The OTHER Girl...

[Jjasonn28]

Hi everyone.

 

So up to this point, I havent yet mentioned much about this friend of mine. We've been friends for about 6 months, (we met through mutual friends.)

 

There was nothing between us, as I was with my ex, and she was with someone else as well. A strange coincidence, but when the relationship ended with my ex, this other girl ended her relationship as well.

 

Well, recently she told me that she is really interested in me. This made me feel really awkward. She is well aware that I still love my ex so very much. Before she told me, she would talk to me about my situation, and was very supportive, and even gave me advice from her perspective. But now that she has confessed her interest in me, I have withdrawn from her. I am now questioning wether or not our friendship was based on hopes that we might eventually hook up, and quite honestly, I feel somewhat betrayed? Does this make sense? When I thought of her only as a friend, I treated her that way. I opened up about my feelings and accepted her thoughts and opinions as genuine expressions of friendship. Somehow, that has been tainted.

 

And now, she sends me IM's and leaves messages trying to get me to spend more time with her. And the more she try's the more inclined I am to withdraw.

 

Dont get me wrong, if I had met her at another point of time in my life, I wouldn't hesitate to consider dating her. She is attractive, kind, indipendant and very successful. But I love my ex. And I really cant see myself losing that love for quite a long time.

 

So am I right for feeling betrayed? Or is that perhaps the wrong word..... Im not sure. What I do know, is that when we were friends, I enjoyed talking to her. But now, it feels as though she is being a little intrusive, and thats too bad. Because she is a nice girl, and herself, deserves more than what I am offering..

 

Oh, a quick update with the ex... She jumped on MSN yesterday and asked if I would call when I got a chance. I called her a few hours later, and we had a pretty good conversation. I ended up having a great day, and it was nice, to talk with her and be able to share it without feeling down.

 

So, thats my ramble. Sick of me yet??

 

JP

[DN]

I would not think of it as a betrayal, she can't help her feelings. But I think you should be honest and tell her that you can't offer her more than friendship. Don't add "at the moment" because that would give her false hope.

[Jjasonn28]

I can understand that she cannot help what she feels. But I suppose the reason why the word 'betrayal' pops into mind, is because I have a suspicion that she was interested in me before our relationships crumbled. That she may have been playing along, waiting for the right time to say something. Thats all fine and whatever, but if this is true, then I wouldn't have spent as much time being 'friends' with her. On a few occasions, when I was feeling down, she was here to pick me up. Thats what friends do. But was she using the friendship to try and get closer?

 

Thats what I mean by betrayed. If the friendship I thought we had was false, then isn't that a little conniving of her?

[zpivat]

I don't think it's betrayal either.

I wouldn't withdraw either.

 

Well that's just me.

[pedro]

I think it's great that you aren't rushing into anything too fast. I agree with DN and you should be honest with her and say you aren't ready for a relationship. It's hard to move on when you love your ex. I know how you feel.

 

Do you think you and your ex are making movements towards getting back together? If this person is your true friend, then she'll stand by you no matter what. You never know what may happen down the road

 

just my 0.02

[Jjasonn28]

Do you think you and your ex are making movements towards getting back together?

If any movements are being made towards getting back together, then they are unintentional. If anything, we are standing still, not moving forward, nor making constructive attempts to reconcile.

 

This girl is a good friend.. but she likes me. I have made it perfectly clear that Im still in love with my ex, and that I dont want anything more. And she still offers her friendship and understanding. But theres that small part of me that feels that she is herself, holding on to hope.

[crossflow]

think you are reading too much into it. Sure she's told you how she feels about you now you have split up with your ex but you can't blame her for testing an opportunity, just be honest with her about how you see the relationship with her as just friends and if she is a good friend she will be ok with that.

[hosswhispra]

This girl is a good friend.. but she likes me. I have made it perfectly clear that Im still in love with my ex, and that I dont want anything more. And she still offers her friendship and understanding. But theres that small part of me that feels that she is herself, holding on to hope.

 

It's no guess why this girl would like you, JP. I agree with what the others have said here. However, I would like to add that since you believe you have made it clear to her that you are still in love with your ex, you may have to take the extra step and cut this other girl completely out of your life. Sometimes one must be cruel to be kind. This girl may be looking for signs from you that you may change and possibly reciprocate her feelings.

[Scout]

I understand why you feel the way you do...you're questioning what her true intentions were. It's put you in a totally awkward spot, because you are nowhere near over your ex, and now, a person who was a source of support and friendship, has put you in a position where you have to reject her overtures, and what's more, cause you to feel uncomfortable around her.

 

Unfortunately, both sexes do this kind of thing fairly frequently. So, it probably won't even register with her that her actions are questionable.