Trust.. how can I get it back??

[adidas7fire]

How (if there is a way) do you put 100% trust in a person? I love my bf to death and whenever we have an argument, it's usually because I don't trust the people that he talks to (other women)... I trust him however. He doesn't think it's that way and I've tried everything to show him that I DO trust him. How can I make myself not worry so much about stuff when I know I am secure in our relationship??

[tylercdurden2004]

usually because I don't trust the people that he talks to (other women)...

 

Why try to sugar coat it by saying people if it other women you are leery of. What has he done to make you suspect these women pose a serious threat to your relationship?

[bobo85]

You can give him 100% trust by letting him live his life. Let him make his own decisions.

 

Trust is earned and it usually starts with friendship.

[LostInMyThoughts]

it's usually because I don't trust the people that he talks to (other women)... I trust him however. He doesn't think it's that way and I've tried everything to show him that I DO trust him. How can I make myself not worry so much about stuff when I know I am secure in our relationship??

 

It doesn't sound like you do trust him.

 

If you trusted him, you'd trust him to make the right decision in his life, and trust that he knows better than to have untrustworthy people as friends. In a way your saying "I don't trust your judgement when it comes to female friends."

 

How to make yourself not worry, is a good question. I'd start by having honest discourse with your boyfriend. Ask him if he can set aside some time to listen to you talk about your trust issues. Then try to explain why you don't trust his female friends in terms of *YOUR* own issues. Like something from a past relationship. Or is it really an insecurity that you have. If the discussion starts to get heated, take a moment, and respectfully say that you dont want to get into another argument, but would like to continue this sometime later.

 

Sounds hammy, but I think it would do wonders for your relationship to talk with your bf about your issues with trust.

[Momene]

I think this sort of insecurity is something we all have but don't always like to admit to. Any chance you could make some sort of commitment such as getting engaged then you'd feel less threatened.

[adidas7fire]

Yes, I have been cheated on badly with my ex and thus, the reason why I suspect that other girls that email him on a daily basis have other intentions than just friendship. But after we talked about it, I felt better and it's not with ALL females, just the ones that disrespect me and my positions as my boyfriend's gf. It's like it doesn't even matter to them. I have told my bf what my issues were, why I am always curious of things going on and he tells me that I need to move on and not blame him for things that have happened in the past. All guys aren't the same and stuff like that... which is true.. but the same temptation is out there... always. In my heart, I trust him 100%, in my head, not so much. Those two never equal up and that's what I'm trying to work on... making them see eye-to-eye, if you will. I love him to death and believe me, I've talked to him more than if you could have known me 2 years ago... I wouldn't say a word to anyone and would bottle everything up inside. Now, I unleash everything and that seems to have its consequences sometimes.

 

And as far as being engaged, Momene, working on that. I mean, that's why I want to work out these issues now... so that I can be the wife that he'd want and that these issues that ARE issues won't be issues later.

[LostInMyThoughts]

It sounds like you've made a lot of progress on yourself. This sounds a bit premature, but have you thought about counceling? Just speaking with a trained councelor might be all you need to help reconnect your mind and your heart.

 

Honestly, I think getting engaged is the wrong approach to solving this conflict. Things *DO NOT* change when you get married. I was once married, and my ex-wife naively thought that marriage would some how solve our problems.

 

Your boyfriend doesn't sound too receptive to your issues with comments like "move on from the past" and "all guys aren't the same." Which to a typical guy is a logical conclusion; why should he be blamed for what happened in the past. Which just means you'll need to work a little harder to deal with your issue on trust.

 

 

Good luck.