i dont think im a priority to my bf

[SnoGirl42]

i should have noticed this right from the beginning but i decided to ignore it. It seems as though every time my bf says he's going to do something whether it be calling me back, calling me the next day, going out one day, making plans, it seems like he's always late. It makes me feel like everything else is more important than me. And we've only been official for two months and my biggest fear is that it's only going to get worse. How should i confront him about this without it turning into a big argument? I'm seriously thinking that if this doesn't change i'm going to call it quits with him.

[Sexychiick16]

Ask him what he has been doing, then make a huge list of things you've been doing, even if you havnt done all of these things, hes going to feel like your too busy to him instead hehe...

[robowarrior]

Aren't you 'too' demanding? I mean he's a human fricken being, not an alarm clock. Gosh , some people simply aren't punctual, that doesn't automatically make them bad, or evil if you like. I mean can't you give a guy some slack space? Look hun, its what you want , but there's no such thing as a 'perfect' guy, i think that you shouldn't ignore your feelings tho, but perfect guy, ha forget it. If i where you id make a list of the positive things, and the negative things and if the negative outweighted the positive then i would consider leaving him, but just this one thing for him not being very punctual, well....

[annie24]

I disagree robo - being late simply isn't respectful. He shows up on time to work and classes, right? then why can't be show up on time for his girlfriend?

 

It's really annoying when someone says, "I'll call you on monday." and then they don't. If they were going to be too busy on monday to call, then better not to even say anything and just call when you can.

 

My last relationship was not that great, but he was always on time and always called when he said he was going to. If he can do it, so can your boyfriend.

 

Here is what you do: the next time he says he's going to call or see you, wait 20 minutes. If he does not call or show up before then, or at least call to say he will be late, just leave, and make your own plans.

 

You don't have to yell or start an argument. Just say, 'well, I didn't hear from you, so I figured you were busy so I made other plans."

 

He will learn that if he wants to see you, he can't take you for granted. If he continues the behavior, drop him. you don't need someone who disrepects you. After all, you have your own life. It isn't your job to sit around and wait for him.

 

good luck

[Scout]

Aren't you 'too' demanding? I mean he's a human fricken being, not an alarm clock. Gosh , some people simply aren't punctual, that doesn't automatically make them bad, or evil if you like. I mean can't you give a guy some slack space? Look hun, its what you want , but there's no such thing as a 'perfect' guy, i think that you shouldn't ignore your feelings tho, but perfect guy, ha forget it. If i where you id make a list of the positive things, and the negative things and if the negative outweighted the positive then i would consider leaving him, but just this one thing for him not being very punctual, well....

 

I think your response is uncalled for. There is a way to offer a different viewpoint in a respectful, objective tone that doesn't antagonize posters who come to this forum with real problems and are seeking real help, not an angry lashing out.

 

To the OP, my boyfriend had a tendency to be a bit unpunctual. I had a nice talk with him about it and asked him to please try to estimate a little more accurately the time it would take him to do certain things before we'd meet up so that I wouldn't be left hanging and waiting. He definitely improved, because I was non-confrontational, but direct about it.

[michelemybell]

hi snogirl,

You really have to be honest with yourself here----Is he really a jerk, or are you insecure in the relationship? Are you micromanaging him or being controlling? Sometimes women (and men!) do this when they put too much emphasis on the guy and the relationship to fulfill what they may be missing in their lives. This may not be the case with you, but it sure was the case with me at one time.

I remember when I was dating the man (who is now my husband) and he was late here and there calling. He wasn't a jerk, just a guy who got busy with things and sometimes forgot the time. I would go ballistic on him, because honestly, I was so focused on the relationship and wanted so much attention from him. I would get jealous if he went out with his friends and family. As time went by and I became more secure with myself and the relationship, I wasnt as sensitive to him slipping up every once in awhile.

If you dont think your boyfriend is a jerk, I think you should tell him that he should be more considerate with planning things, calling and being there on time. You have to remember to be realistic too---He's going to make mistakes.

If he doesn't care and is really insensitive, you shouldn't be with him.

[annie24]

Good point scout! A simple conversation can have powerful effects!

 

For example, if he says he'd like to meet you for dinner, after he comes home from work, picks up his dry cleaning, and drops off some stuff at his friend's house, and he says 6 PM, maybe suggest 7 PM, just to give a bit of leeway if there is traffic that day or he gets caught up in a long line somewhere.

[CluelessGuy321]

I think you should break up with your bf and go out with me.

[Momene]

He could simply be disorganised, many people are. If he shows this trait in other areas of his life, you know it's not you.

 

Unfortunately, it is true that usually one partner is more into the relationship than the other (usually the girl). If it's a big imbalance, it creates problems but 60-40 is OK.

[Brooding_Goddess]

What about a boyfriend who has work at top of his priority list. Works 24-7 and will cancel plan with you just to work on something (work of course).

[Momene]

What about a boyfriend who has work at top of his priority list. Works 24-7 and will cancel plan with you just to work on something (work of course).

 

It's a good way to make the change from boyfriend to ex.

[michelemybell]

I agree with momene.

Why not find a guy instead who is balanced with work and his family/social life? Instead of hoping this guy will change and pay more attention to you? Isnt that more desirable?

Are you dating in hopes of marriage? Can you imagine being married to this guy who finds it more important to be at work (beyond reasonable hours) than to be with his family? Plenty of women marry this type of guy and end up extremely unhappy.