Was she really molested....?

[envyous1]

About a month ago my friend confided in me that she was molested as a child by two different people...Well she's young so, not so long ago...but anywho...at the time she told me she was upset over something else and decided to tell me...she has never told anyone else (so she says). Anyway, the story was...

When she was five a female friend of the family/cousin who was not(yet) an adult "touched her" in a sexual mannor. She didn't quite go into detail, but the f.o.f. allgedly masturbated with and in front of her, and performed oral sex on her.

{Strike One}Okay....she can't tell me how old the girl is/was, and she still sees her often. I ask her how old she is and she just says "Oh, like twenty something or whatever."

 

{>} She does say that she told her mother.--->>and if true, this only happened once.

 

The next person she says molested her was her older brother. She has not told me any of the details but she just say her touched her, and showed himself to her. Now she claims that this happened on many occasions over several years...from the time she was 5 to 11. The brother was four years older than her. She says he used to make comments about he sleeping posotions: eg like that you must want me to do something" ect...

 

{Strike Two} Now, she says that she hates him and can't stand to be around him, but she is frequently laughing and talking with him, and gets defensive when people say things about him (not about the molestation of course). Now i know that many victims identify with their abusers, but c'mon. And now she's going around telling her other friends "Oh I have a secret....but it's just, "mush"

{Strike Three} She tries to use wht happened to her as an excuse. Like she'll say "See...that's why I'm like this (promiscusious)." And she dosen't like to take pictures so she says thats why...and I'm like no you just think you're ugly...which she kinda is. Then i say "Well, he didn't take pictures of you did he?" and she says no and just laughs, or slaps me (my hand) and a real laugh, not a nervous laugh.

She's made this into a something funny...she calls him "the rapist" jokingly, and pokes fun at the whole situation. But yet, she uses this to her advantage. For instance, anytime i ask her why she stays with her scum bag boyfriend she says "It's just because of what happened to me. Remember?"

 

Please help me...does her story sound true...and if not, should I confront her about it?

 

 

 

 

sorry 4 all the spelling mistakes....it's like 4oclock n the morning!!!-------{im trying2 correct them}

[Cynder]

IT sounds to me like she is trying to get attention, and doesn't care if it is negative attention or not. If you confront her choose your words carefully. She could just use the confrontation to further her little pitty party in the future.

[MetalGuitar]

Now this one is a bit touchy. It's quite possible that she can't remember her molesters' age because usually the victim tends to have selective memory about things associating with the attack(s).

 

Also, don't think that just because she jokes about it that it isn't true. Most sexually abused children grow up thinking that it's their own fault that it happened and that they deserved it. This could explain her behavior.

 

Also, I would suggest that you tell her to see a counselor. Wether it be the counselor in her school (assuming you guys are still in highschool) or outside of her school. Her using this as an excuse does raise my eyebrow and it could be a number of things that would cause her to do this.

[envyous1]

Thanx u guys...I'm trying to find some way to confront her about this......

[itsallgrand]

Always, always, always treat allegations of abuse in a serious way.

Act as if it were true, even though there is the slight possibility that it may not be.

Tell her you are making arrangements for her to meet with a councillor/therapist.

This calls her to the floor.

 

If she was hurt, there are a million reasons her story wouldn't make sense.

If you have shown disbelief or brushed it aside, and she really was abused, you could give her 'secondary trauma'. It's like the body and mind receiving a repeat of what happened before. It can really harm a person's ability to heal and come to terms.

 

If she is lying, your actions of taking it seriously can not hurt. Just make sure to follow through and have her taken to the proper places.

She needs to be helt accountable. She entrusted you with the information, but because it involves serious allegations against someone else, it needs to be dealt with.

 

I'd love to hear how things work out.

[fishrrshortae]

Regardless of whether she is lying or not, she needs counseling. Instead of focusing on her ability to tell the truth, why not just encourage her to get help?

[BillyJean714]

I don't think she's lying. She just has a different way of expressing her emotions. Victims choose either one of two routes: sexual promiscuity- naiively trusting others and getting into horrible situations -OR- nonsexual promiscuity, they just have a REALLY hard time trusting people.

 

Either way, like ItsallGrand said, take it seriously. If you are her friend, instead of judging, maybe you can help. It's emotional torment for young adults who survive molestations. It's even worse when they tell someone, someone who they consider a 'friend', only to find out that that friend only turned their back around to judge them so wrongly.

 

She needs someone who will understand her, someone who will be more sensitive to what she's been through.

 

Think about it, if you had a loved one tell you the same thing (maybe her way of joking/communicating about it seemed a bit different..it was her way of expressing herself), if you had someone you love and care for say the same thing, would you judge and react the way you did towards her? If you had a daughter who endured the same pain your friend went through, what would you do? Would you judge/criticize? Or would you listen with empathy? Just a thought.