Is this a dead give away of cheating or inconclusive?

[MJMJ]

I am in a relationship with someone for a year. I am a careful type of person and don't just trust someone 100%. He hasn't given me any real reasons to believe he is cheating or having someone on the side. I believe he loves me but i am still careful with everyone.

 

One night we were lying together on the couch and the lower collar of his white t-shirt i see a straight line thats about half an inch. To me, it looked like lipstick that wasn't mine. (It wasn't brigt red or anything so its hard to describe the collar. I use pink lip gloss. I mentioned you have a mark on your shirt and without really looking he said its probably lipstick.(Meaning--from me b/c i tend to get that stuff on him) And i said well it wasn't from me-mine is pink and he said well it has to be from you and it came out of the laundry today. I do not see him til 7:30 at night because that is when i get out of work. The stain did not look old--like it set in and it appeared a little darker than mine and when i felt it i could kind of smear it then. He then said so then what are you asking me in a calm way. At that point, I dropped it thinking--ok its me being insecure. I second guessed myself because i felt like if it was a lipstick stain from a girl--wouldnt it appear more like her lips rather than a little straight line or more smudgy like a blot. It seems weird to me that if he was making out with someone or something--that it would appear so straigh and thin and smeared accross it or in other little areas. It was just this one mark. This happened a couple of month ago so i can not bring this up now. I am just trying to make sense of things. Its hard for me to believe someone who introduced me to his family and who took me on vacation would cheat. Would you consider things like that more of a cliche now a days unless it happened a few times or something? Is it a dead give away or would you look for my signs like him not wanting to see me which hasn't happened--going out more often with out me--which hasn't happened either.

The way i rationalized it was--it would have appeared more messy if from a girl kissing his neck or whatever it may be and probably smeared meaning more than one spot. I let it go hoping its a misunderstanding or maybe it was something else. What do you think?

[shorty20]

if he had been cheating, I think he would have gotten more defensive. I would calm down and forget about it, unless other signs start to show up. It seems like this guy is really into you, and I don't think you have a real reason to believe he was cheating. The stain could have been from lots of things other than lipstick... calm down and enjoy his company! If there are other signs then I might be worried, but for now I'd just sit back and relax.

[Süsser Tod]

Whatever it was, what happened after that prooves that he wasn't cheating on you.

 

Maybe he ate a donut with some chocolate covering and some of it got on his shirt, or a strawberry covered donut (I'm getting hungry!), or maybe he was playing with a red ink pen, or maybe...

 

Don't sweat it, there are no other signs of him cheating.

[Cadence308]

I agree with other posters that it doesn't appear that he's cheating. He would have gotten more defensive when you asked him what it was. It looks like he's really into you if he's taking you on vacation and to meet the parents. You are being insecure.

[jimthzz]

Is to let your insecurities convince you of no other explaination for something you see, but for infidelity.

 

Why?

 

Because if the person is not cheating they resent the implication and it starts to poison the relationship.

 

And if they were cheating it drives them to even greater secrecy around you.

 

In either case, you lose.

[yeawutever]

You gotta take a hold of your behavior b/c one day he's gonna get tired of your insecurity issues and walk away. Than only to find out he was not cheating and was drove away by you being overly jealous.

[MJMJ]

Looking back at this(this was one of the major things that i had a hard time getting over and every once in awile i still find myself thinking hmm, i hope i wasn't wrong)

 

With this, the main reason people believe it was probably nothing was because of what he said? "its probably lipstick". B/c isnt this a classic sign or the cliche to look for. It seems like its something to happen more often in movies or tv shows than real life b/c if someone did cheat a few hours before--definitely change the shirt to avoid smell of perfume or anything else like make up marks.

 

It felt the way lipstick does when its on something--that cakey type of thing where u can rub in, kinda smear it. I really don't know what else it could be.

You think b/c of the way he reacted (Even though people can be swift with lying) its more than likely no?

[Hope75]

This happened back in May, and you are still thinking about it?

 

The better question is, what has happened SINCE MAY that is making you still question this?

[Survictor]

Truth is that when you wash fabric, a make-up stain can appear darker than it was originally... especially on a white fabric.

[MJMJ]

I agree, But--since i was able to kind of smear it--it probably wasnt washed in or washed.

Wouldnt it be pretty recent like that day or something.

[melrich]

I'd be pretty sure that he was covering something up here. You don't just get lipstick on your collar by accident. It is probably time to decide whether you can continuethis relationship while he is cheating with someone else.

[MJMJ]

Speaking to one of my friends--she said since you think it wasn't old or anything, meaning it would have to be very recent that it was done--would he really be that stupid of a guy to not worry about the smell of perfume or something that would probably rub onto his shirt where i can smell it? Most likely he would have checked himself or changed shirts and maybe that stain could have come from anything besides that....

[melrich]

He wouldn't have noticed it. It's like when you wear perfume after a while you canot smell it and you cannot see your collar.

 

I'll tell you 2 things, if it came from you you would know it (people just do), so the fact that it didn't means it got there some other how. I'd have thought it was pretty cut and dried.

[MJMJ]

But for what i was saying was..it was hard for me to decide if it was or not.

Do you think a person would take a chance like that? The possibility of smelling like some other girl b/c it will go away?

[melrich]

That's not what he did. He just forgot about it. That's how people get caught. He didn't think it would go away, he forgot it was there.

 

I find it hard to understand why you would want to be with him for so long after he has done this to you?

[birdgirl]

Melrich, I'm surprised you seem so certain he's cheating.

[Hope75]

MJ,

 

Why are you still questioning this 5 months later?

 

What has he done since this to make you think he's cheating?

[Mrs Elliott Smith]

You should sniff his clothes-- see if it smells like him, or if it smells like someone else.

[shoebaby1]

this is weird, how can you base your man cheation off of a stain on his shirt that makes no sense.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

People get stuff on their hands then scratch their neck... could have been one of those red marker pens they use to write on blackboards at work, or some kind of soap or lotion they put in bathrooms, or salad dressing or marinara sauce from lunch...

 

or, some women he worked with had lipstick on her hands and shook his hand and he later touched his shirt...

 

there is a kind of lube grease used on cars/machinery/equipment that is reddish, maybe he opened the copy machine and got some on him...

 

so i'm saying that you cannot jump to such a large conclusion like kissing another woman from ONE unidentifed smudge mark on his collar... could have been a million things other than lipstick he got on his collar from his hands.

 

he could be cheating, but it could be a million other reasons too... cheating ALWAYS comes with a cluster of other behaviors rather than just one 'sign'... does he lie? disappear and have unaccounted for time? whispered phone calls? ignoring you? sex gone downhill... etc etc.

 

i think i would look at this rationally and ask yourself, is he doing lots of things that indicate he might be cheating, or am i just really afraid of losing him to someone else? depending on your answer, you should proceed in different directions, to deal with him, or to deal with your own fears...

[blindfold]

it could be anything and everything, not just lipstick! it could even be blood (imagine he shaved the same day, and cut himself on the neck - happens to men all the time) or he accidentaly dropped some ink from a red pen...

stupid example, but when i was younger i cut myself frequentely (not on purpose), and i had blood stains all over my clothes when i got home at the end of the day - bottomline - everyone thought i cut myself on purpose and that i was sunk in sadness and all, when all i was was left-handed and clumsy.

my point is, don't judge him for something you don't know for sure - if he had been with anyone he would've changed his shirt, probably he didn't even notice what caused the stain.

 

but agree with the other post - what is making you bring that subject up months after it happened?