My Success Story :D w/ a VERY interesting twist!

[hoping]

hello guys and girls:

 

I'm hoping, and I have been on this forum thing for quite a while now. Everyone here has been VERY helpful so i wanted to share my success story for those who are still in pain...2nd chances DOES happen...just depends on how both parties want to approach it!

 

my success story has a VERY VERY interesting twist....haha so do read on!!

 

First thing, like every other posters in this forum, I will strongly suggest NO CONTACT immediately after a breakup. It is for YOUR benefit so you can get your head cleared of any strong emotions and keep reflective thoughts constructive. It ALSO gives your ex (doesn't matter dumper or dumpee) a chance to reflect on your relationship as a whole and MAYBE realize what he/she truly had (you). This period of NC is critical for both parties to heal AT LEAST to a stage of clearity (assuming you want to get back together), meaning, NO RESENTMENT, NO ANGER, NO REGRETS. Any negative feelings will NOT be helpful towards either your new relationship OR your rekindled old relationship.

 

With that being said, this period of NO CONTACT can vary on time length. YOU SHOULD NOT SET A GOAL, because feelings and emotions do NOT follow a time frame!!! Again, NO CONTACT is NOT for your ex to miss you, IT IS FOR YOUR HEALING PROCESS, so you can learn from this experience and apply it better next time.

 

Onward with the story, me and my now gf went out for 2 years starting freshmen year of university. She was my first love and I was her first love, we fell madly in love in an instant. Maybe things went too fast? or maybe we got too comfortable....but in the end, March 3/2006, she broke up with me. Her reasons being "she was too dependent" need to "live" for herself and ABOVE ALL, SHE SAID SHE "FELL OUT OF LOVE WITH ME". This was my VERY first heartbreak so it was very hard for me to deal with, and I thought the phrase of "falling out of love" is a definitly sign that it's over.

 

Anyways, I wrote her a letter 1 week into the breakup, telling her exactly how I felt, and asked for a second chance. Her reply wasn't what i wanted to read. thereforeeee, No Contact was the method i resorted to, knowing full well the benefit of it.

 

Fastforward, after a month and 18 days of ABSOLUTE no contact, her and I run into each other at school (university). At this point I welcomed her with my arms open, again, with NO RESENTMENT, and NO ANGER. She welcomed me back with smiles. We make plans to meet up before she leaves for a trip on sunday, and I asked her to call.

 

She called the next day several times, I missed the calls, and she showed up at my house waiting for me until i got home. We had a nice chat for about 2 hours, unfortunately i had to let her go because i had an exam the next day. Anyways, she called again after my exam to confirm the plans (out for a simple drink), and we headed off from there.

 

I asked her straight up at the restaurant what were the point of contact on her part. She replied with "I never fell out of love with you, I missed you everyday". We addressed the issues and the reasons for the breakup in the first place, and she said "I know i can live independently WITHOUT you, BUT, I WANT to be with you." (so i guess the excuses of "need to be independent" isn't necessarily an excuse). I know, some of you might ask, how do you know she's not gonna do it again? my reply to that is....it is either you give 130%, or you don't give AT ALL. I know what i wanted, she expressed what she wanted, what was stopping us from trying again? I also asked her how do i know she wont do it again....her reply was "as much words as i can say, I will show you that through my actions." simple yet powerful.

 

Anyways, we have decided to take things slow, one day at a time, and COMMUNICATION is something we are willing to work on TOGETHER as a couple. We both know we can live independently, yet, we both WANT each other for EACH OTHER, and not for the companionship. May I add as well, she had the opportunity to date another guy (who was pursuing her at the end of our relationship and also after the end), but she blocked him out instead and realized that her feelings for me were truly REAL.

 

All in all, EVERYTHING WILL FALL INTO PLACE on their own. I've been through the heartbreak just like you, it hurts like hell, BUT IN THE END, IF THINGS WERE MEANT TO BE, THEY WILL BE!

 

and to the interesting TWIST everyone was waiting for, my gf came accross this very forum accidentally, and she read my every post throughout this entire time. So she knew what i was saying, she knew my strategy, and she knew what was in my mind, yet...she still decided that she wants to be with me, and me with her.

 

so everyone, say hello to katharine

 

"our hands were meant to hold"

 

second chances are rare, but they happen....

 

if you truly love someone, set them free, if they come back, its urs to keep, if not, it was never meant to be.

[annie24]

congrats! I am glad that everything worked out for you two!!!

[lvlyldy]

your story made my day

 

I am really glad the two of you could work it out. Im in the same situation as you, my ex and I started dating freshman year (first loves- so a year and a half now), fell hard fast, and ended up being to dependent on eachother. We broke up around the same time as you (March 8), and since then have only seen/talked to eachother limitedly. Unfortunately for us we live accross from eachother in the dorms and are taking a class together. This means we run into eachother, and I feel that even that little bit of seeing eachother is making this harder. I know we need time apart to really evaluate ourselves and how we feel, and to become strong enough independently so that we can have a good relationship together. My only problem is how to give him that space he wants, when we're forced into see eachother. We dont hang out, we dont do anyhting more than a 5 min catch up after class everyday. Sometimes a wave in the hallway, but at least now we're on civil/friendly terms. Would u (and ure gf esp, as the dumper) suggest telling him I need total NC, just taking NC upon myself and ignoring him completely, or continue with the LC we have now? I dont want to push him away further, and with only 3 more weeks of school, im afraid time is working against us

[NubianLove]

Been following your story and thats great! You are right NC is the way to go, it allows for the resentment, anger to die down. Now is even more so crucial, so I'd suggest treading carefully and slowly to make sure everything goes great. I wish I was on the boards b4 as it would have stopped my relationship to be where it is now.

[ranlian]

getting back together is the relatively easy part... it's maintaining the love that you found that makes a difference. i'm glad you're taking it slow, and hopefully this small break will look like nothing in the whole grand scheme of things!

[Lansing]

ha.. I can't believe she read your threads.. haha...

[BONO]

hello guys and girls:

 

. I know, some of you might ask, how do you know she's not gonna do it again? my reply to that is....it is either you give 130%, or you don't give AT ALL. I know what i wanted, she expressed what she wanted, what was stopping us from trying again? I also asked her how do i know she wont do it again....her reply was "as much words as i can say, I will show you that through my actions." simple yet powerful.

 

.

 

Spot on, good luck. Remember falling in love is the easy bit, staying in love is the tough one. But you seem to be getting there mate !!

 

 

Scruff

[nicorette]

great! thanks for sharing your story because it makes us know that its never a lost cause!