How to master the internet dating game.

[Daddy Bear]

haha, i don't want to argue over the curtains. what a couple we'd make, huh?

 

MY main point was that a good background is essential to a great picture, and especially to one that's being rated. any pro photographer would probably agree.

[Budman]

Get a dog in that pic. I guarentee it'll go up at least 3-4 on a 1-10 scale.

 

Hold on.

 

link removed

 

link removed

 

I can't find the exact one.

 

you'll just have to trust me on the article.

[Miss M]

I'm an advocate of being yourself. If you really own a dog that you're very attached to, then yeah, absolutely include him in your pic.

 

But if you're not even into dogs, and you don't even own a dog, then I'd suggest that you don't use a dog as a prop just to get a good response. I really like dogs, but I'd personally feel VERY annoyed with a guy who used a dog in his pic if he didn't even own a dog. If you decide to use any kind of prop, make it something that is true and real in your life.

 

 

And SB, that's quite right... yes, help him fix up the composition, the background, and all the rest. I'm sure it will help his "rating" ...

 

In the meantime...

 

hmmm...

 

I'm gonna try to see if it's possible to look at Luke's pic while also remembering to ...

 

b r e a t h e.

 

Ahhh, that's better.

 

 

And yeah Luke, fix that pic, and make it a masterpiece... 'cause wow, I think it's about time for me to swap out my desktop wallpaper. hehe \\

[Budman]

And let me verify that Miss M is a cutie, always gets the guys lookin at her!

 

Well I think in the articles they say pets in general, like if you have a gold fish, take a pic with it (prefferably in a bowl lol)

[Luke Skywalker]

Thank you for your responses, SB, Miss M and Budman, I've just reviewed them. Miss M, I'm flattered. I'm going to have to get a plane ticket and meet you (just kidding).

 

It seems like there are some serious issues with the background or the style of pictures that is posted on there as stifiling the ratings or photo that I will certainly look into. I know the portfolio as far as photos are concerned should be revamped, but it's important that I got some insights that something on the photo may be adversely affecting the online response and at least that's one element that I have gotten to the bottom with, so to speak.

 

The new photo with the excess clothing has been rated 4.9 overall so far, but only had about 29 votes, but the votes are more spread out ranging between 1-10, despite the fact there are a substantial amount of 1's, 2's and 3's.

 

I do not have any pets, and am not into animals, but I could visit the zoo or pet store. I do have insights into photos as well - and know that these following photos should be included in a portfolio based on an e-book I read from John Alanis.

- Head shot.

- Body shot.

- Authority shot. (anything showing I'm in authority - ie graduation photo)

- Social proof (shot with friends or group)

- Social proof #2 (shot next to an attractive girl - ??? )

- Pic of me doing something wild and crazy that will likely elicit question.

- Another pic of the above.

 

It seems rather simple on the surface - head and body shot - that could be a possibility in a different type of background if it's not professionally done. Have a grad photo that's a few years old, otherwise, it may be a challenge putting one together unless I do public speaking and get a photo shoot of that, I have a few wild and crazy pics but they are back in 1998, such as me on top of an iceberg washed ashore in the sub-arctic, so I could change that into digital. In terms of social proof pics, I think there are some old pics around as well somewhere that could be digitlized

 

I think the real question, if you have an up to date head and body shot, and authentically reflect how you would look like in person, then it's alright to have a few older photos without blurring the lines of having an honest type of profile? I dont have any recent shots of myself other than the ones posted there, my other photos range from 2-10 years old.

[Budman]

Ok, if you have no pets, nix that idea.

 

Newer = better.

 

Just because if someone meets you and you look a lot or a bit different, its a turn off.

 

(unless you look 10x better)

 

Then its all good.

[Luke Skywalker]

A new primary photo has been put on the hot or not site - first photo is rated a 5.7 with the open white shirt and black pants, over-dressed nerdy photo (which I thought was the worst) is rated 6.5 - but it was more spread evenly between 1-10, except a high level of

 

Reasons why the second pic may have gotten a better score is something that I'm really not sure. There is more of a face shot on it than the other one, and it may come accross a bit better than the first pic, or seem more sincere. I dunno.

 

The white shirt and black pants idea (I'm half white and half black racially) was something that was suggested by a 'professional consultant' a year ago as part of a new style.

 

Anyway --- all of this may be 'moot' points anyway, because if the background has to go, and I simply need better digital shots, then no matter how I'm dressing up or looking, it's going to be undermined unless that background goes for something that's more eye-pleasing.

[Budman]

k 2nd pic setting looks better (here, I edited some.)

 

Ok here we go

 

image removed

 

That is unedited.

 

image removed

 

See the difference?

[Budman]

Orig:

 

image removed

 

changed

 

image removed

 

Color, Lightness, saturation.

 

I'm an amateur photographer. Sorry

 

No back ground

 

image removed

 

Fun one

 

image removed

 

(Enotalone told me no more images in the one post)

 

Ok here you go.

 

These were just examples. For example the no background one, I could have spent more time on. To really edit pics I'd need the full sized ones.

[Miss M]

Luke, I think you're overthinking the pic way too much... but that's just my opinion. Other women might feel differently.

 

So... are you looking for a "rating"? ... or are you looking for a date? I happen to think there's a big difference in those two things, and I don't think one has anything to do with the other. Worrying extensively about the pic, and putting it up on "hot or not"... that will help you gauge the responses if you're wanting to date LOTS of women, and if you want to figure out how to impress the biggest GROUP of women. Otherwise, getting rated, and manipulating your pic to increase your rating seems pointless. ... again, just my opinion.

 

But really, you're definitely a good-looking guy, and you look good enough to catch a girl's eye. You're even above average in looks. You're not hideous. So you might want to work on other things, like your profile. And remember, no matter how hot you look, there will always be some women who will NOT like the way you look. Some like skinny, some like meaty, some like tall, some like short, some like a mustache, some like glasses, and yes, some REALLY like nerds, but also, some don't. You just can't please all of them, so don't even try. You have to tell them what you ARE, and do so in a way that "hooks" them, gets their attention.

 

[And really, this is sooo weird that I'm telling you all this because online dating sites are a complete mystery to me. I don't ever expect to use them.]

 

Okay... I'm trying to think like other women now... and I'm trying to think like a woman who would use an online dating site... And my first thought is that your pic doesn't tell a girl much if she's interested in your physique. And if I were interested in rating guys on a "hot or not" site, I'd say you're wearing WAY too many clothes. I happen to think your face is "dreamy" but other girls probably want some idea of what's under all that fabric. So cut way back on the layers. For a "hot or not" shot, get some solid fashion advice. ... And definitely lose the coat.

 

And from the two pics I'm seeing in the thread, I think the one in the tan jacket is not your best. Some people say a "smile" is a must, ... but... just looking at these two shots, the one where you're not smiling is actually many times better.... again just my opinion.

 

As for things to use for props... well, do you play sports?... or have a hobby?.... or a passion?... Do you like to camp? ... Are you a musician? ... Are you a history buff? ... And what's the story behind that iceberg? ... The point is that girls are generally intrigued by guys who have something they care strongly about... even if it's just a motorcycle or a car you drive. It's actually a turn-on when a guy has passions.... If you have a red sports car, shine it up and pose next to it. Hobbies and passions give a girl some indication that you have an intensity to your personality. And displaying it in your shot makes you seem much more appealing.

 

And I'm thinking for a "hot or not" site, wouldn't a full body shot be a better idea? Girls who would go there to rate guys probably are looking for a full body shot, some idea of a fashion sense, and fewer clothes, ... (and no offense intended to mom), but you need a photographer who knows how to compose a shot, and help you pose in a way that is flattering to you.

 

Good luck!

[Luke Skywalker]

Luke, I think you're overthinking the pic way too much... but that's just my opinion. Other women might feel differently.

 

This was all premised on feed-back I got from plentyoffish dating site, that put a pointer on their rating system that something may not be altogether with the pics, so I'm investigating it, and looking for ways to improve the pics in general.

 

So... are you looking for a "rating"? ... or are you looking for a date?

 

A date obviously.

 

I happen to think there's a big difference in those two things, and I don't think one has anything to do with the other. Worrying extensively about the pic, and putting it up on "hot or not"... that will help you gauge the responses if you're wanting to date LOTS of women, and if you want to figure out how to impress the biggest GROUP of women.

 

I'm not dating even a FEW women right now from online venues. I end up looking and acting desperate with those who do take me on, because quite literally, they are often the ONLY people on the whole site that actually take me on. But, better I'm meeting one real girl rather than a dozen false ones. I still think more improvement could be made with my online presense.

 

But really, you're definitely a good-looking guy, and you look good enough to catch a girl's eye. You're even above average in looks. You're not hideous.

 

Thank-you.

 

So you might want to work on other things, like your profile. And remember, no matter how hot you look, there will always be some women who will NOT like the way you look. Some like skinny, some like meaty, some like tall, some like short, some like a mustache, some like glasses, and yes, some REALLY like nerds, but also, some don't. You just can't please all of them, so don't even try. You have to tell them what you ARE, and do so in a way that "hooks" them, gets their attention.

 

I'd think of working on my profile later. I think I posted a profile I used on lavalife at the beginning of this thread, have you had the opportunity to read that profile?

 

 

[And really, this is sooo weird that I'm telling you all this because online dating sites are a complete mystery to me. I don't ever expect to use them.]

 

Okay... I'm trying to think like other women now... and I'm trying to think like a woman who would use an online dating site... And my first thought is that your pic doesn't tell a girl much if she's interested in your physique.

 

That's just the problem, I have no solid developed muscles anywhere, and am just starting to go the gym on that. People have told me that my face is handsome (from my mom), but I seem to have a weak frame (also from my mom) and flabby muscles. My arms look even a bit disproportioned with the rest of my body.

 

I do have another pic with a white shirt and black pants, which Budman did not post up here, but I'll put it up later on that site, so it can be posted here.

 

And if I were interested in rating guys on a "hot or not" site, I'd say you're wearing WAY too many clothes. I happen to think your face is "dreamy" but other girls probably want some idea of what's under all that fabric. So cut way back on the layers. For a "hot or not" shot, get some solid fashion advice. ... And definitely lose the coat.

 

I have a couple of other pics without the coat, but it seems to have rated more poorly than this one. My face is dreamy? You mean I look half-asleep or something, not wide awake and alert?

 

And from the two pics I'm seeing in the thread, I think the one in the tan jacket is not your best. Some people say a "smile" is a must, ... but... just looking at these two shots, the one where you're not smiling is actually many times better.... again just my opinion.

 

I think so too. This is just confirming what I already believe. I'm not a smiley type of guy, when I do something I'm not used to doing it comes off as weird I guess, especially on a photo.

 

As for things to use for props... well, do you play sports?... or have a hobby?.... or a passion?... Do you like to camp? ... Are you a musician? ... Are you a history buff? ... And what's the story behind that iceberg? ... The point is that girls are generally intrigued by guys who have something they care strongly about... even if it's just a motorcycle or a car you drive. It's actually a turn-on when a guy has passions.... If you have a red sports car, shine it up and pose next to it. Hobbies and passions give a girl some indication that you have an intensity to your personality. And displaying it in your shot makes you seem much more appealing.

 

So, this passion stuff weights the same as the pic I suppose on a scale. First you have a pic, than pics that portray passion and authority and social proof.

 

But that's right, I know what to do in that department, and have a number of photos that I'll have to change to digital later, since all the camera shots I have of myself, before this year, were not digital. I've just started with this online dating thing recently.

 

And I'm thinking for a "hot or not" site, wouldn't a full body shot be a better idea? Girls who would go there to rate guys probably are looking for a full body shot, some idea of a fashion sense, and fewer clothes, ... (and no offense intended to mom), but you need a photographer who knows how to compose a shot, and help you pose in a way that is flattering to you.

 

Good luck!

 

If I had a great body, then a full body shot may be an asset, what about the shot with the white shirt and the black pants?

 

I know I'd probably need a photographer to help make out a good shot, and then do some digital touch-ups later to maximize the photo.

 

What kills me, and the reason why I put this thread up, is that internet dating should be an easy way to sell yourself because of the level of control you have over the picture and the profile, and I see my pictures as having lots of potential, as well as my profile, and know there is room for LOTS of improvement.

 

The start of all this is acnowledging what is wrong first of all, and knowing how to have the best type of picture up, profile, and best foot forward. IN a sense, I'd like a natural shot of myself, because if the photo appears too artificially good, then people are going to see through that anyway if they are that picky on looks to start with.

 

Thanks for you input Miss M - the serious face being better than the smiley one was a good insights into my pics.

[Daddy Bear]

props to Bud for the photo edits. couldn't have done it better.

 

the thing about a profile picture is that it may or may not capture your essense, depending on a large number of factors (lighting, expression, etc., etc.) like it or not, we all partly judge people based on their poise, dress and other visual cues, and i do think that to put your best side forward will help improve your chances with the one girl you're looking for.

 

i agree with Miss M when she notes that the serious face appears more striking. and even the infamous pink curtain looks a lot better with the photo cropped.

 

or maybe i'm steering you wrong on purpose out of face envy

[Luke Skywalker]

Thanks for the digital photo feedback Budman - I"m a little out it right now since I'm have too much on my plate already with that one girl from out of town, and with my own business in general that I'm putting this all in the backburner for a while until I get myself together. I'll pursue this all later, but thanks Budman - you've been a real help.

 

I'm weird guy, I get so worked up on one girl each time that I may end up crazy if I have to deal with more than one interested girl at a time, so Luke is going to take a short break from Jedi academy.

[Miss M]

Hey Luke, okay this still seems strange, me giving online dating advice. Weird. But anyways...

 

This was all premised on feed-back I got from plentyoffish dating site, that put a pointer on their rating system that something may not be altogether with the pics, so I'm investigating it, and looking for ways to improve the pics in general.

 

Okay, I see your point. I think the fact that you were watching the "rating" going up and down, that seemed kinda weird, but yeah, I see what you're saying. Makes sense now. The pics are like a "window"... a tiny peek at you. And yes, they're definitely important, and they convey a lot of information about you that you don't realize. But even when you're finished tweaking them, they should still tell the truth about you. Don't ever get too far away from the truth of who/what you are. And definitely don't use pets for props if you're not into animals. Stick to only what's natural for you.

 

Okay, if I hadn't been so "bedazzled" by your mug, and were paying more attention, being especially discerning about the background, I still wouldn't be so distracted by the background that I would rule you out, but I might think you were showing bad judgment by not giving more thought to it. The "bad judgment" would cause me to pause. Does that make sense? I don't think the background detracts from how you actually look, but it would make me pause and wonder why you didn't know to use a better shot, or at least just crop it like Budman did. Just like SB mentioned, even the pink curtains aren't so bad when it's simply cropped. I was thinking the exact same thing. But putting up a pic with that reflected light from the flash, is just a sign of bad judgment, not good.

 

As to the heavy layering of clothes, even without your further explanation, I would think you're trying to hide the fact that you're slim and not toned. That's because toned guys love to strip off their clothes, so you're not really fooling anyone by heavily covering it up. And I actually have known PLENTY of women who were specifically very into the non-toned types of guys, but the fact that you're trying to hide it might be a turn-off for even those types of women. I think women just want to really SEE, and want to KNOW what you really do look like, whatever that is. When you try to hide anything, it comes off that you don't trust yourself, that you lack confidence, and it's like you also don't trust the woman to know what she likes. It's better to let the real you show through, whatever that is, and then trust that some girl out there will like it. Let her make up her own mind. Adopting a take-it-or-leave-it attitude and laying it all out there, is much better than trying to disguise things you don't like about yourself.

 

I also don't think you should spend a lot of money on professional photography. I'd personally be turned off by that type of thing. And pictures that look too photo-shopped would also be a turn-off. Too much attention to the pics would make me think the guy is trying to be fake, hiding something, and I would bypass, no matter how hot he looked. We women really can tell what we like about a guy without all the professional touches.

 

I'd think of working on my profile later. I think I posted a profile I used on lavalife at the beginning of this thread, have you had the opportunity to read that profile?

Yeah, kinda pitiful... but you already knew that, right? Sorry. Desperate guys are a real turn-off because it seems they don't believe in themselves. And I truly wouldn't want anything to do with a guy who didn't believe in himself.

 

Hmm, I really don't think I have such good advice about a profile, (not yet, anyway, hehe) but whenever you do get around to it, I think mentioning that "iceberg" thing would be really a good "hook" in your profile. It's something that really happened to you... it's unusual... it's intriguing. But don't tell the whole story in the profile... just put in enough to make a woman want to click your profile for the rest of the story. And I say all that because if I weren't giving you this advice right now, I'd be asking you about the iceberg... sorta like, "wha??? ... you've been that intimate with an actual iceberg??? ... well, how the heck did that happen???" yeah, it's quite intriguing.

 

My face is dreamy? You mean I look half-asleep or something, not wide awake and alert?

No, no, ... "dreamy" is a good thing. Aw, it's probably a description from way back in the dinosaur days. It means your face makes us women swoon. IOW we're the ones who start to "dream" as our eyes glaze over... hmm, probably from lack of oxygen... haha... we just gotta remember to b r e a t h e.

 

So, this passion stuff weights the same as the pic I suppose on a scale. First you have a pic, than pics that portray passion and authority and social proof.

I think a guy who has a passion is a real plus for most women. Yeah, it's definitely way up there on the scale. It adds another dimension to the character, makes you seem more balanced and sane. And many of us perk up when we see a man who is able to enjoy himself with his passion. It's a definite turn-on. But again, it should be something that's real in your life, important for you, not fake.

 

 

If I had a great body, then a full body shot may be an asset, what about the shot with the white shirt and the black pants?

I didn't see that one. Not sure how to find my way around the hotornot site either. You got more links to put up? And again, I think a full body shot is an asset no matter what kinda body you have. Because it shows that you have confidence, that you don't have anything to hide. It shows that you trust yourself. And it shows that you trust the women who look at the pic. And all of that is good IMO.

 

 

The start of all this is acnowledging what is wrong first of all, and knowing how to have the best type of picture up, profile, and best foot forward. IN a sense, I'd like a natural shot of myself, because if the photo appears too artificially good, then people are going to see through that anyway if they are that picky on looks to start with.

I'm actually not very picky in regard to looks, and that's why too much focus put on pics is a turn-off for me. So it's the same either way. Whether picky or not, too much attention to the pics is a problem.

[Miss M]

I'm weird guy, I get so worked up on one girl each time that I may end up crazy if I have to deal with more than one interested girl at a time, so Luke is going to take a short break from Jedi academy.

One girl at a time, eh?.... and then you're all tuckered out?... awww, that's sooo adorable.

 

Hmmm, one of these days I'm gonna have to start a thread to ask for tips on how to spot the "one-girl-at-a-time" types of guys. Yeah, I'd sure like to get him all worked up, and then tire him out so he feels a need for a break, ha!

[Daddy Bear]

Hmmm, one of these days I'm gonna have to start a thread to ask for tips on how to spot the "one-girl-at-a-time" types of guys.

you should really do that. they're probably pretty hard to glean from the rabble, expecially on the Internet.

[Luke Skywalker]

Yeah, kinda pitiful... but you already knew that, right? Sorry. Desperate guys are a real turn-off because it seems they don't believe in themselves. And I truly wouldn't want anything to do with a guy who didn't believe in himself.

 

It's interesting some people 'bit' on a profile like that. But your right, I wouldn't be here if I was happy with the results, and overall, I think I've made an art form of desperation with a profile like that.

 

The irony is, people have said on a note attachment, that they 'liked the way I expressed myself', that that profile was actually almost a bit popular when people read it through. Other people put note attachments that 'they liked my honesty'.

 

When I changed the pics (from the nerdy over-dressed one to the other pics) then the results nose-dived, but there is always one crazy and desperate woman out there that will go for a profile like that. But, I've already had my fill with that for now, so that's why I'm going to follow your suggestions about improving that profile, and putting some more pics on it when I'm back into it - to get real results, rather than conduct an empathy experiment on an online dating system.

 

 

Hmm, I really don't think I have such good advice about a profile, (not yet, anyway, hehe) but whenever you do get around to it, I think mentioning that "iceberg" thing would be really a good "hook" in your profile. It's something that really happened to you... it's unusual... it's intriguing. But don't tell the whole story in the profile... just put in enough to make a woman want to click your profile for the rest of the story. And I say all that because if I weren't giving you this advice right now, I'd be asking you about the iceberg... sorta like, "wha??? ... you've been that intimate with an actual iceberg??? ... well, how the heck did that happen???" yeah, it's quite intriguing.

 

Cool, I see what you are saying. Let me indulge your curiosity about the iceberg. That iceberg drifted ashore on Churchill, Manitoba from the Hudson Bay. I went to the sub-arctic with a biology class to do studies of wildlife, vegetation, permafrost and tree-line (point at which trees stunt and stop growing). One of the most interesting features of this place is on the summer stolise (where the earth is most tilted towards the sun, and thus the longest day of the year), which was the time I went, the sun did not set completely due to the angle of the earth. This resulted in a perpetual dawn right through the night. Certainly a trip I'd recommend to anyone.

 

I think a guy who has a passion is a real plus for most women. Yeah, it's definitely way up there on the scale. It adds another dimension to the character, makes you seem more balanced and sane. And many of us perk up when we see a man who is able to enjoy himself with his passion. It's a definite turn-on. But again, it should be something that's real in your life, important for you, not fake.

 

I'm assuming junk passions dont count right? For example, suppose you have a passion of renting DVD's, enjoying documentaries, or looking at movies over again to find out how they were made etc... that would be like a junk passion right? Where it may be more interesting or unusual is if I discussed foreign movies perhaps - I guess that may add a bit of a punch is such a passion was listed.

 

 

I didn't see that one. Not sure how to find my way around the hotornot site either. You got more links to put up? And again, I think a full body shot is an asset no matter what kinda body you have. Because it shows that you have confidence, that you don't have anything to hide. It shows that you trust yourself. And it shows that you trust the women who look at the pic. And all of that is good IMO.

 

I'm going to change the default picture to that one about five minutes after I post this message so you can see it.

[Luke Skywalker]

It turns out the one with the suit (black shirt and jacket) got a 2.8 rating, most people voting 2 on it - 14 people voted so far. Well, that one has got to be pulled.

 

So far here is the results in the order of rank:

 

1) Best pic: nerdy overdressed pic -- 6.5

 

2) Medocre pic: white shirt and black pants -- 5.7

 

3) Worst pic: black shirt and jacket -- 2.8.

 

The worst pic really tanked leaving potentially two pics. Putting the medocre pic back on as default.

 

It would seem that the first pic, if digitially cropped up and the background was swapped could stay.

[Miss M]

The irony is, people have said on a note attachment, that they 'liked the way I expressed myself', that that profile was actually almost a bit popular when people read it through. Other people put note attachments that 'they liked my honesty'.

Actually, I liked your honesty too. In fact, I'm really big on "honesty," a bit fanatical, but didn't really know how others felt about it, so I didn't mention it.

 

When I changed the pics (from the nerdy over-dressed one to the other pics) then the results nose-dived, but there is always one crazy and desperate woman out there that will go for a profile like that. But, I've already had my fill with that for now, so that's why I'm going to follow your suggestions about improving that profile, and putting some more pics on it when I'm back into it - to get real results, rather than conduct an empathy experiment on an online dating system.

Did I see this "nerdy" one you're talking about? So far I'm getting the idea that you don't have the foggiest idea of which pic is flattering and which isn't. The one I see there now is pretty bad, awful. So Luke, if you can't look at your pics and know what looks good, get someone to help you choose the best ones. Are there people you can ask? besides your mother? (mothers aren't typically so good at this because they love even the awful ones.) And guys opinions are good, but also seek some female opinions if you can, because sometimes guys don't have a clue what the women like.

 

Let me indulge your curiosity about the iceberg. That iceberg drifted ashore on Churchill, Manitoba from the Hudson Bay. I went to the sub-arctic with a biology class to do studies of wildlife, vegetation, permafrost and tree-line (point at which trees stunt and stop growing). One of the most interesting features of this place is on the summer stolise (where the earth is most tilted towards the sun, and thus the longest day of the year), which was the time I went, the sun did not set completely due to the angle of the earth. This resulted in a perpetual dawn right through the night. Certainly a trip I'd recommend to anyone.

Okay, just to give you some feedback, I find that VERY interesting. And if we met on a dating site and were exchanging emails I'd have lots of questions to shoot back at you about that, because I'm inquisitive like that. That means I'd either talk about it in emails, or I'd be looking forward to getting more details about it during a face to face meeting. So does that mean I'm also a nerd? Yeah, for the right girl that's an interesting story. It's also something you enjoyed. That comes through in your description. Part of what makes it interesting is that it was interesting and fun for you. The other reason it's interesting is that I'm naturally very curious about that kind of stuff. But a certain type of girl might also find it boring. You're looking for the one who also likes listening to you talk about things that were/are fun for you, and vice-versa.

 

I'm assuming junk passions dont count right? For example, suppose you have a passion of renting DVD's,

Um, depends on the person. I once knew a guy who was a film buff. And we have an annual film festival here that he thoroughly enjoys. He's 60ish, and has watched almost every movie or film ever made, even the most obscure ones. Some very thoughtful and intelligent films never make it to a wide audience. And those people who are into that kind of thing have a rip-roaring time exchanging thoughts about it. I couldn't possibly keep up with this guy in a conversation about films, but I was able to discuss a small handful of obscure films. And that gave him the biggest kick because even some film buffs haven't seen the ones I knew about. He grinned from ear-to-ear for weeks after his conversation with me.

 

enjoying documentaries,

Again, depends on the person. I literally drool over documentaries... it's one of my favorite ways to "waste" a weekend.

 

or looking at movies over again to find out how they were made etc...

See, I also watch some movies like that, looking for details of things that would just annoy other people. I prefer to watch movies alone so I can indulge myself without distractions. And yes, sometimes I watch the same movie 3-4 times in a day, exploring the different nuances and layers.

 

that would be like a junk passion right?

The point is... one person's junk is another person's treasure. Luke, if it's what you really like, then be unapologetic about it and just lay it out on the table without making any excuses. The right girl for you will notice it and perk up. You don't have to doubt the okay-ness of the things that interest you, and you really don't have to change who you are... you just have to find the girl who likes you that way. Self-doubt is unattractive. Unapologetic self-acceptance is very attractive.

[Budman]

Hehehe, Luke

 

it really depends on the person. You can ask Miss M. I will do stuff that makes me look like a big kid, I play with Yo-Yo's, I constantly have cards on me, I get distracted easily by shiney objects, and I oogle strange women walking by. Any passion you have, can be a hook. If I went and told people that I collected daisy's and I preserve them to save them. Although a tad different, I bet there would be some women that liked that.

 

*sits back and imagines*

 

Attention Ladies, I have an addiction.... That addiction is renting movies, and snuggling up next to a cute little girl. Luckily for you, I have openings for both. You see I need a Costello to my Abbott, a Lewis to my Martin, a Murtaugh to my Riggs, or maybe a Juliet to my Romeo. Are you up for the casting?

 

or let's say you collect soda caps...

 

I have to make a wee confession... I induldge myself in some interesting ways. I absolutely love soda caps. I just find them so interesting. I have a rather large collection myself. I have many from throughout the centuries. I think I have one that George Washington actually popped off. It's one of my prized possessions. There is just that thrill that comes with opening a new soda for that first time. What will it taste like, what will it feel like going down, and what will it bring? Are you ready to pop a top?

 

or for me

 

Ladies, and uhm, uh Ladies. I must confess... I have a slight fetish. Its a dirty little fetish that I, I love tongue twisters. when a woman can masterfully say, "How much wood can a wood chuck chuck, if a wood chuck could chuck wood?" I faint, do to an overload of my senses, or maybe I just enjoy having fun. Will you be the chuck to my wood?

 

I know they sucked, but what can you do on short notice.

 

 

I mean truthfully, a person who is truly into something can make it seem exciting. Ask Miss M, how I describe Love (something I'm very passionate about), I don't make it sound boring. For example, I couldn't make antique shopping sound interesting, but since I'm interested in history let's give it a try.

 

Do dusty old things turn you on? Well I love history, and I would love to have a super slueth to discuss and learn more history together. I find history in general to be one of the most interesting subjects to learn about. You're learning about people, what happened to people like you in extrodinary times. It's one big soap opera, that noone knows the end to until it happens. So many characters, and so many climax's and lows that we can see from history. From the noblest of knights to the mightiest of generals, from the rennaissance to the dark ages will you tip toe through the library with me?

 

Honestly, Luke I'm afraid to put pics up on link removed myself. I don't want to get bad views. Heh, anyway I do like the scientific approach you're taking. That's pretty durn nifty.

[Miss M]

Hehehe, Luke

 

it really depends on the person. You can ask Miss M. I will do stuff that makes me look like a big kid, I play with Yo-Yo's, I constantly have cards on me, I get distracted easily by shiney objects, and I oogle strange women walking by. Any passion you have, can be a hook. If I went and told people that I collected daisy's and I preserve them to save them. Although a tad different, I bet there would be some women that liked that.

 

*sits back and imagines*

Budman, the reason this goofy stuff works for you... is... well... heck, I really don't know why it works. But every guy probably can't pull off the funny stuff as well as you do. You've really got a special talent for that.

 

And the rest of your post, that's some great stuff too. Funny, but really great advice. I LMAO'd... and a really good way to emphasize my point. You really do have a talent for "translating" this kind of stuff.

 

And I'm even starting to get an idea of how my own profile should read if I ever decide to give online dating a try. Maybe I'll throw in something about having "a special appreciation for self-assured honest nerds who get a kick out of dry documentaries." hehe

 

And thanks for the compliment earlier. Yeah, sure, the guys look at me, and then they look away. I just think I "scare" them... or something.

[Luke Skywalker]

Actually, I liked your honesty too. In fact, I'm really big on "honesty," a bit fanatical, but didn't really know how others felt about it, so I didn't mention it.

 

Well basically I sent a whole bunch of smileys out on lavalife that that profile was seen by other woman who had pics, almost indiscriminately, about 30 smileys were sent out, and a modest number sent a smiley back with notes of either 'expression' or 'honesty'. I did already get three dates on it (third one being today), with those 'pics' which were on.

 

As you said, the photo with the 'serious face' seemed to have the best resonance, and I think if the profile is 'new' with that message on, it will also have a good resonance, compared to if it's on for too long on a site. Not only will it get stale, but people may think nobody else is dating me.

 

One thing that is certain, is I'm not coming accross like a Don-Juan or player. If women are looking for a challenge, or have a good online market value, they may not take to that profile. If they are tired of getting burned by guys who are phoney with them or have used them, or have a poor online market value (i.e not getting allot of quality male attention) then they are going to be refreshed to see, there is still an honest guy in the world, and like reading that profile.

 

So, as bad as that profile is, it seems to still work, because I'm really being 'myself' on there, although it's quite a desperate self. Furthermore it is not really an honest profile because the profile itself says, if I sent a smiley to you, I'm asking you out. It's saying, if I send a free smiley to you, it's like as though I asked you out offline - please believe that. However, if I'm indiscriminatorily sending smileys out in some marketing campaign, where I dont even know sometimes, who I'm sending these smileys out too, and may ignore a return smiley if I"m not attracted to the girl, then the honesty is undermined by a 'number-game' that is played with that profile.

 

Anyway, it's all funny, if you are too honest and real, you start also sending red-flags on your profile that may turn-off prospective people at worst, or at best could be boring. Some people may be intimidated by honesty or sincerety because they just dont want people to care about them, or look like there is a clingy-needy guy who is going to care before even emailing me or messaging me, I better run while I sitll can.

 

 

Did I see this "nerdy" one you're talking about?

 

Yes, the one with the coat and serious face. I thought it looked nerdy, maybe I'm wrong.

 

So far I'm getting the idea that you don't have the foggiest idea of which pic is flattering and which isn't. The one I see there now is pretty bad, awful.

 

I thought you said I had great pics, and you rated one a ten. Now you see, that I can virtually exponentially improve the quality of my online experience by listening to the suggestions by SB, Budman and yourself and fixing those photos. For now, I only have one active profile going on plentyoffish, and dont intend to put a profile up anywhere until a major overhaul is done on the pics.

 

When I have the time, I have new photos I'm going to 'digitialize' in my photo album, and intend to take new pics out, perhaps with a more relaxed background, with me looking a bit more relaxed, or coming accross as more relaxed. I'm thinking of me sitting in on a park bench somewhere with a relaxed seating posture, or general shots of me in a park background.

 

So Luke, if you can't look at your pics and know what looks good, get someone to help you choose the best ones. Are there people you can ask? besides your mother? (mothers aren't typically so good at this because they love even the awful ones.) And guys opinions are good, but also seek some female opinions if you can, because sometimes guys don't have a clue what the women like.

 

Actually - I know which guys pics are rated up and which ones are not, from both hotornot sites and plenty of fish. The problem is I dont HAVE any good online pics. I did a half- * * * * * rush job to get some profile up somewhere to experiment with the system, now that I'm getting serious, obviously more open to feed-back or suggestions.

 

I was even thinking of hiring an online consultant, but think that some obvious cardinal errors were made, based on the feed-back here, and that a minimal investment of time, effort or money should lead to a substantial improvement of my online pics portfolio.

 

. Part of what makes it interesting is that it was interesting and fun for you. The other reason it's interesting is that I'm naturally very curious about that kind of stuff. But a certain type of girl might also find it boring. You're looking for the one who also likes listening to you talk about things that were/are fun for you, and vice-versa.

 

That makes sense. Anything that conveys something that I'm having fun with should be on an online profile.

 

The point is... one person's junk is another person's treasure.

 

That also makes sense. Anything that I'm passionate about in life, or enjoy doing (other than hanging around enotalone talking about online dating), would certainly be an asset to a profile.

[Miss M]

Hey Luke!... we're synchronized!

 

So... the one you're calling "nerdy" is the one that steamed up my glasses?... made me swoon?... and where I lost my breath? 8)

 

Naw Luke, that one weren't the nerdy one.... that's the one where you looked like "smooth jazz"... yum.

 

And "honest" is a synonym for "sincere." After an overabundance of nonsense and fluff, some of us women are really grateful for some bonafide sincerity.

[Luke Skywalker]

I just went out with a person I meet off the internet tonight, and she told me that I look way more attractive in person then I do on the internet, and was wondering why put those pics up. Those pics definitely need a major overhaul - I didn't know it was THAT bad until I got THAT feed-back tonight.

[Budman]

I just went out with a person I meet off the internet tonight, and she told me that I look way more attractive in person then I do on the internet, and was wondering why put those pics up. Those pics definitely need a major overhaul - I didn't know it was THAT bad until I got THAT feed-back tonight.

 

Yeehaw, How did the date go?

 

Tell me!

 

hehe.

 

Well I hope?