Breaking NC for B-day?

[Frost271]

Girl dumped me. 3 weeks of hardcore NC from her. I know its NO CONTACT but her birthday is in two days. Should I call or send a text and wish a happy birthday? Im thinking thats a classy thing to do but im not sure... any advice would be appreciated. Thanks!

[karchino]

Do not contact her. Now it her birthday, next time there is another reason where you think you "should" contact her. I do not know the history of your relationship but I think that you want (only) want to wish her a happy birthday to get a some sort response from her.....You know, when you send her a text message, I guess you are expecting something back.... Maybe I am completely wrong here with my theory, but I think it is best to not contact her.

[arwen]

No. It's not classy, it's plain setting yourself up for more pain. What will happen if she doesn't respond? Or if she does and you don't like the response? It will only make you more confused, and leave you a couple of steps back in your process of healing from the breakup.

 

Ilse

[WhiteNite]

Three words. Don't do it!

[furakura]

I was in your same shoes nearly a month ago and i can understand it's very tempting to contact her. Stick with the NC rule!

[aggierocker]

Don't wussy in. Show yourself some self respect.

 

Do you like to go out? Liquor and sex is the common cure for the common emotions.

[Frost271]

ty for the advice... will stick with NC.

[arwen]

Don't wussy in. Show yourself some self respect.

 

Do you like to go out? Liquor and sex is the common cure for the common emotions.

 

Well, I don't agree on the liquor and sex part here, but going out would distract your mind from your ex's b-day of course.

[Tropigal30]

I think maybe if it's out of care for that person and not any attempt to rekindle anything, and you will be okay if she doesn't respond, that wishing someone a happy birthday is a very rational non-selfish thing to do.

[karchino]

Wishing somebody a happy birthday is of course always a nice thing to do, as long it is not used as an "excuse" to get a response from someone, i.e. ex gf/bf. If you know for 100% that you will not be disappointed when she doesnot reply....Then perhaps you can do it. Otherwise, do not do it.

[malcontent]

Absolutely not, under any circumstances, should you contact her to wish her a happy birthday. You need to "forget" it's her birthday, just like you need to "forget" everything else about her. Even though you and I both know that you can't really forget these things, for the sake of your sanity, your pride, and any chance you might have of salvaging or maintaining any respect she might still hold for you, you need to act like you have.

[kadvati79]

Can't you put asside your pain and bitterness, your "need" to get back with them, or your "need" to forget them for just one day?

 

I am assuming of course your relationship and the time that you spent together was worthy of memory. In my case, it was a wonderful first year of bliss, then a difficult but still wonderful year.

 

I will wish my ex a happy 21st later this year, in a simple, frank, and honest way. If you feel you shouldn't in order to move on and heal, then they have to respect that. At the end of the day you have to make a decision based on what you feel is best and fits with your own life outlook, your new relationship with your ex (are you friends, do you talk at all).

 

I would suggest that if you CAN put your past and your hopes aside for one day to be the bigger person, then now is that time.

[Frost271]

I texted her a Happy Birthday and she text back a thank you. Im doing ok.

[eric_wanting_answers]

I read another post by Frost271 and I feel that Im in a similar situation to him. My (ex) gf and I were in together for 3.5 years (best friends for 4.5) and just broke up 2 months ago. We're similar in that after about 1.5 years of dating, I slowly just drifted away from doing all the cute things that a bf should do. I mean, I'd still do them occasionally, but nothing like I should have. We'd hang out about everyday, but I really came to a halt on making her feel special (and I cant figure out why i ever did that... she was the world to me). We had talked about it a few times, but I never fully understood I guess until it was too late. What is so heartbreaking is that if I could have known what I know now, I can 100% garentee that we'd still be together today.

I've finally figured things out and want nothing more than to give the world to her. I'm just remaining friends with my ex (after about a month of almost NC). We walk to class just twice a week, thats about the only contact we have.

 

To those people who keep saying NC... if you want another chance with your ex, wont NC just separate you two more and more? What if she is doing NC also, then how would the two of you ever begin communicating again.

[kadvati79]

NC is about healing, as I understand it. When you have healed enough to be objective, rational, and control your emotions - then some people make their own judgement call to commence contact with their ex's. Some reach a level of healing and realisation where they commit to removing their ex's out of their lives, and moving on to heal using NC.

 

The only way to truly heal is really NC. In some situations it forces an ex to realise the gravity of their decision and they "come back". Ultimately though, if you want to get back together some day contact will have to be broken - whether deliberately or by chance. Its a big risk on the heart, but then every love interest is a risk.

 

I think if you genuinely seek reconcilliation to what was an otherwise good relationship, you need to retain a "presense" in your ex's life but stop short of being friends. I also think in these situations its important to be realistic, honest, objective, patient, and accept the fact that you are putting yourself up for tremendous personal pain and grief for the sake of one person... how much does this person really mean to you? Or is it more your dependancy on the relationship? Or an outlet for your grief itself?