Need help maknig sense of something.

[Nauseated]

Well, long story short, I mutually split up with my girlfriend of 3 years yesterday. I'm a little hurt that it had to end, but I can understand why it had to be that way. Feelings aside, I just really need to understand what she meant when she said "I love you, but I really need some time to be single, and find out who I am as a person."

 

I'm going to be doing the whole NC tactic, but I just really want to know why a woman (who was very into me) just reflects and comes to the decision that she needs some time to be single. I know she is not / did not cheat on me or anything like that. Is she confused? Was it me? what sense can I make of that statement?

 

Sincerely

Nauseated

[xblondyx]

Maybe she just wants some space. Being in a longterm relationship can make you lose sense of who you really are and you can become claustraphobic. She may just want some space to find herself again.

[Dako]

Maybe she feels the gravity of an LTR pulling her away from exploring life.

Sometimes this pull can be irrestable. My ex wife had it in her late 40s.

[DN]

Sorry to say this but she is being as kind as she can in saying that she does not see herself in a long-term relationship with you and wants to find someone else. Hard to hear but I think you are better off to accept the reality.

[Nauseated]

Well, she said that she does not want to date other people, but just needs some time to do a little soul-searching and rediscover herself. Thats why i'm all for it. Its very important to understand who you are, especially when you've been in a relationship for so long. Our age (i'm 21 she's 20) probably has alot to do with it as well, she probably wants to experience life without a LTR in the way. I feel the same way, but I couldnt be strong enough to do it because I care for her so much.

 

Am I understanding it correctly?

[Dako]

Looks that way to me. If you coerced her into sticking with you, she'd feel confined. I'm sure you'll do what's best for her.

[hoping]

i just want to say wow ur situation is soooooooo similar to mine

[Nauseated]

Well, Hoping, whats your situation like? maybe it'll do us both some good If we talk about it.

[bobo85]

Most of the time when a couple has been together for 2+ years...one or two people begin to lose themselves. They start to think of themselves as two instead of one. Here is a good chance to take a step back and recover your own identity.

 

What you should do is set a time frame (one week to one month). Agree on this time frame and also agree on how often do you call or see each other. I suggest limited contact. No seeing each other. Only calling each other once a week to check in. This gives both partners a chance to see what life is like without the other and if they can live without them. A break is not a get out of jail free. It does not give you or her the chance to sleep around and come back. Thats a no no. Also agree on whether or not you two can date other people and other sexual activities such as dancing...kissing etc.

 

Keep in mind that a "break" is often a sign of an unhealthy relationship.

 

PS: I know this situation pretty well too. If you guys are between the ages of 16 and 22, she's curious about her other options. She feels that she needs to explore other options before settling down. She does care about you and she still loves you. But she has the right to be selfish and explore these other options in order to see what else is out there. She may come back to you...she may not. If it was meant to be...it will be.

[Nauseated]

I know that a break is often a sig of an unhealthy relationship, but the fact of the matter is that the conversation we had didnt result in both of us expressing what was wrong etc, and that bad stuff usually comes up when trying to break it off with someone.

[southerngirl]

Rewinding back to my first REAL LOVE... we were together for a year and nine months.

 

I broke it off with him for much the same reason, I wanted to have freedom and I didnt like the way I felt propelled into the 'next step'. I wasnt emotionally ready for marraige and while we hadnt said that... it seemed I was headed that way and I didnt feel I knew who I was anymore.

 

All in all, it was the best thing because within 2 weeks he had a new girlfriend. He moved on and forgot about me so it wasnt meant to be. I loved him for a long time.

[bobo85]

you too should take this time to explore other options as well. Take this time and learn more about yourself.

[Nauseated]

thanks for your adivce all. I do really love her, and I kow she really loves me as well, thats why I'm ok with us having this extra space. I'm hurt, but not because I feel like I lost her, but just hurt cause I know she isnt in my arms right now .

 

Why not try it all, if your only going to remember it once.

 

 

 

if we really were as perfect for each other as we said, it'll all work out somehow. In the mean time I guess i'm gonna have to get used to her not playing a role in my life.

 

"All things excellent are as difficult as they are rare."

[heloladies21]

Well friend I know things might seem confusing right now, but the break up was certianly not mutual regardless of whether or not there was any fighting or bad blood at the end. She doesn't want the relationship right now and you do.

 

So the best thing to do is obviously NC, but also you wanna start talking to other girls. It's something you need to do to put you in the right mindframe for when she gets in touch with you.

 

"need some time to be single and find out who i am as a person" means "i've lost interest in you and want to consider dating other people" no matter what she says to the contrary. This site is littered with guys who have been told that same exact thing only to find out that their ex has been talking to someone else the whole time.

 

So cool out, get out there, talk to some other girls, and everything will fall into place.