How to master the internet dating game.

[Miss M]

I just went out with a person I meet off the internet tonight, and she told me that I look way more attractive in person then I do on the internet, and was wondering why put those pics up. Those pics definitely need a major overhaul - I didn't know it was THAT bad until I got THAT feed-back tonight.

I had actually been thinking that was a possibility, that you just don't have a clue about what pics looks good and which ones don't. So you're putting up some really awful ones that don't even show how you really look. Is there someone who'd be willing to take a bunch of shots of you so you could pick out the best ones? It doesn't have to be a professional, just someone with a good eye for composition, and someone who could give you some basic pointers on how to pose in a way that flatters you. The pics where you're smiling look really strange, like you're really stiff and fake, and the smile itself looks downright creepy. Sorry, but that's the truth.

 

And if you get a stack of pics, are there any people who could give you some good feedback about which ones are good pics? You need help with that because there's something you're not seeing. Are there friends, coworkers, family who can help you? Maybe take a general poll among them to weed out the worst pics before putting them up on the site.

 

Ya know, some guys (in their profiles) make themselves seem much better than they are ... and some like you make themselves seem much worse than they are. You're a good-looking guy, and also a really nice guy, a real prize. And the right girl for you will be very glad to find you, especially after wading through all the trash that's out there. And it would be good if you could finally figure out this online dating thing so that lucky girl doesn't have to wait so long.

[Luke Skywalker]

Yeehaw, How did the date go?

 

Tell me!

 

hehe.

 

Well I hope?

 

This date went much better than the last one I meet about a month or so ago. I had a bit more of a structure on this one, and tried my best to try and get her to talk about her romantic memories, especially high points, in her previous relationships.

 

Otherwise, it was a sort of expensive hotel dinner, where we ended up going dutch, and she told me a bit about herself in terms of how she felt attracted to her prior boyfriends, and how her romantic experiences felt.

 

The rationale behind this is - if someone is talking romantic, then they are thinking romantic, and re-experiencing romantic - just the type of mood that I wanted to structure it in. The date with the 'other' girl who doesn't like me - didn't have that structure, and it went on 'random' convo. This new girl, I put a bit of game into the convo, and I think it paid off a bit at the end.

 

At the end, she said she had a really great time - and suggested that I email her or call her to go out again next week.

 

I'm thinking of re-creating a romantic experience - she claims her best romantic experience was on a height with her boyfriend saying good things on her ear, so I was thinking that a seduction date would be something like going on the CN tower, and seeing if that brings out anything with her and really puts her on the mood. See if we can close for a kiss on the top of the tower or something. Anyway....

 

I'm open to suggestions for trying to get a natural second kiss for the next date. I've never kissed any girl before in my life, and I'm like 30 years old, and dont have a clue, so I'm really groping in the darnkess here.

 

As far as the chemistry and connectivity - it was really great, and I like this girl and enjoy her company and it appears the feeling is the same. Despite any perceived blunder on my end, it appears that she is open for this going further based on the first date. Cant miss all the time.

[Miss M]

tried my best to try and get her to talk about her romantic memories, especially high points, in her previous relationships.

Okay, firstly, I wasn't there to capture the mood, so maybe take this with a grain of salt... but my first thought on reading that was that it was a bad idea. Basically you were asking her to revisit and relive good memories with former boyfriends???. Ah, not good in my opinion. I'd think that when she's out with you, she should be focused only on you, not on other guys who previously showed her a good time.

 

The rationale behind this is - if someone is talking romantic, then they are thinking romantic, and re-experiencing romantic

But do you understand that she was re-experiencing these romantic feelings with other guys??? It's those other guys' faces that were plastered in her mind's eye, not your face. Wow, that just doesn't sound like a good idea to me. But maybe someone else has some input here?

 

I can understand wanting to get an idea of what interests her romantically, but this doesn't seem the right way to go about it. And really, there are so many other relevant things to talk about on a date besides her previous romances. You both should be exploring each others' personalities, not just you exploring hers.

[Luke Skywalker]

I had actually been thinking that was a possibility, that you just don't have a clue about what pics looks good and which ones don't. So you're putting up some really awful ones that don't even show how you really look. Is there someone who'd be willing to take a bunch of shots of you so you could pick out the best ones? It doesn't have to be a professional, just someone with a good eye for composition, and someone who could give you some basic pointers on how to pose in a way that flatters you. The pics where you're smiling look really strange, like you're really stiff and fake, and the smile itself looks downright creepy. Sorry, but that's the truth.

 

I have a bunch of old pics, including that sub-arctic trip, and grad-photos that I intend to add to the set. I'm also hoping to get some other pics sent to me from a wedding function a couple of years back. In terms of new photos, sure, I think a few shots at a park, relaxed on a bench, or some other position may be tried.

 

Yeah, it seems like a long-shot to have even got a good prospect that was genuinely attracted to THAT photo and profile that travelled a good hour on the highway to meet me. (Should have called her last night to see if she made it home alright or not - probably didn't lose points on it, but certainly didn't gain any either - but I just * thought * of it now).

[Luke Skywalker]

Okay, firstly, I wasn't there to capture the mood, so maybe take this with a grain of salt... but my first thought on reading that was that it was a bad idea. Basically you were asking her to revisit and relive good memories with former boyfriends???. Ah, not good in my opinion. I'd think that when she's out with you, she should be focused only on you, not on other guys who previously showed her a good time.

 

I didn't EXCLUSIVELY talk about that. Virtually the first topic is about passions, what she is doing, what she is passionate about in life, and getting as much detail about that as possible, and seeing how she is excited about that. There was convo both ways, about myself and her, but after a time, when things started 'thinning' out - then we talked about that.

 

The problem with the prior convo up this point, is there was no 'romantic' talk or 'romantic' themes and things were starting to get boring, so a bit of romantic talk is necessary to spice it up and get her thinking romantically. The fact is, these guys are long gone from her lives, and she is made aware of 'what she is missing' when it is brought up - she cant experience those feelings again, but I do know what experiences turned her on in the past, and have insights in replicating experiences that will likely turn her on again into a romantic-passionate mode.

 

 

But, I understand the problem - there when I dont have any good reciprocal experiences. But if you can think of a better idea to introduce a romantic element or get her thinking 'romantically' or get insights on what makes her attracted to people, then I'm all ears to what you or others have to say.

 

Whatever I did - or didn't do - is immaterial, as she suggested for me to touch base with her again and set up a future date. A girl is not going to be content with having good romantic memories floating around, she's going to want to experience something again.

 

But do you understand that she was re-experiencing these romantic feelings with other guys??? It's those other guys' faces that were plastered in her mind's eye, not your face. Wow, that just doesn't sound like a good idea to me. But maybe someone else has some input here?

 

Pavlov Classical Conditioning - pairing stimulus and response, fact is, I'm infront of her, she's feeling romantic, I'm paired with feelings of romance. Women do not think logically on romance they think emotionally.

 

Personally, I didn't like talking about the subject with her, but, since I"ve never done it before with anyone else, or want to try something else out, then why not?

 

[quiote=Miss M]

I can understand wanting to get an idea of what interests her romantically, but this doesn't seem the right way to go about it. And really, there are so many other relevant things to talk about on a date besides her previous romances. You both should be exploring each others' personalities, not just you exploring hers.

 

Right, but this is the least obvious way. I did ask her before what she's looking for, and she looked at me saying she's not looking for anything. So, what other options am I left with other than to cross her about her former relationships to get insights into what she looked for in the past.

 

Anyway, like I said, I did not exlusively talk about that, and it's was put in there when the general convo was thinning out and the overall tempo seemed to be going down. This really spiced it up, and think I may have even revived the tempo of the date by that convo twist.

[Miss M]

I have a bunch of old pics, including that sub-arctic trip, and grad-photos that I intend to add to the set. I'm also hoping to get some other pics sent to me from a wedding function a couple of years back. In terms of new photos, sure, I think a few shots at a park, relaxed on a bench, or some other position may be tried.

The most significant pics should be recent ones. Maybe use the older ones to tell more about your story, your history, but recent is much better. Even pics from an inexpensive disposable camera can be converted to digital, CD, (an inexpensive option when you get the pics developed) and then easily uploaded to the PC.

 

Yeah, it seems like a long-shot to have even got a good prospect that was genuinely attracted to THAT photo and profile that travelled a good hour on the highway to meet me.

Okay, this sounds like you don't value yourself, like you think she was doing you a favor, and like you had to "settle" for substandard treatment because of all the trouble she went through for you. Please don't do that to yourself. If you think and act that way you're telling a woman you don't value yourself, and if you don't value yourself, then she's likely to take your word for it, and she won't value you either. You're worth the best treatment, and she is too. Don't make things lopsided by thinking and acting as if a girl is doing you a favor by going out with you. If you feel like she traveled a long way, then perhaps insist on paying at the fancy restaurant to balance things out, but don't ever think you deserve less than the best in the conversation like that. You shouldn't ever think of yourself in a subservient role.

 

Should have called her last night to see if she made it home alright or not - probably didn't lose points on it, but certainly didn't gain any either - but I just * thought * of it now).

Yeah, definitely a good idea to check to see that a woman got home safely at night after traveling far to see you.

[Luke Skywalker]

Again, I'd like to reiterate, that the dating books or authorities that would promote this as a discussion would be 'Natural Attraction' by John Alanis, and How to Succeed with Woman by Ron and Louis.

 

'Natural Attraction - suggests to talk about her passion, find out what excites her or she has strong emotions for, and try to get her to disclose as much personal information as possible - then try to link passion to attraction, and discuss people she felt attraction for in the past. This e-book seems to suggest anchoring psychological attraction and romance to you, by talking to you about it.

 

'HOw to Succeed With Woman' would talk it (perhaps more discreetly than how I may have come accross) in terms of excuse, description and question.

You build up a statement to introduce a romantic description, and ask her about it. Or, in general, try to bring up anything she thinks romantic.

 

Now I kid you now, I actually learned a few things from this girl:

 

- First guy she was attracted to - she was attracted because he was 'light and funny', and not a heavy talker 'religious, politics, etc...' like the other teen AFC's in her high-school. Good insights here guys.

 

- Second guy she was attracted to - leadership and charisma - John Alanis discusses this in his e-book about principles of 'Natural Attraction'.

 

- Third guy she was attracted to was normal. -- well let's leave that out -- HE WAS LIKE ME, shy quiet and withdrawn - whatever.....

 

The point is I learned what she is attracted to, or what women are attracted to first hand - from her, which actually reinforced the materials I have already read about attraction, and I learned a specific scenerio that could get her turned on, or exhillerated. That could be worked on during a future date - if someone sweet-talking her during a height was her best romantic experience - then I'll top that one by taking her to the CN tower or something, and kiss her, and really work on exciting her.

 

There is a method to the madness.

[Miss M]

Ah... Luke... you've just gone from writing that you know absolutely nothing about women/dating, to writing like you're quite the expert.

 

And this seems a good point to leave you to your... um... "expertise."

 

But I do sincerely still wish you all the best.

[Luke Skywalker]

The most significant pics should be recent ones. Maybe use the older ones to tell more about your story, your history, but recent is much better. Even pics from an inexpensive disposable camera can be converted to digital, CD, (an inexpensive option when you get the pics developed) and then easily uploaded to the PC.

 

Sure, I did say I was thinking of working on a couple of new pics.

 

Okay, this sounds like you don't value yourself, like you think she was doing you a favor, and like you had to "settle" for substandard treatment because of all the trouble she went through for you. Please don't do that to yourself. If you think and act that way you're telling a woman you don't value yourself, and if you don't value yourself, then she's likely to take your word for it, and she won't value you either.

 

I understand what you are saying, but, as you have stated my pics put up were aweful and my profile was pitiful. It's not like I dont value myself, but with a presentation of myself that was done poorly on the internet, I think it is a fluke that I meet someone genuinely interested in both my profile and pic to the extent to drive an hour to see me. Again, she told me I look better than the pic on my profile, so she didnt' treat me bad about it or appear like she was patronizing me.

 

You're worth the best treatment, and she is too. Don't make things lopsided by thinking and acting as if a girl is doing you a favor by going out with you. If you feel like she traveled a long way, then perhaps insist on paying at the fancy restaurant to balance things out, but don't ever think you deserve less than the best in the conversation like that. You shouldn't ever think of yourself in a subservient role.

 

If you are not in demand market wise, then it's not as easy as you are saying. This girl appears genuinely attracted to my pics and profile, and that's fine enough. The romantic convo was inspired by two 'experts', so I played with it. I do not see what you are talking about a subserviant role. Expert dating authors will go out of business if their advice was that bad as you are sugesting.

 

Yeah, definitely a good idea to check to see that a woman got home safely at night after traveling far to see you.

 

Right now? It's a bit late though from the fact.

[Luke Skywalker]

Anyway, I do not mean to hijack my own thread, but I'm determined to be successful at internet dating. My goal is simply to pick up women from the internet and meet them offline - that is the priority of this thread. ANYONE who has difficulty in this department should be encouraged and inspired by the participants in this thread, and the scientific and rational and case-by-case experimental way in which I'm handling the situation, both online and offline. I encourage everyone to look at this scientifically, pragmatically and experimentally - after all, all you really gain most of the time is experience, and nobody can take that away from you. A flirting may fail, and online dating may fail, but if you learn something about it for next time and improve your game, then you've really won because you've got balls, you are motivated and you are doing something.

 

Of course, if you really do not know what you are doing with your dates, then if you are good with the internet, you can always get more people like a revolving door.

 

So, the only way people in here can really get confidence with woman is to heighten their online display value - put up good profiles and good pics and thereby sell yourself too more people. Otherwise, if you just put poor pics and poor profiles up, and are looking for fluke responses. But when you only have ONE woman interested in you - then it sucks, because, you'll feel more desperate and needy with her then if you had MANY women interested in you and you had some choice.

 

Let's fight this beast and win the online game!!!

[Budman]

Honestly, I agree with you luke. Advertising (or Peacocking) is very very important in the online arena.

 

About the date (I don't care what any book says)

 

You never, never, never, never, never (repeat to infinity) purposely bring up an ex, unless necessary, and if it is brought up you try to change the subject.

 

Good and fine statement

 

I like my ear played with.

 

Bad statement

 

I liked it when my ex played with my ear.

 

Good Statement

 

I like my hand held

 

Bad Statement

 

My ex liked to hold my hand

 

Now sometimes there will be bad statements, that will sound awesome to you.

 

Example:

 

My ex never held hands, they weren't manly enough to do it (while you are holding hands with her)

 

IT's good, but also bad, means she's still thinking about her ex's...

 

 

I mean sometimes they are going to talk about the ex's, it happens... The song by Keith Anderson "Everytime I hear your name" kinda describes that better than I would, but the point is to try not to bring up exs. (horrible sentence I know).

 

The more they talk about their ex's the more you live off of the old feelings of the ex's. At least in my opinion. These feelings aren't stable, as they aren't what you provoke in the woman.

 

Every girl gets a different response from me emotionally, and I am sure its the same for them.

 

That's just some of my thoughts.

[Luke Skywalker]

Budman;

 

I didn't purposely try to bring up the subject of the ex relationships, other than the initial stages of attraction, and her most romantic experience, to get some sort of insights into her.

 

Remember - when I initially talked to her about what qualities in a guy she is attracted to, she brushed the whole question and stated she wasn't looking for anyone. It was a simple question, and she evaded to answer, so, how am I going to get information out of her? Well, the only thing I could think of was to ask, what was she attracted to in the previous guys she meet. Since people's past behaviour and attitudes are a good indicator of their current behaviour and attitudes, that was the only way to find out.

 

She didn't give me anything to work with so I virtually had to cross-examine her and really had no choice.

 

Anyway, this subject was not the first thing that was brought up, and yes, I agree, it sort of comes out ackward or a bit inferior if I dont have any ex's of my own or I'm living under a rock for 30 years and just out of nowhere decided to try internet dating --- let's just say, she asked to go out again with me afterwards, and suggested I email her or call her later, so in the end, it was not a total disaster.

[Luke Skywalker]

Anyway, I hope people are getting great tips from this thread. I'm banking on the fact this girl seems to be rather into me form the get-go and seems to have verbally encouraged me to ask her out again next week or for a future date after our first meeting, and seems to be straight (not juggling other guys, or having her mind on another guy).

 

As you've probably guess, I'm just playing around, as far as internet is concerned, and cant possibly be looking for any relationship, other than meeting new people from the net, or having nice and attractive girls in my life, even if it's just one. Having meet this basic goal, I'm not that gun-ho to get other girls into my life, despite the fact that I'm improving my profile anyway and intend to do so. Assuming I'm taking this new girl out regularly to see different sites in the city, and there is some modest physical play, including a lip-kiss somewhere, then I'm settled as far as this year and internet dating is concerned.

 

When you are 30 years old, I think 'relationships' carry on a different connotation than when you are a teenager, or early 20's, and by this age, it's in the context of 'marriage prospect' - so I'd rather fix myself with a good job and get more independent than worry about having or not having a relationship.

 

ANYWAY --- THANKS to everyone who participated in this thread, I'm going to be giving out recommendations to everyone. I have enough information both on this thread, and on this board in general to improve my online presense if I want to.

[corvidae]

As far as I can tell with dating sites, if you're a guy you might get some female interest once every 6 months, and if you're female you'll have your inbox flooded with 30 messages a day. It's a bit of a metaphor for real life really.

[Luke Skywalker]

As far as I can tell with dating sites, if you're a guy you might get some female interest once every 6 months, and if you're female you'll have your inbox flooded with 30 messages a day. It's a bit of a metaphor for real life really.

 

Ok, I have not done THAT badly on the internet. I've had pathetic pics, and a pitiful profile by most standards, and I still meet quality single people that I liked, and who appear to like me to or want to see me. The type of girls that I am attracted to. In fact, my plate is already full, and I"m not gun-go to pursue anyone on the internet at this time. And, I've done probably poorly than other successful guys on here, which is why I made this thread to improve my game.

 

Then you'll have talk of women saying, men are only interested in online buddies and flake or sex on the other side. A woman having a flooded inbox means ziltch if she cant find the right person, and in fact, lots of women are dissatisfied with their experience because they have become overly picky with the level of choice that they have and thus more frustrated.

 

In other words, the experience may be the same for both men and woman, despite the difference of attention quotients.

[corvidae]

I disagree. I think men get less choice and thereforeeee settle more. It's amazing what the human mind adapts to. Anyone can be the right one for you if you convince yourself enough. I don't understand the logic that because a guy dates less the people he does date are more suitable or right for him. Surely we meet people by chance in any case, and if it's chance then surely the greater the numbers the greater the probability of finding someone compatible. If women become overly picky because they have too much choice, well that's a personal issue that they need to deal with, not an inherent negative feature of having lots of people interested in you.

[Luke Skywalker]

I disagree. I think men get less choice and thereforeeee settle more.

 

Not in my case. Anyone I'm going out with now is not a result of settling. There was a girl with a kid that was interested in me, and I was not attracted by her and I passed. If you are settling then you are not happy. I'm happy with who I have picked up from the internet so far.

 

It's amazing what the human mind adapts to. Anyone can be the right one for you if you convince yourself enough.

 

I tend to like Indian/mixed-complexion looking girls, and bingo, I've meet two of them, and they are of my same faith. If I meet anyone else, then sure, I'd probably be settling. In my experience, despite scarcity of results, it seems to be working so far. But the point is improving the game - which there is certianly potential.

 

I don't understand the logic that because a guy dates less the people he does date are more suitable or right for him.

 

It's all a question of online experience. You could date one person, and if she's the right person, then that's all that matters. You are confusing quantity for quality.

 

Surely we meet people by chance in any case, and if it's chance then surely the greater the numbers the greater the probability of finding someone compatible.

 

Or the least likely. You can have one lottery winning number, or you may never get the winning number as the odds there are 1 and 14 million. If it is really chance we're talking about then having greater numbers does not necessarily mean anything other than more wasted time with wrong prospects.

 

If women become overly picky because they have too much choice, well that's a personal issue that they need to deal with, not an inherent negative feature of having lots of people interested in you.

 

Again, I'm pointing out that having more choice or attention does not necessarily does not equate to online success. Sure, settling is not success, but I believe in quality over quanity.

[corvidae]

I'm not confusing quantity with quality. My point is that I think 'quality' is not a variable, but quantity is. To put is simply, if I go on one date this year, and my female housemate goes on twenty dates, is my one date automatically higher 'quality' than her dates simply because it was unique? Of course not. My one date had as much chance of being someone I was compatible with as any one of the twenty dates my housemate went on. So, ipso facto, she has twenty times better chance of finding someone she wants to be with. BUT...

 

...your lottery ticket analogy doesn't work for dating. Because by and large when something is a numbers game the more you play the better chance you have of winning. The lottery is a little different because the odds are so astronomically high to begin with, that unless you buy thousands of tickets your odds won't increase by a significant amount. However, winning the lottery would be akin to meeting your one true soul mate. Most people do not do this. Most people meet someone they fancy enough, and they get on with, and they settle down with each other. To find someone like that isn't astronomically unlikely, hence dating more DOES increase your chances. Even if the chance of finding someone right for you was 1%, then dating twenty people as compared to one would, relatively speaking, dramatically increase your chances.

 

Besides, dating isn't just about finding some one true person, it's about many things, one of which is self-discovery. I would like to date people, some of them would be the wrong people, but that's part of it. Part of how we learn and grow. Part of what makes life worth living.

[arrowbee]

If you are settling then you are not happy.

 

No offense but I think this attitude stinks. It's the reason why the divorce rate is so high. My parents "settled for" each other, and had low expectations throughout their marriage, but they are the happiest couple I know.

[Budman]

I don't know I get what you mean by that quote above, but I personally disagree.

 

Its like saying I will only date blondes and passing up others because of hairstyle (and I'm not saying this in a prejudiced way)

 

Honestly, if I only dated women who liked video games, I'd never have a date. Also, if I'd never dated women who didn't like video games, I wouldn't know that I love to go out, etc etc.

[Miss M]

If you are settling then you are not happy.

No offense but I think this attitude stinks. It's the reason why the divorce rate is so high. My parents "settled for" each other, and had low expectations throughout their marriage, but they are the happiest couple I know.

I get your point, but there's also another way to look at it. I used to "settle" for guys who mistreated me, those who weren't on the same page, those who had different values and needs. I used to "settle" for guys who were generally incompatible and toxic for me. I was kinda dumb that way, but didn't realize it at the time. Now I've raised the bar. I don't "settle" anymore for someone who's not right for me. Now I see "settling" is just a way to waste a lot of time when I could be spending my time with someone is compatible, and someone I really like.

 

I think that making even the good relationships work well is still very difficult. And trying to "settle" for something that's less than good, and then trying to make that work... well, that seems like the reason for the high divorce rate in my opinion. I guess it all depends on how one looks at it.

[Luke Skywalker]

Ok, I've forgotten what Budman/Todd said again. Which is basically again, rule # 1: DO NOT CARE, or not to care, because when you care, you start coming accross as desperate or crazy.

 

Again, the common problem on the internet, is sometimes you will really like someone online because of two reasons:

 

1) General lack of attention from the type of people that you are attracted to.

 

2) You are just crazy about one particular person online, because you feel really connected with them.

 

******

 

I was working on a prospect last week and she had to go to NYC over the weekend (we had a holiday weekend here as July 1st is Canada's Day). I kept looking on the SENT message section to see if she viewed the last message since Thursday, June 29th, 2006. She returned from NYC on Tuesday evening, and noticed on SENT messages that she viewed the last message.

 

Initially, after seeing she viewed the SENT message, I noticed that she did not make an immediate response to this, and my head was going a bit funny. I went on the internet this morning, and sent her a message, acknowleding the fact she is probably back from NYC because I noticed the SENT message marked 'read', and telling her that I'm free from Friday onwards if she wanted to do the coffee thing.

 

A FEW MINUTES LATER, she sent a reply, not to the message I sent, but to the message I sent initially on Thursday, June 29, 2006 that she read last night.

 

In the past it was already known that she does not necessarily reply to my messages right away, but sometimes a day afterwards, but she normally does reply.

 

*********

 

The point of all this, is that I 'cared' again, and acted a bit desperate online by worrying about whether or not she was going to reply to the last letter.

 

So, again, to reiterate from this lesson is DO NOT CARE, when you are on the internet. IF YOU FEEL LIKE YOU ARE GOING TO CARE, LET'S BRAINSTORM SOME ACTIVITIES THAT YOU CAN DO TO TAKE YOUR MIND OFF OF IT.

- Listening to music.

- Religious activity.

- Going for a walk.

- Going to the gym.

 

And possibly a host of other activities.

 

**********

 

Anyway, let's see how my luck goes here. Normally, a girl will think I'm crazy or desperate and could backpeddle, however, I do not think my letter came accross as too desperate in the circumstances since there was no correspondence between Thursday, June 29th, to Wednesday, July 5th, and this was the only time this was done in multiple interactions before this time, and also it appears that there is a very positive rapport that has built since I first started talking with her and she had already agreed to meet last week. I've never seen anyone turned-off by emails anyway who had an interest to see me, unless I send something in an accusatory or confrontational type of tone, or where it would seem like I believed that they 'abandoned' me or something. Usually, they dont get turned-off, you have to resell to them again that you have a life or are a normal guy, and talk a bit more again - which is what I'm talking about backpeddling.

 

I've learned not to be too anxious about meeting someone if you dont know what you are doing. The Bible does say not to be anxious about anything, but heck, I guess nobody is perfect, and thereforeeee, one should not care when using the internet.

[Luke Skywalker]

Ok, yeah, the girl from out of town thread on the Dating section --- had a similar problem on our e-mail chats that I would also like to state. This occurred around May, so it is a long time ago, but I never posted about it. I no longer have this girl in my life, but would like to share something about our email correspondence going up to our first meeting.

 

****

 

We were talking back and forth for a while online. She took a bit long to reply back to one of the emails I sent, and I told her in an accusatory tone that I pulled my profile off lavalife because I thought she, like everyone else was playing games, etc.... or something to that effect.

 

A few emails later, she told me that she wanted to talk more with me before meeting me because she thought I was crazy or something.

 

Ultimately we did meet, and although the online correspondence prior to the meet-up was a bit shakey, it still worked out and we meet. (The date was a 9/11 disaster though, but that's not the point for purposes of this thread)

 

The point is - when someone doesn't reply back to IM chats, or even email right away - take an imaginary pill and just see in terms of email, if you can wait up to THREE DAYS before following up with it yourself.

 

Chances are, if she's really into you, she'll reply back to you, and if she's not into you, she will not reply back to you. Writing a letter due to the fact you are worried she will or willl not write back is totally counter-productive and just makes you look crazy.

[Budman]

I'll add one thing, Carlos Xuma said it best, "When ever you are nervous, or anxious or worried, do not contact her!"

 

I'm trying to find that sweer spot from anxiousness or worried part, to just plain old missing her.

 

Anyway, the point is, Don't care too early on. Once you go on soo many dates, (over 20 first dates in the last year for me Yeeaa) YOu'll stop caring if it goes well or not, you'll know.

 

 

[Luke Skywalker]

I'll add one thing, Carlos Xuma said it best, "When ever you are nervous, or anxious or worried, do not contact her!"

 

I'm trying to find that sweer spot from anxiousness or worried part, to just plain old missing her.

 

Anyway, the point is, Don't care too early on. Once you go on soo many dates, (over 20 first dates in the last year for me Yeeaa) YOu'll stop caring if it goes well or not, you'll know.

 

 

 

Yeah, easier said than done. Let me make a support thread on just that.