Jump to content

Recommended Posts

So here is a link to some of the background on my situation:

 

 

 

I have been doing allright since she walked away. It has been hard, yes, and I think about her all the time. I think that my therapy has been reading and discovering more about myself. One thing that definitely got overlooked in our relationship was our communication, and that we didn't seek any outside help. Whenever things got tense between us, we took a bit of space, then I would logically look and see what I had to do to 'fix' the problems. We would come back together, things would be great for a few weeks, maybe a month or two, then we would fall into some of the same ruts.

 

I think it was because we were running high on emotions. There is nothing more that I wanted to do than make a change for the positive, and I was trying. It just wasn't working long term. I guess you can compare it to a diet... or a New Year's resolution. You strive so hard to meet those goals, and then your emotional high wears a bit, until you are back at square one. Well, then I started reading, and I mean, alot of reading. Talk about an eye opener.

 

I guess I really didn't understand myself to begin with, and that was hurting us. Things made sense in my head, and I am sure they made sense in hers as well, so why were we always butting head if we loved each other so much? Well, I think I got my answers through books. Here is what I have read so far:

 

"Getting the Love You Want" by Harville Hendricks

"Getting to Yes : Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In" by Roger Fisher

"Relationship Rescue" by Phil McGraw

"Who Moved My Cheese? An Amazing Way to Deal with Change in Your Work and in Your Life" by Spencer Johnson

"Communication Miracles for Couples: Easy and Effective Tools to Create More Love and Less Conflict" by Jonathan Robinson

 

*New books read as of 05/18/06:

"The Road Less Traveled, 25th Anniversary Edition : A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth" by M. Scott Peck

"Overcoming Jealousy and Possessiveness" by Hauck, Paul A.

 

Finished 5/23/06:

"How One of You Can Bring the Two of You Together" by Susan Page

 

Finished 5/25/06:

"The Four Agreements : A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom" by Don Miguel Ruiz - AWESOME!

 

I can't tell all of you how much this has opened up my eyes and changed my views on things. Am I just dense for not knowing some of these things? So much of it made perfect sense. I wish I would have taken this route when problems first starting occurring in my relationship, because I can guarantee you that we would be the happy loving couple that we have always wanted to be.

 

Now maybe it is too late for the two of us. Hard to imagine that the last 3 years and 2 months are just gone like that. Part of me says this is the best thing that ever happened to me, because otherwise, we might have been caught in the same viscous loop. The other part of me misses her dearly, especially when I know we absolutely love each other whole heartedly.

 

I have been NC for 6 days now. We are supposed to have a volleyball game tomorrow night, and I am still not positive what to do. I feel good about me. I feel good about what I have learned. I would love to share what I have learned with her, as I know that it could put us on the right track.

 

If I fail at something, I want to learn. I want to know how to do it. I want to be successful at it. That is how I work.... maybe she will see this in me. She is only 22 (I am 27), so I wonder if maturity has anything to do with it. I mean, I just can't fathom walking away from something after this long without exhausting every possible option. Why is it so extreme for her? All or nothing. Why run from the problems instead of confronting them? Guess my quote from "The Mexican" fits in here:

 

Samantha: I have to ask you a question. It's a good one so think about it.

If two people love each other, but they just can't seem to get it together,

when do you get to that point of enough is enough?

 

Jerry: Never.

 

 

Then I look at NC. If this is the person you truly love, and would do anything for. Do you sit back and watch them walk away? Or do you fight for that person? If you sit and do nothing.... will you regret it? Or do you try everything you can to improve you... your relationship.... your life together?

 

So confusing and frustrating.

 

Guess only time will tell. Sorry for the rant. Just wanted to get some things off my chest. And for those of you who are confused. I would highly suggest reading!!! Find out what you don't know! While I am not 100% at fault here, I now know what steps I could have taken, and will take if the opportunity is there again to make this a happy fulfilling relationship.

Link to comment

all that I know is that i'm feeling almost identical to how you are. My ex-gf and I were together for 3.5 years (broke up 2 months ago). I'm feeling just like you in that if I could use what I know now, I can 100% garentee that we'd still be together. I want so bad just to have another stab at it using what i've learned. The problem is, I dont think i'll get that chance (or at least thats what I think in my mind... she's friendly when she sees me twice a week at class, but other than that, I never hear from her).

 

Maybe its for the better.... you (and I) have worked on ourselves and know that it has made us into a better partner. However, it seems that our ex's haven't worked on themselves at all so maybe its time to move on and find someone else that is more mature.

Link to comment

I think one of her biggest gripes, is that I have said I would change, and then somehow we always end back up where we were. To a point, I don't think she believes the words that I say now because of what has happened.

 

She gets frustrated, and tells me "I shouldn't have to make you do these things", or "You should want to do these things". And in all honesty, I do want to do all those things. I just didn't know how to show it the way she wanted me to. I would love to spend 5 minutes at the end of each work day hugging and kissing her. I have all kinds of plans and trips planned for us, it just seems hard to execute them because of our schedules.

 

I was two seconds away from booking us a flight to Nashville to go see Kenny Chesney in concert (I live in Cleveland, OH) and spend the weekend there. How awesome would that have been? Summer is around the corner... she is out of school, and everything is supposed to get easier. My roomie moved out, so now I have my house to myself again, and her and I could do the romantic things that we couldn't before (candlelit dinners, bubble baths, etc). I guess I just didn't know how to handle myself in the interim.

 

Thanks to all the research and reading, I now know. I am WAY better for it. Time to put those thoughts and feelings that have always been there for me to be put into play. I know how to now... I know how to express myself and better our relationship.

Link to comment

I'm having a hard time composing my thoughts but I'll give it a try. And I think it's on target to what you are saying.

 

I've been wondering lately, why is it some couples are open to each other and can work through their differences? How come some couples are better at agreeing to disagree?

 

I think maturity might be an issue. When we're younger we are a lot more insecure as to who we are. We're still trying to establish our identities and criticisms seem to hurt more. We can take innocent remarks totally out of context and think we are being insulted. As we get older we tend to become more accepting of who we are. And if someone doesn't like something about us, we tend to shrug it off because we know we can't please everyone.

 

My mostly cyber boyfriend (but we had wonderful times when we were actually together) could be pretty abrasive at times. I am mild-mannered. I learned early on to challenge him, defend myself and give it right back to him. He respected me for it and we had very healthy discussions about how we felt about things. We didn't always end up agreeing with each other, but we cared enough about each other so that we could accept our differences.

 

I honestly thought we could talk about anything together, but in the end I guess even we had our limits. Why couldn't we work things out? Maybe we weren't meant to be? Maybe love has to be much deeper to overcome these things. Am I making sense and am I saying anything remotely close to what you are thinking?

Link to comment

I think I hear what you are saying. And don't get me wrong, we used to joke about alot of things, and take some cheap shots at one another... all in the name of fun. However, I believe that there became less and less of the compliments and nice things said, and more and more criticisms (constructive or not), and I believe that took it's toll.

 

I would give up everything that I have for this girl. Be willing to walk away with nothing... but if my actions aren't showing that every day, even though I feel them, think them, want them... it doesn't do much good, does it? We slowly made a transition from building each other up, to too often tearing one another down, intentional or not.

 

She challenges me alot. At some times I hate it, because I didn't like being called out. But for the most part, I absolutely love it, because it has helped me become a better person and recognize some of my faults. It is a strong feature of hers that I admire... she doesn't put up with my crap. But at the same time, I think she holds stuff against me, and while I am willing to try and be better, and work at getting better, I don't feel like those changes are being recognized and appreciated.

 

Yes, I have screwed up in the past. Yes, I am trying to take those negative aspects out of my life. Yes, I am trying to make her happy.... but I need some direction from her... I need a hand to hold through all of this, and I want her to see and recognize how I am working, how I am changing. By helping one another through this, it helps us get to the point we want to be, while also helping her forgive me for past events. Does this make any sense?

 

When this communication isn't being made, I get frustrated because I feel I am trying... she gets frustrated because she feels I just don't get it. Then we end back up at square one. We need to work as a team instead of just trying to be heard.

Link to comment

Hard Showing Affection -

 

Hey, thanks for saying what I was trying to spit out. Everybody makes mistakes and it's tough when people keep holding them against you, or keep feeling resentment towards you. We do make mistakes and we do grow from our mistakes. I think really compatible people are able to put these things aside and keep going on. But just maybe, we make mistakes that can't be forgiven, and just hope we don't repeat these mistakes in the next relationship.

 

I didn't get the sense that you're a total jerk, but that might not be the point. No one is perfect. And it's tough going on where you think your partner is keeping track of how many mistakes you make. And just maybe if you reach a critical number of mistakes the partner decides to end the relationship?

 

We know there are a lot of issues involved, and we just can't run roughshod over our partners' feelings. But it is true that it would be nice for couples to support each other and help each other grow.

Link to comment

 

She challenges me alot. At some times I hate it, because I didn't like being called out. But for the most part, I absolutely love it, because it has helped me become a better person and recognize some of my faults. It is a strong feature of hers that I admire... she doesn't put up with my crap. But at the same time, I think she holds stuff against me, and while I am willing to try and be better, and work at getting better, I don't feel like those changes are being recognized and appreciated.

 

 

Its like a never ending battle with your partner if they can't let go of the past or are holding a grudge. Sure you can get back together and things will be fine for awhile, but if they don't let go and forgive it was always resurfaces and cause problems. The blinders come on and the changes you're making aren't recognized or appreciated. The only one that can get her to forgive or let go is HER. She needs to do this for herself. Stay strong man and believe if its meant to be it will be, that she will let go and come back. Don't force it on her, she'll have to do this by herself. If she is holding onto things, this will drain her emotionally and ultimately lead her to giving up and not dealing with it. Give her and yourself time, Good luck bro

Link to comment

Thanks for you support guys. I will be the first one to admit, that I am not perfect. However, I will also tell you that her leaving has made me realize that I really need to take a deep look into myself and address any issues that would be preventing me from giving the uttermost love and respect for my partner. While it is unfortunate that this is what it took, who knows.... maybe it was the only thing that would truly open my eyes.

 

I pray that she can forgive me for the past, and look to the future.

Link to comment

So we had a volleyball game last night. My one buddy called her to see if she was going to play with us, and ended up chatting with her for a few minutes. Anyays, he summed it up like this.

 

She is still upset with me, and feels that there are too many things she hasn't forgiven me for from the past, and some she doesn't feel like she should forgive me for.

 

She agrees that whenever we get into a fight, alot of those past issues come spilling out from her. And that whenever we get back together, she sees that I am making an effort, however after a month or so, things start to fall back into the same routine, and she doesn't want to fall into that again.

 

Soooo.... two questions. First off, what can I do, as the one who has hurt her in the past, to aid her in forgiving me for some of those issues? To be honest, I am not even totally sure what they all are. I try and 'live and learn' and not dwell on past events, forgive and try to forget... apparently she is not the same. I would love to talk about these things and help in any way that I could.

 

Second question. How do you make someone who you have 'failed' in the past (meaning, that even though I have tried to make things better, and feel that I honestly have changed, they have not been the long term solutions we needed), that things are different? Like I said, I have been reading, researching, and talking to a ton of people, and feel that I can now be a better, more loving, more communicative boyfriend.

 

Thanks for your support guys!

Link to comment

That's a tough one for me to answer. I can see that you really want to work hard to save this relationship. It doesn't seem like she's willing to put in the same amount of effort. You said in your message that she knows you're trying to make amends, but it doesn't seem to be enough for her. I guess you have too much shared history for her to forget about and forge ahead.

 

I personally think you've done just about everything you can and it's up to her to decide whether she wants to go back to you. Is she kind of high-maintenance? If you corrected all of your perceived faults, would she keep finding additional faults to get upset over?

 

I hate being too nosy, but is there any one particular thing you love about her that makes it so difficult to have her out of your life? If you don't want to answer it, that's OK.

 

I know I'm not being very encouraging, so I hope someone else can come up with a better solution for you.

Link to comment

High maintenance.... no, I definitely do not think she is high maintenance. She is very laid back and easy to get along with, and doesn't expect the world from me.

 

If I corrected all of my perceived faults, I don't think that she would pick out more faults. I think the hardest thing for me has been to get her to see that I am changing. I have made improvements. I am honest and sincere in my efforts to change. I don't ever want to hurt her anymore. But the things that have occurred in the past are just that... in the past.

 

We need to look at right now, and into the future. I cannot change things that happened one year ago, just learn from them and try my hardest not to make the same mistakes. But I need her to recognize that, to work with me, to open up to me, to become vulnerable to me again so that we can build together instead of protect ourselves.

 

However, I see that we still do not have the open communication that I would like to have. Even though I am making the effort, it might not be what she 'wants' or 'needs'. But it was what I knew... and until now, I have not known how to get that from her, or communicate more openly with her, I just tried to solve it the way I knew how. I feel like I know a TON more now, and hope that she will take the steps that I have so that we can better understand one another.

 

There is so much that I love about her. The love that we share is unreal. The things we have been through are amazing. When everyone doubted us, we made sure to shine. She is a great girl, we share so many dreams together, and we're working towards them. I have my faults, as does she, but we didn't know how to express them to one another in an effective manner, and didn't know how to resolve them at the time.

 

We both feel we have worked, but still failed to communicate, so we got frustrated... angry... and now I feel like I see the big picture... and she is not to blame, but neither am I. It will take both of us to get back on the right track and make sure we don't fall off, but I absolutely know in my heart we can do it, and be the couple we were in the beginning and have always wanted to be. She is worn down... what makes her think this time will be different than any other? I want to make her the happiest girl in the world. Is it selfish of her not to help me do that, and just expect me to know how to do these things on my own? To help me pull through my faults and avoid future mistakes? Relationships are work, and until you have a successful process to communicate, to heal, to love, to forgive, to listen, you will probably always falter.

Link to comment

I'm afraid all I can say again is that it's up to her now. You really love her and you're willing to do everything to keep the relationship going. It looks like she's tried but she just might not be up to the challenge. She might not think that people should have to work so hard to maintain a relationship.

 

You have my sympathy, and I hope you are able to get some sort of resolution to this.

Link to comment

Thanks for your sympathy. I am not feeling down about myself. Down about her... perhaps. I am strong, I have taken this series of events to focus on myself and look to where I have needed to improve. That VERY BIG part of me feels awesome. To learn so much about someone (myself) that I thought I already felt I knew everything about, is amazing! Yes, there is still part of me that wishes and hurts because she is not here by my side, but like I have said before, without this, I may have never looked at myself so hard, and that would have led us back to square one.

 

While I would love to talk things over with her, and have her willing to listen and put her heart into this, I cannot expect that. We know what we have/had together, and I am willing to put my heart out there... but she doesn't appear to. Nothing I can do about that. If it is something she is willing to walk away from, there isn't much I can do. Unfortunate yes, but it is the truth. If there was something I could do to let her how different things would be, I would love to, but I don't see that happening.

 

It is just kind of weird when you look back, reflect back on things. I sit and look at how I tried to 'diagnose' her feelings and her wants. To try and work on those things that I felt she wanted and needed. I guess we weren't as good with telepathy as we had hoped! Ha ha.

 

The fact that we didn't communicate in a healthy way took its toll. Can't let that happen again! And that was an 'our' bad.... because if either of us would have sat back and learned about our relationship instead of thinking it was going to manage itself, we would not be at this point right now. Relationships are easy, right... you just jump in... feel things out, and everything is going to be peachy?! WRONG! The fact that neither of us really knew what steps to take to avoid things hurt us dearly. But I know now! I am better for it! I am a better person!

 

Yes, I screwed some things up. And I might have done some things bad. I am not perfect, I accept that. Live and learn. Remember the good, learn from the bad!

 

Our relationship seems alot more simple now. Why didn't I do and see this 3 years ago? To know that you have hurt someone that you love so dearly does hurt. To not be able to express to them that you are trying and how you are feeling, that hurts. Not having them believe you or help you, that hurts as well. To not get another chance with a new approach... yep, that hurts too. I just hope she knows in her heart where my intentions were, and that I was trying, and that I love her more than anything.

 

We did soooo much together, have so many plans for the future, love one another with all our hearts. To work together to reach our goals would be amazing.... to make that relationship that we have always dreamed about a reality... thats what I want! Guess the bottom line is that it takes two... and I am only one.

Link to comment

So here is an update. Last night we had our final volleyball game of the season. It was our championship game. 3 of the 4 players were showing up, including my ex. I went there feeling good, feeling I was able to handle seeing her. I have been feeling very positive as I have continued to read and better myself. (I am on my 8th book regarding self-help, realtionships, life in general)

 

So I get to the game, and she apparently pulled in a minute before me. I had some tools of her fathers that I brought, so she came over to the Jeep to get them. We start talking, things are good. I also gave her the two tickets I had for a concert we are going to tonight (going separately). I also happened to have the books that I have read in the back of my Jeep as one of the guys at work was interested in reading them (he then ordered them all from the library, so he didn't need mine.) I asked her what she was reading, and she tells me, and tell her I have some books if she was interested. She looks at them and take 3 of them that I suggested. Things are good.

 

She makes a comment about me looking different. She stares at my face, and looks at my arms... finally, she says, "Have you lost weight?" I said "Yeah, a bit", followed by "Are you working out?" and I say "Yeah". Then she lifts my shirt and sees my six pack, and is like "You've got to be kidding".... I just smile and am perky, because I DO feel good... not about us... but about ME!

 

So then we go into the arena... we sit and are waiting for our teammate. I take the advice of one of my books (it states that women appreciate it when you 1. ask them about their day 2. touch them in a non-sexual way 3. ask them somthing specific about their life, and 4. say something positive about the relationship). Well, obviously some of these aren't going to fly at this momemt. So, I start asking her about work, her finals at school, her parents new house... just taking a genuine interest in how she is doing and her life. She answers... so then I am thinking... ask something specific. I ask her about her foot (she had some problems that were starting to come back), and she is like "What?" and I said "How is your foot, have you had it checked out again?", I am smiling, interested. She says "What?!" so I repeat myself and she says "You have got to be kidding me!?" all frustrated. I was like woah... I didn't say it too loud, and I am just curious.

 

She tells me she doesn't want to talk to me. And I am blown away.... w t f. I apologize for asking, if it made her feel uncomfortable, but told her I was genuinely interested in her and what was going on, and that is why I asked. She then tells me "Yeah right, you come in here, all looking good, working out, happy, and gloating, then you criticize me" HOLD ON!! Wait a minute!! I am just being positive, trying to be a better person, and put what I have learned into actions, and this is the feedback I get?? She gets upset and walks away... I was confused.

 

So we played our game, things were pretty normal. Her and I actually took the other team on by ourselves for the last game as a challenge (we had already won the match), and we did well... but we lost 21-19. So on the way out, I apologized saying I didn't mean to come accross as gloating and I have just learned alot. She doesn't really respond. We say good byes and I tell her I might see her today at the concert.

 

I have no idea why she gets so defensive, and acts like no matter what I do, I have negative intentions behind it. It got me thinking that I have been actually doing a pretty good job in the relationship, and she really needs to take a look at herself, how she has handled things, and the things that she needs to work on. Not only if there is ever a chance for us, but for any future relationship that she might get herself into. I have been willing to change, and have been changing, but she has not been modifying any of her behaviors or reactions. She hasn't grown with me.

 

Sorry for the rant guys, but I thought that this was an interesting evening, that kind of let a few more pieces fall into place and made me feel good about how far I have come. Hopefully she will read those books and take them seriously, as they will probe into her actions and the way she handles situations. Maybe then she will see what I see and learn from it.

Link to comment

I don't think my opinion has changed one bit.

 

When you told us about asking her all of those questions, I thought you were going to say that she was going to accuse you of being insincere or phony. Or maybe you were over-anxious and trying too hard. It threw me when you said that when you asked her about her foot she took it as a negative comment! Did she think you were criticizing her for maybe not doing everything she could to get her foot treated? She sounds pretty insecure regardless.

 

I think it sounds like you two are simply operating at different levels. You're doing everything you can to make the relationship work. She's doing everything she can to sabotage the relationship, whether she means to or not. As far as having her read self-help books, I don't know if that will work. I certainly have my faults and I'm totally aware of them. But I wouldn't be thrilled if anyone pointed them out to me and gave me a book to read so I could correct my faults.

Link to comment

I have to give you a lot of credit for really trying hard to work things out with this girl. It's more than a lot of guys would do. I agree with the above post, it sounds like she is trying to sabotage the relationship. Almost like she doesn't WANT things to change. People do that when they can't face things. They almost turn it around on their partner. I've experienced that in some relationships - the person mentions something that bothers them, you work on it, and instead of the person appreciating what you've done, they disregard it and complain about something else. I would say keep reading and working on yourself, that's great. Do it for yourself, not her. Especially if she can't appreciate it. Take a step back and look at the relationship from the outside. It seems that you are doing so much to save the relationship, what is she doing? Both people have to want to make it work. I hope everything works out. Good luck.

Link to comment

Well bud, looks like its time to back off for a bit. Sounds to me like you are doing the right thing by self improving and at least trying for a girl you shared almost 4 years of your life with.

Dude-plain and simple- she's pissed and it seems that n matter how nice or what good you do for her she is finding excuses (whether they exist or not) to be pissed.

I know its hard not to be there for her or atleast try to show her that you've changed but you also don't want to come off looking like your putting up a front. I'd keep the conversation minimal but intresting. Be unpredictable and if that keeps getting to her then its making an effect on her.

She may be pissed for a bit but play it cool and give her space. I'd wait and see if she initiates any of the conversation next time. If she doesnt she doesn't but I wouldn't get upset about that.

Be confident and show that confidence-worst thing to do is come accross as needy.

Link to comment

Yes, I have been sitting back and kind of letting her lead the way. I haven't been picking up the phone and calling her or anything. I don't ask anything about our relationship, I just try and be supportive and be sincere. I know I have changed. If she can't see that, or doesn't want to accept that, then I guess I am just better off without that.

 

I have had way too many people tell me that they would give anything to have a partner that was willing to work as hard as I have throughout this whole thing. Yes, I tell everyone that I have made my mistakes, but you can't do anything about the past, and if you have learned from it and better yourself, I guess that is all you can ask for.

 

I am staying positive, and all you guys have helped me out alot. I appreciate all of you and this community makes things so much easier!

Link to comment

I think what your doing is good man, your in a similar position to me as I mentioned before, except you still have contact, we really need to learn from what we have done.

What gives me hope is that I know when I meet someone else, that someone whos out there and doesnt know it yet but there going to really get the best of me, and I WONT make the same mistakes again, I cant because I simply do not want to lose someone I love again, Its a tragedy.

Link to comment
HardShowingAffection: When this communication isn't being made, I get frustrated because I feel I am trying... she gets frustrated because she feels I just don't get it. Then we end back up at square one. We need to work as a team instead of just trying to be heard.

Thank you, brother. I am going through a "break" with my girl of nearly two years, and you seem to have had the same troubles we have been having. I have been really doubting myself for calling both of us out on this very same behavior... resulting in this separation. I'm not sure it makes you feel any better, but I just wanted to thank you for making me feel better about starting a conflict that may or may not be the end of us. If we do get a chance to keep it alive, your quote above is going to be my mantra.

Link to comment

Glad that I could help you out in some way Rain_Man. Before I started this self-exploration, I thought that I was on the right track, and the things that I was doing made sense.

 

After reading so much, I have learned SO MUCH. I cannot speak highly enough of the books I have read. It makes me look at things 100% differently. I have a completely different view of life, and see how so many of my behaviors contributed to my relationship.

 

I wish you the best, and truly look at your actions/ways of thinking, and become a great individual who really understands themselves. Even if your relationship doesn't come back together, you will be all that much better off for the next one!

Link to comment

Just an update.... we all ended up meeting at the concert on Thursday night. I showed up with my brother and a friend, and we were hanging out, watching the band. Well, she found us after the first band and came over and started talking to us. It felt really good, really nice to see her. I didn't know if her and her friend would hang out with us all night, but they did.

 

The concert was great! Her and I were working our way up to the front, just singing, laughing, having a good time. There were a few times when I put my arm around her side, and it just made me want to melt. I absolutely love this girl with all my heart. There were times when we would say something to each other, and because of all the noise, we had to get really close. A few times we were nose to nose, and I just wanted to give her a kiss. I think she did too, but I resisted. I didn't want to push her away. After the concert, we talked for a few minutes, then we left... I gave her a hug and told her it was nice to see her.

 

Friday, she called me. She wanted to ask me a question about her cell phone (her phone was under my name because I got a discount). Needless to say, it led to an hour conversation. I was talking about alot of the stuff that I had read, and some of the things that I have learned. She got a bit teary, and she still gets frustrated about everything.

 

She said it is sooo hard to see me, because of how much she loves me, and how strong her feelings are for me. I told her I just want to make her the happiest girl in the world, and that I now feel that I have the knowledge and tools to make that happen. She mentioned me putting my arm around her, and how in her mind she just "wanted everything to be allright"... and I agreed. She feels so right in my arms.

 

She has four of the books that I have read, and she said she is going to try and read them. Maybe she will get as much out of them as I did, maybe not. The fact that she is willing to read them though makes me happy. Whether it makes any progress for 'us' is secondary. I learned a ton from them, and would love for her to learn just as much, as it will help her out in her future, whether with me or not.

 

She is beautiful, a truly wonderful girl. She is in my prayers every night, and deep in my heart, I hope she decides that what we have is worth working on.

Link to comment

Congratulations HSA. I hope everything works out, you seem like the type that deserves that for yourself, and with any luck, for her.

 

If you had to reccomend any one of the books above as a starter, what would it be? It has only been a week since my whole fiasco started, and even though I feel strongly that we can pull through this if we both want to, I am definitely having a hard time keeping a straight perspective on how to keep myself under control.

 

Thanks again, it's nice to hear that sometimes these things are worth working for.

Link to comment

If your partner is willing to work with you, or even if she is not, I would suggest one of these two books:

 

"Getting the Love You Want" by Harville Hendricks

"Relationship Rescue" by Phil McGraw

 

They both really made me look at things from a different perspective and really opened my eyes up. Even if your relationship is on the rocks, potentially over, if you read this book, it gives you a lot of hope (at least it did for me), especially if both individuals are willing to give it a read. You will feel good after reading the book, which is a great step, whether as a couple, or just for you!

 

Falling in love is the easy part... managing your loving relationship is the hard part where most fail.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...