Can Not Orgasm.

[koremi]

I can't orgasm.

 

I have tried, and I know that if you're trying, then it probably won't happen. Bur I relax, and I go at it for at least 20 minutes, I've tried everything, clitoral stimulation, G-spot, everything, I can't orgasm.

 

I don't know if I am and I just don't know I am, but everyone says "you'll know", and I don't. It's supposed to feel great, but all I get is this "I can't take it anymore" kind of overwhelming feeling where I kind of lurch, I can't tell if I'm doing it myself or not. And then I'm just tired and depressed, like I could go some more but I can't. If it is an orgasm, then why don't I like it?

 

My boyfriend and I are very, very open about this, and he's tried everything, but he just doesn't know what he's doing. I told him I'd been faking it and he understood, and he feels bad that he can get off but I can't.

 

I don't know what to do.

[robowarrior]

Well , the blessing lies in giving the love not receiving it.

 

yeah you cant orgasm but you can enjoy what lies between it, just do it then because you love your bf, and stop faking stuff. There's a bunch oh woman who can't orgasm , your far from alone, and orgasms come from clitoral stimulation, its basically a thing you have to start slow and continue increasing speed, until you rub it really hard and quick ,and if you give it a bunch oh rubs n strokes really quick your supposed to cum.

 

You have to do it in a way that you enjoy it, if your not enjoying it you are either doing it wrong or not fantasizing with something enjoyable in mind.

[Sylph]

I'd suggest you be comfortable with your surroundings. For example if you're worried that someone might walk in at any moment and catch you in the act then the chances are it's not going to happen. I'm sure it's already occurred to you but I suggest doing it either later on at night or in the shower, infact the shower would probably be a lot easier.

 

General note: Conditioner makes an excellent lube mastaboritory (is that even a word?) needs in the bathroom.

[bellis]

Hi Koremi,

 

No need to be so stressed out about this! It takes a lot of women a long time to find out how to orgasm. I understand your desire for this to happen, and happen NOW, because it's great! Take a deep breath. You'll get there.

 

So much pressure is put on women (and men) to fulfill or achieve certain sexual landmarks in order to feel like they are truly sexually mature or desirable, or even normal. You do not need to have an orgasm to be a real woman.

 

So much of being able to come is allowing yourself to relax into your own physical, spiritual, and emotional pleasure. This is your birthright. And with time and knowing yourself better and better... it will come. And so will you.

You don't have to prove anything to yourself or your boyfriend right now.

 

What's great is that you and your bf are open about it. You can be honest with him.

 

Ever tried a vibrator? Has your boyfriend ever tried going down on you?

 

There's a really great book called "She Comes First" by Ian Kerner. Maybe it would be worth reading. Ian Kerner is a funny and intuitive sex therapist.

 

Also there is a book by Kim Katrall (aka Samantha on Sex and the City) called "The Art of the Female Orgasm"...

 

it might be fun to do some reading!

 

You're not alone.

 

Bellis.

[koremi]

I've done it a lot in the shower, didn't work.

 

And yes he does go down on me, and that doesn't work either. Absolutely nothing works.

[bellis]

I've done it a lot in the shower, didn't work.

 

And yes he does go down on me, and that doesn't work either. Absolutely nothing works.

 

Don't give up. Give yourself time. Explore what turns you on, not necessarily just with your body or with your body at all, but what turns you on in your MIND: i.e. scenarios, dirty thoughts, fantasies, thoughts of love, thoughts of ??!!!!! - you tell me.

 

It's all about discovering what YOU like, and what gives you pleasure - finding it for yourself and then learning to ask for it. You're still so young. I'm 27 and I have friends my age who haven't come from sex or even at all. A lot of people work on this. You'll get there. You'll bloom at your own pace. Trust that.

 

Have fun!

[ocrob]

Koremi,

 

Please do not worry about this. Everything comes with time. I would suggest enjoying the actions and not the results. Although I love to orgasm, I love the act so much. It will happen to you, but don't worry about it. You are so, so, so, young. Is anyone going to complain about oral sex or sex? Sure we want to orgasm, but the act is amazing. Just enjoy yourself and be intimate with your man. The time will come or you will cum. lol Just enjoy the present and the act and not the outcome. I love being with a woman and kissing, sucking, licking, and other, but I don't worry weather I will cum. Just enjoy the closeness. Your time will cum cutie.

[bellis]

link removed

 

the rest of this site is great too.

[Daddy Bear]

hi koremi,

 

keep in mind that the advice given in this forum can be hit-and-miss, as all are welcome to become members. my own opinion is that you should do a search for the word "orgasm" using the search function at the top of this page. i have seen a lot of expert help and useful personal testimony from women given; you just have to weed through the fluff to find it.

 

in case you don't run into this, here is something that i have said in the recent past: a female who is PHYSICALLY unable to orgasm is extremely rare by all accounts. it is generally a matter of performance anxiety (trying too hard is a big problem) or some other form of blocking such as religious or social inhibition. medication can also be a factor.

 

many female members of enotalone have been through the exact same experience. take the time to search through the older posts, and you will most likely find some information that clicks with you. your problem is a common one, but do not despair; unless you give up then it is only a matter of time and well worth the wait.

 

a personal note: when i met my ex-wife she had never received an orgasm from another person, even when they went down on her, and she DIDN'T EVEN KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE. she thought they could only happen with vibrators, and hadn't had one at all until she was 19. it was through patience and perseverance that over time she got to the point that it only took her her a maximum of about 7 or 8 minutes of oral stimulation.

[itsallgrand]

My God Girl, You are 16 and you're worried about being able to orgasm?!?!

 

Who cares? Honestly! You have years and years to come Right now: Have fun.

 

This isn't a performance. You don't have to orgasm. It doesn't matter! Really. Your time will happen soon enough.

 

Find something else to think about. You're way too young to be stressing about this.

[SxcLady]

I agree with itsallgrand.

[laura_5000]

I didn't orgasm until about two months ago and I am almost 22 so you don't have to worry.

I achieved an orgasm with a vibrator and it took me quiet a while my first time. It will come with experience.

[mushroom1129]

you all may think this is weird but i had my first orgasm at 10. (NO i wasn't having sex) i dont know if i believe in the whole "too young for an orgasm". but here's something for you to try, i've found that the only way i can orgasm is clitoral (for now) and if i'm just laying down doing nothing, i'm not gonna have one. To reach orgasm i always am on top of my boyfriend, facing him and riding him making sure my clit is having contact with is body. if you decide to try this, dont give up because usually it takes quite some time to master.

[jojor]

I can't orgasm.

 

I don't know what to do.

I couldn't have orgasms rather long period and I understand how disappointing to have sex without a great «peak» is. I was annoyed. Have you tried any supplements to increase your libido? I had tried Sentia and began to have orgasms in a month. There are plenty of such things now, as well as creams.

[angel70]

Hi hun

 

I am 35 and I hardly ever come in certain positions with my bf. But that is not because he is no good in bed and its not because I am uptight and cant relax. But with the man on top position, it just doesnt happen for me. But it doesnt bother me because I enjoy the act so much. admittedly I do fake it on these occasions but I am enjoying it anyway so i dont see the need of telling my bf that I havnt come. Have you tried different positions with your bf. You on top is one that personally works for me.

 

Have you tried it by yourself????? Couldnt make out if you have tried it alone or not. If you havnt give it a go.

 

But please dont worry over it. You are so young and still learning about yourself and your body. You have plenty of time so just relax and take it slowly. Even if nothing does work, just enjoy the intamacy of sex. Good sex doesnt equal having an orgasm.

[Ash]

It seems counter intuitive sometimes, but it's possible that you're particularly sensitive and are having too much direct stimulation. The part about not being able to take it any more suggests that just maybe a less direct form of stimulation might be better (though I have no idea exactly what you're doing).

 

It can take a very long time, particularly the first time. It very often takes my partner upwards of an hour, and almost never less than half an hour. The stimulation doesn't need to be constant, but it takes her a very long time to reach the point of orgasm.

 

As you get older it will become easier. Women tend to reach sexual peak much later in life that their teen years. Meaning ... don't worry at all if you can't orgasm now, it simply is not an indication that you won't be able to later.

 

Relax, spend some time doing the things you enjoy in bed, and if that's cuddling and kissing and not really any more sexual than that, there's nothing wrong with feeling that way and sometimes you should do just that.

 

Some women report a sensation of thinking they're going to pee when they get close and back away because of nervousness over that. Just keep going past that point if this is what happens with you.

[btvs_fan-05]

Now, I'm not saying that this is the case, but it may very well be. See, 10% of women can not have an orgasm because they are physically incapable of having an orgasm. If that is your case, then there's nothing you can do about it. Now, I'm not saying that you should give up in trying. Yeah, orgasms are nice, but they're by no means essential to enjoying sexual intercourse. You should continue to try, but do know that if you can't, it's not your fault.

[koremi]

I finally did it, thanks to a jet in my boyfriend's hot tub.

[itsallgrand]

Hooray for you! Hot tubs are awesome.....

[Daddy Bear]

I finally did it, thanks to a jet in my boyfriend's hot tub.

aw, i just love a 'happy ending'...

[MacTech]

aw, i just love a 'happy ending'...

 

It isn't an ending, but it is a beginning of more things to come