Why is it so impossible for me to find a girlfriend?

[coldplay]

I've been in this dilema for the last 18 years of my life. I don't understand this, but i can't have a relationship. I'm not a bad looking guy and I believe I have a fun and friendly personality. Well anyway, I can't get a girlfriend, and it always gets me down. I've changed so much in the last couple of years and hoping it would help, nothings working. I'm intrested in one girl right now, she's beautiful. Her birthday was yesterday and I bought her a build-a-bear and I want to tell her that I'm intrested but I don't know if I should because everytime I do something like that, girls usually get like scared. ITS SO F U CKING ANNOYING. I've known her for about 3 months and she did h/u with my friend..but i don't care! I don't really know what i'm asking for right now,maybe i just needed to say this and get this off my chest. HOW CAN I GET THIS GIRL MORE INTRESTED IN ME?

[MP Meridien]

Perhaps the problem is that you are going for the wrong the type of girls. The right type of girl wouldn't discount you for being interested. It seems to me that you are after girls that might not be into you. Is there anyone interested in you? You shouldn't base your existence on whether or not you are in a relationship, but with that said, I know plenty of girls that would die for a guy to be into them. Perhaps the answer is telling her what you think, and if she won't be with you afterwards, move on and try to figure out NOT what is wrong with you but instead, WHO will love you for who you are.

[goodquestion]

Confidence plays a large roll in it, but also, she's gotta be interested in you ... don't waste any time on a chick that dates your friends, or uses you to get things. She has to be physically attracted to you, if she isn't, it's a no go from the start ... nothing you can do the change that.

 

later,peace

[bobo85]

I know in highschool people just decide to be bf/gf. But in the real world, people start casually dating first. Then after awhile (a week, a few weeks, a few months) things start to get more serious and they become EXCLUSIVE which means they are bf/gf.

 

So just start casually dating girls and when the time comes...baam....you will be in a relationship.

[coldplay]

I'm not in highschool and I have taken her on a couple of dates. F*CK it its not worth telling people

[PocoDiablo]

Dude.

 

Calm down. Lemme give you some pointers.

 

First, your anger. You're angry. Yeah, I feel you. I was angry too. Why? Your body is telling you something is wrong with you. What is it? Simple - you are alone and cannot figure out why women are not attracted to you. But therein lies the problem... you're angry. You have to take a deep breath, you have to display self control. You have to display patience.

 

My god, there is a lot you can learn, and simply put there is nothing wrong with you other than a lack of education about dating.

 

Okay, let's cut to the chase.

 

1. You have to ask a woman on a date within 3-5 times of talking to her. You HAVE to make your intentions clear.

 

2. You have to be COOL to be with. You have to have touch of arrogance and be FUNNY about it. No, don't be a jerk, be a guy who JOKES about being a jerk in a way that shows you have self-confidence.

 

3. You have to be a challenge. Do not throw yourself at her. With all due respect, the build-a-bear thing was great ... if you were already dating. You should have got her NOTHING. People are going to be all over me for saying this, but get her NOTHING. Instead, offer to take her out for her "free birthday drink of the year." Make it a reward to spend time with YOU. Buy her one drink. Then tell her she has to be the one to buy the rest of the drinks. Refer to item #2. Arrogant, but in a funny way.

 

4. You have to FLIRT with her. You have to make your intentions clear WITHOUT saying them. Yeah, you want her, but don't TELL HER! Joke with her, make her laugh, poke fun at her, don't let her get away with anything. Treat her like your 9-year-old little sister. "You want .. .what? No, I'm not getting that for you. Why should I? Huh, come on! Give me a good reason!" Do it in a way that is DIFFERENT than all the other guys that kiss up to her and do whatever she wants (like slaves, sigh...) and you will stand out. Be the guy that makes her THINK. Be the guy that WAKES HER UP.

 

Just relax. Lean back. Take a deep breath. Understand that less effort can sometimes mean better results.

 

And, hint hint, there are dozens of great web sites out there than can give you a clue where to start. The HINT I am giving is that you need to go buy one of those ultra-embarrassing books on "How to make women fall for you" or "How to pick up chicks" or whatever. Read through them, pick out the 25% of the information that is actually good (realizing that 75% of what ANYONE says, including what *I* say, may not work for you) and apply it to your persona. Learn something new. Grow. Become a better person. Once you become a better person you'll attract people to you.

 

Simple. Go learn. Learn some new tricks. Learn how to make women be attracted TO you because of WHO you are.

 

Get it?

 

The only thing you lack is a guide in life. But you can be your own guide. Really!

[itsallgrand]

I think Poco's on the right track.

 

3. You have to be a challenge. Do not throw yourself at her. With all due respect, the build-a-bear thing was great ... if you were already dating. You should have got her NOTHING. People are going to be all over me for saying this, but get her NOTHING. Instead, offer to take her out for her "free birthday drink of the year." Make it a reward to spend time with YOU. Buy her one drink. Then tell her she has to be the one to buy the rest of the drinks. Refer to item #2. Arrogant, but in a funny way.

 

I personally like this approach. Don't buy me a bunch of stuff, don't buy all my drinks, don't try to 'buy' me at all.

 

If you are a good guy who is worth spending time with, that will stand all by itself and you do not need to 'sell' it. You just need to available for contact.

 

Pogo's advice also sets the tone for an equal amount of effort from both parties right from the beginning. She will come to you as often as you go to her. Yes, it does happen!

[Prenkle]

Why is it so hard to find a boyfriend?

[Dating Coach]

coldplay, I can help you. Why? Because you sound EXACTLY like me when I was 18. You already (like me) knew the problem wasn't your looks, and the problem isn't that you don't have a personality. I am a decent looking guy, and I am very outgoing and fun, yet exactly like you, I had problems when I was younger when it came to dating and attracting women. It took me a long time to figure out why. It's because you are making some HUGE mistakes that cause girls to view you in the "friend" light rather than the "potential boyfriend" light. Allow me to digest what you said thus far and explain some clear failures on your part already.

 

 

 

A few mistakes are already clear as day.

 

1) First off, you've known her 3 MONTHS and you've not asked her out. That is WAY too long. I did this too. I actually became pals with a girl for as long as a YEAR before asking her out. The problem here is that you have totally introduced yourself to this girl by now, and you introduced yourself to her AS HER FRIEND.

When you wait this long, the girl starts seeing you as a guy friend, not as a boyfriend, and why not? She very well may have been interested in you to begin with, but over time you became coldplay the safe harmless guy friend. The romantic chemistry is expiring or has expired.

 

When you meet a girl, she needs to know that you are ROMANTICALLY interested in her within 3 meetings. You've been doing the opposite of what you need to be doing. You've been being discreet about your feelings for her. You NEED to be OBVIOUS. Being discreet and hiding your feelings comes accross as wimpy and weak, not strong and confident.

A strong and confident guy who was interested in her, would have asked her out within 3 meetings to at least a coffee date or something. She wouldn't have even began to see that guy as a "friend". From the beginning he would have been forming her view of him as a potential date.

 

2) You are buying her gifts.

 

She is NOT your girlfriend, you should never buy her gifts. Yes, I know all about treating women with respect and being nice. Ask my fiance', she'll tell you how she couldn't find a sweeter and nicer guy than me, but there are FINE LINES from being nice and sweet to being needy and weak.

ESPECIALLY in dating, you should never be doing special favors or buying gifts unless you are getting something in return. Sound selfish? It's not. There is a reason for it. It makes you look like a pushover. For example: if you do have a present for someone, you can still use it successfully by making something out of it. You can jokingly say: "I got you something, but you don't get it for free. It's pretty valuable so I'll give it to you for, hmmm.... a peck on the lips." Don't do stuff for free. This could be part of what "scares a girl off".

 

The LAST thing you want to do is come off too strong, or to put too much pressure in a relationship. Do not go overboard. Buying a girl who is supposed to be "just a friend" (but secretly a crush) is going overboard. It's like trying to buy her feelings with gifts, and that's not cool. Bringing roses to a coffee date is overboard. The only thing a guy should bring to the first date is himself.

In addition, you should not be trying to impress her, you should be trying to learn about her. If you did things right, this first date is no more than the 4th time you've met the girl, and you still don't know her well. This is your chance. On that date, you ask questions, get to know her without pressure, without expectations.

 

Gifts are generally a BIG no no with me. You can pay for a date (and I mean DATE-not friends hanging out), IF IT IS YOUR PLANS she agrees to, but otherwise, if it is her plans, pay for yourself, at least during the dating stage. If you pay here or there, it's nice. If you pay everywhere, you're a doormat, you'll be taken advantage of. Girls don't respect guys who allow themselves to be taken advantage of.

 

I could go on all day here, but instead, I will direct you a few places. First and foremost, to the link in my signiture. It's a Dating Guide I wrote to help men during the dating stage.

Second, I recommend going to link removed There are a lot of articles and also a forum there designed to help.

Another place a recommend is link removed Go to their article sections and read the articles posted by a guy called, "Doc Love". He generally has some great advice in courting.

 

Read those places if you truly are interested in learning how to understand and fix your reoccurring problem. Start now. I only wish I had these things at my disposal when I was 18. I waited until I was 21.

 

As far as this current girl. I think it is a lost cause. I think you spent too much time in the friendzone, but there is only one way to know for sure, and that is to ask her out. Before doing that, read everything I suggested. If and when you decide to ask her out, NEVER spill your guts about the crush. Never. It's way too much baggage to toss on her lap when you say, "Jenny, I have been in love with you for so long and I think we should be together!" It's too much and it's creepy. Instead, be light. "Jenny, I realized that we always have a good time together, and I was thinking that I want to take you out on a real date, just the two of us, to see if we could potentially work out. I know a great place ____________. What are you doing Thursday?" It's a lot less baggage, and it doesn't make you look quite like a lost puppy dog who is a victim of his emotions.

 

Anyway, keep us posted, read those site, and good luck. I suggest moving on from this girl and keep your options open. Quit attaching yourself to ONE person. There are literally billions of women out there and you should never limit yourself. Do something now before you waste any more of your time. Good luck!