Genuine love is..

[toughtime]

I am not very religious but I like to read and learn about different religions.

 

I read this quote in a book about Buddhism. When I was in my last relationship, I would read the quote often to remind myself of what true love really is. I hope this helps you..

 

The key building blocks of a loving and lasting relationship include absense of selfishness, the presense of caring, self-reliance coexisting with sharing, compassion and understanding, respect for the other's uniqueness, absense of blaming, and a genuine interest in the welfare of each other. It is not love that can cause pain and hurt; rather, it is the absense of the genuine love.

--Bhante Y. Wimala

 

He also wrote this:

 

In this society, many mistake selfish attachment as an essential characteristic of love. Because of this, we believe that it is love that "breaks" our hearts. Only selfishness can break the heart, because selfishness is the hook in conditional love. Unconditional love has no such hook; thereforeeee, it cannot break the heart. To get over a heartbreak, you need to find a way to let go of your selfish attachment. Strive to develop unconditional love to replace the selfish attachment that you might have mistaken for love. Let go of attachment and you will find love within you. Love can never break your heart. True love can only heal it.

 

I am going to write one more passage he wrote that I like a lot. It is about Genuine Love.

 

Genuine love has many characteristics. Most important, there is a sincere interest in the happiness and well-being of the other person. When we say "I love you," if it is accompanied by this honest and heartfelt interest in the other's well-being, then it expresses genuine love. Obviously, in a relationship based on such love, hatred and the possibility of hurting the other person are totally nonexistent.

 

Second, there are not strings attached to the love. No returns are expected, only an interest in the other person's happiness and well-being. Love is not an investment. Returns that do happen to come are accepted thankfully as a bonus and not as dues. There is no coercion on the other person to fulfill one's desires and expectations. The common formulas "you should love me because I love you" and "i did that for you, so you do this for me" are not present.

 

Third, in genuine love, self-reliance coexists with sharing.

 

Forth, genuin love undersands, with empathy and compassion, the human condition of the other person, particularly that person's mix of strengths and weaknesses. There is understanding of the uniqueness of the individual and the person's right to that uniquenss. This implies that,while there is the recognition that problems and difficulties exist, there is no blaming. Instead, there is joint action carried out in harmony to solve the problems. Genuine love will make it impossible to cause pain purposely to each other in the pursuit of solutions.

 

Finally, in the case of two people who have those qualities and who feel that they can share their lives for even greater well-being and happiness, they will have the special, genuine love needed for spousal relationship that will blossom and last.

 

Love can Never Break your Heart

 

Love can bring you great comfort. In pure love, anxiety is absent. Instead of emotional reaction, there is a calm response. If love doesn't bring comfort, it is not love.

 

Experience of this pain caused by such inner turmoil is called heartbreak. The stronger the selfish attachment, the stronger the heartbreak will be. Intense emotions always have physical effects. When you experience anger, fear, or jealousy, you can feel them in your body.

 

If this helped you then I would suggest you buy the book. It is called : Lessons of the Lotus

 

By: Bhante Y. Wimala

[Scotcha]

Interesting but.. A buddhist I am not.

[Caterina]

I absolutely loved this post. Thanks for sharing it with us. I am a Christian, but I really like the wisdom and healing that the words offered.

[Tigris]

I think this post is great. I hope a lot of people benefit by reading it.

 

Thank you.

[TheRedQueen]

you should check out some Viktor E. Frankl,

esp. his book,The Doctor and the Soul,

 

good stuff my man

[Confessoress]

That was nice, thanks Although I think genuine love can hurt you. You can love someone and not expect anything back, you put their needs first instead of your selfish needs, but after a while and they don't feel the same way back, of course that's going to hurt.

[Scotcha]

I liked this, I did but I guess I'll add now what I don't agree with.

 

It is not love that can cause pain and hurt; rather, it is the absense of the genuine love.

 

With any close relationship feelings are sometimes hurt. It is not intentional but it is simply a part of being human. I love my boyfriend genuinely and as a whole but I will hurt him. Never intentionally but to err is to be human.

 

 

Only selfishness can break the heart, because selfishness is the hook in conditional love. Unconditional love has no such hook; thereforeeee, it cannot break the heart.

 

If my boyfriend wanted to leave me I would let him leave me and I would want for him to be happy. This does not mean that I will not feel pain if this were to happen. Heartbreak has nothing to do with conditional love and unconditional love. (The condition I'm assuming for this example is that the relationship lasts.) In fact, I love my boyfriend conditionally and he loves me in the same manner. I'll get to this later on but I feel that the only person I can love unconditionally is my child. Conditions and selfishness are two separate things and one does not imply the other.

 

Second, there are not strings attached to the love. No returns are expected, only an interest in the other person's happiness and well-being.

 

When I choose to love someone it is a choice I make. I choose to love for their person in conjunction with the way I am treated. I expect respect. I expect affection. I expect honesty and fidelity. I expect friendship and caring. I do not love blindly and without reason and these are the returns I demand. (And I receive too... We trade fairly.)