she has a new bf

[ut_longhorn]

so i heard from a friend last night that she believes that my ex gf has a new man. the news hurts, but its not as excruciating as i thought it could be. im trying not to dwell on it but i find myself constantly thinking about it. now i can tell myself it really is over. there is no hope, and there is no chance. my friend last night kept telling me, hey...there is no hope, dont keep holding on to something that is not there. i hope that knowing this piece of information will help me move on faster. i hope it doesn'e set me back too much.

 

how about others that have found out the ex is dating again. did it help, or just hurt?

[Bingo72]

I found out my ex had a new girlfriend by actually walking into his house for a planned get together that he and I already had scheduled with each other. It happened just like you see in the movies, I never thought I'd walk into a bedroom and find my ex with someone else......

 

I never found out why he set me up to find out the way I did but it hurt like hell for the first week but after that week was over it was suddenly very easy to get over him. I knew I would never have him back after he was with someone else physically and emotionally. I can't seem to remember much about him all of the sudden, that's kind of freaky. We were together two years but I have a hard time remembering things and it's only been three months since this happened. You'll feel better very soon, there's something about knowing they are with another person that makes you not want them anyway.

[bcuzitwasfun]

Hi ut_longhorn,

 

I found out also that my ex had a new bf. It hurt especially because her bf was my best friend and all was done behind my back.

 

Does it help? I think that depends on you. Don't listen to anything from her that will "string you along".

 

Thanks

bcuzitwasfun

[the yang to the worlds yin]

but after that week was over it was suddenly very easy to get over him.

 

Sorry to hear that happened to you. I know what you mean though, after my ex pretty much told me he had stringed me along without having any feelings for me for a good few months, and then made it clear how he didn't care how any of his words made me feel, I was over him in a matter of a few days.

 

It's really surprising but the worse a person hurts you, sometimes makes it the easiest to get over them. ( Does not however mean ANYONE should go around purpousely hurting people they were once with obviousely)

[kellbell]

"How about others that have found out the ex is dating again. did it help, or just hurt?"

 

A little of both. It hurt like HELL!!! Gosh, it was heartwrenching pain. But, it did help because I had no choice to move and there was not a chance for us (one of my ex's) to get back together.

 

Hang in there my friend, it does get better. You will feel better, I promise.

[majord23]

It depends on the situation.

 

I had an ex stay single after a break-up and then meet someone months later - that helped me, because I knew it was completely over...she had healed and *then* moved on.

 

On the other hand, I've had a few exes jump straight into a new relationship, That hurts like hell, but didn't necessarily help me move on. There is a hope that they are just rebounding and that they will come back once the 'honeymoon period' is over.

I guess, at times, an ex meeting someone else *staright away* can almost increase your hopes of them coming back...strange but true.

[jinxz]

man i just found out yesterday morning that my ex was with someone knew, she casually mentioned his name in an email. at first i was pretty shook up because i thought i was pretty much over her... wrong lol. it pretty much ruined my day, but i feel better today, and i imagine its going to get better quicker this time around. its definitely the final nail in the coffin so to speak, its the 'yes its really over' kind of event. its hurt alot, but its also helping. so hopefully thi8ngs turn out for the best in the end.

[Spawn]

how about others that have found out the ex is dating again. did it help, or just hurt?

 

well it hurted as hell when i heard the news of my ex gettin back with her 1st bf and to put salt on wounds they gonna get engaged comin december. I was surprised, since she used to tell me how this guy used to get physical with her and used to put her through lots of emotional torture.....anyways i got over the news in one day.

 

No point now wastin my life thinkin about her, she is gone.....

 

I dunno how people manage to be friends with their exs who had broken their trust.

[malcontent]

My ex started seeing someone "officially" a week after she and I broke it off. However, she had been building the foundation of the relationship over the course of three months. He was a regular at a restaurant/bar where she works, so he was able to play the role of the older, good listner. It hurt like hell that she was able to handle it that way: ignore the pain and just lose herself head-over-heels in a new relationship, while I was suffering. I really had no choice but to take the opposite approach and confront my pain and anger head on. I honestly think it's made me a better person. Plus, I wasn't out meeting other women while she and I were together, whereas she basically flirted with every guy she came accross at work (waitress).

 

That in no way means I'm perfect - far, far, from it. However, I learned more about myself and what makes me tick. As sad as this is, she was my first "legitimate" relationship, and I'm 34 right now. I've had plenty of casual relationships that revolved primarily around sex and socializing, but I always got spooked when it came time to become emotionally attached and would bail, or I would come on too strong when I had a huge crush and smother the chances of having things evolve.

 

As much as you probably wish you could forget her, sort of like "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind", instead see if you can focus on the things about her that weren't right for you. It's easy to fall into the trap of losing sight of all of her flaws, and believe me, she had flaws, everyone does. It seems like when the other party moves on before you have there's a tendency to idealize that person and tell yourself that you'll never do that well again.

 

That's wrong. I don't know about your ex, but my ex was EXTREMELY manipulative. She would break down and sob and cry at the drop of a hat. There were numerous times when I had reached my limit with her and I'd attempt to break it off, but she'd go into hysterics and scream and cry that she couldn't live without me, or "I do everything for you!!!! EVERYTHING!!!!", which of course, wasn't true. She was hyper-clingy and needy and dropped major guilt trips on me any time I wanted to go hang out with friends or just go stay at my place and have some alone time. The list goes on and on.

 

Even with all that, I still despise her new guy with a passion that is clearly unhealthy. With any luck I'll be able to keep it under wraps for the most part and avoid any embarrassment.

 

Anywho, remind yourself that it's hard to want someone who's chosen to be with someone else.

 

Good luck.

[temujin]

Thanks.. THAT SOUNDS LIKE HER and i was trying to so hard to put a finger as to what was wrong when I walked away when she started her crying drama right in the middle of phuket.