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MJMJ

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  1. MJMJ
    But for what i was saying was..it was hard for me to decide if it was or not. Do you think a person would take a chance like that? The possibility of smelling like some other girl b/c it will go away?
  2. MJMJ
    Speaking to one of my friends--she said since you think it wasn't old or anything, meaning it would have to be very recent that it was done--would he really be that stupid of a guy to not worry about the smell of perfume or something that would probably rub onto his shirt where i can smell it? Most likely he would have checked himself or changed shirts and maybe that stain could have come from anything besides that....
  3. MJMJ
    I agree, But--since i was able to kind of smear it--it probably wasnt washed in or washed. Wouldnt it be pretty recent like that day or something.
  4. MJMJ
    Looking back at this(this was one of the major things that i had a hard time getting over and every once in awile i still find myself thinking hmm, i hope i wasn't wrong) With this, the main reason people believe it was probably nothing was because of what he said? "its probably lipstick". B/c isnt this a classic sign or the cliche to look for. It seems like its something to happen more often in movies or tv shows than real life b/c if someone did cheat a few hours before--definitely change the shirt to avoid smell of perfume or anything else like make up marks. It felt the way lipstick does when its on something--that cakey type of thing where u can rub in, kinda smear it. I really don't know what else it could be. You think b/c of the way he reacted (Even though people can be swift with lying) its more than likely no?
  5. MJMJ
    To you it may not be cheating but to me and many others it is. And once again how i write here is not how i am acting with him. People probably think i am nagging him everyday or making comments when it is actually the opposite. We had the argument and that was that and i guess i am really just wondering if there will be one in the first place.
  6. MJMJ
    Ever hear of it would just be beating a dead horse? Why should i bring this up again? I would have rather heard what people thought from my last post. A lot of people have said i should not bring this up again and pretty much nag about the same issue. He obviously knows i am not for it and knows i wouldnt want him getting a lap dance. Bringing this up again is just going to annoy him like it probably would for a lot of people.
  7. MJMJ
    I would really rather not bring it up again after having an argument over it. I would rather guess at the chances at this point regarding this wedding. And my b/f would be fine with the bachelorette thing BUT i still believe it is different for a girl and a guy..i wouldnt be turned on by looking at these guys..guys get more turned on visually i think. It just wouldnt do much for me looking at a buff guy dancing around on me.
  8. MJMJ
    Ok--they live upstate but the wedding is probably 3 hours away in a different area. Do you think they would be taking the week in that area or just a few days or just arrive that morning of the wedding with a limo.. if the party is upstate--i doubt my b/f would travel for it. wouldnt my b/f know about it already?And he already mentioned about the weekend so i am thinking i will see him(and after this weekend the wedding is a week away)..a bachelor party at a strip club would occur on a tuesday? or monday? doesnt sound as much fun as a friday or saturday nite. What do you think?
  9. MJMJ
    i also wanted to point out that the wedding is in 2 weeks..don't you think the bachelor party would have occurred by now? from what i know--the parties that occur a few days before the wedding dont really happen as often anymore but usually a week or 2 before. It is just better for recovering purposes i guess lol
  10. MJMJ
    I agree with a lot of what u said--i guess it is hard though to leave an almost 2 year relationship over this. What should i do the next time with a guy--interview him and if he says if there is a bachelor party of someone he knows and would go--dump him?
  11. MJMJ
    One post on another message board said something along the lines that he is basically saying this is my problem and he will do what he wants and go have a good time at this thing. She said a man in love will do his best to make his woman happy and he is just telling me my feelings are wrong and that is it. He is making a me decision, instead of a we. What do you think? Also--how would i really know he followed those boundaries if he went to one of these things? of course i can trust--but i won't know what went on.
  12. MJMJ
    A lap dance to me is cheating...i dont care if its a service--noone should be around my b/f in that type of matter.
  13. MJMJ
    i feel he does love me BUT i have a hard time believing in the middle of all this fun--one guy at the party says lap dances on me--and that girl is about to grind him---maybe i am being jaded but i have a hard time believing my b/f will say no thanks. That situation is just so tempting, its a party, with the guys, beer, i am not there or in his mind lwhen ooking at this hot piece of a**. Why would someone go and partake in the events. I feel in some ways i am partially a realist and partially just have bad trust in general when people subject themselves to an environment like this. It is like putting myself in alone in a room with a guy i used to mess around and i am drunk--can i completely trust myself to just stay friends and not cross any lines?--that situation can be very dangerous. Just something i just thought about. What if he is a little aggressive as these strippers tend to be and just doesnt take no and then he kisses me(not in a horrible forceful way), what happens then--did i cheat b/c he made the move?
  14. MJMJ
    I got mad at my b/f though last night b/c he said i am being childish and i should stop asking my friends who are in their early 20's about this b/c they are still thinking like teenagers. He said he never heard of someone busting a guy's chops over this(someone over 25). I told him its not childish and i feel its a free pass to look at another naked woman other than me or if a guy is married its a free pass to do that as well. He basically said whatever, i am done with this conversation and its nice to know what you think of me after a year and a half. I understand him BUT he does not understand why a girl is insecure that a b/f will obviously be looking at this girl who is half-naked in a sexual way--it just disgusts me. We will never see eye to eye--eventually it will become an issue and i do not know if it is worth breaking up over. He basically just said--what do you think is gonna happen--everyone is gonna enter that party with the intention to cheat? Yes--if he is untrusty--i guess it will come out but even if i set boundaries with this--i am really afraid that what goes on at these things will stay at these things and i will be none the wiser if in fact he did get a lap dance. He tells me at a strip club even with that--you aren't allowed to touch the girl and he said why couldn't i just say no thanks if that came up. (I really liked the last post by the way--made me feel a little more secure about things--i also dont mind someone giving me statistics as long as they are correct of course b.c i want honesty and not someone to just reassure me) Obviously my mood was no good with him last night--do i let this go, break up over this? accept that fact that if he is invited to one he will be looking and admiring these sexual girls and hope he will be genuine to me? He was in a bad mood in the morning b/c of this and i was the one making the effort to hold his hand in the car and just drop it. I have 2 friends in relationships and basically i know the guys wouldnt go to this if their g/f didnt want them too..Maybe its partially an age thing--i am 23 and he is 30--from what i have seen--some younger guys are more willing to appease their g/f's--while some older might be more "set in their ways". It still makes me feel bad that these g/f's have these guys who wouldnt go. My b/f is more stubborn and does not want to be the guy who is going to do everything just to appease me.
  15. MJMJ
    my b/f argued he does not want to be one of those guys who does everything his g/.f says---soo in a way i am reading that as--he does not want to be considered "pu**y-whipped" and doesnt want his manhood taken away by not going or being allowed to go i guess you can call it. So with that in mind--it really makes me think a lap dance would occur if he was at one of these things--b/c if everyone else gets one--he doesnt want his "manhood" taken away or his ego stripped down.
  16. MJMJ
    I would much rather have my b/f look at a magazine or the tv once in awhile than go to a strip club where the girls are live. Maybe i do just have a bad perception but i just dont get how a guy can promise to be in a room with a half naked girl at this party and say nothing will happen--no touching, not even her being all over him.
  17. MJMJ
    I guess i really don't understand the bachelor party thing--my b/f contradicted himself in a way--he said its to celebrate that last night a guy can do something like that(strip club etc) and later on he was saying this is normal for a b/f,groom or HUSBAND to go--and thats when i said i thought a husband didnt belong there b/c he already celebrated something like that--he doesnt belong at those things anymore...he said i was just twisting words but it make sense to me--if that night was to celebrate his last night of doing something like that--he shouldnt be there when he is married--its like a free card to look at a naked woman other than your wife. Anyway--it may seem i have trust issues--but seriously what woman would be thrilled with this idea? There is this show called stag which video tapes bachelor parties and they show them to the fiances---well of course there were "rules" for these bachelors but most of the time these rules are thrown out the window in the midst of the party b/c its all in "good fun" and i guess you just get swept up in it. At one point the fiance almost slapped him in the arm saying what did i tell you about touching the strippers---these guys are the ones getting married and they do this. It just makes it really hard for me to believe a guy will walk away from a lap dance or choose not to cross the lines. When you are looking at a stripper and in the middle of all this fun--is your g/f really running through your mind?--i really think if he is going to go to this--he will enjoy it.
  18. MJMJ
    How can a bachelor party with strippers exist without lap dances? i have a very hard time believing that a guy will go to this event but then say no my g/f doesnt want me to get a lap dance but its ok to look and put $1 bills in her panties..it doesnt make any sense--i think if a guy goes--he is gonna participate in this stuff such a lap dances and not see it as any harm b/c its a bachelor party and all in good "fun". Sorry--just my thoughts
  19. MJMJ
    well obviously my b/f feels its a fact of life--and he would want one at his own wedding which i agree--then why would he be marrying me. I do not know the groom nor his friends--never met them so i can't evaluate anything. And i'm sorry--you can trust someone and love someone but these things still tend to cross the lines.
  20. MJMJ
    have you ever heard of the saying--what goes on at a bachelor party, stays at the bachelor party---why do you think that saying exists?
  21. MJMJ
    I'm sorry but i dont like this at all..now this is what i will worry about for the rest of the summer til it happens. He even said so if i was getting married, you dont think i would have a party--my response was--so there are no men out there who WOULDNT have a stripper, give me a break. Why do i need or should be ok with him looking at naked women dancing or grinding their bodies over him? I'm sorry but even saying--oh no lap dances to him is not realistic..if you are in the middle of this party and everyone is getting one including the groom, i really honestly doubt a person would walk away and just say my g/f doesnt want me to get one. I dont think that has anything to do with trust--i really think its human nature and its just not believable to place limits--if he is at a strip club--i really think all bets are off and a person is just gonna have a good time. Sorry it may sound pessimistic or others may say its insecure--but i honestly just think its human nature, part of instinct, and just what happens.
  22. MJMJ
    well i gave in and brought it up to my b/f and he said well nothing was said to him yet and he said of course he would go if invited and i am being ridiculous and that a bachelor party is a fact of life.... The wedding is in the beginning of september--wouldn't he know by now if there was one?
  23. MJMJ
    You think even though they aren't close he would be invited? I thought it was the best man's job to get a group of guys he is close with to go.
  24. MJMJ
    Hi--i just have a quick question of you think will happen. I feel very uneasy about a b/f going to a bachelor party or being apart of those types of things etc. But i know--most guys feel its ok and dont want to be considered "whipped". I called my b/f today and then he just mentions we have a wedding to go to. His cousin is getting married. Its in a few weeks. His mother and his family will obviously be going too. I asked if you were close and he said its my cousin. I asked where he lives and he said upstate but he think the wedding will be located in NYC. He said he hadn't seen him for a few years after i asked that. I'm assuming 2 or more. Do you think my b/f would be invited to the bachelor party? Its usually the friends who plan something right? In a year and a half i never heard anything about his cousin so i am hoping this means my b/f wouldnt be apart of it or his friends wouldn't know to invite him unless the groom mentions him. I know some will say oh i should just trust but i'm sorry--i just dont like this even though i know guys will be guys and would wanna go to one eventually. If the wedding is in nyc--do you think the bachelor party would be too? I really don't want him to be apart of this. I know how i feel about it and i know he would go to one if invited so my question is do you think he would be invited if obviously they aren't that close. Isn't it usually close friends planning it or something? Please write back on your thoughts.
  25. MJMJ
    I have not been discussing any of these feelings right now with him. A good friend say even if something was missing, its not a good indicator of anything and if he is doing something wrong, somehow it will just come out and i should let this particular situation go.
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