Why do girls "flake"??

[Lansing]

I am thinking I am either really bad at reading girls, I am doing something to freak them out or, some girls are just "messed"....

 

So, I met this girl on Monday. It was pretty random but we got to talking and we totally hit it off. She had strong eye contact and I could tell she was digging me by her body language/facial expressions. We had to part ways so I said I enjoyed the conversation and I would like to continue it some other time. She was happy to give me her number and I gave her my number also since she wanted it.

 

Well, the next night she sent me a text message (I hadn't been in contact with her in between), telling me about a film she had saw that she enjoyed (I met her at a film the night before as part of a festival going on). We texted back and forth two or three messages and I tried calling her since I am not very quick with text. Well, she didn't answer, so, I sent another text and she invited me out to a film with her friends a few nights away. I couldn't make it because I had plans already. I texted it back to her and said I should have some free time on Sat. to get together. Well, I called her the next night and we talked on the phone for less than 10 minutes but the vibe was really good. We were joking, both laughing, teasing each other,etc,etc.... At the end, I brought up abotu Saturday already and she said she already had plans for Saturday (sporting event) but she wasn't sure when it would be finished. She said she would let me know if that was okay. I said "well, I will be in and out of theaters all day,so you might not be able to get a hold of me". She said "okay"... Anyway, Saturday came and went but I thought maybe she tried to call while I was in a theater with no signal or something. Regardless, I was busy watching various films. But, then the next day I decided to call her in the afternoon in case we miscommunicated. She answered, we chatted for about a minute. I asked how her weekend was going so far and she answered something like "really busy but good so far"... then, after some small chit chat she said "Could I call you back, I am on the other line"... I said "sure". I waited around about 30 minutes but I didn't hear from her so I went out for a run. When I got back an hour later she still hadn't called. Well... she still hasn't called....

 

All the signs to me pointed that she was interested... it is sort of chattering my confidence! Nothing in our conversation on Wednesday let me to believe she wasn't interested... She was totally flirting on the phone and in person earlier in the week..... I don't know if I should bother. Yesterday I was also in theaters later in the day without cell phone signal, so, again, a "possibility" she tried calling (albeit 4 hours after our conversation!)...

 

I am wondering why girls do this?? If she wasn't interested, she could have used the boyfriend line or whatever... She seemed totally into the conversation,etc,etc..... Any advice??

 

 

EDIT: Sorry.. I didn't mean why do all girls flake! I just meant, why do the girls that flake do it! I know that all girls don't flake. I changed it to "some" to make it clear.

 

 

EDIT 2: My latest situation where a girl "flaked":

 

blah, unrelated to the initial story (I never called her back again, she knew I was interested, she could have called).... I started dating a new girl. She seemed totally into me but she just flaked on me too! She was suppose to call yesterday to get together but didn't. I called, left a message, didn't hear back from her. She was the one that suggested we get together yesterday. She is leaving tomorrow on a trip for 2 weeks. I guess I will see if I want to talk to her when she gets back.... just feel disappointed. I thought there was some chance of this one developing into something more than casual dating.

[kellbell]

OK...I cringe at generalizations. Perhaps a more fitting question is why SOME girls flake out?

 

Some girls are flakey...but some guys can be too. Believe me, I have come accross them. Some people are thoughtless and are flighty. There really is not any rythme or reason for it...it is the way some people are. Perhaps she is not the one for you. From a female's perspective, if a girl is truly interested, she would be front and center to spend time with a guy. I am so sorry Lansing, it is sounds like she is not that interested. There are plenty of other girls out there whom will not flake out on you like that.

 

Take care.

[RayKay]

Not all girls 'flake'. SOME girls do. For the record, some guys do it too.

 

I remember one time before I met someone in person, we were talking the night before, confirmed the date plans for the next day...and he totally disappeared. For a week I did not hear from him, see him, nothing! Weird! He came back online a week later but of course, I was moving on from that drama!

 

Anyway, not sure. Sounds like she is maybe not so sure, or is more interested in someone else. Maybe she did not want to give the boyfriend line as it would be well, a lie. But she did not want to say she is more interested in someone else. Whom knows...my guess though is she is trying to be nice, which of course is not being entirely honest.

 

My advice? Let her call you back as she said she would. If she doesn't, you have your answer. If she does, ask her out again, but if she flakes again, move on.

[Lansing]

I edited my original post "topic"... I just meant, "when a girl flakes, why does she do it".. haha.. I didn't mean why do all girls flake...

 

Yeah, maybe I am not good at reading the signs of attraction but, everything I saw seemed like she was totally into it..... You are right though, maybe there are some other guys in the picture.....

[butterfly_kisses]

You should try asking her out one more time. But this time make definite plans with her...otherwise she may make other plans, as it sounds like she did on the Saturday night you wanted to get together with her. Dont leave open ended plans, say you would like to meet her at a specific place at such and such a time. If she is still blowing you off let it go. She probably isnt worth the trouble. Since she doesn't seem to want to talk on the phone much she may not be interested an too afraid to tell you. But you never really know why she is acting the way she is...Like I said give her one more chance and then move on if it doesnt work out.

 

Good Luck!!

[Lansing]

Well, I was just talking to a female friend online, and she has a BF ( ... we are just friends... more like internet friends since I met her only once and she lives far away)... Well, she tells me that she gives her phone number to guys even though she has a bf.. she said she doesn't want to assume that a guy is hitting on her. She says that some guy asked her out for coffee yesterday and she said "no thanks"....

 

haha... man... and she is telling me this girl is a "Flake".. but....

[heloladies21]

Don't sweat your game or let this affect your confidence. You're out there in the field trying and asking for feedback and with that mix you will learn how to do this.

 

 

I don't think it's a dead issue just yet. Just keep at it and don't get phased by whether she calls you back or not. read the rst of that bristollair.com site and check out this page full of sites on how to communicate better with women. It's a skill which you can improve like any other.

[Luke Skywalker]

My friend, GIRLS DO NOT MAKE ANY sense. Some of them CANT EVEN BE READ. Some of them, may be JUGGLING you with a few other guys in their life, and you are in the lowest in their priority list.

 

I've had a girl who poofed because she did not like my first name, despite the fact we talked for about a month. I've had another girl who poofed on me, who claimed to want to talk to me the following day, and then she poofed.

 

A guy who flakes on a girl is not a man, he is a wussy little boy, and its a shame to hear that some guys do this.

[angela1234]

A person that flakes guy or girl I believe has certain issues with relationships and u should stay away from that person. Or at least be REALLY independent. Don't call her don't txt her see how she reacts to this. If she liked u she will contact u. If not let her go.

[koolaidnovel]

It sounds like she's not interested, but she's too nice to outright reject you. I guess she just doesn't want to hurt your feelings.

[iceberg21]

I ran into something similar not too long ago. I was sort of seeing this girl, very very casually, and we'd make plans. We were supposed to go mini golfing. She asked me to go. Said she'd call me right at (specific time), never did. She apparently ended up having something to do, or something along those lines. I let that go, because things happen. The second time she again, wanted to go mini golfing. "For sure this time" were her exact words. Well the time came when she said she'd call, lol....no call. Actually come to think of it she never even did tell me why.

 

There were other times with her, but those 2 specifically led me to making a decision. Even tho it was casual "dating", I don't even want just a regular friend who's gonna pull that stuff. Nobody needs to be jerked around by these kinds of people.

 

I'd say forget about her, its just less of a pain in the @ss.

[annie24]

It sounds like she's not interested, but she's too nice to outright reject you. I guess she just doesn't want to hurt your feelings.

 

I agree - probably the case. And yes, it's not just women who do it - men also!!!

 

Anyways....

 

A good analogy is like that of buying a house. When you are looking for a house/apartment/condo/etc... you go around to several places. If you visit a place, and you don't like it, you don't call to tell the owners you aren't interested. After seeing the house only once, and you don't call back, it is understood that you are not interested in purchasing the house. To see a house only once, and to call the owners to tell them you don't like their place - well, that's just rude.

 

However, if you have seen the house several times, and called and asked some questions, then it is in order to tell the owners of the house that you're not interested in making a real offer.

 

Kind of the same way with dating. If it's still early on, and he/she doesn't call, it's their way of saying, "not interested."

 

I had a date earlier this week with a guy I met online, and the next day, the guy sent me an e-mail to say he was not interested. I didn't respond, just thought it was a bit presumptious of him, because I wasn't interested in him either!!! But, at least he put his feelings out there, in case I was interested (which I wasn't!)

 

anyways... hope this helps.

[Lansing]

hmm.. well.. I read the link that heloladies21 posted.... I think this girl just has a lot of stuff on the go.. I would say she is a 9.... she is very pretty so I am guessing she gets all kinds of guys hitting on her......

 

I think she sort of picked me up! There is more to the initial "meeting" story but for privacy reasons I would rather not post them publicly.

 

I am thinking I shouldn't have just left it between Wednesday and Saturday and figured she would call me.....

 

The thing is, if this girl wasn't interested why would she initiate contact with me. If she gave me her phone number out of obligation or not rejecting me, why would she initiate conversation by contacting me via text. I think I will take the advise based on the link heloladies posted and try calling her in a few days wihout focussing on her flakiness...

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

I think sometimes girls flake because they've changed their mind. It's probably not the coolest way of going about things, but it happens. Guys do it too I'm sure.

[heloladies21]

You do smart to keep at it. Last weekend I finally hung out with this one girl who I got her number 6 months ago! Obviously I still had things going on in the meantime, but I kept at it. She didn't always reurn my calls, sometimes she did way later, but now she initiates contact with me and wants to see me all the time (can't right now...damn finals). Of course there are times where you're gonna want to give up ie. if she stops picking up or returning your calls altogether, if your ego is getting too bruised, or if she tells you to stop calling, but she hasn't done anything like that yet.

[Lansing]

Ha... well.. that is the end of it... I called tonight.... Figured, I would give it a shot.. she answers, I hear noise in the background.... She didn't even say "can I call you back" .. she was about to it seemed and caught herself.. she was like "I am at a BBQ at my neighbours.. Can I let you go"....

 

Lame, why even give me her number if she doesn't want to talk... I guess she just likes the attention....

[heloladies21]

You're being too sensitive. I used to be like this too, but it's the wrong way to be.

 

If she wasn't interested, she wouldn't have even picked up. Or she would've been rude or disrespected you. She didn't do that in this case. I think you deading it at this point is premature. What she said shows me nothing along the lines of what you're thinking. If anything it shows she still has some level of interest in you.

 

Calm down, stop looking for her to act exactly the way you want or expect, and concentrate on attracting her. You're still in the attract phase and that means you have to be cooler and more in control of your emotions.

[Lansing]

I can see what you are saying... but, I guess I always read about how girls say stuff like "he can't take a hint" or "why won't he leave me alone".... I am trying to play it cool... I guess I could have said "yeah sure, no problem, I will try you another night"... but I was kind of taken off guard and was just like "suuuuuuuure... ok...later..." or something to that effect

 

 

I mean, does she need to say "I don't want to talk to you, stop calling me" for me to stop? Or, should I just try back in a few more days and if she has another excuse drop it? or text message her?

 

Thanks for your advice...

[itsallgrand]

The question is: Do you want to date/deal with a person who is a bit flaky? Can you handle it or will it drive you mad?

 

I used to be a huge flake. Rarely did it have to do with lack of interest in the guy (I'm too lazy to even bother spending any time with someone I don't like). It just had to do with my lack of responsibility/consideration for the schedules of others. It sounds horrible, but sometimes its the case. Personality and ways of going about relationships.

 

If this is annoying you now, I'd say forget about it.

[heloladies21]

"yeah sure, no problem, I will try you another night

 

See, now that would've the right answer for the time. Don't worry about what girls say about guys bothering them, you're not those guys.

 

I'd keep things on the phone. Keep it light and friendly, teasing style. Maybe send her a joking text if you want to. Get away from being so serious like you are right now. Even if she gives you another excuse, it's not a red light and it doesn't mean you should automatically drop it. You need to stop looking for reasons to next her. When it's REALLY time to drop the case, you will know loud and clear, but most likely she will say something like "let's just be friends" or she will stop picking up or returning your calls (a few, not just one and done).

 

If she's not showing you 100% of her attention, that's not a good enough reason to drop her. It is a great reason to work on your technique of attracting her.

[moondog627]

Yeah dude, I don't think you should call it quits just yet. Sometimes people are just hard to read. I myself am dealin with someone who is really busy and can't always call me back. Sometimes I gotta wait a week for a callback. But we have a great time goin out and I've made a lot of progress with her. But if I took things too seriously she could totally drive me nuts. Trick is not to give a f**k and best way to do this is start datin other women. Remember... less you care, the less you get hurt. And you might even make her curious in the process.

[Lansing]

blah, unrelated to the initial story (I never called her back again, she knew I was interested, she could have called).... I started dating a new girl. She seemed totally into me but she just flaked on me too! She was suppose to call yesterday to get together but didn't. I called, left a message, didn't hear back from her. She was the one that suggested we get together yesterday. She is leaving tomorrow on a trip for 2 weeks. I guess I will see if I want to talk to her when she gets back.... just feel disappointed. I thought there was some chance of this one developing into something more than casual dating.

[annie24]

hm. not cool. she'd better have a good reason why she didn't call back. she should at the very least send you a post card while she is away.

 

anyways, no worries.

[Luke Skywalker]

I was on that other site, called link removed, the DJ site, and I've also heard from dating masters who have said that allot of people these days are simply 'phone number collectors' - they think they accomplish something by simply getting someone's phone number, when in reality, girls easily give out their numbers - but rarely follow through.

 

I've seen public diaries where some guy claimed to get 60 numbers, but they all FLAKED.

 

Sort of sounds discouraging to get numbers - but if every guy is asking for a girl's number, and she is just giving them out to random guys who are asking her, assuming it's the right number, then their only other screen is persistance or how you are coming accross. The most persistent guys would win with flakes, or the most aggressive ones that sort of command respect.

 

That's the way I see it based on what I have read.

[Lansing]

Yeah... Luke, I can see how that applies for my first "story"... but, as for this latest situation, we have already gone on three dates, she is the one that suggested getting together on Sunday, she mentioned it a few times.....I am figuring there must be another guy in the picture or something....