sex with ex

[bimbo]

My ex broke up with me about three weeks ago but we have slept together a few times since we split up. do you think he is just using me for sex or do you think we'll get back together? He does seem very distant. It is usually me who initiates the sex because I love him, and of course because I am attracted to him. But I do want to get back together but he says he doesn't want to.

[chai714]

It takes two to have sex, so he's not using you because he's not the only one getting something out of it.

 

To answer your question, sex can not be used as a bargaining tool in terms of getting your ex back. You never hear something like, "We got back together because I'm good in bed," right? So, don't confuse sex with you two getting back together. If anything, you should be withholding sex and conditioning his mind to correlate a relationship with you = good sex, no relationship = no sex.

[RayKay]

I agree with Chai, you are an adult and a willing participant, he is not using you. He would be manipulating you if he said something like "if we have sex, maybe we will get back together" - but he is making no promises, correct? In fact he is saying he doesn't want to.

 

You are however I think partially using sex to manipulate him into wanting you again (you after all are also initiating it), but of course not only is it the wrong way to go about it, it is also ineffective and will only hurt you more.

 

So, my guess is he takes the sex as you are offering it, but he is not using you as long as you are willing to do it and not making false promises. And, that you would be better served by stopping having sex with him for your own sanity, emotional health and self respect. As long as you keep doing it, I am afraid you are holding only yourself back.

[bimbo]

If he is not going to come back to me then I would rather be sleeping with him than totally uninvolved with him. Is this a bad idea?

[eleanorrigby1]

Why are you sleeping with someone who doesnt want you?

 

Its far more fun with someone who does.

[RayKay]

How will you feel if he starts sleeping with someone else, or ditches you when he starts dating?

 

Do you want to risk an STI (or more...) with this guy?

 

Do you want to prevent yourself from moving on and finding someone whom does want to be with you? Kinda hard to find the one for you when you are sleeping with the one whom isn't!

 

Do you really want to settle for scraps? Don't you think you deserve more than that?

[bimbo]

if he starts seeing someone else then of course I would be upset by it whether we were still sleeping together or not. but since we are no longer together as a couple and are just sleeping together occasionally then there is not much i can do about that.

[southerngirl]

I think that if two people are broken up and continue to sleep together one of ya is going to get hurt real bad.

[dnl940]

My ex wife and I tried that for a few weeks after our breakup, and she said exactly those words, "I'd rather be sleeping with you than not have anything with you." Which made me realize that it kept us both from healing/moving on/working on the relationship. So we stopped, and eventually both realized that the marriage was not working for either of us. But the sex that we had after separating made each of us blind to the real problems our relationship had, and what was really important. Stop sleeping with your ex unless you get back together first. If he knows that all he has to do is call you up and you'll have sex with him, what would be his motivation to want to have more in the relationship at this point?

[Dako]

Sleeping together after you break up just adds confusion to a disturbing situation. Your question tips me off that you aren't too sure what's happening. I'd sleep alone if I were you.

[aterblack]

Everyone commits a lot of mistakes just in name of love, (I've done it) but think about you, think about what it is important, he is moving on and you are waiting for something that he cannot give you. Don't hurt yourself, and do not look for a revenge, I just came from one and did not work. It's makes you feel miserable. Let him go.

[REDIRECT43]

If you are sleeping with him only to get him back, you are going to be very hurt. If you are cool with the arrangement, having no strings, than go for it girl! But remember, as long as he's getting the goods without having to do anything, he's not going to commit to a relationship. Why should he? I'll be honest, I am in a very nice relationship with my EX, but we have no commitment to each other. We see each other once a week, have awesome sex, and we lead separate lives, and it's perfect because we're both not looking to settle down. We always have a good time together. I tell everyone he's my bf, and he tells people I'm his girl, but we are not committed. However, when I go on dates, he gets very jealous and maniacal. This is very annoying. If you can honestly handle the repurcussions of sleeping with your ex, go for it! But if you're looking for commitment and a relationship, DON'T DO IT!

[Ash]

I agree with the other posters on this, it's not a great idea to be doing this. You'll get really hurt if/when he finds somebody new. And you've pretty much shut yourself off to either being with somebody else, or getting over him.

 

In the worst scenario, since you are sleeping with him because you are attracted to him and love him, it could be seen that you are not doing it for his sake, you are doing it for your sake, and some could see that as using him rather than the other way around. That's not a good thing at all. I'm not saying I agree with that assessment, but many people have very strong personal beliefs about sexual relations in these cases.

 

There will be other guys, you will love again. If he wants out then this will not win him back. Think about where to go from here in a forward direction, rather than looking back and trying to reclaim something that perhaps is gone. It's sad, but it does happen this way a lot.