I want my life back

[bmar]

I am new to this forum, but need to share what has happened to my life. Three weeks ago, without warning, my fiance (who I have lived with for the past 8 years) decided that although he loves me he is no longer in love with me. He has temporarily moved out of the house to give me time to find a new place to live, but I am having a hard time coming to terms with the change. I am so angry with him. While he has lost only what he does want in his life (me).I have lost everything that I do want in mine: my fiance, my future, my home, his family, our friends (mostly his co-workers & their spouses), my peace of mind, and trust in others. This is the most painful thing that has ever happened in my life and I don't know where to begin sorting it out. I am sad, angry, confused, embarrassed, and every muscle in my body aches. I can't seem to make it through a single day without crying and am a little concerned that I constantly feel dizzy. Has anyone else experienced these physical manifestations of their grief? How long does it take to regain control of life?

[mystik]

Hi there, welcome!

 

Here is a great thread to read and I was very grateful to have found it when I first came here after my break up. Your physicaly symptoms are quite normal. I did not eat, sleep, and could not stop crying for days. I also felt literally sick to my stomach and wanted to vomit. I thought about things so much until I got head aches. All these things are fairly normal. How long it takes to regain your life will really depend on you, and how willing you are to take control again. I am sorry but I can't respond much more right now, was just on my way out.. but I am sure others will shortly. You will survive this. There are many others who have gone through this, have felt the worst they ever could, and overcame it. It only takes time. Time really does help you heal...we just have to be patient with how much time. You will take control again, you wil laugh again - I promise. Good luck, post as much as you want here, it really does help.

[Demond34]

bmar,

 

I've experienced the pain you went thru.......whats worse, is that she came back shortly after and we spent the next 6 months together, only to be left in limbo again(right now)........I'm dealing with this again and it feels the same as the first, only this time I'm not chasing her like I did last summer.........It kills me to not talk to her, it kills me to even write about it...........The only thing I can say is that when I was starting to move on it was because of a)time and b) this site........then she reappeared, she too had a hard time of letting go...........I don't know what the future holds for us, nor does anyone about their Ex's...........you can only feel your emotions and let them flow, look back into the relationship and see your faults, learn about yourself, let time and nature run its course and you will gradually get better with each and every passing day..........

 

I was about to call my g/f/ex.......i don't even know what she is right now.......but I reached out to a friend first and asked him why I shouldn't call her and just asked for some encouraging words...........I won't call her.............surround yourself with good people and frequent this site for advice, help, or just encouraging words to give you strength back over your life during this paralyzing time..........

[Meeky]

I am also experiencing similar pain to what you are going through. I don't sleep properly, am not eating, can only think about HIM, cry everyday, am exhausted all the time, and basically don't get through one single day without feeling utterly miserable. I am two weeks down the line from breaking up, and this is the first day of NC. It is hard. But I think if you read everyone's posts here, you can see that there IS a light at the end of the tunnel.

 

I think you and me, and all those other heartbroken souls out there need to focus on OURSELVES. What we want, what we need, what is best for US. It is hard not to think about THEM, but it is something I am trying. Looking for my OWN ways to get through this, doing things that make me feel better. Also trying to focus on future plans (I have gotten a new job and am moving cities!) and leaning on friends.

 

We will get through this. It will just take time (no matter how horrible or cliche that sounds).

[kadvati79]

Physically before the breakup I was on shakey ground from stress of my work. The day after the breakup i went to the best nutritionist and personal trainers money can buy.

 

Now I do weights 6 times a week, and run 6-7 daysa week (depending on travel schedule). This made a massive difference, it shocked my body out of "grief mode" and while I do still get upset, the physical symptoms aren't there now.

[pedro]

Hi bmar

 

I'm really sorry that you are going through this difficult time. I know what you are going through. Me and my fiancee broke up 3 months ago after being together for 6 years. She broke my heart and ended things suddenly. I was in extreme pain initially, but over time is getting better. I still have my bad days too. It's all normal to have ups and downs.

 

Know what you are feeling (anger, sadness, heartache, etc) are all normal and is part of the grieving process. Essentially you must feel all these emotions in order to heal. The first few weeks are really tough. I didn't eat much and lost 10 pounds to date.

 

What I did shortly after the breakup was to read books/search the internet on how to grieve. These were extremely important resources to get me through my darkest days. Surround yourself with friends and family. Support is what you need right now and don't be afraid to ask for help.

 

Use this forum for a 'virtual shoulder to cry on'. There are wonderful people here with advice on how to heal. We are here to listen

 

Most of all, take care of yourself and I know you'll get through this