do i put all my eggs in one basket??

[orvil]

hi all, this is my first post here and its going to be a rather lenghty one.

 

have read a lot of your posts and feel i will get some honest and constructive answers to my dilema.

i have asked friends and people i work with but they live in there small worlds not appreciating situations like the ones a lot of you are living or have been through.

 

im not 100% which way round to start this story.

 

lets take it right back to the start so when i explain the current problem it will all be clear ( i hope )

 

ok.. im a 30 yr old male from the UK and about 4 years ago met a ladyfrom the USA of same age on myspace. the inital reason for messages was physical attraction on both sides... she is drop dead gorgeous, body to die for ( as she is an ice skater ). even though i dont think im model material she was more than impressed with my phsyique..

from there we just exchanged messages and emails then i introduced her to web cam and voice comms online. this evolved to more and we both admited that even though we are limited to our interaction we were both feeling things more than just mates for each other.

we had so much in common, our sexual desires our thoughts our views wants needs.. they fitted like a jigsaw.. every thing matched. when you have specific desires and fantays and you find another that shares the same ones and you also get on like a house on fire with out the sexual thing it makes the whole thing magic.

for example we used to put our web cams on so we could watch each other sleep, it was so cute doing so.. .

i dont need to go into details about what it was but we were so compatable in more ways than one..

 

i dont need to make to much out of this part of my story as its just background info for the present day issue i have....

 

any way over the 8 months or so we was falling for each other in a big way but i think that scared her off as the concept even to me was so bizarre that you can end up feeling and sharing what we did yet we had never even held hands..

so we kinda went our separate ways and things faded out..

we have always kept intouch from time to time..

 

so with that out the way on to the present day...

 

about a year ago i met another lady on myspace ( im no longer on myspace any more just so you know ) she is from USA as well.

there was a little physical attraction there and our first few methods of contact there was just small talk..

this then went to webcams and voice comms online and again it was just small talk,. no spark just another person that shared interests and we was keen to learn about each others lives and social backgrounds.

we chatted on and offline and mailed each other from time to time.

 

and basicaly developed a great friendship.

this friendship has now evolved into something more.

this in itself is a first for me as my past loves i have known with in hours if we have anything between us.. but this time it was different its become something with out either of us noticing..

we have sent each other gifts speak every day on phone ( she even got international calling so she can call me with out paying a fortune ) we are on msn cam and voice as often as poss. we have 1 day a week we make sure we are there for each other and spend up to 8 hours some times just talking to each other.. so we have no exhausted the means of comms we have so i book my self a ticket to go see her. i will also be seeing some friends i have out there that own some shops there. so i have got a saftey net if things dont pan out like we want...

im heading out next month,

we are both so excited but also so scared.

for the first week im staying in a hotel and if all goes well staying with her for the last week. the hotel was just keep the pressure to a minimum rather than just turning up for the first time and sharing the same bed from the word go..

there has been no talk of a serious relationship or of the what if's.

we have both agreed to just meet up and see where it goes from there and deal with the what if's later..

but in kinda preperation we have both taken a full screen for STD's so if any thing was to happen we would both be safe. it might be presumpsious of us both to have done that but thats not the case its more a just in case..

 

i really dont know how its going to turn out with this one im going to see..

but i do know its going to go one of two ways.. we will either fall madly in love or end up been best of friends......

 

right. now to the problem and what i would like honest advice on..

i kind of already know what to do but just need some impartial thoughts on it...

 

the lady i mentioned first in the letter found out the other day that im coming to the USA, and was rather excited that im going be in the US still a long way from her but lots closer than i am now. she suggested meeting up and asked if she could fly up to see me.

i explained that i am stayin in a hotel for the first week and at a friends the second week.

she asked if she could come up and stay at the hotel with me for a day or 2..

 

1 part of me is saying forget girl A that has passed and you know that the new girl is great and you will get on better than you hoped for....

 

another part is saying dont put all your eggs in one basket. you dont know how things will turn out and who knows the A girl might still be perfect for you...

 

if this was happening in my own country i would not be asking this...

but im traveling all the way to the US...

 

the fact that i had/still have feelings for girl A and have just develpoed feelings for girl B and have the chance to see both of them in person.

 

 

 

there we go... i have probably missed some bits out as im typing this work. and as im sure you are aware there is much more to both these relationsips that its near impossible to express in a forum post so you will have to use your imaginations and just know that the feelings for girl A who i met first are still there and Girl B i have new fresh feelings just as strong....

 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 

i know im probably complicating things for myself, story of my life, and i should just go meet girl B and take it from there...

 

but like the title says... do put all my eggs in one basket? or keep my options open.

[syborg]

Girls arn't eggs they are human beings with feelings and emotions.

 

NO girl should EVER be an insurance policy for another.

 

You CHOSE to meet girl B which means you must let girl A go. Its a HORRIBLE situation, one I have found myself in before and I understand exactly how you feel. I was tortured for months a while back - do I stick with my g/f and try and sort out our problems, or do I go with the new girl I met.

 

The best advice I can give you is to NEVER EVER EVER have two girls on the go at once where each one is an "insurance policy" if one goes on. If you go down that route, you will end up lying, cheating and becoming somthing you are not. I HAVE been there myself and its NOT fun.

 

Tell Girl A you wont be able to meet her and enjoy yourself with Girl B. If care for ANY of them then you will do what is honourable and make your choice.

 

A or B

 

In my position, I would choose B cos she makes you happy at the moment.

[Arielle]

Orvil, I don't envy you at all!

 

I really think you should pick Girl B and stick with her. You committed to visiting her in the US and she is really expecting your undivided attention. If I was her I'd be very upset if the man who was coming to meet me had someone lined up on the side in case things don't work out. And just the fact that you do have someone lined up I think would make it easier for you to find faults with Girl B so you could scurry off to see Girl A. And not to mention the problems involved if Girl A finds out about Girl B and vice versa!

 

If things don't work out with Girl B, it's too bad Girl A already knows about your visit to the US. You could otherwise just call her unannounced and say "Hey, I'm in the US and I'd like to see you." But we all suffer from bad timing and missed opportunities in life. Otherwise Robert Frost never would have been able to write the poem "The Road Not Taken". Because of bad timing we miss out on job opportunities, schooling, chances for better apartments, etc., as well as a chance to meet the mate of our dreams.

 

It's never a fun decision to make, but I'd hate to see you make your life way too complicated than it needs to be. Personally I think you should give Girl B a chance, but if it's too hard on you, maybe you should take the drastic step of cancelling your US trip altogether!

 

I don't like playing the part of telling people not to have any fun in their life, but it is my honest opinion. I hope it gives you something to think about, and I hope other people answer your post!

 

Best of luck to you.

[Süsser Tod]

If you want a serious relationship, that means commitment, and commitment = all eggs in one basket.

 

So if for any reason you think you're not putting all your eggs in one basket, you are not commiting yourself enough to that relationship...

[orvil]

Arille has understood where im coming from a little more syborg has kinda taken it the wrong way in some respects. but its understandable as texts dont express honesty, feellings and emotion...

 

thank you both for your answers, you both said what i was thinking deep down. and just to clear a few things up the title eggs in one basket is a saying and was not ment to be a reference comparing women to eggs.

 

and the reference to having insurance policys as back up is not the case either. also i am not nor never would have more than one lady on the go at a time. i have had my fair share of thrills fun and more than 2 in a bed sessions.. so im not looking for a complicated situation, even though i have got one here.

 

the main reason of my trip is to see girl B but also to catch up with some people i know who own 2 tattoo shops there as im close friends with there family. so as much as girl B is getting my undivided attention she is also aware that my visit is to see some friends i have not seen in over 3 years.

 

 

and just a little inside info on me.....

 

i am now ready to settle down and start a happy family and will not settle for second best. bot these women are the only ones that i have met in the past 4 years that have come close to making me feel this way.

im not by any means desperate nor am i out looking for it.

agreed that girl A has had her chance, as it were, and the time has passed and i should be focusing on girl B as that was my original plan.

and like the old saying goes what will be will be.

 

 

 

but i totaly agree with every thing Arielle said...

and thank you for advice..

[orvil]

@ SYBORG...

 

a lot of what you say is also correct as the same as arille but i have just noticed your Signature, doesnt that kind of contradict what you just gave me your opinion on?

 

i used to live my life by that moto but i would disagree with what it stands for now as it can turn out that you end up have more regrets for doing stuff than regrets for not doing it..

 

dont want this post to go off on a tangent now over that saying was just saying that if i lived by that moto now i would be seeing both of them and maybe even trying to get them in the same bed... hehe

[syborg]

I see your point, but my "signature" best applies when there is a do nothing or take action scenario.

 

In your case, you have to decide what action to take and ANY action you take could lead to good things and or bad things depending on how you deal with it. If you are asking "do i go with girl A ?" and that was the only option then my "signature" would suggest "YES". However, Girl B changes the situation because it is not a case of "Girl A or NOTHING", see what I mean ?

[orvil]

hehe i know dude. was just playing...