Difference in Opinion: NC or Never Give Up?

[hoping]

Well, before i start, i want to state that i know for a fact that NC (No Contact)'s sole purpose is to heal yourself....but as a bonus, give the ex a chance (if any) to miss you and think things through...I totally understand it and is applying this method for myself (1 month and 8 days so far)....and i know that most of veterens here on this site encourages the methods of LC if not NC....

 

However, i have read on ALOT of other sites....and i say half of these sites supports NC just like eNotAlone, but the other half supports the notion of "If you truly want something, never give up" theory....they obviously dont encourage constant calling and txting...etc because im sure by now everyone knows that THAT is almost a definite failure....but they encourage the dumpee to BE THERE for the ex and SHOW him/her that you truly cares about them......obviously there are cases out there that u should definitly NOT show any support...but alot more cases just like my own...where the end of the relationship wasn't a terrible one.....i just want to see what everyone's opinion is....

 

just a note, i do understand that u cannot change the way a person feels....but hey on the contrary, u did MAKE the other person fall in love with u in the first place right???

 

and for the few out there, no i am not trying to establish a "rule" to follow or anything, just wanted to get some opinions on this hottttt topic

[Dako]

If you want to fight it, be aware of the odds. Many cling to the dream that their breakup is so special that the magic will return and all will be made right. I hope you're right.

 

I'm so glad I had no hope at all after my breakup. It made recovery so much easier.

[bobo85]

NC for for people who need to heal after a breakup. Just because someone is going through NC doesn't mean they don't care about their ex. the dumper should know that dumpee obviously still have feelings for them and that they still love them. However the dumper DOES NOT want to be with the other person and the dumpee has to respect that. If your ex needed your help he/she would contact you. But after a breakup..you have to be selfish and cater to your needs. Not your ex's. Clinging on to hope will only delay your healing process.

[melrich]

In my opinion, NC is generally best if for no other reason than if you are still love with someone and they are not in love with you, you will do stupid things. You will make them feel uncomfortable, they will resent you being around, you will crowd them for space when they are trying to move on.

 

Again in my opinion it is almost impossible to "pretend" you do not have feelings for someone else when you do. And the other person will feel that and it will make them uncomfortable.

[Jorus Cbaoth]

That question will be debated on love forums until the internet is antiquated and replaced by newer technology. And then it will be debated again. Is your relationship worth fighting to get back? Would you do anything to feel that love again? Do you love this person more than you've ever loved anything else? If you fail, can you deal with the pain? If you answer no to any of these, then the line of people quitting and doing "no contact" is that way ------->

[Petite Mamzelle]

Maybe the important thing is to get it in your head that it CAN be over, than you are considering that your life CAN be ok without this person... if you keep in touch the other person sees your state of mind, then they can see that they are loosing you... then if they want to be with you they will realise it then... I'm just saying this because I was forced to keep contact by still living together. As I started to relax and make a new life for myself, she said she realised what she had to loose, and now she wants to get back... Doing things for yourself i.e. working out and taking up new activities, showing that you want to change and evolve does work in my experience - if you are doing it for yourself, it makes you attractive again...

But then you will be faced with the question of whether you want to get back ! Having the cards in your hand is not easier at all...

[bobo85]

That question will be debated on love forums until the internet is antiquated and replaced by newer technology. And then it will be debated again. Is your relationship worth fighting to get back? Would you do anything to feel that love again? Do you love this person more than you've ever loved anything else? If you fail' date=' can you deal with the pain? If you answer no to any of these, then the line of people quitting and doing "no contact" is that way ------->[/quote']

 

A lot of times the question is: Would you do anything to get her back?

 

And many times people answer yes. But they WONT do NC because they can't stand to be alone. Well if they said yes that they would do ANYTHING TO get her back....and they tried begging, crying, saying i love you and miss you a million times, why don't they just try NC. Everything else failed and this kills two birds with one stone. You heal faster and he/she might even miss you and realize what they lost.

[NJRon]

Do you love this person more than you've ever loved anything else?

That is the nugget. In my opinion, those that fight for maintaining full contact... anything to win their ex back, etc. Well, they just love the other person more than they love themselves.

 

There's nothing wrong with being respectful. In some circumstances, you may even want to just "be there" for the other person. But, never with the hope that you two will get back together.

 

Imagine all the times that NC has precipitated people getting back together versus FC (Full Contact ). Hmm... I bet they both are pretty poor at it. People will stay broken up if they want to... people will get back together if they want to. No amount of distance, in this day and age, is going to keep someone from contacting you if they want to really re-establish a relationship.

 

For the most part, I go for the LC to NC approach. But that is so *you* can heal. FC doesn't allow the person to heal. No one wants to get back together with a "sick" person.

 

I stick to the belief that people will work to get back together if they *really* want to, regardless of the amount of contact. And so, will go for NC/LC.. whatever minimizes my pain.

[Beyondthesea]

I think when a relationship first breaks up, you always believe that person was "the one" and you go through all sorts of emotional ups and downs. That's why it's important to do NC and once the real pain is past, you can start considering if this relationship really was as rosy as you pictured it.

[PRSOV]

I believe it really depends on the situation...

 

NC if I can't be fixed and you need to move on..

LC if things have the possibility of being worked out

NGU if you are desperate like me to make it work

[trident]

Somtimes, the only road to "Not Giving Up" leads thru the land of NC or LC.

[Big Jim]

i agree with trident completely

Sometimes the best thing is to let go and stop trying to control everything. In a previous relationship, a girl was somewhat stringing me along, was acting distant etc. It ended but she wanted to stay in touch, she told me. I called, she called, then she said ill call you on such a day. Never did. I didnt call wondering why, didnt try anything, just said forget it. Well 2 and a half month later she calls to meet up and told me how much she missed me etc, wanted to get back etc. Sometimes the only way not to give up , is to completely give up.

That is what i am doing in my current situation, the hot and cold from my ex was killing me, so im letting go, i would kill to be back with her, but realized what exactly am i holding onto? her snaping at me one day and in love with me the next, her being lukewarm to me? her only really wanting to see me when she is down and miserable? I am not holding onto anything, truth is i lost her when she broke up with me, and this is all meaningless in a way. So im letting go and feel so much better, its out of my hands now.