how to say "ur hair looks bad!" !!!

[SAMRA2]

he doesnt insist but i like to please him so i do it. cant he do the same?

[Lady Bugg]

You can't MAKE someone do something if they don't want to. You can tell him you prefer it shorter, but expecting him to do as YOU do is unrealistic, so unless he WANTS to do it, he most likely won;t..regardless of what YOU do.

[SAMRA2]

then maybe i should stop being this considerate to his likes and dislikes

[DN]

then maybe i should stop being this considerate to his likes and dislikes

 

If he is asking you to do things you don't want to do then you don't have to do them - neither does he.

 

I have the feeling that you either just don't get the difference or simply don't want to. With the attitude you display in this matter, and on the other thread about him not wanting to have sex, I predict it won't be too long before you won't have this sort of problem or any other sort of relationship problem other than 'getting over a break-up'.

[Boricua7]

You can't do something simply because you expect it to be done for you. You shouldn't wear your hair the way he likes it because you want him to wear his the way you like it. If it were mutual than that would be great but it's not. You both have the option of doing what you want and shouldn't have to mold who you are to another person's liking. Just like in the last post, you sound like you really feel you're doing him a favor and that he should be returning it. That's not the case. He never nagged you to change your hair, did he? No. So don't nag him about it either. Just because by mentioning he liked your hair a certain way and you changed it doesn't mean that he has to do the same for you. You mentioned to him before that you like his hair unstraightened and just because he isn't doing what you want doesn't mean he hasn't taken your feelings and thoughts into consideration. Taking something into consideration means to consider and think about something, it by no means means that you're going to do it. If he likes his hair that way and it makes him more confident and happy than who are you to change that?

[Bethany]

I couldn't quite believe my eyes

[Dako]

I couldn't quite believe my eyes

 

I'm with Bethany. Even a wussy guy like me would be burnng rubber down the street to escape anyone with this approach.

[truthbetold]

There ya go!! Keep nagging because he's just a dumb guy and doesn't know any better. He needs an intelligent, insightful and compassionate woman to keep him on the straight and narrow.

 

If you take this advice I look forward to your next post in the 'break-up' forum.

 

That's not what I meant. It was supposed to be a joke and I'm sorry if it offended.

 

Someone had said give hints about haircuts you like and hopefully he'll get it. I've read elsewhere on the site that usually men don't get hints like these, and in my own experience they don't. My boyfriend had his hair short when I met him and if he grew it to his feet I would still be with him. If you guys think I'm that inconsiderate. My boyfriend lost his left middle finger in January at work to a meat grinder. It is hamburger now and it will NEVER come back. He hates that but I have been to EVERY appointment he's had for it, and even a court date about it. I don't love him because of his finger or his hair. I love him despite all that.

 

BTW were you talking to me Boricua7 about my b/f not wanting to have unprotected sex with me? Because I'm really not sure what you're referring too.

 

Again I am really sorry I started trouble. I didn't think the statement would be taken that way.

[shyanne]

he likes it and it makes him feel good about himself. you could tell him the truth, that you just don't like that hairdo but really, we should do what makes us feel good.

[heythere1234]

I think if you really are put off by it then your feelings SHOULD be a consideration. I don't really know why people are telling you they're not. You're the one who has to get busy with him as it were. Not to mention that other people think it looks bad, too, so you're doing the poor guy a favor. Why should everyone pretend? You ever read The Emporer's New Clothes? It sounds like you are telling him by positive reinforcement and in a gentle manner already. You just have to decide how important it is to you.

 

I once had a BF who always wore these slacks that came up high and had sort of a 'yoke' at the top and were belted. And the legs were tapered to come way in at the ankes. Anyway you'd have to see them; they made him look like he had an hourglass figure like a woman. It was a serious turn off. And he'd wear them with a dress shirt tucked in and with these little dress shoes. Don't get me wrong I was hot for him, when he'd just wear levis or other normal clothes he looked fine. But this outfit drove me nuts. The worst part was that our friends would say he looked "nice". Well people say that when you wear something different. he just looked dressed up, but the shape was very unflattering on him. It was tough. I feel your pain.

[Boricua7]

I think if you really are put off by it then your feelings SHOULD be a consideration. I don't really know why people are telling you they're not. You're the one who has to get busy with him as it were. Not to mention that other people think it looks bad, too, so you're doing the poor guy a favor. Why should everyone pretend? You ever read The Emporer's New Clothes? It sounds like you are telling him by positive reinforcement and in a gentle manner already. You just have to decide how important it is to you...

 

Looks shouldn't matter when you love someone. I mean if it bothers you that much when you're "getting busy" with him, you can always turn the light off.

 

The Emperor's New Clothes, although relevent, is just a little different since the Emperor was NAKED as opposed to just wearing clothes that weren't stylish.

 

I think you either need to suck it up if you think he has bad hair or tell him straight up how much it bothers you. Needless to say, there are more important things in life than dealing with bad hair.

[DN]

Guys are not Ken dolls to be dressed as their girlfriends prefer,. They are human beings with preferences of their own that should be respected.

[heythere1234]

Guys are not Ken dolls to be dressed as their girlfriends prefer,. They are human beings with preferences of their own that should be respected.

 

Of cooourse the are! lol.

[heythere1234]

I'm with Bethany. Even a wussy guy like me would be burnng rubber down the street to escape anyone with this approach.

 

No, I don't agree. A lot of guys don't have any fashion sense whatsoever and have no problem wearing what their wife tells them to, or doing their hair the way their woman tells them, and even have a good enough sense of humor to laugh about it. I know this for a fact because both my brother and my boss (just two of many) have told me so point blank themselves.

[DN]

No, I don't agree. A lot of guys don't have any fashion sense whatsoever and have no problem wearing what their wife tells them to, or doing their hair the way their woman tells them, and even have a good enough sense of humor to laugh about it. I know this for a fact because both my brother and my boss (just two of many) have told me so point blank themselves.

 

That is their choice. But if a man wants to make his own decisions and his partner won't respect that she crosses the line and becomes controlling. Not attractive and likely to cause a man with any self-respect to leave the relationship.

[Dako]

No, I don't agree. A lot of guys don't have any fashion sense whatsoever and have no problem wearing what their wife tells them to, or doing their hair the way their woman tells them, and even have a good enough sense of humor to laugh about it. I know this for a fact because both my brother and my boss (just two of many) have told me so point blank themselves.

 

Yes, dear.

[heythere1234]

lol, you must be happily married man!

[heythere1234]

That is their choice. But if a man wants to make his own decisions and his partner won't respect that she crosses the line and becomes controlling. Not attractive and likely to cause a man with any self-respect to leave the relationship.

 

I think it depends on the situation. I know a lot of self-professed happily married/ coupled men whose woman makes the majority of the fashion decisions. Men who are too stubborn about little things might be causing themselves unnecessary trouble.

[Dako]

Separated, waiting for the divorce, and wearing clothes I picked out.

Also, I'm happy to say my ex didn't dress me during the 27 years we were together, and I never dressed her.

[heythere1234]

lol, which came first the chicken or the egg?

[DN]

I think it depends on the situation. I know a lot of self-professed happily married/ coupled men whose woman makes the majority of the fashion decisions. Men who are too stubborn about little things might be causing themselves unnecessary trouble.

 

and women who think that men are too stubborn about little things such as having the right to make their own decisions might find themselves without anyone to control.

[heythere1234]

well I don't think it's worth making a big deal out of a little thing like your woman prefers your hair this way or this type of shirt than that. so yes, I'd prefer to do without a man who would be that difficult.

[DN]

And I would prefer to be without a woman who would be so arrogant and controlling as to think she had a right to dictate how I wear my hair or what clothes I choose.

 

It astounds me that so many women who are proud to assert their own independence see nothing wrong in trying to control the men in their lives. It's a huge double standard and there is no justification for it.

[Dako]

A person who thinks for himself might appear stubborn only to She Who Must Be Obeyed. Luckily I never married one of those. I don't plan to remarry, but if I did, this small trival matter might be a red flag dealbreaker because it might extend into other areas of freedom.

[heythere1234]

You two should lighten up.