she's got a new lover

[shamus]

now i am devastated

 

i sorta broke nc.

 

went to her place last night, stood outside. i know. psycho move on my part

 

she comes home. brings a new guy into her place.

 

2 weeks ago she was texting me calling me a hoe bag accusing me of having a new lover when i didnt.

 

now she does this.

 

i realize it was over. but why did she text me 2 weeks ago, and show up to my place

 

then i text her tonight have fun with new lover, sending all her texts back to her.

her new guy calls me. says its been over get over it. balh blah blah

 

i hate her. she played me good.

 

now i see she is worthless. accusing me of having a new lover. she played with my heart.

 

i know i should have stayed away. but i needed to see the truth

[kellbell]

Awww Shamus,

 

Big hugs dude. I am so sorry. She acted that way towards you because she knew how you felt and that she can get away with treating like that. She is incredibly immature as you pointed out before. This was a huge ego boost on her end.

 

Now that you know the truth, hard-core NC my friend. Ignore her if she texts anything. Try to stay strong. I know it is heart-wrenching when an ex moves on. I know that feeling all too well. But now you have no choice but to move on. Keep posting here. We are here to help you.

 

(((hugs)))

[shamus]

i know.

3 weeks ago she texts me saying i miss you so

then as noted in other posts. we talk

she suggested couples counselling, but backed out after i said lets keep things between us.

seeing her bring a new guy to her place, and then him calling, crushed me.

she gave me a false hope.

cant stand it.

got played good

[kellbell]

"she gave me a false hope.

cant stand it.

got played good"

 

That's exactly what happened my friend. Women can be players too. Hang in there.

[robowarrior]

You need to stand above this. You only have to justify to yourself, if her accusations are false, if she doesn't trust you then its her problem, not yours. Distantiate yourself from her, its her loss not yours.

 

Don't hate her, try to forgive her for her unconsious behaviour, go into NC mode for the rest of your life. Its over , for you its time to pick up the pieces of your heart, glue them back together, and give yourself time to heal and then to move on with your life.

 

You will probably try to re-run this in your mind over and over to see what has gone wrong, don't do it. I advice you to talk talk talk , in here to get all the steam out of your system.

[whatchamacallit]

shamus, i am so sorry this happened to you. The temptation is there to go "spy" on them, but when we see them with someone else, it hurts like hell. Stay away from her place. It will just hurt you. And, it will make you look pathetic to her and drive her away more.

 

You're a great guy. I've learned alot from you and I'll pray and hope you can get through this. Stay busy and be with friends!

[SeaBisquit]

sorry shamus

sounds like she's toying with your emotions!

[newbie30]

Shamus, so sorry to hear about this. I know you are feeling shattered. Hopefully, this will help a tiny bit in moving on, because now you truly know that she doesn't deserve you. I found out my ex was on link removed the other day, when he told me when we broke up that 'he wasn't ready for a relationship or even to date people'. Broke my heart, but gave me finality to move on. She sounds like an absolute liar, and it sounds cliche, but you can do so much better! Keep coming here, we're all there for you.

 

Love the new pic!

[PassionatePices]

Awww Shamus i'm sorry man!That really sucks!

Hang in their man.

[shamus]

thanks guys. need more support.keep posting.

gonna stay with a friend for a few days

[Penny1041]

Shamus,

You know, all you can do now is accept this and move on. Nothing is a waste of time if you learn something from it..You didn't deserve this and I am so sorry this happened.. Its like I keep saying, she is CRAZY..

 

 

Penny

[shamus]

i know. i just hurt so badly...this is the worst.

she's got a new guy, and just 2 weeks before she's knocking on my door, wanting to hang out. told her i wasnt a doormat. maybe if i had given in, we'd be togehter.

ugh...she's gone forever...so hurt

[WyseOne]

I feel for you man, went through the exact same thing except she took off with another women. She played me big time and it does hurt like hell. Hang in there, I feel your pain.

[shamus]

yeah, it's gonna take a long time for me to get over this one. being played like that, makes you feel really really small

[jue]

im sorry 4 u. my partner left me 4 some1 else 5 wk ago silly me we have been in touch by txt .he lied still does. i am sorry 4 u but it seems some pple just enjoy messing with pple hearts. i no it tme 2 move on just like u do but theheart wont listen alot of pple say the best thing 2 do is nc i find tis hard but i do agree with the best 2 dois get on with ur life i no this is hard im sorry i don t make any sense ifeel 4 u

[teacup]

yeah, it's gonna take a long time for me to get over this one. being played like that, makes you feel really really small

 

i hate to say this. but because of your posts, i have learned that men can be abused too. there was something that fascinated me about your postings about u and ur ex. and then i realized that....it was because of a number of things. first, the simplicity of the story. second, ur genuine devotion and hurt over her. third, ur efforts to make it work out. fourth, ur longing for her. fifth, the abuse i was reading about.....it was like looking into a mirror, except it was being done by a woman to a man.

 

i never realized men could be abused too! do you realize that not only was she playing, but that she is emotionally, mentally, and verbally abusive as well?

 

i recognized all the signs from my own experiences with abuse. she accused you of cheating, and was intensely jealous because that way she could control you. she could control you from talking to anybody besides her, because you would start to feel guilty talking to even 50 yr old ladies.

 

the constant apologizing to her, when u didn't do anything wrong. the way that the relationship seemed to be going so well, and then all of a sudden it would flip and just go out of control and everything would just seem so wrong.

 

the opening ur closet to see if someone was there. (i got that accusation too.) the swearing, cussing, the hanging up on you......a lot of that is emotional, mental, verbal abuse.

 

i think it would help you to read up some abuse, on the abuse cycle (how they blow hot and cold).

 

a lot of times in an abusive relationship, it is natural to become intensely attached to the person abusing, because ur emotions are in such constant turmoil, going up and down, up and down, all the time. sometimes we get used to the excitement and intensity of it, u never know what's going to happen, that it seems the relationship is more emotional and intense than any other relationship or connection u've ever had.

 

but were you ever consistently happy? i had this thing for rescuing bad men, trying to fix them, heal them, change them from their problems/pasts. i got heaps load of abuse for that. was never really happy, it was always about THEM, giving to them, helping them.

 

and then i went on a date with this one guy, and he was good to me, and....i felt it! i felt the difference! i felt so happy and light! but then i ruined things....it was so uncomfortable to actually be with a good guy who treated me right, i didn't know how to react. i wanted to run from it because it felt so weird to be treated right! not going to forget it though, that's what im going to find again one day.

 

i was in an abusive relationship for 6+ long years. it never changed, just got worse and worse and worse, even though i was always hoping things would work out and just settle down and we could just be happy. take it from me, if she loses her lover, she will come running back to you. and she will never ever change. whatever guy she is with will end up with those accusations, the constant blame, the lack of responsibility. because it's not you. it's what's in her that caused her to treat you that way. so i have to say, if she hasn't gone into some serious therapy....she'll never have a decent relationship.

 

.....u might want to learn more about abuse. i definitely think she is abusive and has issues. it's too easy for me to recognize these things now. *shiver*

 

abusers never change. they pretend to. something else i learned too. when i was healing, i posted a lot, wrote a lot, and i talked to ladies that had been with abusive husbands for 30+ yrs, going through the same crap, year after year after year after year. it never changes......it only seems like it's going to.

 

if you learn more about abuse and understand what happened and what was happening, in time you will be able to think that her leaving was the best thing that ever happened to you.

 

it's not worth it to live like that, it only destroys you in the end.

[shamus]

teacup,

 

yes i was abused emotionally. people think it's women always abused, no it's not there are many types of abuse. I'm actually seeing a counsellor now about this and what happened to me. it's funny, my ex always said that i was abusive because we'd fight, and i'd reach the point where i fought back and said nasty things. however, i rarely started fights with her. she'd pick a fight with me for no reason. read my other posts/threads for more examples.

 

i'd rather have been punched and have a black eye, because that will heal. its been 3 months since we broke up. 2 months since she got a new guy. i'm still scarred from her. I'm afraid to trust, afraid to open up. afriad to meet someone that i may instantly click with, because i did with her. i never felt so close to someone, like i knew them instantly, and now the fear is will i just repeat that.

 

it got so bad, and i hate to admit this, but in december after her accusing me, yet her going online meeting other guys for the 8 months we were together, even going on dates(but holding me to a double standard-i always thought she'd come around, "this time it will be different") and actually cheating on me once(i forgave her, people make mistakes) that when we talked about a lot of our issues(i thought we ironed them out) then my bday came a few days later and she said we were soulmates(i thought-wow we solved our issues and we are going to be ok now)-1 week later she was blowing me off and texted me saying Im seeing someone else (i was heartbroken and all my fears were confirmed) when i went to get my stuff from her place, she was going to throw my stuff off the balcony-i got her to open the door, i came in pushed her, threw her on the bed, cursed at her. I never slapped or hit her, but i did push and shove her. I felt like such crap from that...like a lowlife. people who knew me for 10 years said they had never seen me get mad or raise my voice, but when someone is beaten down enough, they reach a breaking point. i regretted it. we started talking over christmas. on new years she was in the hospital, and i was there to hold her hand while her mom and sister were out partying. and when we got back together in jan, i was determined to change things. we suggested counselling, for both of our issues, but we were once again in the honeymoon phase. however, things with her did not change, she still picked fights with me, called me fag if i talk to a guy at the park, accused me still of cheating(if a girl walked by me-i was allegedly checking her out, she'd fight call me pig, a-hole etc and storm off), yell at me. i'd reply "i dont want to fight". she even called me yelling saying "why am i not calling her a "b" or a w***e" told her i didnt want to, wnated to stop the fighting.

see, i had learned from my mistakes. she didnt. in the end. as soon as something better came along-new friends, she left the only friend she had for a year, who stood by her. i always said i wasnt perfect but i was willing to try.

 

abusers can put such a hold on someone. i held out for the little breadcrumbs.

 

was i happy? yes and no. there were a lot of bad times. but there were a lot of good times as well. unfortunately, i did always feel i walked on eggshells. heaven forbid a girl asks me about my halloween costume at the club we were at(i dressed as cupid-wearing only angel wings, depends undergarments, and flip flops-yes i wore depends out in public), i get interrogated for 10 minutes-did i know her?no how do i know her?i don't. you sure you dont know her?no.you never "slept with her"(replace with something more vulgar)?i dont know her, she asked me about my halloween costume. you sure you didnt "sleep with her"?

 

i wish i had gotten out of there many months ago, but by then, i was brainwashed.

 

counselling helps. but i've got a long road ahead of me.

[GottaLetItBurn]

Hey man...pretty soon ...well a lot longer down the road you are going to start thinking about her in a more logical way. You are going to see her in a light like someone from the outside is. You are attatched to her and in the process of getting over her. It's like trying to see over a hill top that your trying to get over, the position your in. Your still trying to get over the hump, once your there you'll see she isn't perfect.

 

You see that her relationships in the future won't work out, and thank god that you didn't end up with her. Then when she comes around she'll just be making herself less and less appealing to you.

 

You just attatched to her, and you will get over her. Just keep venting, and thinking about her so you get those thoughts worked out of your head. It takes a long time, but it will happen for you.

[jue]

i no the feeling of pecking at the crumbs my ex texted me and i immediately text back, then i was left waiting for another text to come,it ddn't. i always thought i would have been much stronger if this ever hapened, and the saddest part is he knows and he knows im waiting for my breadcrumbs. one day we willbe stronger..i can't wait for thatday....but i know it is a long way off at moment.

[WyseOne]

Teacup:

Yours words I will remember.

 

Shamus:

The more I hear about your ordeal the more I see we went through almost the exact same thing. I have said it before and I will say it again, I feel for you, I understand everything you are feeling and what you are going through. It's not right but we have to put it behind us, I just wish I knew how.

[teacup]

how? welp. if somebody doesnt love u the way u love them. just gotta let her go. i dont see what's the point of love if it costs u an arm and a leg.

 

unless u like limping.

 

oh, i still think of him sometimes. but i focus on earning more of my first love. money!!!

 

if i cant have him. at least i can have a better car.

[GottaLetItBurn]

how? welp. if somebody doesnt love u the way u love them. just gotta let her go. i dont see what's the point of love if it costs u an arm and a leg.

 

unless u like limping.

 

oh, i still think of him sometimes. but i focus on earning more of my first love. money!!!

 

if i cant have him. at least i can have a better car.

 

 

Better car...lol...Or maybe just a better life all around.

[CluelessGuy321]

Yeah. I'll say that there is one good thing about never being in a relationship.....I'm pretty wealthy now. lol.

[jchan]

I look forward to that too! It's amazing, one day we'll look back, and we'll be very glad we no longer have to put up with their cra.p, that we don't have to spend time, money, effort, energy, and love that don't deserve it.