vaginismus

[SheWolf]

I know I posted the thread previously about thinking I may still be a virgin, well I've been doing some research online and I guess what all I've done being a virgin might sound absurb so I was wondering could I have vaginismus? Could that be the reason I'm so tight and it hurts?

[The Evil Stig]

Go see a gynecologist.

 

I like vaginas as much as the next man, but I'm no doctor.

[sooky]

it could be. but the only way you'll be sure is if you see a doctor.

been there. not fun. hurts lots. but perhaps if you know what is wrong, you can start to fix it. good luck xx

[Tigris]

I agree go and see your doctor.

 

Good luck.

[annie24]

ditto. doctor.

 

link removed is a good site also.

[SheWolf]

I've done my research, and everything fits. What would be the best way to fix it. I don't want to lose my husband

[Tigris]

Has this just started to happen or have you always been like this? Do you masturbate? Does your husband use his fingers on you and if he does do you hurt then?

[Tigris]

Sheyda is it possible that her husband could do it by using his fingers? I thought maybe he could start with his little finger and after he's progressed to his middle finger he could start to use two and then eventually three if that's possible?

 

Maybe using lube would help too.

 

It's just an idea.

[CarnelianButterfly]

Go to a doctor! They are the only ones trained to deal with this. You can't treat yourself on your own properly.

[ElektraHere]

If you think you might have a medical condition then a DRs sound advice and diagnoses goes farther then what I or anyone else here can tell you.

 

As for the not losing your husband what is the relationship like overall? Do you both have any future goals? School, buying a house, travel?

[RayKay]

Definitely see a doctor. There are ways they will suggest you handle it - such as using "expanders". What Sheyda described is a common treatment for this affliction (interesting note is that a similar technique of "perineal massage" is also recommended for pregnant woman to use in last couple months of pregnancy to prevent tearing or need for them to make an incision called an episiostomy (research is showing this may often do more harm than good). However it is often also psychological.

 

I am a bit confused though, you said you have had sex before (you were worried about being pregnant) so was this not a problem before? Or is it more common occurrence?

 

Why would your husband leave over this (which is treatable with patience)? Did he say he would? Are you concerned about your marriage's strength?

[sooky]

seeing a doctor and getting clarification helped me a lot, because then i actually had a reason for what was happening.

when my doctor diagnosed me with vaginismus, she suggested counselling, as it is a psychological reflex. in the end, that wasnt necessary, as i got over it with a lot of support from my boyfriend at the time. - i was totally determined to get rid of it! he was amazing. talk to your husband, and take things really slowly. (and lube is pretty useful!)

[SheWolf]

No, my husband never said he'd leave me I know he wouldn't I just worry a lot, does anyone think that my getting fustrated easily during trying to have sex could cause my pc muscles to tense?

 

And about the thinking I was pregnant, I honestly don't think he went inside me I think he just pressed against me, he can get his finger in me but that's about it, and even that hurts to a point of tears.

[ElektraHere]

Are you lubricated when you are about to have sex?

[iceberg21]

No, my husband never said he'd leave me I know he wouldn't I just worry a lot, does anyone think that my getting fustrated easily during trying to have sex could cause my pc muscles to tense?

 

And about the thinking I was pregnant, I honestly don't think he went inside me I think he just pressed against me, he can get his finger in me but that's about it, and even that hurts to a point of tears.

 

My ex was diagnosed with vaginismus. What you describe, especially the fingering issue was what happened with her. Hers was undoubtedly caused by a fiarly traumatic experience whens he was a teenager. The route she took was surgery (had excess skin removed) as well had a dialator set given to her by the doctor. The set ranged from about tampon size to big enough to put a dent in my ego Anyway, after using the set for about 2 months or so, she was good to go.

 

But you really need to see a doctor, as nobody here, or any website can tell you 100% whats going on.

[nottoogreen]

I think that getting frustrated over it can worsen the situation.

 

I have the same problem with the finger, but it is because of the nail; not the finger itself. Is it the same with you, or can't you tell?

 

I also thought a few times that my boyfriend managed to get inside me, but after practising a bit with inserting tampons while I was on my period I realised he wasn't; the next time we tried I could feel the tip "pop" inside me. Before he was just pressing against me on the outside.

 

Can you insert a tampon while on your period? Or is that too painful?

 

With reference to your thread "Changing Thoughts", you have taken care of him quite well.

 

I have never experienced a female with a very tight vagina, younger woman being generaly larger, and went down on them until they were ready and wanted me inside.

 

Admittedly there can be soreness after an extensive session, but mostly outside though.

 

Added: He should not penetrate you with anything until you ready. Fingernails must be cut very short and hands freshly washed. Pain will cause pc muscles to tense.

 

My question is does he go down on you and is he able to give you a orgasm orally?

 

If not, I see the problem of your tightness being that you are not relaxed and possibly too worried.

 

Also see this post:

Also see this thread:

[annie24]

Go to a doctor! They are the only ones trained to deal with this. You can't treat yourself on your own properly.

 

I would have to disagree with this. In my case, every doctor I went to just said, "oh, just relax." One prescribed me some valium and told me to get drunk with my boyfriend. thanx doc! In my experience, doctors have been very unhelpful.

 

I would seriously recommend looking at the link on link removed website. It has a dialator kit and some videotapes and workbooks that can help get to the reason for your vaginismus.

 

Really, doctors did nothing for me, except make me feel bad. the best doctor to go to would really be a sex therapist.

 

Everyone has a different reason for it. if you know that you are alright down there, then it comes down to what is your mental block. A very common one is that many women are raised religious and told that sex is very very bad and sinful. then, they get married, and can't get that message out of their head! for other women, it has to do with a childhood rape or sexual assualt.

 

Once I learned how to consciously relax my PC muscles, everything is fine. I tend to tense up. I have a very traumatic OB/GYN exam once which made me deathly afraid of having anyone penetrate me. Once I worked with the kit, and got to the root of my anxiety, I have no problems with penetration anymore

 

So, yes, it is something that you can overcome, and it is a lot of work you have to do yourself, and with your partner.

 

good luck

[annie24]

No, my husband never said he'd leave me I know he wouldn't I just worry a lot, does anyone think that my getting fustrated easily during trying to have sex could cause my pc muscles to tense?

 

And about the thinking I was pregnant, I honestly don't think he went inside me I think he just pressed against me, he can get his finger in me but that's about it, and even that hurts to a point of tears.

 

A therapist one time told me a very good analogy. If you are trying to fall asleep, sitting in your bed, saying to yourself over and over again, "GO TO SLEEP! GO TO SLEEP!" Isn't going to help you at all. It is the same way with sex. You are constantly telling your body, "HAVE SEX, TRY TO HAVE SEX!" Well, your body won't respond to that either.

 

I think it's 100% to do with tense PC muscles. when they are tense, NOTHING can get in! I learned some very good relaxation exercises with the kit on that website, and once I did, loosening my muscles on command is very easy.

 

Bascially, you will need to do lots of kegel exercises, and then work slowly. first start with inserting a q-tip. then with your finger, then with a small dialtor, and work your way up to a bigger one, and eventually, your husband's penis.

 

Why do you think you tense up? are you nervous about the pain? did you have a bad sexual experience as a teenager?

 

A key to overcoming vaginismus is really figuring out why you have it. You can overcome it. I certainly did. You just have to do a lot of internal work and face your demons.

[annie24]

I had been to numerous doctors, and no one could diagnose me. They examined me, told me I looked fine, and they all just told me to get drunk and have sex. Ultimately, I wound up diagnosing myself.

 

I am angry that with all the knowledge out there about viagra and erectile disorders, that none of the 3 doctors I went to ever said the word "vaginismus" to me. I had to google it myself on the internet.

[nottoogreen]

OK, I learned something new then, it may be vaginismus. Keep on learning about it and as you seem to make progress with the dildo, progressively try larger ones which is what seems to be the prevalent treatment method.

 

I think you got a good mate and the two of you will overcome it and be very happy together.