Lansing Posted May 9, 2006 Share Posted May 9, 2006 I am curious if people out there that are currently "dating" or in relationships would give there phone number out to someone of the opposite sex if they asked for it.... Further to the "why do some girls flake" thread, I was talking to a female friend and she said she has given her number to guys and doesn't even bring up she has a boyfriend. She says she doesn't want to automatically "assume" the guy is after her in a romantic way. If she had a good conversation with them then she will give her number to him . However, she said one of those guys called her on Sunday and asked her for a coffee and she said "no thanks.. I would rather see you in our group setting"... Link to comment
AntiLove_SuperStar Posted May 9, 2006 Share Posted May 9, 2006 Hmm Well as a bisexual, if I followed the "not giving oout my number to anyone who could be a sexual conquest" rule, Id never make any new friends! I think you have to consider in which setting you met the person, and if you'd mind your bf/gf knowing. If you WOULD mind them knowing, that's usually a good indication you should keep those digits to yourself. Link to comment
RayKay Posted May 9, 2006 Share Posted May 9, 2006 No, I don't. And I definitely don't "leave out fact" I am with someone. If after we have talked and they know I am with someone and it truly IS a friendship deal, then yes, but it really depends on the situation. If I wonder if they have more intent, I probably won't for example. I don't know, when someone does that, it seems suspicious and like they are keeping their options open or want the attention. Not positive signs. Your friend is a little silly if she does not want to "assume"...when they ask for her number she should say that only if he was willing to see her on a friendship basis since she is involved with someone. Odd she waits until they aks her out to give them the information. Link to comment
beanpaper Posted May 9, 2006 Share Posted May 9, 2006 I am curious if people out there that are currently "dating" or in relationships would give there phone number out to someone of the opposite sex if they asked for it.... Further to the "why do some girls flake" thread, I was talking to a female friend and she said she has given her number to guys and doesn't even bring up she has a boyfriend. She says she doesn't want to automatically "assume" the guy is after her in a romantic way. If she had a good conversation with them then she will give her number to him . However, she said one of those guys called her on Sunday and asked her for a coffee and she said "no thanks.. I would rather see you in our group setting"...No. Not unless the guy knew I was in a serious relationship beforehand. Then I wouldn't have that awkward moment of declining a date. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted May 9, 2006 Share Posted May 9, 2006 I would as long as I did not get the impression that he thought my reason for giving him my card (I would not give out my home number) was romantic. I sometimes mention that I have a boyfriend but if the conversation is purely business/networking it is awkward to do so. Once, I let a man join me in my walk back from religious services, we spoke of many things, he asked me my last name and then looked up my number and called me (I did not return the call). He never asked if I was involved and it didn't come up. I most likely would not attend a singles event and if I did (i.e. to keep a friend company and with my boyfriend's knowledge) then I would say to someone who asked for my number that I was involved with someone. It's all about context. I fully support people having friends of the opposite sex and I find it positive that my boyfriend has female friends including someone he dated a few years ago. Link to comment
chigal28 Posted May 9, 2006 Share Posted May 9, 2006 I love meeting new people and getting to know them, and I don't think that just because I'm in a relationship means I can't do that with people of *both* genders. That said, I always make sure that it's known right away and up-front with guys I meet that I have a boyfriend, so any time I spend getting to know that other person will be nothing more than developing a friendship. I usually manage to find a way to drop it into a conversation early on the first time I meet a guy...."Oh yeah, my boyfriend likes that band," whatever. I also tell my boyfriend about every guy I meet that I've exchanged numbers with for the purpose of friendship--how I met them and who they are, and I also of course tell him anytime I'm going to hang out with one of them, whether it's just with them (usually not) or with other friends (99% of the time). ALSO, I make every effort to introduce my boyfriend to these guys, so he knows who they are and they know who he is and it all stays very legitimate. If there ever was someone I *didn't* want to tell my boyfriend about, or have him meet, then there would be a problem. Link to comment
xmrth Posted May 9, 2006 Share Posted May 9, 2006 I never give guys my number. Any time one asks, I simply say "Well, my boyfriend is the only guy who I like to have my number. I don't give it to other guys, sorry" and I say it nicely, you know, no need to be rude and I get it all out in the open. I just have no desire to talk to other guys over the telephone, and I don't see why they need to have my personal phone number. Link to comment
bobo85 Posted May 9, 2006 Share Posted May 9, 2006 it really depends on the setting. I'm in college and i only give out my number and receive phone numbers from people in my class for study groups and homework questions. I think thats okay. Or if you live in a dorm, its okay to give out your number to your friends around your building. But if you are in a relationship and go out to a party with some friends, and someone shows interest and asks for your number...then its wrong to give out your number. Its obvious that this person who asked for the number has romantic motives and if you are in a happy relationship you should decline to give or accept the number and just continue talking. Link to comment
arwen Posted May 9, 2006 Share Posted May 9, 2006 Not if it is for 'dating' purposes. And I will always tell I am involved in a serious relationship. I think you shouldn't totally exclude the opposite sex from developing friendships. However, I think it can be a fine line, and you should always be honest to the other, the partner and yourself. Ilse Link to comment
SilverManic Posted May 9, 2006 Share Posted May 9, 2006 If i had a boyfriend I would give out an email address first before a phone number. Email is fine but phone... slightly different and it would also depend if they seemed to be interested in me or not. If they were then no I wouldn't. I would also mention that I was seeing someone. I don't have a boyfriend right now but I like someone. If a guy seems interested in me in that way I userally say 'look I'm very flattered but I'm only interested in one person right now'. Meaning I'm not dating but I'm not looking type thing. ~S Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted May 9, 2006 Share Posted May 9, 2006 I am curious if people out there that are currently "dating" or in relationships would give there phone number out to someone of the opposite sex if they asked for it.... Further to the "why do some girls flake" thread, I was talking to a female friend and she said she has given her number to guys and doesn't even bring up she has a boyfriend. She says she doesn't want to automatically "assume" the guy is after her in a romantic way. If she had a good conversation with them then she will give her number to him . However, she said one of those guys called her on Sunday and asked her for a coffee and she said "no thanks.. I would rather see you in our group setting"... First of all if when I have been in a commited relationship, then no, I would personally not give out my phone number, unless it was for example business related, but not to make a connection as I wouldn't feel comfortable with it, though others might not share that same view. If I were just 'dating' someone, then yes I would, if I wanted to. And about the girl who just wanted to see a guy in a group setting that is probably her way of telling him, she only likes him as a friend, not a date. Link to comment
grymoire Posted May 14, 2006 Share Posted May 14, 2006 Reading all this gives me the impression that my female friend has clearly played me!! I first met her in a train. We had good conversations and started meeting for lunch. During our second lunch I asked for her number and she gave it to me. We then hung out a lot and she talked about her guy friends and girlfriends. Nearly 2 months later I accidentally found out that she had a long-distance boyfriend!! By this time I had developed feelings for her thinking that she was single and I got emotionally crushed.... To this day I have no idea why she kept her boyfriend a secret. Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted May 14, 2006 Share Posted May 14, 2006 Reading all this gives me the impression that my female friend has clearly played me!! I first met her in a train. We had good conversations and started meeting for lunch. During our second lunch I asked for her number and she gave it to me. We then hung out a lot and she talked about her guy friends and girlfriends. Nearly 2 months later I accidentally found out that she had a long-distance boyfriend!! By this time I had developed feelings for her thinking that she was single and I got emotionally crushed.... To this day I have no idea why she kept her boyfriend a secret. Maybe they weren't serious yet at the point when you met her? Link to comment
grymoire Posted May 14, 2006 Share Posted May 14, 2006 Maybe they weren't serious yet at the point when you met her? No, when I met her it would have been over a year they both were bf/gf. Link to comment
grymoire Posted May 14, 2006 Share Posted May 14, 2006 but eventually i asked her why she never mentioned her bf to me and she said that they were "on again/off again". but i don't understand what's that got to do with me. she cud have still mentioned him right? Link to comment
Lansing Posted May 14, 2006 Author Share Posted May 14, 2006 Well.. she was probably interested in you, but, you got in her "Friendzone" by not pursuing it... I knew this girl from another country... We started hanging out and becoming closer... I developed an interest in her over time, and eventually, like 6 months after I met her we started "dating"... However, 3 months after that, I found out that when I first met her she had a BF living back home. And then I found out that he came to visit her for like a week before we started "dating".... I had NOOOO idea... I guess she didn't feel the need to bring him up... Adding to this thread, there was a girl I met a few weeks back and then I ran into her again at a party not long ago... Well, I found out through a friend that she had a BF between the first time I met her and the party. At the party, she actually mentioned her BF but, then, she ends up asking me out for later in the week! Anyway, obviously since she has a BF I assume it is a casual friendly thing... but, still seems odd. Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted May 14, 2006 Share Posted May 14, 2006 but eventually i asked her why she never mentioned her bf to me and she said that they were "on again/off again". but i don't understand what's that got to do with me. she cud have still mentioned him right? Yes, well at first when she gave you the number, if they were broke up, and she barely knew you, then of course it wasn't really your business, but yes I agree that if things progressed and she knew you liked her, and she'd gone "on again" with this other dude, it would have been kindof nice to let you know! Link to comment
Marco9i Posted May 14, 2006 Share Posted May 14, 2006 To Chigal28: You have a great understanding of a partner's emotions. I hope your boyfriend values your honest and sounds judgement. I also tell my boyfriend about every guy I meet that I've exchanged numbers with for the purpose of friendship--how I met them and who they are, and I also of course tell him anytime I'm going to hang out with one of them, whether it's just with them (usually not) or with other friends (99% of the time). ALSO, I make every effort to introduce my boyfriend to these guys, so he knows who they are and they know who he is and it all stays very legitimate. If there ever was someone I *didn't* want to tell my boyfriend about, or have him meet, then there would be a problem. Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted May 14, 2006 Share Posted May 14, 2006 Well.. she was probably interested in you, but, you got in her "Friendzone" by not pursuing it... That's also true....when guys we otherwise would have liked don't persue things we do (sometimes) put them in the friend category, merely because we've given up on waiting for them to make a move.... Link to comment
grymoire Posted May 14, 2006 Share Posted May 14, 2006 No, I did not put myself in the Friendzone. When we went for lunch the second time I gave her a compliment and she said thanks. She probably got the clue that I am interested in her as more than friends. After few days we went for our first dinner and I again complimented her and this time she told "Please don't say that... please don't make such comments.. I am your friend". So it was clear that she only saw me as a friend. And if she saw me only as a friend then she could have very well mentioned about her long-distance boyfriend. Is it not? Also Lansing, you have written you began dating only after 6 months. I am surprised how you managed to do that. Usually by that time guys fall into the friendzone right? Link to comment
Lansing Posted May 15, 2006 Author Share Posted May 15, 2006 grymoire: The reason why I didn't "date" her before was she was going back to her home country shortly and, before I really got to know her, I didn't think it was worth the hassle... In retrospect, maybe it wasn't worth the hassle Link to comment
Dating Coach Posted May 15, 2006 Share Posted May 15, 2006 I am curious if people out there that are currently "dating" or in relationships would give there phone number out to someone of the opposite sex if they asked for it.... Further to the "why do some girls flake" thread, I was talking to a female friend and she said she has given her number to guys and doesn't even bring up she has a boyfriend. She says she doesn't want to automatically "assume" the guy is after her in a romantic way. If she had a good conversation with them then she will give her number to him . However, she said one of those guys called her on Sunday and asked her for a coffee and she said "no thanks.. I would rather see you in our group setting"... I find this VERY disrespectful and I wouldn't stand for it. Neither my girlfriend or myself would ever do this to the other. How would this girl feel if her man was handing out his phone number to cute girls? No way, this is wrong. Link to comment
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