Being nicer after break up.

[Horak]

So me and my girlfriend of over one and a half years broke up last Thursday. She wanted space, I needed it to, so we decided to break up. I am very optimistic about our future and think we will work things out, but for now I'm not sure. She says she doesn't have any trust in me anymore because I tend to lie about pity things, but nothing to over-the-top. After we broke up, she went and hung out with her friends, we talked a few times while she was with them but she was treating me like crap. As Sunday rolled around she was nice to me again, even though we are broken up. We spent nearly all Sunday together and I even ate lunch with her and her parents. We came to the conclusion that we are getting along better now than in the relationship, but she continually is bitter towards me and tries to make the situation worse. Monday, yesterday, we decided to hang out and she wanted me to go shopping with each other. Here's the thing, we still flirt, occasionally kiss, say our "I love you's" but she continually says, "You know we're not going out still." She also tells me that it's gonna take a lot of time before we get back together, thats if we get back together she says. Should I play her mind game, I don't know what she's doing. She'll try and say something like, "Well, now that I'm single I'm gonna go out with my guy friends and stuff," or something of that nature. Is there a possible future for us, hell we are going to see the Houston Astros play Thursday night together. She told me if I didn't get the same Astros shirt as her, she wasn't going. Is this childish or what. It's getting out of hand, we want space but then again we want to hang out together. I don't mind it though because she is the love of my life and I am willing to wait for her as long as it takes now. This past week has been crazy with finals and everything to. Any suggestions on why her attitude is like this.

[heloladies21]

"You know we're not going out still." "Well, now that I'm single I'm gonna go out with my guy friends and stuff,"

 

These are tests. She wants you to stand up for yourself and thereforeeee prove that you really do care about her. Here's what to do. Stop with the I Love You's, the kissing and all that, the attitude of someone who will take all this BS from her. Let her know that you want to work at something serious or nothing at all because you're not looking for another friend or a bed buddy. If she doesn't agree, go into No Contact and keep on with your things. Let her think things over and if she decides that you're what she's looking for , you'll be in a position to handle the situation much better.

[kellbell]

Hey there,

 

She wants all the perks and benefits of having a relationship without BEING in one and the responsibility that goes with it and shame on you for letting her push you around like a shopping cart. This is going to continue until you put your foot down and say "enough."

 

Time to be with someone whom wants to be in a relationship with you. Take care and good luck.

[PocoDiablo]

These are tests. She wants you to stand up for yourself and thereforeeee prove that you really do care about her. Here's what to do. Stop with the I Love You's, the kissing and all that, the attitude of someone who will take all this BS from her. Let her know that you want to work at something serious or nothing at all because you're not looking for another friend or a bed buddy. If she doesn't agree, go into No Contact and keep on with your things. Let her think things over and if she decides that you're what she's looking for , you'll be in a position to handle the situation much better.

Bingo. Nothing more to say.

[majord23]

This is going to continue until you put your foot down and say "enough."

 

Exactly. She is dictating everything at the moment and you are merely a passenger that has no control over where the journey is going.

 

You need to take the bull by the horns and seize control of the situation. Stop trying to work out 'why she's being like this' and start to ask yourself why you are *allowing* her to treat you like this.

 

People are attracted to those that have confidence and are independent - you aren't showing her either of those attributes at the moment. You *are* showing her that you don't have enough self-respect to stop her treating you like a doormat. Stand up to her and tell her to take a hike unless she wants to work things out.

[Horak]

I know guys, but it's so hard. I've always been known for my Macho Ego but when it comes to love, I freaking melt at the sight of her. She contacts me and I contact her and I still love it. I just know realized I am being played a fool for her benefits. Should I put more of my Macho Ego beer-guzzling attitude into play here and ignore the way she's treating me. I guess she thinks she has me wrapped around her fingers and she feels she can go out and do anything she wants. We're going to the Astro's game Thursday night, any suggestions on how I should act around her to show her that I'm not gonna be played a fool anymore. I really need advice, even though she continually says we're broken up, I am still in love (i get the feeling she is to), but I want her to know that I won't take anymore of this crap.

[laura_5000]

I agree with Kellbell, she wants the best of both worlds! If you don't stop her playing these mind games then nothing will ever be resolved and she will know she can push you around and have best of both worlds.

If I was you I would stop all the kissing and the "I love you's", it's not helping!

If you are ment to be then you will get back togther but if you carry on this way you will never resolve anything.

[kellbell]

"I freaking melt at the sight of her."

 

She knows this and she exploits it.

 

"i get the feeling she is to"

 

Sorry my friend, she is NOT in love with you. She is in love with what you are offering her. No person whom is madly in love would even break up with the person she/he is with.

 

"But I want her to know that I won't take anymore of this crap."

 

Then do not go to the game...period.

 

If I were you...I would not go to the Astros game with her. Seriously...I would give your ticket to someone else.

[tylercdurden2004]

Yeah dont go with her and find a new date to go with. I dont understand what you mean my macho ego beer guzzling attitude. If by that yuo mean being a jerk, well then no, dont be a jerk. Be a gentleman and stand up for yourself. Set the boundaries you are comfortable with if she dont like 'em she can lump 'em.

[majord23]

It's not a matter of acting Macho, it's all about stepping back and looking how she is treating you. Would you accept her behaviour from a friend? No? Then do something about it - walk away. She is disrespecting you and nobody should tolerate that....no matter how much you love her.

 

She doesn't *think* she has you wrapped around her little finger, she *knows* it bro. You've not given her any reason to think otherwise. IF you go to the game with her (I wouldn't) then the first time she 'steps out of line' - tell her, and then walk away.

[zpivat]

She told me if I didn't get the same Astros shirt as her, she wasn't going.

 

 

 

Do NC..........seriously.

[Horak]

Thanks guys, I think I'll just take one of my best friends. We would probably have a hell of better time than me going with her. Plus, my friends are easier to get along with, i get the feeling they have more respect for me than she does. I'm tired of giving her all the respect and nothing in return, I'm seriously moving on if nothing changes. Man, you guys seriously opened my eyes more than I could have imagined. Thanks so much. Not to be a jerk or anything, now I don't have to spend all that extra money on drinks and memorabilia stuff. I am just trying to look on the bright side NO MORE I LOVE YOUS, NO MORE FLIRTING, when she tries to brush up against me or do be affectionate in some way i will start backing off. Thanks for all the help, I was just to head-over-heels and my mind was only on one thing - her.

[kellbell]

My word...THOSE ARE YOUR TICKETS???!!! And she has the nerve to say if you do not get the same shirt as her, she is not going? How old is she?

 

Dude, take someone else. Her loss. Have fun and get what ever shirt you like.

[majord23]

 

 

Great step mate. Now stick to it. This isn't going to be easy, and you will find yourself waivering...especially when she starts reacting to the 'new you'.

[tylercdurden2004]

She told me if I didn't get the same Astros shirt as her, she wasn't going

Good this is sooooo easy to rectify! Go out and by a Rangers Jersey. Seriously. Wear it next time you see her. And take someone else.

[Horak]

Hahahaha, I should buy a Rangers shirt. Hey guys, one of my friends is a girl that I wouldn't mind taken to the game. Would that be a bad move on my part, there's nothing between us; we are mutual friends. I'm just thinkin my so-called ex will be completely jealous but hey, it may make her realize that I'm not a Burger King so she can have it her way. Thanks.

[majord23]

If you genuinely want to take the girl because you think it would be fun and NOT just to make your ex jealous, then go for it.

 

Don't start playing games though Horak - don't flaunt the fact that you're taking another girl (despite the fact that you are just friends).

[kellbell]

Take whomever you want to as long it is not her. No need to explain to us whom you want to take. Just have fun.

[tylercdurden2004]

Hahahaha, I should buy a Rangers shirt. Hey guys, one of my friends is a girl that I wouldn't mind taken to the game. Would that be a bad move on my part, there's nothing between us; we are mutual friends. I'm just thinkin my so-called ex will be completely jealous but hey, it may make her realize that I'm not a Burger King so she can have it her way. Thanks.

 

Yeah leave the flaunting to your new Rangers Jersey. Take your friend but dont make it an issue. How would your friend feel about being a pawn?

[hazeleyed]

Well, lets see what were the reasons of the break up? Also you lying to her shows that your not a very trustworthy person and she doesn't know if she wants to continue this. The reason she probably still talks to you is because she misses you and what "good" it used to be. She doesn't miss the bad and she doesn't miss and that is why she says "we are good friends". She is denying that anything is ended and what she feels is that she wants to keep you around because she doesnt want to feel the pain of a breakup. Also her going out and wanting to go out with her guy friends its all normal...let her solve her confusion and I suggest you stop hanging out with her. Only than you will know what she really wants. Its not about having you wrapped around her finger or anything...it has something to do with the whole trust issue and the whole hitting....

[jchan]

Since when did she become Master of the Universe?

exactly. never.

don't play her games, don't make yourself a slave. save yourself the time, money, effort, and yourself from these games she's throwing at you. never play a game where you're going to be slaving around her.

 

In terms of the tickets. I'll tell you what i did with my situation. It was a Lord of the Rings musical in town. Those tickets were hard to come by, and the dates were set for her b-day (it's coming up in 2 weeks). well she broke up with me, 2 months ago. I've sobered up (mentally) and realized what had happened. stood up for myself. and called up the ticket place. cancelled the tix, and set up another day to watch it. BTW she's not going to watch it. not at MY expense.

 

don't let her reap the benefits of being an emotional vampire. don't let her suck out the life and love of you with out reciprocating it. if she doesn't want you as a boyfriend but to be a friend with so many benefits, she's a leech and doesn't deserve anything from you. not even friendship

 

just remember you're nobody's B****. she is one. but you're not. take a friend, have fun. but remember stay strong.

[hazeleyed]

Jchan, do you know her personally to call her names? "just remember you're nobody's B****. she is one. but you're not". No , you only know what is being told here and from your personal experience. Maybe she isnt anything of what has been posted. Feel free to advice, i am not saying people's advice is bad...hell people wouldnt agree with some of my stuff but we have no right to call other people names. As for her slaving him around and stuff...I think theres more to the story, hence her being confused and not knowing whether she should leave himor not because if UR gurl was lying to you whut would u think?? Yet you still loved her, invested time and energy into the relationship...