Was I just clinging to the "routine" we had for so long? I Feel that he has said and done so many hurtful things to me, that I may have more anger and bitterness about him than i ever realized.

 

I need to find some way to stick with STRICT NC, and not give in to calling him. He has been ignoring me, so he has made it easy to become angry, and not give in to his attempts, which have been none..

 

He's never been the kind to apologize, he admits he has an anger problem, but never says he is genuinly sorry nor shows it in any way. IE: flowers, a note, a nice gesture- never! I am ALWAYS the one, no matter who's fault it was, getting him flowers, writing notes, saying Im sorry. Thats not normal is it? I feel I try so hard to make up each time we fight, yet he throws everything back in my face and ignores ME. Like it was ALL me and he needs to teach me a lesson.

 

Sorry, I was just venting, because Im really hurt and angry over all this.. I see the light, and I will do strict NC from now on. I have to, i can't keep feeling like this.

[Beyondthesea]

I don't think you love him, you two just need each other to continue the cycle of abuse. It's called stockholm's syndrome: you 'love' your abuser because every once in a while they offer you some sort of 'reward' (affection, attention, etc) that makes you hang on, thinking that the person you fell for actually exists and is back for good. Nope.

 

You feel sympathetic for them, especially when they say "I've had a bad life, I have no self esteem, I'm really sensitive and you hurt me.." it's all crap. Honestly, they might as well start a course "how to be a jerk off to women and make them stay."

[michelle25]

haha. you're right. he is near 40 years old, and he still acts like a child. i guess I was the only one that would put up with him, thats why he is still single in his mid 30's.

I don't wish him bad, but i don't know if any woman will ever make him happy, nor take the crap i did.

it was the routine I am missing, not him or his antics. thanks!