How would you feel?

[adidas7fire]

For anyone that's in a relationship.. I'm just wondering if what I'm feeling is normal or if I'm overreacting. My bf and I live together, been together a little over a year and a half. We are both constantly on the internet (he's a webmaster so he has lots of emails to tend to regarding the site and its contents) and most of our friends are those that we've met via the site. Since we got signed up on Myspace, lots of people (97% girls) have been adding him. Well, there is this one chick that has started to talk to him a lot... emailing him, IMing him, even gave him his phone number. When I asked him who she was, he told me that her ex-bf had abused her and was put in jail for beating her. It's like him to be caring because that's just the type of person he is. But this girl has a current bf, according to their myspaces both are "married" but I can't help but sometimes feel like she's interfering in my and my bf's relationship. She just seems to be the type to be deceitful and all about herself, according to what she's put on her myspace and when I tried to talk to her, I just gave her a friendly "Hey there, how's it going?" And she responded, "Who are you??" when she could clearly see my name and picture which is all over his myspace.

 

So my question to you is .. is it normal for me to kinda put up my guard and feel a tad bit jealous? I mean, she does live in a different state and whatnot. Thanks for your time.

[DN]

You obviously don't trust her intentions towards him - but do you trust his intentions towards her?

[adidas7fire]

Yes, we got into a huge fight a few weeks ago about trust and it's not him that I don't trust. I don't trust these chicks that throw themselves at him, saying things that cry out for attention, and show me disrespect. That's what I really have a problem with. I know he's not the cheating kind but it doesn't ease my feelings at all when they talk to each other more than we do and we live together!!!

[Diggitydave]

It should be clearly stated that he is taken and known to him if it bothers you about the women on his site. However!!! You really have no control over what other people (women on the myspace) so your trust relies in him solely.

[adidas7fire]

DiggityDave...

 

Yes, you're right. I wish that 'In a relationship' and the phrase "I have a girlfriend that I have a house with..." meant something to these people! I mean, what are they (other girls) showing to THEIR bf's or husbands when they are constantly talking to someone else, a guy in this case? Ugh, makes me wonder...

 

Like I said, though... I trust him, just not them.

[Goodfun88]

I think its inappropriate for your boyfriend to be giving out his phone number to some girl from myspace. I would not tolerate that. Thats is incredibly disrespectful to your relationship. I think its fine to keep things light and fun on myspace, but he's crossed the line. Plus that fact that you are uncomfortable with this should cause him to stop, but it seems he's not taking your feelings into consideration at all, and thats a bad sign! Good luck!

[adidas7fire]

Yeah, and he says that I should trust him. I hate that he caring, so caring, to EVERYONE because where the hell do I stand, you know? I mean, if he's willing to stop at the drop of a hat for some random chick.. I mean, yeah, I'm going to be pissed! I've told him how all this makes me feel and even created a fake email address pretending to be some chick that was all into him. I asked him questions like.. "do you ever feel like you want to cheat on your gf" or "why do you stay with your gf is she's the jealous type" or "have you ever acted on requests you've gotten from chicks wanting to date you" -- he said no to all my questions that I feared "yes" for so that was kind of a good sign. Ugh, I just wish that he wasn't so involved in the internet thing and with him about to graduate college next month, that means EVEN MORE TIME for BS to go on. I don't know how much more I can take without blowing up!

[RandomAdvisor]

I know he's not the cheating kind but it doesn't ease my feelings at all when they talk to each other more than we do and we live together!!!

 

This would really bother me. Is he choosing to speak to her over you, or is she available for chats when you aren't because of schedule clashes?

[adidas7fire]

No, whenever I'm online at home, he's in the room with me. We both get home at the same time and when I'm really wanting for him to chill with me, may it be for dinner or just to watch TV and tell me how his day was... he does that for a few minutes and then winds up at the PC. Last night i got upset and just went to another room without saying a word and he could tell that something upset me but I just couldn't bring myself to tell him that it was him that made me upset... him and the way he does stuff that makes me feel the way I do. If I were to say that, he would tell me that I didn't trust him and that I shouldn't be jealous and then get mad and I really hate it when people are mad at me.

[RandomAdvisor]

Trust is one thing, jealousy is another. You have every reason to be jealous/upset that he is choosing to chat with this girl over the internet rather than talk to you, his GF, when you're right there with him! You really need to speak to him about this. Talking to her is one thing, but choosing to spend more of his time talking to her than you is another. If he loves you he should voluntarily limit or eliminate his chats with this woman.

[adidas7fire]

Tell me about it! I have been SUPER jealous in the past and that almost split us up and I really don't want that to happen because it was my jumping to conclusions that got in the way of things. What I have started to train my mind with is this:

 

He's with me... if he wanted to be with them, he would. Just because she lives in a different state -- that wouldn't stop him. His ex-gf of 2 years lived in WI while we live in TX...and that was never a factor. Another thing... we bought a house together and he wouldn't have done that if he didn't want to be with me for a LOOOOOONG time, correct? And he really hasn't given me anything to not trust him about... I mean, he even said that sometimes he feels the same way when I get messages from guys via myspace. But I know how I would feel if I kept talking to that person when my bf is sitting right next to me so I limit it a bunch! I'm just thinking about how I would feel and thus, I don't do things to him that would hurt his feelings.

 

But yes, trust and jealousy are two different guys. I guess I'll have to honestly say that I'm jealous of this other chick... but you know what's funny? I just heard this song called "Girl Next Door" and the lyrics are exactly how I feel in respect to her!!! So when I get home, I'm going to download it and play it loudly because that's like my way of dealing with issues... listening to songs that depict something in relation to how I'm feeling. Funny how things work that way.

[RandomAdvisor]

But I know how I would feel if I kept talking to that person when my bf is sitting right next to me so I limit it a bunch!

 

That pretty much says it all.

[heavensent]

I dont think trust has much to do with this. You testing him by creating a fake email address might be something to show distrust. But for you to feel jealous or upset about him talking to other girls is totally understandable. If he respected you and your feelings enough he should voluntarily end this communication. Sure, you can't tell him he HAS to or else he may just end up doing things behind your back...but if you tell him it hurts you really bad and that you want it to stop and then leave it up to him then someone who loves you enough would disconutiue talking to other girls. I think it's really inappropriate, and depending on the content of the conversations they have you could really consider this "emotionally cheating", I think that's just as bad as any physical act. He doesn't need to play rescuer to this other girls...he should only be a hero to one person and that's YOU! Stand your ground and if he continues, I'd strongly consider moving out. (I know it's easier said than done)

[adidas7fire]

It's not that easy when we bought the house together. I know that if we were living in an apt together it would have crossed my mind but yeah, it doesn't even seem like an option right now.

[annie24]

I'd be pissed too.... if he's trying to be nice to random girls, but being rude to his live-in-gf in the process. I agree with some_guy, I'd tell him that I trust him, but that I want the talks limited. Otherwise, I would start questioning if he wanted to stay in the relationship with me

[Jylaine]

This would bother me aswell...and if you told him that his speaking with her is upsetting you then he should cut her off it's not like they are close net friends who have known eachother for a long period of time. He needs to understand where you are coming from but if he doesn't he needs to respect your feelings.

Get ridda this chick you don't need some internet girly gettin friendly with your man even if his intentions are pure her's may not be....help him understand by speaking to him calmly about your feelings. Good luck sweetheart.