Question to all the females

[Shudder]

hello everybody. been a long time lurker and decided to actually post something here lol..

 

ok a little bit of background on my issue:

 

i knew this one girl when i was still in highschool for about a year or so, however over the years we seemed to have lost touch with each other. it was only recently that we started talking to each other again thru IM as well as on the phone. the thing is she has suddenly suggested that i visit her sometime in the months to come (we are still in uni and about 3 hours apart from each other) for a couple of days. anyway im not so sure if this is an indication of interest of just being friendly...

 

 

heres my question if you were interested in a guy, would you raise the idea of wanting him to visit you (keeping in mind the guy is not geographically available as well as taking into consideration he is staying at your place)??? or do you do this with all your guy friends in general??

[keenan]

My answers to your questions are "yes" and "yes." If I liked a guy I would likely suggest that he visit...but if I was just good friends with him and thought it would be fun to hang out for the weekend, I'd probably do the same. It's possible that she thinks it would be fun to just hang out as friends, but that she's also entertaining the possibility of it leading to more if the in-person visit goes well. Good luck!

[boxinggirl89]

yes! i think you should meet up.. it will be fun to cath up again after so long!

if i was you i would but of course this is your option isnt it?

anywayz ..i think you should go for it hunni!

c ya hun gd luck! x x x

 

[hk87]

I agree with Keenan. I recently visited a friend who lives a plane journey away, and most people think we are dating because we are inseparable, but we are simply really really good friends!!

 

If the visit goes well though, there seems like there could be the possibility of something more....?

 

Good Luck

[littlemiss26]

Go for it!

Life's to short for 'what if's'.

 

Good luck

[hosswhispra]

Yes, she likes you.

How do I know, you ask?

Because I was that "girl" a month ago.

If you like her, visit her.

[RayKay]

I say visit her, and see how things go. She probably is at least interested in potential if she asks you to come visit.

 

Whom knows, maybe when you meet up in person again YOU won't feel the same way, so you might as well go and see what is there, right?

 

Not sure you should stay over there though when you do....might be better to find another hotel/car/tent for the initial visit

[PocoDiablo]

If she *really* liked you and wanted to date you, SHE would drive to see you.

 

If you drive all the way to see her, I'd say there is less than a 50% chance of dating her. If she comes to you, I'd say more like 90%.

[tylercdurden2004]

My answers to your questions are "yes" and "yes." If I liked a guy I would likely suggest that he visit...but if I was just good friends with him and thought it would be fun to hang out for the weekend, I'd probably do the same. It's possible that she thinks it would be fun to just hang out as friends, but that she's also entertaining the possibility of it leading to more if the in-person visit goes well. Good luck!

 

This says it all mate. Her asking you to visit means nothing. Could be either way. Either you are not clear on your intentions or if you have she aint being that clear. And yes if she comes to visit you a much better signal. If she wants you as more thaan a friend she will indeed come to you.

[Dating Coach]

heres my question if you were interested in a guy, would you raise the idea of wanting him to visit you (keeping in mind the guy is not geographically available as well as taking into consideration he is staying at your place)??? or do you do this with all your guy friends in general??

 

This coule be because she is interested or because she likes you as a friend. Your job is to be clear to her that you want to be the former, not the latter. If you go without letting her know you are interested romantically and by pursuing that goal, then you will just end up as pals.

 

Ask her out.

[RayKay]

If she *really* liked you and wanted to date you, SHE would drive to see you.

 

If you drive all the way to see her, I'd say there is less than a 50% chance of dating her. If she comes to you, I'd say more like 90%.

 

Or maybe she does not have a car or a license.

 

Or is uncomfortable driving long distances.

 

Would rather meet him in a place she feels more comfortable and has friends nearby in case something goes wrong (we as women are often advised to not go to meet a new person whom is long distance first).

 

I don't think it needs to be so black and white.

[Prenkle]

Yes. I'd suggest that they visit me some time at my place.

[PocoDiablo]

Or maybe she does not have a car or a license.

 

Or is uncomfortable driving long distances.

 

Would rather meet him in a place she feels more comfortable and has friends nearby in case something goes wrong (we as women are often advised to not go to meet a new person whom is long distance first).

 

I don't think it needs to be so black and white.

While it doesn't need to be black and white, I find this interesting. Yes, I know nothing about the situation and these are all valid excuses.

 

However, they are just that - excuses. Personally, if I really liked someone I would not make excuses to see them. The OP is ready to hop in his car and go see her - he likes her! He wants to be with her! Can we say the same of her? We obviously don't know.

 

The issue I have with this is that I used to drive 1.5 hours to see Becky. I did it at least once a week, sometimes more, for ... get this ... 5 YEARS. I came down, took her out, paid her way, took her home, bought her gifts, gave her backrubs, helped her move, fixed her car, you name it... I did it.

 

Guess what? She treated me like a worker bee. I was a SUCKER. I cannot believe how stupid I was. How did I figure this out?

 

One day I was talking to her and she said she had driven up to MY town and visited a friend of hers who lived only ONE MILE from my house. However, she neither told me about it beforehand, nor did she call me, nor did she come over. Who was this other guy? It was the guy who NEVER drove down to see her. I found out he had been dating her for a few years and she never told me. She used me to entertain her and help her while he was away.

 

All I am saying is pay attention. Do not do something like drive THREE HOURS to see her if you're not getting something in return. And being in her presenses is NOT something in return. Something in return would be something like her making you a nice dinner, taking YOU out to a movie, or essentially going on a date with you - as that's clearly what you want.

 

Don't be the worker bee who lifts heavy loads while she dates some other guy.

[hosswhispra]

I went 1/2 way accross the country to visit a guy and he won't come and visit me. I will never do it again for him OR for anyone else...so I'll have to echo Poco Diablo's sentiment.

[PocoDiablo]

Yeah, let me tell you about Suzanne... From San Francisco to Salt Lake City Utah.

 

Supposedly she was my GF. I don't know what she told the *12* guys she slept with, and she was at a loss when she could not explain the STD she got. No, she never drove to visit me.

[RayKay]

We are all assuming though that if he were to drive this time, she would not the next time. Someone has to be first!

 

I have been in LDR's too, my most recent one he was 8-9 hours away by road. He would drive one weekend, I would the next, sometimes taking the bus up there in winter conditions or overnight to avoid driving overnight on those rather deserted highways. But...he WAS the first one to visit me...and in the end...it was him that broke up with me and I was absolutely committed and wanted to be with him.

[Shudder]

some interesting replies here. i have two friends who started off in a roughly similar situation as what i am in right now.. one was separated by about a 3hour train ride and another by a couple 1000 miles. they both seem pretty happy as of now..

 

i guess its really up to me to see what happens

 

oh the guy initiated contact in both of those relationships fyi

[tylercdurden2004]

Try flying for 8 hours or not...

[RayKay]

Try flying for 8 hours or not...

 

I dated someone in Australia. Try taking three days to get there because of flight delays and mechanical "errors" 10,000 ft in the air

[hosswhispra]

I dated someone in Australia. Try taking three days to get there because of flight delays and mechanical "errors" 10,000 ft in the air

 

RayKay,

 

That way beats my 1000 mile train trip out to Iowa. How long did your relationship last?

[RayKay]

RayKay,

 

That way beats my 1000 mile train trip out to Iowa. How long did your relationship last?

 

hoss, we dated a year before the long distance part, then the long distance part was about 14 months or so, then we dated another couple years after that (he actually passed away, so there was never a break up). It was almost 5 years long - we had met in boot camp, and actually were friends for about 6 -7 months before we became romantically entangled.

[lizylyz]

yeah, i'd ask my guy friend to visit just and not want to be more than friends or anything, I do it with my ex.

 

Anyway Go! it'll be fun and if she likes you, you'll be able to tell when you get there.